In Reply to: could be considered SR posted by porceleindoll on July 14, 2004 at 19:11:31:
It is frustrating to have something horrid hanging around like a chronic disease. Unfortunately, the family is around, still very bizarre and still doing lots of damage. For some, coming to grips with the past was something that took years to arrive at a point where dealing with it became necessary, and the past is oftentimes more than just the occurrences of the Family. For others, the past is not past because they still have family within the group, or lost to the group. I think of A's poem about her daughter and realize that could have been me but I was lucky and got out with all my kids. Nothing can replace those losses, and things that come up maybe in a movie, in someone else's life, whatever can trigger that pain again. Like the losses that occurred having been in the family as long as I was before getting out, and the youth years that I lost (barely 18 to 30)
I can't say why I am still here. I have been around a couple of years. Perhaps some people just don't "graduate" in a timely manner from their losses. Then again, I have a life now outside of the posting boards, and that takes up most of my time and attn!
I guess the process of healing is just at different paces for different people. It would be nice to prick this crap like a ripe pimple and be done with it in a week. Emotional scars are not like that, and they are not as easily excised.
If the family were not around anymore, perhaps it would be easier to not get that sinking feeling when you see someone clowning, or see one of the kiddy viddies on a number of "Christian" channels and know what is behind that.
When WW2 was over and Hitler shot himself in the head, or had his lady friend do it...there was an end to the oppression. The camps ceased to exist, the Nazi govt was dismantled and yet still there are emotions that come up like Old Faithful when a person walks back down that road for one reason or another.
Perhaps it is a bond we hold as exers having survived a system that is not so commonly dealt with (like battered women's issues), that draws us to each others company often in disagreement about the past or regarding present views but with little available help as far as truly knowlegable professionals, or a lack of community and family support or ability to trust to build that.
How do you deal with it?
And btw, did you get my e-mail about Matcha tea???
:)