In Reply to: Re: could be considered SR posted by kinda gentler on July 14, 2004 at 23:05:00:
Porceleindoll has brought up a good subject. I can identify with what both of you said.
For where I’m at now in my journey even though I get really angry at times about TF I can forgive but I don’t want to forget.
In fact it does me good to work on coming to terms with why I joined the group in the first place: what made me a devoted follower, and what kept me in for as long as I did. I need to see what was wrong with things inside of me, what things in my personality that made me vulnerable and so easily attracted to the cult? To do that I have to reflect on a lot of things about my past and my experiences from before and during being in TF. It helps me have bearings so that I can move on in my life in a positive direction.
About 6 months ago some Family members opened up a CM home close to the town where we live. I experienced the sinking feeling you talk about and was really angry. But I realized that now my life belongs to me now, and I have fulfillment in the daily struggles and joys of living as normally and usefully as I can along with the rest of humanity.
Why let TF take anything more away from me? I deserve so much better than to let whatever they do or don’t do bother me. So now I try to choose when to get angry or to vent, simply for the therapeutic process. Once I invented a post from Ivan Ivanovitch, similar to the Grandpa’s Ghost posts. Spoofing Berg’s weirdness felt so good. (I need to do one of those again sometime.)
So for me, I hope I don't get any more sinking feelings, even though I still have a loved one in the cult, and she knows she has a place to come to when she chooses, on her own, to leave.