Posted by Farmer on January 20, 2012 at 18:56:44
"I made a very difficult decision to end the pregnancy. I've been crying for days. Please don't start any debates on when life actually begins. I don't need any black & white answers. Sometimes nothing is as clearcut as we want it to be, not even ideas about "life." I am here for support and understanding, if you are able to give it."
Dear IFT...I had wanted to reply earlier to the Abortion post on GenX and if you're the same person...being the same handle basically as here in the other thread on journeys...I thought you might be one and the same person...
If that is the case.. may be you wish to confirm it??...it could remain here, otherwise I might shift it to GenX save the parts not really fitting for that board
...I also wish to reply to the other thread having been started here...but it takes me a bit of time to put it all together...I am known for being somewhat longwinded and sometimes I pick daisies along the roadside...which might not fit the thread/bouquet...hope you bear with me
I admire your openness to talk about these things...which are very difficult to talk about...I assume.I cannot say that I even nearly know/feel, what you have gone through...also
being a man, I think it's hard to comment on it...you had stress and burdens and may be didn't see any way out.Did you have anyone then being able to confide in??
The thing is, we blame ourselves plenty too...besides hearing lots of condemnation in our mind...I made some more progress when I tried to discern in my life, what is condemnation...accusation of the devil and the conviction of the Holy Spirit:
Rev 12:10 And 2532 I heard 191 a loud 3173 voice 5456 saying 3004 in 1722 heaven 3772, Now 737 is come 1096 salvation 4991, and 2532 strength 1411, and 2532 the kingdom 932 of our 2257 God 2316, and 2532 the power 1849 of his 846 Christ 5547: for 3754 the accuser 2723 of our 2257 brethren 80 is cast down 2598, which 3588 accused 2725 them 846 before 1799 our 2257 God 2316 day 2250 and 2532 night 3571.
The verse is from the following website...the numbers are word-explanations...Strong's numbers...comes very handy often...in order to dig deeper.
This is something, which takes time...for we also wish to be good and perfect...not making mistakes...committing crimes...and then when we fail or thinking to fail, we wind up hating ourselves and everybody else
...time after TFI was tough for all of us I bet...also for me...split ups...not really fitting in into my environment and still having the responsibility to see my children growing up right...being cared for, providing for them all I can.I am thankful...they are all healthy so far and I did have concerns,"fears" at the time of the pregnancies of my then mate, that all would go well...you have hopes and promises...but no 100% proof beforehand.I did encounter in TFI children, who turned deaf...mainly due to meningitis...and the terrible attitude we had then towards medical counsel and help.
I shall just quickly relate two incidences in TFI... the only incidences about abortion, which I have clearly in mind , having heard about it personally or being close enough to remember.
One incident is long back...while witnessing on the street in Cologne I met a young teenager...may be 15/16 years old or so...who looked like the total "sweet sheep"...but somewhat burdened/sad...It's so long ago...about 34 years back, that I don't remember anything about the conversation...most likely I prayed with her...but one thing I have not forgotten...when she pulled out her purse...to show me a picture which kind of was the visualization of her pain...a reminder of what she didn't have...kind of in honour to it...she had a picture/photo of a pretty developed fetus...something she must have cut out of a magazine or so...I think that was the time before the ultrasonic examinations.
Nowadays I would say/conclude...that she was really deeply wounded, as I think she kept saying, that she wouldn't be able to forget that, getting over it...but then I was very inexperienced...with the attitude...one prayer and all is well....but I do hope she is doing better nowadays.
Another incident I'll never forget is...when the homeshepherd of the home I was in in India confided to me, that in an OHR one sister had confessed...(then we looked rally deep into all kinds of corners of our heart...yet overlooking a lot more regarding the morals/law of love e.g. etc....but this is picking daisies ; ) here)
...Anyway...as she had gone to Nepal and I was about to go...I was asked to take that detail up there for the leaders to know
...It seemed...though I am not sure...that she got pregnant while being a catacomber...and the responsible brother was married...may be too tough to handle then or whatever...I was quite a bit shocked/surprised...as that sister was as sweet as anything...thank God she had healthy children afterwards...I never sought or had the occasion to talk with her about it.Anyway...I really had liked that sister and needless to say, that was kind of a scandal in TFI at that time & I suppose it still is ?!....though it remained then may be a bit of a "secret", as I also wasn't supposed to talk about it.
One thing I found very helpful...is to look online for chatboards where they discuss such theme I have problems with a bit more detailed...with participants with same experience or may be there is such a help-group in your town or a therapist is available for you...a good pastor is also something to seek...rather to be preferred...IMO
...I would try many avenues...to leave nothing untried...until it becomes better...What are your friends...colleagues...relatives saying...the partner involved??
May be you can search...if there are good novels...biographies about that theme.
One more thing really helped me a lot pulling through...besides of course prayer...reading the Word...counseling and that is to remind myself of who had/has it nowadays or in the past much much harder than me.For that the boulevard-press or news in general kind of "cure me"
...to see/understand...who overcame heavy obstacles or in spite of sinning made it...the Bible has a few fitting examples along that line and may be I refer to them another time?!...
In any case it kind of is one sad chapter ...about closing...but I have the conviction/hope, that some other more pleasant chapters can come...will open in the longrun for you...that is my prayer for you in any case.
Most of all...I think ...am convinced, that God and the Comforter and Jesus can counsel/lift up in about any situation...I don't think, that any situation is ultimately too hard...LTE on GenX I can only agree with, that it should be very helpful, to have someone to pour out to, its nice to have an understanding compassionate soul listening to our burdens....but most of all I find desperate situations a time for prayer...and that is the marvel I found out in my life and that is also why I continue to believe: I do get comforted in prayer...it's like goosebumps all over afterhavinglaid it out open...bearing my soul...confessing and feeling as low as anything.
The following scripture accompanies me now for 35 years...and I found it true...THE Comforter exists....and Jesus cares...
1Pe 5:7 Casting 1977 all 3956 your 5216 care 3308 upon 1909 him 846; for 3754 he 846 careth 3199 for 4012 you 5216.
What good can comeout from our dark deep experiences...I think we're able to relate to the
"abysses" of others...learning/showing compassion...and it's a nail in the coffin of our selfrighteousness and fancy opinion of ourselves
2. Cor 1:4 Who 3588 comforteth 3870 us 2248 in 1909 all 3956 our 2257 tribulation 2347, that 1519 we 2248 may be able 1410 to comfort 3870 them which are in 1722 any 3956 trouble 2347, by 1223 the comfort 3874 wherewith 3739 we 3870 ourselves 846 are comforted 3870 of 5259 God 2316.
though it should be noted that tribulation most likely means more the trouble we et from the world...living for our faith...but learning...being comforted also makes us offering others help and that is in any case something positve...it alsokeeps me humbler...reminding myself, what I did all wrong...after I got to know Christ...I was so deluded...incredible...compared with the facts of the Bible...nevertheless I never gave up totally on myself ...also I had to pull through...I had the responsibility for my sweet kids...
I wish you sunshine...HIS warmth...where it seems to be dark now for you...all the best...in prayers for you ...sorry for all the mistakes...still am not over the hump yet healthwise...