In Reply to: Re: Journey questions posted by Passing By on April 11, 2006 at 23:41:45:
"People often aske me why I am so busy doing ________ (whatever I am doing) and my answer is that If I stop some demons will catch up with me. They think I am joking but I know you all understand how it is. I always have about 10 different projects running as if I am afraid to stop and rest. I do it but it has to be under my control and command. I do think about art and have already a few projects lined up for when I run out of the others. Anyway, I gotta go and finish up that chore... :-)"
I became very ill at a point in my life long after leaving the Family and I had poured my life into my work. I did not realize how little life I had outside of work until this crash. It was extremely scary to be facing the prospect that I may never return to work. A huge trigger for me is to be in a situation where my basic needs are threatened. I think it triggers me more than it would the average person because of how often I walked that edge in third world countries and even in Western countries at times while in the Family.
I think the single most thing I need to do is to work more to build up life outside of work in that I need more personal friends. My spouse as my only close friend is not real healthy. It's great we have a good relationship but I need to extend my circle of friends.
Before I got married, I had a lot of friends but as many of them drifted away to jobs or universities out of state I became more involved with work and less involved with people.
What happened to me was that years after the family my "demons" caught up with me and I had to face them. Had to. There was no place left to hide. The good news is that though it took some time I don't fear the past in my present now.
For a long time the nightmares were so bad I had to medicate to handle them. Now if I have one it is doesn't seem to scare me and nightmares are just unpleasant dreams that are infrequent.
Can you describe your "demons"?
I would bet that most everyone could relate to them or having had them to one degree or another.
Also, what has helped you the most since leaving?