Home Children of God Publications Personal Letters!--No.6--Trusting Brings Triumph!

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PERSONAL LETTERS!--No.6 Comp.7/95 Maria #286 DO 3004

--Trusting Brings Triumph!

My Dear Teens and YAs:

1. You young people are each so precious to me, and I love you very much! Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your love. Thank you for just sticking--which, in itself, is quite a major accomplishment, considering how the Enemy fights you so hard and tries to get you to give up! Thank you also for your letters which contain your questions and your problems and your victories--many of which move me deeply, and all of which cause me to pray earnestly for you.

2. Recently I received a very touching letter from one of you pouring out your heart about your battles. I want to share this letter with all of you because I believe it is representative of what some of you are experiencing. It caused us to pray desperately for her--and you. Also, we asked the Lord to give her some answers to this great weight of unhappiness and condemnation that she has been carrying, and to speak to you others as well.

3. As you will see, when we ask, He always answers! When we call upon Him, He shows us great and mighty things that we know not! And when we have a need, He is always faithful to supply it, exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think!--Because He loves us! He loves us very much. He loves us personally. "Personally" means you--just you! He loves you! He knows you! He speaks to you!--Just you!

P.S. Although I'm addressing this Letter to our Teens and YAs, I think you adults will find it very helpful and applicable as well!

Love, Mama

Letter from Kerenina

From Kerenina (recently turned 18), 5/95:

Dearest Mama,

4. I love you so much and I am making an effort to pray more for you each day. I want you to know how thankful I am for the latest prophecies that went along with your prayer request in FUN 29, when you were battling with afflictions. These prophecies about holding on and having the faith to carry on in spite of weakness and battles helped to save me from leaving the Family.

5. I have come to a point in my life where there is such an aching discouragement that seems to run so deep in my heart. I've been battling so many things that I haven't been able to express, and so haven't told anyone about them, and I have felt so alone in my struggle. Lately I have felt trapped and confused. I haven't known exactly where to turn and what is going to become of me.

6. I've been feeling so discouraged that I've had to seriously fight walking out the door of the Family, not because the System has any answers (I know that because I lived there for two years), but I just felt it would be better for me to get out of everyone's way and go hide somewhere and just disappear. But then I knew I probably couldn't live with myself for doing that. The only thing that has stopped me from doing this is that I know so many precious people in the Family, and I would hate to be responsible for stumbling someone and bringing even more problems into the world. So I have felt really trapped and like there was no way out.

7. Recently a Letter was published in which you talked about the danger of compromise with the System, and in it was the part you wrote about me over a year ago where I was helping one of our lawyers in Australia and also quite involved in general with the legal battle and media. You said you were concerned about me, and now I understand why. (See "The Dangers of System Influence," ML #2967:32-44, GN 626.) At the time I was hurt to think that you would be concerned that I was getting sucked into the System, when as a TRF Supporter I felt I was fighting tooth and nail to be back in the Family, and I was going through a lot of pain to get back. But now I understand that your concern was well-founded, as it was there in my life that I started getting very battle-weary and confused because of all the pressure and lack of Word and shepherding and "time with the Master."

8. When I went to the School (HCS), I was still recovering from my battles and experiences in Australia, which were pretty traumatic, and I feel I really made a mess there. At that time, I was looking for a place to call home, and for an opportunity to do something for the Lord and for Him to use me like I thought He had promised, after what I had been through. I guess I saw things wrong and really muffed it all up. I was such a wreck, and on top of that, I was physically unwell with one headache or sickness after the other, which was super embarrassing and discouraging for me, as I wasn't able to do as much work as I wanted and needed to, and I felt like just a poor excuse for a disciple.

9. The one thing that kept me going through my time living as a TRF Supporter and then through the court case and through all the other battles that I faced even in the Homes in Australia, was that I was holding on to the promise that this was going to make me better and that I was gaining ground, not losing it. But then when I went to the School, it seemed like it was time for me to go through a whole new set of breakings to make up for everything I missed out on. This, I guess, confused me and left me really discouraged. I felt like everything was falling apart at once and I started to hate myself. I felt like one big disappointment to the Lord, the Family, my parents, Grandpa, and you.

10. With the Charter and all the new prophecies and Letters, I have been holding on to them and trying to believe that they're for me too, and that I am still one of the Lord's children. I've been trying to believe that when He says He wants everyone to be happy and loved that I am part of that "everyone."--And that He loves me just the way I am.

11. I was so thankful for the Charter, and yet I felt so condemned because I felt like I really failed in the last stage of the Family--like somehow I got it wrong. Even when I watched Grandpa on video I couldn't stop crying, and I felt so torn apart because one part of me was longing to accept that he loved me too, and the other part was so ashamed and condemned, and I felt so out of place.

12. I've just been very confused and felt super insecure. I've wanted to believe that the Lord loves me and that other people do too, but I just haven't been able to accept it lately. I feel like I've been on the downgrade and have been having a hard time finding the brakes. And for all of this I've felt extremely condemned and like such a creep. I've been confused and not known what the purpose has been for everything in my life or how I had seemingly gone so far backward when I had been almost killing myself trying to keep going ahead. And the longer I've been holding everything in, the more reason there is to say nothing, because it seems like too much. And that has made the battles a lot worse and added to my feelings of being alone and not understood.

13. I don't want to be selfish and good for nothing because I'm so busy feeling miserable! I have tried and fought very hard to give and get out of myself even when it hurts, but I end up feeling so discouraged. I feel like it looks as if I've given up the fight because of my past reputation, but actually I've never fought so hard in my entire life. It's just that it's all been happening inside and I haven't been able to get it out.

14. Anyway, the prophecies and the recent Letter you wrote called "I Love You--Just You!" (GN 627) have been like cold water to my parched and dying soul. I've been fighting to hold onto every word and to believe that it means me too. That Jesus really loves me in a personal way is something I just couldn't accept. I have felt so condemned for not trusting in His Love, and yet somehow I felt very excluded. I owe everything good that has happened in my life to Him (and a lot of good has happened), so it's been very confusing for me to have this feeling that runs so deep in my heart, this void and pain in feeling that the Lord doesn't personally love me. I didn't even understand why I felt like that, but you explained the feeling and longing so clearly in that Letter. I just couldn't believe it.

15. A few times when I had tried to explain this trial to others, they had explained everything that I already knew, about how I mustn't really believe in Jesus if I don't appreciate His Love and all of that. But you recognized the heartache and acknowledged the battle that has been the main thing destroying me and eating up my usefulness for the Lord, if there was very much left.

16. These prophecies have seemed to clear away a lot of the confusion. I still feel very unsure of myself, and there are a lot of things I don't understand, but I now have the faith once again to keep going and keep hanging on.--To keep giving even though I feel I have absolutely nothing left, and to trust that the Lord is going to give through a wretched little person like me.

17. I am really a mess and feel so useless spiritually and physically and I haven't understood why. But now the Word that I have been reading by faith is seeming to come alive again and give me answers that I can hold on to and claim as my very own, because not only am I in love with the Author, like that story goes, but I'm starting to believe that the Author is also in love with me!

18. I am so grateful for the freedom to say everything honestly to you and know that you'll love me anyway. To know that I'll be "loved anyway" is the best liberty and freedom that I could ever have.

19. Mama, I love you and am going to try to make you proud of me through Christ who strengthens me.

Much love without measure,

Kerenina

Mama's Reply to Kerenina

From Mama, 5/95:

Dear Kerenina,

20. I love you, dear Kerenina, and was very touched by your letter. In fact, it made me so sad to see how much you had suffered and are still suffering, when I know how much Jesus loves you in a very special way. I was glad to see, however, that you are holding on to those precious words that you have received from Him: "I Love You!--Just You!" and the other wonderful comfort from Him that you have been finding in His Word. I'm proud of you for holding on in spite of the turmoil that you have been going through, the pain you have felt and the condemnation you have been burdened with.

21. I wanted to take you in my arms and comfort you and assure you of Jesus' wonderful Love and help Him to wipe away all the darkness and the fear and the insecurity. But, of course, I couldn't!--So instead, I did something even better, I prayed for you and I asked Him to speak to you personally--from His heart to yours.

22. There are others of your peers who I'm sure feel much like you do, and desperately need the same kind of reassurance. Jesus was so sweet to use your plea for help and His answer to you to not only comfort you personally, but to speak to them personally as well. And Grandpa got a chance to talk to all of you! I'm just thrilled, and I can't think of anything better to be able to give you than these Words from Jesus and Dad. Below is the prayer that I prayed for you, followed by the beautiful message that the Lord gave when Peter and I asked Him to speak to you.

23. It would be wonderful if I could use your letter to me in the GN in which we will be publishing these beautiful Words to our Family young people, so they can identify with your heartcry. I'm sure some of them feel the same way, but they may not have been able to articulate it as clearly as you have. Also, I believe it will give the Family much more of a burden to pray for those of you who are going through these "deep waters." Your letter will help your brothers and sisters to see that they are not the only ones going through difficulties, but there is someone else who is experiencing the same and understands. Printing your letter will also help folks to understand the questions that the Lord is answering when He speaks to you. Without the question, sometimes the answer is not as clear. Without hearing the problem expressed, sometimes the solution doesn't make as much sense.

24. So, Kerenina, I hope you don't mind doing this for the Family--being willing to relate your own trials and express them to others so that all can be helped. If you have any hesitations or reservations about anything in your letter that you feel would be too difficult for you to see in print, please write me right away and I'll try to accommodate your request. (Note: She agreed to having this printed, God bless her!)

Much love and prayers for a happy new start, secure in Jesus' Love,

Mama

25. Following is the prayer I prayed, asking Jesus to help you and give you something to hold on to:

Prayer for Kerenina

26. (Mama prays:) Lord, You've heard Kerenina's heartcry expressed in this letter. You know the depths of despair that these words represent, even much more than she can write in mere words. You know it so much better than even she knows it. You understand all her confusion, all her condemnation, all her uncertainty. Jesus, You understand how very hard the Enemy is fighting to destroy her happiness, her usefulness, and even her life. You understand her feelings that You don't love her in a real personal way. We know You do love her and gave Your life for her, but she wonders how she could be going through all this spiritual torment if You really loved her. The Enemy knows how much You love her and he is trying to steal her away from You and the love she could find in Your arms. You need her so much, Lord, and she is so precious to You. The Devil is fighting her so hard, trying to get her to believe him and not You. It's so heartbreaking to feel her heartbreak!

27. She has a special desire to love You and do her best for You. She has fought to do that. But when it came to the point where she thought she was going to be greatly used by You, it seems like You put her through another whole set of breakings. We know this is Your Love for her, but she doesn't see it and she doesn't understand it. Please help her. Please show her. Please show her something that will help her to understand what You are doing in her life.

28. Lord, she is not the only one. There are others like her who have the same feeling of frustration and confusion and condemnation, feeling that they are nothing, that they don't have anything to offer, that they have failed, and that there is no use going on any more!--All of these things which are so untrue, Lord! The truth is just the opposite, but somehow the Enemy has implanted all of these lies in their heads and gotten them to believe them, to the point where they are even thinking of leaving the Family and getting out of the way so they won't be a bother any more. This constant feeling of failure and condemnation has made them feel unhappy and unfulfilled.

29. You want them to be happy and joyful and living a life of challenge and satisfaction! You want them to feel Your unconditional Love. You want them to be full and overflowing with Your Love because You love them! You want them to be full and overflowing with Your Love so they can overflow on others. So, please, Lord, do something to clear up their confusion and enlighten their darkness and wipe away their tears!

30. And please do something specifically to answer this heartcry of our dear daughter, Kerenina. She has fought so hard for a place in Your Family, and she loves You and wants to serve You. Yet she sometimes feels so alone and so uncertain and so condemned. Lord, You know better than anyone how to help her.

31. We ask You to give her the personal encouragement that she needs. We know how much You love her and how much You want to see her happy. We know how much You want her to know that You love her. Please dispel all these wrong ideas and these lies of the Enemy. Please tell her something that will be a sign to her of Your Love for her! Please help her, Lord, and our other young people who feel this way.

32. Our hearts just feel so heavy for these, our precious young people, whom the Enemy is buffeting so greatly. They are such wonderful young people and You love them so much, and they are each very special to You, very precious to You. So, Lord, please show them that they can be fully used of You and have their hearts' desires. We know they want to love You and be used in Your service.

33. We don't know what else to do to help our young people, but we know You can help them, Lord! You can show them Your Love and draw them close to You and help them to feel the joy and happiness and love that You give. Thank You for Your Word that is starting to make a difference in Kerenina's life, and we're sure in the lives of our other young people. But, Lord, we would like to see You speak further to this precious girl.--And to our other young people as well. We ask You to speak now, in Jesus' name.

The Greatness that God Gives Comes from the Testings, the Trials and the Trusting!

34. (Prophecy:) "Oh, gentle, tender lamb, dost thou not know that it is I that carry thee in My bosom in the times of thy affliction, in the times of thy heartache and heartbreak, in the times of thy confusion, and in the hurt and in the sorrow?--That I hold thee ever so close to My breast, stroking and caressing, kissing and holding, protecting and keeping thee. For thou art My little lamb, and I love thee dearly, and I have been with thee in all of thine afflictions, in all of thy battles.

35. "When thou hast descended into the depths of Hell, I was there with thee. When the Evil One attacked thee and tried to defeat thee, I was there protecting thee and keeping thee and holding thee. In thy confusion when thou didst decide to hold on, yea, I held thee and I protected thee 'round about with the aura of My Love and My strength and My protection.

36. "I know thy every thought, and all of thy heart's desires. And I say unto thee that he that overcometh receiveth of Me these great blessings, and these, thy heart's desires. For I give the most unto them that love Me most. And how dost thou love Me?--Thou lovest Me by trusting Me.--Trusting Me that I know what is best, and that I will keep thee, and that no matter what the conditions, no matter what is about thee, no matter what is even within thee, thou knowest that I will keep thee. That is trusting Me. And in thy confusion and in thine agony and in thy writhing in spirit, thou hast trusted Me. Thou hast shown Me great love in this manner, and oh, it causeth Me to love thee greatly and dearly, and to hold thee even closer!

37. "Dost thou think that My Father did not love Me when He let Me go through the agony of the cross, and through the fear and the agony in the Spirit? Nay, I say He loved Me greatly. But He knew that by letting Me go through this agony that it would bring forth much much fruit. Thus I suffered to bring forth Salvation to mankind.

38. "So it is with thee--thy suffering and thy hurt does not take thee away from Me, but it draweth thee closer. Thou seest it not now, but it maketh thee stronger. For in the days ahead thou shalt be able to turn and say, 'Oh, I can trust because I trusted Him through the depths. I can trust because I trusted Him through my failures. I can trust because I trusted Him through my longing. I can trust because I trusted Him through my confusions. Look, I am still here and He hath brought me through, and He hath strengthened me. So yes, yes, I can trust Him. I can trust Him with my all, with my life, with my death, for I am His, wholly His, for He hath pulled me through.'

39. "This is something that ye, My younger children, do not seem to understand." (Mama: The Lord speaks of all of us as His "children," but He speaks here of you teens and YAs as His "younger children," when He needs to make a distinction between us older adults and you young people.) "For in your minds ye have built up that which is false, thinking that with all the Word, with all the training, with all that ye have received, that ye should be as bright and shining stars full of strength. But ye have not understood that the path to true stardom, the path to true strength, is the path of humility, the path of breaking, the path of the making of a man or woman.

40. "When thou thinkest in thy mind this thing that is not so, it discourages and defeats thee, and the Enemy of thy soul says, 'Aha! What God hath said is not so! Ye are nothing! The Words of David are untrue, for he hath said that thou shalt be great, but thou art nothing, thou art a failure. Thou art defeated. So what is the use? What good art thou? Remove thyself, for thou art defeated, thou art worthless! Remove thyself, be gone!'

41. "But I say unto thee, this is a lie! For it is in the times of affliction--affliction of flesh, affliction of spirit, affliction of mind, affliction of heart, affliction of soul--that I mold thee, and I make thee, and I strengthen thee. And though thou dost not come out glorious and shiny, thou comest out useful, thou comest out humble, and thou comest out knowing Me, trusting Me.

42. "Having gone through these afflictions, and having cried out unto Me, and having sought My Word for thy solace, thou hast learned the most valuable lesson--the lesson that I am there, that My Spirit will speak unto thee, that My Words will comfort thee, and that I am thy Savior, thy God, thy Friend, thy Comfort, thy Lover, thy Care-Giver!

43. "For the path of true greatness is the path that goeth through Me. And I cannot make thee great until thou hast come unto Me with all of thine heart, and with all of thy soul, and all of thy mind, and all of thy strength. For these things that thou hast passed through are not defeat, they are stepping stones to glory.--Not the glory of man, but the glory of God.--The glory of humility, the glory of utter dependence upon Me, the glory of My Spirit working through the humble heart, through the trusting soul, through the yielded mind, through the loving spirit.

44. "So, My little lamb, and all My little lambs, know and understand that the things that thou dost suffer, the trials that thou art faced with, the burdens that thou dost bear, the testing and the purging, the trying, the heartache and heartbreak, the pressure, the squeezing, the tests and the trials, do not take thee away. They are not a sign of My displeasure. They are not meant to show that I am not there. They are tokens of My Love. They are the steps that thou must go through to come unto Me.

45. "But know that I am always there. In the deepest and in the darkest experiences, and in the greatest despair, I am there. Only turn and face Me and trust Me, even when all else seems so dark. Trust Me, for I take thee through this darkness that I may bring thee out into My glorious light--the light of My Love, the light of My truth, the light of My strength and the light of My power. Thou canst not be trusted with these things until thou hast proven that thou wilt trust Me.

46. "For the greatness that God giveth cometh about from the testings and the trials and the trusting. And the glory and the strength and the power that thou seekest cometh not in the way that thou wouldest think. It cometh not in the paths of glory as with man, it cometh through the path of God, the lowly path, the humble path.

47. "So in thy time of trial and affliction, look unto Me. Call out unto Me! Cling to My Words! Grasp them, eat them, hold on to them, for they are truth. And for thee to be the man or the woman of God that I would have thee to be, thou must have the understanding that My Word is truth and power and strength and might. It is My Word that saves thee and strengthens thee. It is My Word that encompasses thee about with protection. It is My Word that gives unto thee the love that thou dost seek. It is My Word that doeth all of these things. Thou must be connected unto Me, and the root of that connection is My Word.

48. "Thou must trust. Thou must trust My Word, and in trusting My Word, thou art trusting Me. When I say in My Word I am there, then know that I am there! When I say in My Word I am thy comfort, then know that I am thy comfort. When I say in My Word it shall pass, then know that it shall pass. When I say in My Word I shall supply, then know that I shall supply. For My Word is truth! My Word is life! My Word is Love! My Word is Me." (End of prophecy.)

Encouragement from Dad to Keep Fighting and Trusting!

49. (Dad speaking:) "You know, kids, I told you all about my life. It's all there. I've written you about the hardships that I went through. I told you about the times that I felt like a failure; how I was a lonely little boy and people didn't really like me, at least not my peers. People considered me a mama's boy, I was a preacher's kid. And as I grew up, I felt so insecure.--Not insecure in the Lord, but insecure about what He wanted me to do and what I was going to be and where I was going to go and how He was going to use me. I had in my mind what I thought it should be. I saw the sample of my Mom and I thought I should be like that, too. I had it figured out somewhat in my mind when I was young.

50. "So you can imagine how defeated I felt when it didn't really come to pass that way. Here I was married and had kids and I didn't feel like I was accomplishing much. There were times when I was so down about it and so defeated and so discouraged. I've told you these stories. Remember how I looked in the mirror and I said, 'Oh, God, I can't go on another day!' And He spoke to me and said, 'Endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ!' I told you how I endured and how I kept going.

51. "Well, I took His Word and I trusted Him, but it was so hard! It really was difficult. The job was difficult, but I think the discouragement and the feeling of not accomplishing much for the Lord, especially when I had all that training all my life, was more difficult.

52. "My life just kept going and going and going and still I wasn't feeling that I was accomplishing much. Sure, I was preaching the Gospel here and there when the kids were growing up. Sure I was getting Fred's show on the air, and there was a feeling of accomplishment, but deep down I knew that I should be doing more, that there was more there, but I just felt so down about it.

53. "I was discouraged. I even despaired! I cried out to the Lord, and when I did, the Lord would give me promises of things to come, but I didn't see them right then. Others even prayed over me and gave those beautiful verses about the 'Key of David' and all. And they were promises, they were things that were yet to come, but I did not see them. Though they encouraged me, still I had to fight the discouragement and the feeling of failure, the feeling that all that training was going to waste.

54. "But see, in the day that God appointed, He changed it all! He brought all of that training to fruition, and my life changed! He did great things through me. I see now as I review my life that the times of despair, of discouragement, the feelings of failure, were the times of my testings and the times of my provings, the times of my humblings, the times of me proving my faithfulness and my diligence and my love for the Lord in spite of all that I felt about myself, and all that the Enemy told me about myself. It was those times that gave me the deeper love for Jesus that I needed, and the time when He decided to use me in a greater way.

55. "So in your times of despair, in your times of feeling defeated, and wondering if all of your training has been for nothing, remember what He did with me! He tested me and tried me and proved me before He used me. As His Word says, 'The trying of your faith worketh patience, but let patience have its perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.'

56. "He's molding you, He's making you. So trust Him! Trust Him through it like I did. Trust Him through it like every man of God and every woman of God has had to do. That's what makes them the women and men of God that they are and that they become, because they trusted through the dark spots, they trusted through the nights, they trusted through the storms, they trusted through the afflictions.

57. "So when the times get rough, the storms get high, the night gets darker, the despair and the discouragement get deeper, don't give up, don't surrender! Even if you feel that you can't fight, just look unto Him and trust. Read His Word and trust. For trust in the darkness brings triumph at dawn. The trust through the darkness in my life brought forth the greatness of the dawn and the light that poured forth, and the inspiration that came out. All of this was part of the squeezing, all of this was part of the proving. For He could trust me because He knew I trusted Him. And He wants to be able to trust you. So prove that you can trust Him through it all.

58. "In reviewing my life and looking back on all that happened to me, through all the dark spots, through all the trials and the tribulations, the tests, the fears, the uncertainties, the failures, He showed me how He helped me, how He loved me, and how He cared for me. I knew it in theory then, but in the review of my life that took place up Here, He showed me how He was there, how He brought me through, and it made me ever so grateful and ever so thankful that He kept me and that He helped me, so that I could become the man of God that He wanted me to be.

59. "I know He is there with you! He is there in the darkness. He is there in the trial. He is there in the test. He is there in the confusion. He is there in the depths. He is there because He loves you. He knows you have to go through these things, even as He had to go through the death and the suffering of the cross. But He is there to help you through. He is there because He loves you, because you are very dear to Him.

60. "No matter what, trust Him! Cry out to Him!--And don't surrender to the Enemy! For it is the making and the breaking and the molding and the shaping of your life that you are undergoing. Every man and woman of God goes through it. Your mom and dad have gone through it. I went through it. My mom and dad went through it. Heaven is full of people that went through it! That's why they're Here, and that's why they have such glorious rewards, because they trusted Him!

61. "So trust Him, won't ya? Kids, you've got to trust Him! Look to His Word! Look to Him! Praise Him and thank Him through the storms. He'll bring you through and He is right there. Just trust Him, hold on to Him, don't let go. Keep fighting! Keep praising! Keep trusting! He'll bring you through. And believe me, it's worth it!--It's well worth it. For the glories that are Here are well worth the trials that are there. The rewards of trusting are far beyond all that you could imagine!

62. "So trust now and reap later! Trust now and become what He is making you. Trust now and you will be happy for eternity! It's a promise! I know, because I trusted and I'm happy now!" (End of prophecy.)

Comments from Mama on the Above Prophecies

63. (Mama:) Well, dear ones, what could be better than that!? First, hearing straight from Jesus all that beautiful encouragement, and then your own brand new, fresh MO Letter, straight from Heaven! How could you not feel loved after that!?

64. First Jesus tells you how very greatly He loves you, and explains to you what is happening in your life when you are going through all these very difficult things and don't think you can make it. He shows you that they're the things that are going to enable you to reach the stardom which He has planned for your life. Then, as a further proof of His Love, the Lord allows Dad to come and talk personally to you, just like he used to!--Only better!--Because now he has the extra advantage of "seeing face to face." He knew all these things before, but now he sees them even more clearly! Now he can say them with even more certainty, because he has not just seen by faith the rewards of holding on, but he has seen them by sight and he is experiencing them, the ultimate rewards! But Dad's also trying to encourage you that you don't have to wait until Heaven for things to get better.

65. He's telling you that he felt a lot like you, when after all those years of preparation, it still looked like there was not going to be any way to do anything great for the Lord. But when he went through the depths of despair, feeling like such a failure, instead of giving up, he just hung on! And as a result, he finally made it! When the Lord knew that Dad wasn't going to give up, but was going to trust Jesus no matter what--no matter how dark things looked--the Lord was then able to trust Dad with the glory and the strength and the power and the responsibility and the leadership! When you go back and study the Letters and see what Dad went through--the spiritual battles he fought, the afflictions he endured, and the difficulties he experienced--you know that you're not the only one! Your mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters in the Family have also endured similar trials and difficulties. If they could hang on to the Lord and go through those times of despair and desolation, then you can too!

66. Dad's saying you've got to hold on! He's telling you that you just can't give up, you must persevere! He has seen what's up ahead for you, and he so much wants for you to experience the blessings that the Lord has for you if you'll just trust Him, if you won't give up! Remember, Dad can see some of the things that are going to be taking place, some of the rewards that you're going to have real soon, but he isn't allowed to reveal too much of the future to us because the Lord wants us to take that by faith.

67. If we didn't have to take anything by faith and we saw clearly the marvelous things the Lord had in store for us right around the bend, these things that seem so traumatic to us now would fade into insignificance--we'd hardly notice them, we'd hardly feel them! You know how it is when you're doing something you really enjoy, you just forget any problems you have or any things that are bothering you. You hardly even remember them because you're so absorbed in having fun. Well, if we could see the "fun" that's up ahead--the great things that the Lord has in store for us--we wouldn't let these problems and trials and testings that we're experiencing right now bother us nearly so much. The Lord can't show us by sight what's up ahead, but He tells us that we just have to trust Him that He has them there for us.--And that's our test, whether we'll believe Him or not!

68. If we believe Him, then the trials that we're going through will become much lighter, things won't seem so bad and it will be easier to bear our cross. But see, like the Lord says, if we didn't have these tests, we wouldn't learn what the Word can do. We wouldn't be desperate enough to grab ahold of it for dear life, and in so doing, find that it holds us up when everything else lets us down and when everything else seems to be crashing down around us! If we didn't have to go to the Word for faith, we wouldn't be able to get the strength we need. If we didn't have to go to the Word, we wouldn't know how dear and precious Jesus really is, that He loves us when we feel at our very worst.

69. That's the time when He draws us closest to Him, and that's the time when you learn how very much He loves you, because that's the time when you've come to the end of your rope!--When your own strength has failed, when you're not accomplishing anything for Him, when you're ashamed of yourself and feel you can't do anything right any more, that you've failed in everything! That's when you see that He loves you just for you, not for what you do for Him! When you're in total despair and everything seems gone and you feel like you've really muffed it, you've really messed up and everything has gone wrong, that's when you see that Jesus really loves just you--not your works or your accomplishments or your abilities--but He loves you just because you're His!

70. He loves you just because you're His child, and He sees past all of the failures and all of the doubts and all of the sins and all of the condemnation! He sees into your heart and He sees the beauty there, even if you don't know it exists! He sees your deepest desire to love Him and to be what He wants you to be. Even if you don't think you have anything left to give, or even any desire for Him at all, He knows and He sees it!--And He loves you!

71. Remember what He said when He spoke to Kerenina and to all of you in the above message? He said that even in the times of your deepest despair, He's been there with you, protecting you and loving you. He knows you want to love Him, too, and He tells you how to do it. He says, "How dost thou love Me?--By trusting Me." I bet you're surprised at this answer, aren't you? Simply trust Him, that's all! Just believe what He says to you. Just think about it! When we don't trust Him, think how terribly disappointed and sad this must make Him!

72. He doesn't say that you have to do great things. He doesn't say that you have to accomplish great feats. He doesn't insist that you be perfect or be good all the time. The only thing He's asking you to do is to trust Him--that He's going to keep you, that He's going to protect you, that He's going to provide for you, that He's going to make you into the man or woman of God that He has promised!

73. Remember that all the suffering and pain and hurt does not separate you from Him; instead, it brings you closer to Him. That's what it's meant to do. He loves you so much, and He knows how much you need His Love. You have to experience this form of His Love in order to come to know the other forms of His Love. You have to experience the difficult times which draw you so very close to Him, so you then can experience the victorious times. You have to experience the humblings, so He can in due time exalt you. It is all His Love and you can't really have one part without the other. So He uses these things in your life to help you turn toward Him.

74. Just like He says above, if you've gone through what seems like the very worst possible tests, then the future isn't going to seem bad at all! You know that He's brought you through what has to be the very worst, so you know that He can bring you through anything!

75. One of the most important things He's trying to show you in all of this is that just because you're in the depths of despair over your weaknesses and your failures, even though you're sinking in condemnation and doubt, even though your fears are looming high in front of you and blocking your pathway, it doesn't mean that He has failed you. It doesn't mean that His Word has failed. It doesn't mean that Grandpa was wrong when he said that the Lord was going to make you a star and use you greatly in the future. Rather, it's the Devil who has lied to you when he told you that all these tests and trials and raging battles are because the Lord doesn't love you and because you are no good. You need to get rid of that falsehood and ask the Lord to replace it with His truth!

76. His truth is just the opposite! When you're at the bottom, you're the very closest to the top! God's way up is down.--Down, to where we're so humble our pride doesn't even hurt us that much any more; down, to where we're so yielded we don't have a big fight every time He asks something of us; down, to where we let go of any strong opinions that run contrary to what God wants us to do, and we accept what He says and believe it; down, to where nothing else matters but His Word, because His Word is Him and we're clinging to Him for life itself! It's when we finally get to that point that He can mold us and make us into something useful--useful because we're humble and we trust Him.

77. Do you remember what He said was the most valuable lesson of all?--Learning that He will always be there and that He will speak to you and that His Words will comfort you and that He will be everything to you. Do you want to be great?--He says you've got to come unto Him with all of your heart, and all of your soul, and all of your mind, and all of your strength.

78. All of the terrible trials that you go through are just stepping stones up to a closer walk with the Lord, and up to victory! And what is victory in God's eyes? What is greatness in His sight?--It's the glory of humility, the glory of dependence on Him, the glory of surrender! All of this greatness comes from the testings and the trials and the trusting. In order to become what God wants you to become, you have to know that His Word is strength and truth and power and might! But you can never learn this until you've desperately needed the Word and you've grasped it and grabbed onto it and you've found that it held you up. Then you can truly say, "Yes, I know that the Word is my power and it is my strength and it is my life. I know I need it, I can't survive without it. It gives me protection and love, it's the only thing that can save me and strengthen me and heal me!"

79. You've got to be connected to Him, and the way you can be connected to Him is through His Word! He says that in trusting His Word, you're trusting Him! You believe that He's going to pull you through no matter what, and you believe that these things you're going through are part of His wonderful plan for you. You believe that they're His Love for you. Well, He understands that this kind of love may be a little hard to understand, but that's why He's taken so much time and effort to explain it to you Himself, and to allow Dad to come and explain it, and to let me discuss it with you. And do you know what? He wants you to see His Love and know that He loves you so much, that He's even gone further. Not only has He given you this wonderful encouragement and counsel, but He has given you another beautiful message of Love, explaining how much He cares for you and enumerating all the blessings that He has showered upon you!

80. The other day when Peter and I were praying together and thanking the Lord for the beautiful music that some of you young people are composing and recording, and when we were thanking Him that we were going to be able to send it out to you soon, and thinking what a blessing it will be to you--the kind of music that you really like, with the heavier drums and other instruments you so much enjoy listening to--we felt moved to ask the Lord if He had anything He wanted to say to us, and sure enough, He did!--And it was to you, our precious young people--and all of us! Here it is:

Gifts and Blessings Prophecy!

81. (Prophecy:) "Behold the gifts that I have given unto the children of David, these precious gifts!--The gifts of My Words, the Words for these days, the Words of David that I have poured forth upon you, the Words of your queen that she poureth forth to feed your soul.

82. "Behold, the gift of My Words that I have given unto you, that feed you the truth, that give you the strength, that direct and guide you to Me and to My plan and to My will.

83. "Oh, these precious Words! Let them not fall to the ground, but take them in and absorb them. Read them and do them. Be thankful for them. Desire them, for they are Words of life, they are Words of strength, and they are My precious gifts unto you.

84. "And behold the other gifts I bestow upon you: The gift of Love, Love that you can bestow one upon another; Love that can be shared with your children; Love that can be shared one with another; Love that can be shared with the lost.

85. "What a precious gift this is for you--Love, My Love! For the world is so cold and dark and so lacks love, but I have poured forth Love unto you abundantly.--The love of a family, the love of a friend, the love of brothers and sisters, the love of husbands and wives, the love of mothers and fathers and children, the love of those that you help and that you serve and that you save. Your lives are full of love, My Love, Love that I have poured forth upon you, the Love of My Spirit. And so are you greatly blessed.

86. "And I have bestowed upon you the gift of hearing My voice, of coming before Me and seeking Me and saying unto Me, 'What is it that we shall do? Where is it that we shall go? When is it that we shall do it?' And My voice speaketh unto you--I that know all things, I that do all things, I that am the God of all things! I speak unto you, My children, because I love you. And oh, what a gift this is, and oh, what a blessing it is to have the voice of your Father with you at all times saying, 'This is the way, walk ye in it!' For those that are in the world are lost and are in darkness and have no light to light their way, but I have given unto you My Word and My voice to say, 'This is the way, walk ye in it.' Oh, how blessed you are to be My children!

87. "And behold the gift of living one with another, together in unity, in harmony.--Not alone, not in fear, not in trembling as those in the world about you, but together, united as one. I have made you a Home with loving brothers and sisters and fathers and mothers and aunts and uncles all together. I have poured this gift upon you, and this gift is great, for there be many that are lonely, many that are lost, many that go home at night to empty homes, empty rooms, empty beds and empty lives. But it is not so with you. For within your Homes are loved ones who care for you and who are interested in you, who will pray with you, who will talk with you, who will listen unto you. But it is not so for those that are in the darkness of this world. And oh, what a gift I have given unto you!

88. "Oh, the gifts of the Spirit that I have poured forth unto you: the wisdom, the knowledge, the understanding, the practical gifts, helps and administration, government, these gifts that help you on a day-to-day basis. These who stand behind these gifts in the World Beyond help you, show you, and guide you. Great gifts! And the gifts of healing, of tongues, of discernment. The gift of prayer and intercession. The gift of faith. The gift of hope, the gift of witnessing, the gift of pouring forth My Words. Oh, what wonderful gifts these be! Oh, what helpful gifts! And all of these are a gift unto you from My hand, from My Love for you.

89. "And behold the greatest gift of all that I have bestowed upon you, the gift of Salvation, freedom forever! Freedom from your sins. Freedom from worry. Freedom from fear. Freedom from death. Freedom from Hell!

90. "Ye are My children, and I have poured forth unto you many, many, many gifts. Many blessings! I have answered many prayers. I have poured forth much supply and much care and much love, much protection, much safekeeping, much anointing. I have wrapped you in My arms of Love. I have carried you. I have cared for you and I have protected you. I have supplied for you. I have loved you and I have kissed you and I have caressed you, because ye are Mine. So great is My Love for you and so great are the gifts that I bestow upon you. So great is the protection that I put round about you. So great are the helpers that I have given to help you, and so great is the power of My Spirit that I have put within you!

91. "These are the blessings that I have bestowed upon you for your love for Me, for your dedication, for your willingness to give your life for Me. But this is only a token of the great reward that I have stored up for you Here in My Heavenly Kingdom, a reward that surpasses your greatest imaginations, and it is yours for eternity!

92. "So when you are down and when you are fighting and when you despair, and when things are not going the way you want them to go, or the way you think they should go; when you are fighting and forging ahead and it is so difficult; and when the voice of the Enemy comes to you and says, 'It is too difficult. It is too hard. It is too much,' I say, look up unto the blessings that I have poured upon you and unto the gifts that I have given you, that I have showered upon you, that I have poured forth unto you in great abundance! Look unto these, your blessings, these, your gifts, these, the manifestations of My Love to you, and hold on! Hold fast that which ye have, and let no man steal your gifts, let no man steal your rewards, let no man steal your crown. For I have poured upon you greater gifts, greater blessings, greater anointing than I have upon any on this earth! For there are few that serve Me with all of their hearts and all of their souls and all of their minds, and who give all of their lives to Me!

93. "Ye are special children unto Me! I have said it and I say it again: Ye are special unto Me, for ye are chosen, ye are the children of David. Ye are the children of the King, My children. And though I love all My children, and though I pour forth gifts unto all My children, I pour forth unto you special gifts, abundant gifts, that ye may know My Love!

94. "And because of your dedication unto Me and your willingness to preach My Message and to march forth where I send you, the Enemy of your soul battles hard, long and strong against you! And as with the mighty men of David who were so strong and valiant, brave and courageous, so gifted, such valiant warriors, worth many times the average soldier, so are ye. In defeating one of you, it is as defeating many; thus the Enemy of your soul seeks to defeat you, to discourage you, and to cause you to surrender.

95. "So stand strong and fight!--And in your fight think upon the many gifts and blessings that I have given unto you. Heed not the lies of the Evil One who saith there is more out there than there is here within the folds of My Family. For the folds of My Family are where the precious gifts are, the gifts that I have given you. So hold fast! Stand strong! Fear not! Do not give up! Stay within the folds of David. Stay within the fold of God, that ye may partake of these blessings and these gifts, and the many gifts that are to come as I pour forth in greater abundance!

96. "Unto whom much is given is much required, and, yea, I do require much from you: much yieldedness, much love, much understanding, much sacrifice. From you, I require all, but unto you, I give all, and I pour forth My great gifts. So give Me your all. Give Me your life, give Me your love, give Me your obedience and your yieldedness. Allow Me to fill your desires in the way that I wish to fill them, and I will give unto you the great gifts of God, the great Love of God, the great power and might and strength of God so that you can do the great things of God!" (End of prophecy.)

Count Your Blessings!--And Praise and Thank Him for Them!

97. (Mama:) Wow, what a list of blessings! After my secretary transcribed this prophecy, she wrote me a note that said, "From an ex-independent, very lonely and searching teen, I heartily amen these words from the Lord. From a former 'latch-key kid' with lots of time on my hands, no one to love or trust, I thank the Lord for our Family and Family life--even during tests of sacrifice and crowded conditions and noise, etc. But the answer isn't in going to the System, because it has nothing. The answer is to just praise, hang on and be thankful even if things don't seem to change right away. It doesn't matter, it's the praiseful attitude of heart that counts.--Thanking Jesus for all the wonderful, wonderful things we do have, and not looking at the few things that bother us! Like the saying goes, 'Your attitude determines your altitude,' and soon everything even looks better. Even if nothing changes right away, it always does eventually."

98. Just go back and study again all the love gifts the Lord says He has given us, starting with His precious written Word, the Words of David, and then His gift of Love. On top of those very great gifts, He's given us the wonderful gift of having His voice speak directly to us, and He's always there with us to answer any questions we may have, and to direct us. Go back and read all the rest of the wonderful, marvelous gifts that He has poured out upon us--and which He says are just tokens--in other words, just small little bits of all that He has stored up for us in our Heavenly Home. Can you imagine! It should just blow your mind, the wonderful Love that the Lord has for you!

99. And why has He given us all these gifts? He says it's because of our love and dedication to Him, and our willingness to give our whole life in service to Him.

100. Have you ever wondered why you were so buffeted, so tormented by the Enemy? Just like Dad always told us, the Devil is really scared of the potential in you! Look what the Lord says, that if the Devil can defeat you, it's as though he's defeating many, because you're worth many times the average soldier because of your strength in the Word and your bravery--either past, present or future bravery, which the Lord is presently preparing and training you for. So hold fast, fear not, don't give up! Just realize that no matter how much the Enemy attacks you, you can run for protection into Jesus' arms and He will use all these things as part of His Love to draw you close to Him and to strengthen you and prepare you to be greatly used by Him.

101. Don't believe the Enemy when he says there's more out there than in the Lord's wonderful Family, or when he tells you you're so hopeless that you should just quit! You not only have many gifts now, but you're going to have many more in the future, and you're not going to have to wait until Heaven to get a lot of them, because He's promised to give you more in the days to come! He has lots of exciting things in store that you're going to really love!

102. Of course, He does require a lot of you, but He gives you the strength to meet those demands. He requires much yieldedness, much love, much understanding, much sacrifice. He requires your all! But to you, He gives all in return. If you give Him your love, your obedience and your yieldedness, He will give you His power and might and strength and anointing, so that you will be able to be great for Him and do great things for Him!

103. What should we do when we're in despair? Look up at all these blessings! Count them, name them one by one and it will thrill your heart when you see what He has done! He says He's poured on us greater gifts and greater anointing than He has upon any other people upon this earth! This is really heavy stuff, folks! And because He's poured it on so richly, what should we do in return? What do you do when someone gives you a valuable gift, or any gift for that matter, even a small gift? You get excited about it and you thank them and tell them over and over how much you appreciate it!

104. But what about the Lord and the immeasurable, unlimited, boundless gifts that He's given us and that He continues to give us and continues to pour upon us, trying to show us how very greatly He loves us? Shouldn't we be constantly praising Him and thanking Him and telling Him how much we appreciate Him, and how much we appreciate what He's giving us, and how much we love Him because He loves us so much? Don't neglect to thank and praise the One Who has given you everything.--The One Who continues to give you everything! The One Who is your best friend, your protector, your guide, your Savior, your lover! He pleases us with His wonderful gifts!--Let's please Him by praising Him!

Excerpts of Kerenina's reaction to Mama:

Mama, I love you so very much. I'm finding it hard to know how to express my gratefulness for the letter I received from you. I've never gotten something that meant this much to me in my entire life.

As I was reading it, I physically felt like a big weight was being lifted off of my heart. That was amazing for me as I'm not the type of person who is able to imagine or feel things of the spiritual sort. But as I was reading each word, it felt like brick after brick was being lifted off my chest and relieving all the strain on my heart.

Everything in it applied and fit me so perfectly, it proved to me that the Lord really does know me very personally and knows exactly what I want and need. You asked the Lord in your prayer to tell me "something that will be a sign of His Love for [me], ... something only [I] could know." Well, the whole thing is just so right on in every aspect, so precise as to what I have felt and what my longing has been--point after point fits my life as it is right now exactly.

Love, Kerenina

Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family