In Reply to: Plenty posted by Not enough on May 10, 2005 at 18:10:19:
I remember the sense of comraderie and the highs of being together at times with others my age living communally and having a common goal and high ideals. But if I really THINK about it there was a cult person writing letters and eternally smiling while a real self was squelched.
One thing that provides an adrenaline rush FIX is moving. Especially to another country with different culture, economy, countryside and such. But that is a high that becomes wearying and sooner or later a person can't keep up with it anymore and then what?
I don't have the security I would like to have in my life due to living the gypsy lifestyle of the family without the gypsy lifetime support. At least the gypsies take care of their sick and they have nomadic cycles that give them a sense of regularity, like patterned camping sites and seasons.
Perhaps one of the scariest things after leaving the family for some, including me, is the fear of taking root and becoming part of the community around me to whatever degree I choose. I almost bought a house once when I had the means. Had I done so, I would have a beautiful place that I would be paying less on than rental properties and yet it would be my space to design, redesign and sell had I ever chosen too. But my fear of settling and the sense of permanence overwhelmed me. But that is an illusion. People who rent lock themselves into contracted stays of a year all the time. Houses can be sold, but if you decide not to sell you have a place to call "home" and that is a wonderful feeling.
I feel it via people that have "homes". It is not that it is necessary but it is something I missed out on while I was busy at play in the fields of the Lord.