Posted by Thinker on November 18, 2010 at 09:53:37
In Reply to: Re: Vivaah .....For those of us who believe in real love posted by Aunty T on November 17, 2010 at 21:27:13:
You may not realize quite what you're dealing with.
TFI do not raise their children properly equipped in life to handle crises or conflict. Even the adults are kept in a suspended child-like state of mind (they call it a good thing), never fully maturing and accepting responsibility, never quite making the connection between actions, consequences and genuine change of heart. Every "change" "for the better" they have ever made in their life has been a show of sorts scripted by coercion and sheer pressure. Their natural growing process is stunted, short-circuited by all the garbage they are forced to read and memorize, and all the retarded reasonings of the cult. Their natural conscience and self-regulation has not been developed, which is why your niece yes-mam's you while doing things behind your back.
It would seem to me she is falling back on the only emotional tools she has been given in life, one of which is emotional blackmail, and another which is denial to the point of delusion, and another which is self-blame. She has been taught that being strong, convincing and wrong is the same thing as being right. She might only know how to take and not give, because she has not been raised to genuinely give anything to people, other than play a role that she is helping others get to heaven. All her life she has been forced to perform, to live life according to a script, to act right day and night, so she needs her space to play out the idea she doesn't have to be nice or be good, etc.
TFI utilizes the tool of self-blame, and that's why everything was just dandy in the cult, apart from her "own selfishness." Be sure of one thing, she is falling back on the only reasonings and methods she has for dealing with life not working out. There are many life tools afforded the average normal human being in even very bad homes, that she will not have for a good long while.
At this point she is probably using the idea that you need her to be out of the cult, and will do anything not to let her get discouraged and rejoin. You can't let her use that on you.
Whether or not you feel she should be out of your home, try to get the help of a counselor who is experienced with cults and cult departees, and discuss what the best next step might be, what is in her best interest.