In Reply to: far from it posted by Anna on November 18, 2004 at 09:30:26:
By putting that disclaimer in that you hoped not to hurt anyone would seem to be a recognition that your post is debatable at the least.
You see your resolution as not viewing your past victimization as being a victim or being conned but as having been a willing participant aware of the deviance that was going on in the group without being subject to factors beyond your control such as a mind set that God was behind the insanity and that your conscience was the devil. That means your resolution because you have arrived at some higher understanding of everything is that you were responsible for not getting out earlier and etc. etc. etc.
My resolution goes in a different direction. It recognizes, as a process that took a lot of time and work with professionals, that I was a victim of something (victim is not a bad word) became a survivor of it by examining and realizing the family for what it is/was/became over time/was behind the scenes from the beginning.
I had to get out of the fog to see the fog for what it was. I would not call an exer of the Family a willing participant in most cases considering the intrusive and controlling nature of the family. At the same time, there are some lines I know I did not cross because even though at that time I thougt I was out of it for resistance and it brought me to a snapping point and I jumped out, it was hindsight that clarified what I had been in. In fact, I spent years of torturous self-blame for things absolutely beyond my control. It has taken further time and work to build self esteem and to become an aware and responsible person as far as self responsibility. I don't have the same wreckage some others may have to deal with regarding their past in the family. And it extends back further for many. Joining a cult was often a symptom of something that was already not right even if it was viewed as a good cause at the time. I see it more like an escape like drugs are/were for some. Berg preyed on the youth of the FG just as other types and shadows of Berg comb campuses etc these days to ask youth to "Step into the light Carol Anne".
Guess what? BECAUSE I was abused as a child, the FFing triggered me and the prospect of sending kids to schools and letters like Marry Time triggered me further. They triggered me into the first steps of resolution..GETTING OUT even when I thought I was wrong and God could kill me. The next step was going thru years of horrendous anxiety/panic and some heavy depressions. These weren't due to guilt, but to so much survival and so much of living on the edge in the name of God via the family, and survival from my own family of origin members AND coming to terms with inadequacies of my own and taking responsibility to work on bldg. self esteem etc. I am not writing all this or what I did before because of being triggered. I am comfortable with where i am at now emotionally. It is about what is being presented from one perspective as some sort of professional opinion via cut and paste psychology 1:1.