In Reply to: traditional from where? posted by lydia on April 29, 2004 at 00:47:57:
We may be at an impasse, as we are now repeating ourselves.
"understanding how you want men to act towards you, and then giving forth that same understanding to others in actions. This covers all"
The above is to me the essence of the traditional interpretation. It is also in essence what I have my problem with.
The above is also as I have already pointed out, an assumption that how you want others to act towards you, is how others want you to act towards them. I hold that that is often a wrong assumption and is ultimately disrespectful, that we cannot go around projecting our own egos or neuroses onto others, and that this is a beginner's concept of fairness.
Although there is a lot to learn from looking inside yourself, the next step is to learn from looking inside others and understanding they are different from you.
"it isn't to simplistic or just accepting that every action you desire is desirable to give to others."
What I have been discussing was not about what action you desire to do unto others, but about assuming what you want DONE UNTO YOU (YOURSELF) is exactly what others want DONE UNTO THEM.
Example: I like to be left alone when I work, I have built a whole philosophy around why it's necessary to be left alone, for focus and efficiency in the work place, and I really want people to leave me alone when I'm working. I dislike small talk, distractions and consider it rude to be interrupted.
If I then assume that how I want to be treated by my colleagues (left alone when working) is exactly how I should treat them (leave them alone when they are working) I could run into some trouble.
Say then for example, one of them doesn't work well alone, and slacks off without constant feedback and constant validation for her work. Not only that, but she's built a philosophy around how it's necessary for focus and efficiency in the work place. Not only that, she considers it very rude that people act like robots thinking only about their work, without any social interaction, and she finds it offensive that I don't say hello when she walks in the room while I'm focused on my work. In the end, she starts to feel uncomfortable around me, and considers me too rude and unfriendly for her taste.
And all the while, I was simply treating her as I would like others to treat me.
"your idea that tradtional is wrong, leaves me wondering where you get your ideas of what tradtional is."
Traditional Golden Rule to me, is assuming how you want to be treated by others is exactly how you should treat others. Although it makes for being a consistent person (a good thing) I believe it is too simplistic to work in the long run, and the true meaning of the Golden Rule may have been lost in the transcription/translation/unavoidable filtering through limited human understanding. It's not my idea of what love is. For me it is greater love to accept and understand someone else as THEY are, not wrap them around ideas of myself.