In Reply to: First time post. posted by Vee on January 30, 2005 at 12:49:59:
Hi, I joined at 17 and now 44 & left 3 yrs ago with my wife & 6 kids. I know what you mean about feeling lost. We've battled with most of the same things you've mentioned along with the realisation that the so called wonderful upbringing we were giving our kids wasn’t so wonderful after all and its been very painful to see the older ones in many ways fight very hard to catch up to their peers.
Of late I've come to the realisation that what’s been happening and indeed what must happen is that everything has to be striped away, all my perceptions, faith, experience, etc. so that I can be rebuilt. I’m sure I'm no longer like the person I was before I left. In many ways I think I'm a lot more self-centred, but even that I have accepted as a phase I think I have to go through to find the balance. (We lived for others for so long).
As it stands my faith is very fuzzy and general as I had to go right back to, is there a God? It’s a bit scary after having a very defined faith that I thought could answer everything, however after looking at it I see it was built on sand & I wonder how much of the rest of religion is the same?
Anyway, what I’m saying is; don’t be afraid to let go of everything you thought you were and discover a new you. It takes time, its sometimes painful but don’t rush it, let life take its course. At least that’s what seems to be working for me.
Every now and then one of us will become depressed after joining at such an early age we have no credentials or secular experience to fall back on and a career is very difficult. I feel like a green-horn, like I’ve just left school at 16 only I have a wife & 6 kids, while others my age have build themselves a life and material security I’m starting at the beginning.
Anyway, like you said it was my decision, right or wrong but I try not to get hung up on it & concentrate on the now. I don’t have all the answers yet but things are becoming clearer.
Fred