In Reply to: marriage: control and abuse? posted by Miguel on April 14, 2004 at 11:33:58:
Miguel:
There are lots of good comments in this post. However, I hope you will allow me to throw in another perspective.
There are many, many very successful people and relationships, including my own, which are based on Dominant/submissive roles. In my case, my mate is the Dominant and I am the submissive. I CHOOSE to give him control and I CHOOSE to belong to him. The choice was not made lightly and it involves a complete and total trust. It does not mean that I trust him to be perfect and never make mistakes; but it does mean that I trust him to always have my best interests at heart. It also means that I am happiest when I am giving my heart, body, and mind to him and allowing him to make those decisions he wishes to, and allow me to make those decisions he feels I am best suited to make... but the choice is his. And that's exactly the way I want it.
This is not abuse. It is completely consensual and makes us both feel uterly happy and content with our life. It is also, in many ways, quite old fashioned and you can find an awful lot of verses in the Bible about submission, as I am sure you know.
So, that's just to throw in an different viewpoint. I am not by any means disagreeing with the fact that there are many domineering, controlling, abusive people who take advantage of others. Just throwing in a different perspective and that relationships and marriages can work in a variety of ways.
Laura