In Reply to: being on gaurd isn't a bad thing posted by lydia on June 18, 2004 at 18:16:04:
So you have male friends friends and I will assume your friendship is of that type I just described, deep, strong and intimate, and you are not attracted to them on "that" level (physical, sexual, I assume). You are safe and feel safe. You are not pursuing anything more than what it is. Then in one conversation one of them suddenly demonstrates inordinate affection and a red light comes on... You didn't see it coming and it is a total surprise.
I think I understand now but I still wonder if maybe man and women have different reactions. Maybe there are some factors that come to play at that point and they are different in men than they are in women.
I am thinking about issues of immediate satisfaction versus a relationship of security.
Anyway, thank you for this opportunity in discussing this point. I am afraid that my original dilemma, whether there can be true friendship between man and women, has not been totally answered. I suspect that in general men and women see these issues, friendship and sexual relationships, and how they relate very differently but at least I have a little more insight into it now.
I am not sure that the "don't drink" advise will work well. It would be more appropriately not to go to bars or to get close to those who drink or to get close to the drinks themselves. To preserve the analogy, the advise would be to stay away from making friends with those one might be sexually attracted to.
I don't think I like that too much because a winter night far away from the fire is very cold yet I don't want to be burned by it either. My appretiation for your dialog remains. Thank you again.