In Reply to: Re: S.D. posted by With Held on November 18, 2004 at 18:52:58:
could you be more specific for the sake of understanding each other? What did you view before that you now see as wrong?
Pls. understand that I do believe that in coming to terms with the past there is an element of owning up to what happened in whatever ways apply to the individual for the sake of whomever may have been hurt in the process, incl. self regardless of WHY or HOW. My point is more to the fact that a whole generation cannot be categorized as All good or all bad. However it is equally true that a person that has experienced severe abuse and therefore not protected someone they were ultimately responsible for,even if it was out of their control is better off to get to a point where they can "make amends" with anyone offended by them in the process. I don't believe this is possible until a person deals with their own pain and understands the ramifications of what happened in their cult experience. It would seem peace must be made with oneself in order to make peace with others. I have made peace with my kids and any one I have offended and those offenses were not criminal. But had they been, they would not have been wantonly committed in my case. One of the hardest things I had to do was be able to listen to my kids pain (they were never molested and we left before any camps) and to not give them excuses but to validate their experience. As they aged, they were able to understand my position more. Why? Because I took their anger and did not deny it. In that process there were times when I had to draw a clear line and NOT accept blame for things I was not at all involved in. But I realize I was the only safe person they had to vent at. There were no other extended family members, no present dad, and he died while they were little. Much of the healing would have happened if I did not get help for myself first.
What bothers me is the hatred of some that is categorically against FGs insisting FGS hate their kids, willingly neglected or abandoned them because in SOME cases that DID happen. In other cases IT FEELS like that is what happened and until the hurt is acknowleged without excuse, healing is hampered. But the way some SG exers talk about FG exers in general and some FG exers talk about themselves it does not, imo, encourage healing but keeps the ring of fire burning.