Posted by long time exer on August 11, 2011 at 16:48:54
When I first left the Family I was still pretty young. I had small children and poor to non existant connections with family of origin- what was left of that. I didn't quit believing that God or Jesus was real, but I had a lot of the screwed up family thought process, feeling that any negative thing that happened was because God was dealing with me. God was still a mob boss with assassins who could take me out if I stepped out of line. My own children were very young and were very bright and active kids and my income was very limited though I worked long hard hours. Being a single parent, there were challenges galore. I tried to fit into a church of some sort after leaving and for years but I just could never be a part of any for many reasons. I could not believe some major doctrines many churches had in common, and I mean, from my heart, I could not believe.
I went away from any faith for many years and then tried once again to believe but ran across the same results. I say I am a-theist because I don't believe in a God, as in a man in a body that lives and sits on a throne somewhere up in the sky. I don't belittle anyone else for their beliefs when I say this. I don't feel anyone is stupid or less than or ignorant if they have a fundamental Christian belief. I am just talking about my journey after the Family and how I personally view things now.
I do believe in energy that is negative and positive, creative and destructive or the ability to be apathetic at times. When I think of that energy I think people put many different names to it or build many religions around it and many personify "God". That to me seems wrong. (wrong for me, but that doesn't mean I think it is wrong for you.) Wrong for me because I think that personification and the doctrines built around that are the root causes of most of the horrors in the world.
Sometimes energy is beyond what is scientifically explained, such as in Deja Vu, or in dreams that come to people sometimes, with details regarding past or future. I have no religion around any of these beliefs. I don't claim to tell anyone else my path is what theirs should be.
Whatever I may ultimately come to believe, I can't say, but I have peace of mind and soul when I think about how I believe. Peace that there is no eternal burning hell for not believing one way, and no forty virgins for acts of martyrdom. I do have values and ethics that are influenced by the Western civilization that I grew up in.