Posted by long time exer on September 09, 2012 at 15:24:06
In Reply to: Re: my thoughts on this posted by Extreme on September 09, 2012 at 14:34:27:
For me it was a process over time. In my childhood, very young, religion meant a safe cool place- in my case a Roman Catholic Cathedral where I had largely good memories.
As I got older, it became boring, stifling and I didn't believe in Jesus or the Easter Bunny anymore. But I was searching and I looked at different forms of spirituality and had friends of all flavors including atheist.
It came quite naturally to leave religion but I was very vulnerable and young- being a teen when I encountered COG, and having experienced some serious fear provoking encounters on the streets of a major urban area. When I joined, I was very naive and had magical thinking, believing God was right there watching everything I did, including how much toilet paper I used. I really believed when leadership did purging sessions, it was the very voice of God speaking to them and they knew exactly every thought I had.
All the "darkest hour is just before dawn" type sayings were repeated far too often throughout the years, a sort of type and shadow of the Cultural Revolution under Mao, and when I left, I hoped I could find a church that fit me but experienced some of the same feelings of being stifled, bored, or an atmosphere where the pastor was the end all and be all mini-Berg, etc. Ones that were active with witnessing were like Stepford Wives for me, where all there was to do for women was go to baby showers and church.
Then I backed away from any church or religion and had lots of anger and fear/depression to deal with and work through and during that process I just got to a point where I felt very okay with not having to pin God down in a religious box (talking for me only because I realize some people go to church, have religion and are satisfied with that lifestyle for themselves).
I first began to think about some things such as passages in the Bible that talked about God being more loving than any earthly father, and the most loving earthly father would always love their child no matter what. I quit fearing consequences of not believing in Jesus as the Son of God, believing instead that whatever there is beyond current understanding, if I have principles to live by that are common in many religions and for many people with no religion, it was really o.k. So what is comfortable for me now is being agnostic/atheist but with a sort of higher power of "positive energy" and not religion. It came naturally as part of a process that works for me. I like not being on a mission and not trying to convert people so they don't die and get burned forever in hell if they don't get Jesus. I always had an issue with that concept of God loving me but who could also squash me like a little bug for stepping out of line. It is no different from Al-Quaida, imo. I see religion as the biggest divider between human beings. Not when it is held personally, but when it is seen as the only one way to God, Allah or whatever and if you don't get it, you will die.. I know people can be very "spiritual" as atheist or agnostic, meaning, living or striving for principles that are positive.