|DISCLAIMER: The sole purpose of this page is to document the existence of a publication produced by The Family International a.k.a. The Family, Family of Love, Children of God and various pseudonyms (hereon referred to as TFI). It is provided for the record, for educational and research purposes, with the principal aim of promoting accountability by the TFI for its teachings and statements, which have proven detrimental to the lives of many. By replicating this material, exFamily.org neither endorses the views expressed in this publication nor justifies the existence of this publication and its statements. Reader discretion is advised. The material on this page may be unsuitable for minors and may contain disturbing words of racism, hate mongering, directives to unhealthy lifestyles and/or criminal activity, and/or contain plagiarized works.|
Golden Victories! Maria #416 CM/FM 3162A 12/97
Table of Contents
Personal Lessons! 4
Some Background Information 5
Rebecca and Others Arrive! 7
More on Rebecca8
My Personal Battles 9
Travel Preparations 11
Battles Intensify!--And the Lord's Comfort! 11
Off They Go on Their First Trip Together! 13
My Open Heart Prayer to the Lord 14
Heavenly Forces to Help Me Fight!17
I Finally Quit Struggling! 18
Learning to Enjoy the Fight! 20
Going a Step Further 22
What Kind of Miracle Could I Expect? 27
The Miracles Are There for You, Too! 28
A Lesson and Example in Detail 30
Jealousy, Circumstances, and Getting the Victory! 31
Look Past the Details to the Spiritual Principles! 32
The Lord Will Lead You Gently, as He Did Me!32
More Steps of Progress! 33
Rebecca--God's Gift of Love to Me 33
The Victory Won! 35
The Impossible Has Come to Pass! 35
Slow Beginnings, Greater Ends! 39
The Lord Will Do It! 39
(For JETTs and junior teens:)
To my dear loved ones,
1. I have something important to tell you, but I was struggling with how to put it into words. I asked someone in my Home to pray and ask the Lord for some guidelines to help me get started, and He gave the following message.
2. (Jesus speaking:) This time of the Birthday Feast is a celebration of the victories and accomplishments of 1997. But it is also a time of heart searching and soul searching, a time of conviction, a time of taking stock, of weighing up the balances of your attitudes, your habits, your failures, and coming to grips with how you personally need to change.
3.It isn't just a time of celebration, reminiscing, and looking forward to the things to come. It isn't just a time of delighting in My promises and encouragement. It is also a time to weigh up the accounts, to take a long, hard, deep look at how you live, how you think, and how closely you're following Me. Time is short, and I am even now preparing My Endtime army--the special called-out ones, the anointed ones, those who have chosen time and time again to give their all for Me, those who hold back nothing.
4.The children of David are amongst the very few who choose to forsake all, to make themselves servants of all, that they might be examples of My love. It is a precious and high calling to be a beggar for Jesus, a love slave, My intimate Bride, a testimony of My miracle-working power in the End. But with such a high calling there is also a high cost. I require that each one of these, My Endtime soldiers and prophets, humble themselves, forsake their besetting sins, and say yes to Me on a daily basis, that they might continue being filled with the white-hot passion of My Spirit.
5.It's the danger of every religious movement to cool down, to compromise, and to die a slow death. But I have given you a way out, a way of deliverance from that fate that has met so many new religious movements. I have provided for you a way of deliverance from the lethargy, the halfheartedness, the coolness, apathy and deadness in spirit that has brought an end to so many reformations or revolutions or mighty waves of My Spirit. And that way of escape is the radical, changing, earthshaking, heartbreaking, mind-bending, soul-searching Word that I give to the children of David--fresh, rich and abundant from Heaven!
6.You have so much at your fingertips--such wealth, such blessing, such immense, immeasurable treasures of truth and inspiration! But I ask you, what will you do with it? Will you let the truth that I place in your hands change you, motivate you, cause you to revolute? Will you let the truth that I pour forth so freely to your bosoms cause a metanoia in your life? If you will, then you will continue on in the precious, privileged high calling which I have given unto the children of David. You will progress and grow and overcome.
7.Through My Word you will become new creatures again and again and again. You will see the light of a new day. You will see old things pass away and all things become new, including the way you look at circumstances, situations, and each other. You will see attitudes which have been contaminated and polluted by the System washed clean.You will find a renewed desire to witness and to pour out My Word. You will have greater love for your brothers and your sisters and your co-workers. You will be delivered from the chains of jealousy, possessiveness and selfishness. You will find greater, more abundant supply of all your needs, and I will keep you safely in the hollow of My hand and give you supernatural protection. New doors will open before you, and you will find excitement, fulfillment and challenge--with new ministries and new opportunities to witness and follow up and bear fruit. Many who have settled down in fields of gleaning will hear the call of the needy, desperate mission fields and respond.
8.There are so many victories to be had, so much on the horizon for those who take the Word that I give and receive it, believe it, and live it. That is the secret to overcoming--to be motivated, to change, yield, accept and win the victory. You ask how can you overcome your long-time weaknesses? How can you possibly get a lasting victory and change in an area that has been a problem for you for so many years, and which may even be getting worse instead of getting better?
9.If you feel you are being strangled by your own sins of bitterness, jealousy or selfishness; if you watch yourself growing weaker and weaker because of your doubts and your rejection of the New Wine; if you feel you have lost the revolutionary spirit and have no more drive, determination or even inspiration to be a missionary or a witness; if you are tired of fighting for finances, and struggling with your large family, and you feel like giving up; if you're bored and feel like maybe the Family isn't the place for you; if you look around at the System and day by day it becomes more attractive to you, more appealing; if you just don't get fed from the Word any more and you find it boring and a drudgery to read; if you can't get along with others and communal living seems to be too much for you, and you're tired of all the sacrifice and restrictions it involves and the many little inconveniences; if you've just about had it with what you consider the weird ways and attitudes of the other generation, and you don't think you can take it any more--then I want you to stop right now and give Me your full attention. Because in the Words that you are about to read, you will find the answers that you've been looking for!
10.Even if you haven't been suffering from real big spiritual battles, or you don't feel that you've had any serious spiritual problems, but maybe you've just been a little bored or unchallenged or feel that you need a boost in your life--something to get you back on the attack, something to help you overcome in all those little ways that you've been slacking off or compromising and disobeying in--I have something for you now that is new and different and interesting! It's personal and touching. It reveals the innermost thoughts and feelings of someone that you love very much.
11.This is the story of someone who fought a courageous, relentless battle against the Enemy and lived to tell about it. If you like the kind of story where someone bares their heart and lets you see an intimate glimpse of their soul; if you like the kind of story that's so detailed you feel what the person feels and sense their emotions, then I've got just the thing for you!
12.But this is more than a story for entertainment's sake. This is more than just a case history to make a point. This is not just information, but within these Words you will find the answers that you need. Even though the circumstances and details may not be exactly like yours, the spiritual principles do apply, and if you will take these lessons and put them into effect in your life, you too will find a mighty victory and deliverance from the chains of the Enemy! You too can be born again, set free, renewed! I have the answer for you, just as I had the answer for this precious one--that these secrets of acceptance, yieldedness and desperate prayer work.
13.I didn't want to just give you a sermon--I wanted to put "skin" on it! So I took the life and heart of someone who is precious to each of you, someone who loves you more than life itself, someone who daily lays down her life for each one of you, and I squeezed her, crushed her, and made her anew. And out of these squeezings and crushings of My hand poured forth the beautiful sweetness of My tender honey-love that I knew would be a feast of healing, restoration, deliverance and freedom for each of you. So without further ado, I present your beloved queen. This is her story. (End of message from Jesus.)
14.(Mama:) Thank You, my precious wonderful Husband. Your Words humble me and I hardly know what to say. Please help me now to share my testimony with these, my most precious Family, in such a way that it will glorify You and will bring the fulfillment of these beautiful promises that You gave. Please help each one to be able to apply these lessons to whatever they personally are struggling with. Even though their situations or burdens are not exactly like mine, still, Lord, as You said, the answers are available to each of us through our acceptance, yieldedness and desperate prayer. Thank You, Jesus, wonderful Husband and King.
15.The spotlight of the Lord's Word shone brightly during the days of the Birthday Feast, and I'm sure that as you read the other Feast GNs and messages from the Lord and Dad you felt convicted. You may have realized that there are some things that you have not done as well in as you could have. To recognize your mistakes is the first step, but I wouldn't be surprised if the Enemy has come in almost immediately with his lies, telling you that it's impossible for you to change, that your problems are too long-standing, too deep, and you're too weak to overcome them. I wouldn't be surprised if you feel overwhelmed.
16. You sense that the Family is once again becoming more revolutionary, tighter in the spirit, and that the Lord will be requiring more of you as we get closer to the End--greater dedication, stronger convictions, and a closer walk with Him. But if you're weary, especially if you're discouraged with yourself, or even suffering the condemnation of the Enemy, you might feel that you just don't have it in you anymore--that you just can't make it.
17.But I want to tell you that there is hope! The Lord has the answer, and you can make it. As you may have gathered by now, over this last year the Lord allowed me to go through a very difficult spiritual battle. But the Lord used the darkness of that night to bring forth a great desperation in me, and I had to throw myself wholly and completely on Him. When I cried out to Him with all my heart, when I finally said yes and accepted His will, even though it was difficult for me, He came through for me in a greater way than I ever imagined possible!
18.I felt His loving hand, I experienced a deliverance from the chains of the Enemy, and I know that He set me free. I passed the test. The Lord liberated me, though it seemed impossible at the time, and I know He can do the same for you. Whatever you're struggling with, whatever load you're carrying, whatever sins you need to forsake, He can help you to do it, and you too can become a new creature and have a fresh new start.
19.I want to tell you about my victory over jealousy and deliverance from it. For those of you who have experienced jealousy, you know how difficult or even impossible it may seem to overcome. Maybe the Lord allowed me to be tested with jealousy because it is such a common problem and battle that so many of us face. But if you don't happen to be jealous, or maybe you've never experienced it, or you're not experiencing it now, please don't tune out or think that what I'm going to share with you doesn't apply to you. Like the Lord said, you need to look past the details of what I'm going to tell you and see the spiritual principles, because I know that what the Lord taught me and allowed me to experience can help you. If you will receive it and do the same by accepting what the Lord is doing in your life, yielding and going to Him in desperate prayer, the answers are there for you too.
20.So please don't check out or let your mind wander just because you don't happen to normally have problems with jealousy. If you're bitter or doubting or compromising; if you've lost your desire for the Word; if you no longer have a will to witness or be a missionary; if you can't get along with others, so that you have to live on your own; if you're lonely; if selfishness has crept into your life more and more; if you have difficulty showing the Lord's love to others; if you're toying with the idea of backsliding; if you've developed ungodly appetites, or unhealthy habits or addictions that are not of the Lord, if you battle negative thinking, or being critical of others or being self-righteous; if you're constantly comparing or feeling discouraged, then you can apply what I'm going to share with you to these problems in your life and find the answers you need.
21.Your mind might be racing right now, wondering what in the world Peter did to me to cause me such big battles with jealousy. What happened? What's going on? I want to reassure you right from the beginning that Peter didn't do anything to me to purposely hurt me or cause me to be jealous. He did what the Lord wanted him to do. We both did what the Lord wanted us to do. It was the Lord who allowed me to have battles with jealousy, because He not only wanted to teach me to be more of a fighter, but He also wanted me to be able to share with you the lessons that I learned through this bittersweet experience.
22.Now as I tell you this story, I need to go back in time a little bit to give you some of the background so you can understand more clearly.
Some Background Information
23.At the time of Summit '96, the Lord laid on my heart the need for Peter to have a traveling companion. We had already come to the conclusion, and rightly so, that Peter would probably be spending at least 50% of his time away from home visiting you, our dear Family. Of course he needs someone with him, someone who can act as a secretary, a general all-around helper; someone to care for him when he's sick or suffering heart problems, to sleep with him in hotels while traveling, and to help him with all the little things he needs, so he can concentrate on the spiritual matters. In times past, my personal secretary accompanied Peter on some of his trips, which was a very big help to him as she did very well. But it was a difficult sacrifice for me, because I needed her right here at home to help me with my very heavy workload. So it was obvious that we needed to bring someone else in, or ask the Lord to raise up someone else to be Peter's traveling companion.
24.During the time of the Summit the Lord emphasized the need to train new young leaders, and that He was raising up young people to be CROs, VSs and bellwethers. It was at that time that we also began to bring more young people into our Home, as you know. But you may not realize that it was during the time of the Summit that the Lord indicated He had trained and prepared one of those young people in particular to be a travel companion and helpmeet to Peter--dear Rebecca (Katie, now 24), the daughter of Jonathan and Sharon. (Sharon went to be with the Lord in 1985.)
25.We had gotten to know Rebecca earlier, as Peter had met her when he went to visit the families in Austin at the time of the Austin accident, and we had followed her progress over the months. At one point, about five months before the Summit, we had even prayed and asked the Lord if we should invite her to WS, but He indicated that she was not yet ready. Here are a few short excerpts of the message the Lord gave at that time.
26.(Jesus speaking:) This one has been faithful and has shown her love and her dedication to Me, for she has been willing to do the lowly tasks, the humble tasks. Before honor is humility, but after humility is honor. I have chosen this one as a precious jewel, a jewel that can fit in a crown. But it needs to be cut and shaped and polished more.
27.So let the process continue that she may be molded, shaped and prepared for that which I would have her to do. Let the faithful ones there where she is teach her and train her and bring her close, that she may learn more compassion; that she may understand more, and learn better of the frailties of man; that she may learn to love and to care in an even greater way; that she may be prepared for the work that I have for her to do. (End of message from Jesus.)
28.But eventually she did join us, as the Lord, during the Summit, spoke to our hearts that it was indeed time to offer Rebecca an invitation to come and not only live in our Home and be a help and blessing to us, but also to travel with Peter on his visitation trips. Here are excerpts of the message the Lord gave at that time:
29.(Jesus speaking:)This little one is worthy to be brought close because she has a servant's heart, because she cares so much for others and she desires only to serve. She is small in her own sight; therefore I am able to lift her up and honor her. I am able to give her a place of great respect, and I am able to place on her head a crown of new anointing, that through her humility and her desire to serve and her great love for the king and queen, she might be a sample unto many.
30.She is as a little lamb who is gifted in many ways, yet she also has weaknesses, as do all My children. The young ones will not look upon Rebecca as a great and mighty one, but they will look upon her as one of them. Through her sample they will gain courage to carry on. They will gain faith that they, too, can be used. They will grow in conviction as they see her faith and her willingness to obey. They will also see that you do not have to be brilliant and gifted with many showy outward gifts in order to be a blessing to the Kingdom and to many. They will see that it is her gifts of compassion, understanding and self-sacrifice that have opened the door that she might be raised up to be great in My Kingdom. She is little in her own sight and she has great faith and great love.
31.She is as soft clay in My hands.She is moldable and malleable and soft before Me. For this reason I have put it in the heart of the queen to take this little one into her own hands, that she might mold her to be a beautiful princess in My Kingdom; that she might take that soft clay and fashion it into the tool that I would have her to be. For now that she is young and soft she is able to be molded and made whatever it is that I desire. So fear not to take her into your heart, to take her into your life, into your intimacy and confidence, into your love. She will serve you well, for she is faithful and loyal, and her desire is toward her king and queen.
32.She is not as a mighty one. She is not a valiant warrior reflecting great courage and great strength. She is a tender one, a gentle nurse, a kind and loving shepherdess, quiet and sweet, soft-spoken, one who kneels to serve in humility. These are the gifts that I have given her, that I have placed upon her head that she might be your servant, that she might help to lift the load and bear the burdens and make the way easy for My king and queen. Do not fear, My queen, to call this little one to your bosom, for she shall serve both her king and her queen. She shall have great, great love toward her queen, great loyalty and great humility before her queen.
33.Do not fear, for Rebecca shall be a servant to the king. She shall kneel before him and be ever ready to serve him. She shall love him with a pure love and she shall walk in fear before Me. And this, your king's heart, is fixed; his eyes are upon you, his queen. His heart's longing is for you, his love. He will love and care for this little one, but he will love her as his helper, as his little partner, as his young companion and his work mate. The love that he will feel for her will be the love that I will give him. But fear not, My precious queen, for although he will love her very much, the love that he will feel for this little one will be small when compared to the love that he has for his queen. His heart is fixed, his eyes are fixed. He is forever joined to his queen.
34.He will love this little one and care for her and train her and pour into her. He will take her under his wing and shepherd her as a good shepherd, and he will feed her hungry spirit. He will give her the love and affection that she so desires.
35.This is part of his ministry, part of the way he fulfills his role as king, for he feels and is responsible to love and shepherd and train and feed those round about him. But this will not affect the love that he has for his queen. It will not lessen it or dampen it in any way.
36. Rest in My arms and let Me unfold the plan before you, and you will see plainly and clearly the path in which you are to walk. I will lead you gently and lovingly, and you have nothing to fear. For in giving love and in giving of your loved one, you will not lose but you will gain. You will gain the respect of your people. You will gain the hearts of many. You will gain in battles won. You will gain by staying in My perfect will, and great will be your reward. (End of message from Jesus.)
37.During the Summit we extended an invitation to Rebecca, and an explanation of the need and the new ministry the Lord was opening up for her if she would like to have it. God bless dear Rebecca, this invitation came as quite a shock to her, of course. But after praying about it and seeking the Lord, she accepted the invitation and thereby began a whole new ministry with Peter and me and the dear ones in our Home.
38. Because of her talents and calling, this is the job that the Lord has for Rebecca right now, perhaps because Rebecca's gifts lend themselves to being a servant, a handmaiden who loves to serve. Now I don't mean this to be an exaltation of an individual, and I don't want you to think of it that way. The Lord has chosen to put Rebecca in the spotlight for now. But that doesn't mean she will necessarily be the only one! In fact, it could be that there will be other traveling companions for Peter in the future. She may eventually share this ministry with other young people, as Peter and I will probably want to train more than one person in this important ministry and give others the opportunity to benefit from this experience. We don't know for sure what the future holds. But I just thought it might help you to understand how the Lord worked in this situation to bring us to this point.
39.Now I want to make it clear--before I go into the details of my battles with jealousy--that Peter and I and Rebecca are not a threesome; we do not share a romantic relationship. The Lord has blessed us with a wonderful, sweet fruitful working relationship, which is also a deep and caring friendship. We have grown very close over the last year and a half, as we have shared a lot of experiences together, ups and downs, battles and victories. We have received a lot of instruction and encouragement from the Lord in prophecy regarding our working relationship, and I think through it all each of us has grown and we're all very thankful for it.
40.Now you may wonder, if there is no romantic relationship between Peter and Rebecca, why I battled such jealousy battles. Well, to help you understand how things developed, I hope you don't mind if I tell you my story in detail. I think that might help you see more clearly what we experienced and make it easier for you to apply the lessons that I've learned to your personal lives.
41.I hardly know where to start, as the Lord has done so much over the last year and a half. This time has been full of excitement, change, lessons, precious fellowship, intimate communication, wonderful love, and of course some tests, trials and "giving pains." Maybe it would be helpful if I took you through a step-by-step summary of what has happened chronologically since the time of Summit '96. I also want to explain more about what Rebecca does and whether our relationship with her differs from the relationship we have with the other young people, as I thought you'd be interested in all of that.
Rebecca and Others Arrive!
42.Rebecca was not the only young person to join our staff in the early months of 1996. As you know, shortly after her arrival, Jenna and Yvonna also joined our team. Then in the later months in 1996, Louise, Darren and Rusty became part of our Home.
43.Peter and I tried our best to spend some time with all of the young people. We haven't just focused all our attention on Rebecca, because all of the YAs and SGAs who have joined our staff are just as valuable to the Lord's work and to us, and each has grown to fill a very important role in our Home.
44.The Lord had made it clear to Peter and me that all the young people were in need of training and were worthy of as much of our personal attention as we could possibly give them. We are very thankful that with time we were able to develop a sweet and personal relationship with each young person. And although we work more closely with some than others because of their ministries, we still feel an intimate bond with each one.
45.Because the Lord had chosen Rebecca to travel with Peter as a representative of the second generation, we did of course have more personal time with her. And because she would be traveling and representing Peter and me and WS and our Home to all those she would meet, she was in need of more extensive training more quickly. So naturally, the Lord worked it out for Peter and me to spend more time with Rebecca in both our working together and our times of personal fellowship.
46.Whenever Peter is home, he tries to spend time working with, counseling with, and fellowshipping with all the young people as much as his busy schedule permits. He has greatly enjoyed and benefited from hearing their comments and ideas on a very wide variety of subjects. In fact, you can credit the birth of the Grapevine to the Lord inspiring Peter and the young people as they counseled together and desperately sought the Lord for a way to get the news to you, our dear Family, more quickly and efficiently.
47.He also very much enjoys discussing other "hot topics" with the young people--not only those in our Home, but those he meets on his travels as well--topics such as music, dating, sex and the Law of Love, witnessing and outreach tools, prophecies and spirit stories, decision-making and hearing from the Lord, and other new projects, moves of the Spirit, or needed changes in the Family.
48.I too have enjoyed and benefited from the input that I have received from the young people. Both Peter and I are very thankful for their honesty and openness in sharing their hearts with us. We very much appreciate their willingness to tell us their feelings, thoughts, reactions, battles, needs, desires, hopes and dreams, because it's helped us not only to understand them much better, but all of you, our dear young people. And it's often caused Peter and me to go to the Lord to receive His answers to some of your questions.
49.Most of the personal fellowship time I have with those in my Home--not only the younger ones but the older adults as well--is via the intercom. I often spend hours each day on the intercom, talking to a number of people about their work projects or their prayer and prophecy assignments, and discussing questions, problems, and the needs of the Family that come up. Because we are all very busy, almost all of my personal interaction with others is related to our work. Therefore, as I mentioned earlier, out of necessity I spend more time with some than others. (Of course, while talking on the intercom about the Lord's business, the members of our Home and I also enjoy some personal fellowship as well.)
50.I am very thankful that I do, however, get to spend at least some time in personal, face-to-face fellowship with all those in our Home during our occasional united meetings, and sometimes individuals join Peter and me in our room, either for business meetings or to enjoy a meal or some personal fellowship together. So while Peter and I have spent more time with Rebecca because of her ministry, I believe it's accurate to say that we have also developed sweet bonds of love and friendship with the other young people in our Home as well (and the older adults too, of course), for which we are very grateful.
51.In GN 767, "Overcoming the Generation Gap," which you read during the birthday Feast, you learned about our Home's overall interaction with our young members, and how the Lord led all of us to become one and to be molded and melted together in His love. You read about the different lessons that all the YAs, SGAs and older adults learned, and about what the young people now do in our Home--the important ministries that they carry out. Therefore, in this Letter I will concentrate mainly on my and Peter's relationship with Rebecca, what her ministry entails, how the Lord has used us as a team for His glory, and the lessons I have learned as a result.
More on Rebecca
52.The Lord had chosen Rebecca to be a traveling companion and helper for Peter, but it was not until March of 1997 that she took her first trip with him. In the year preceding that trip, she had a wide variety of ministries in the Home. She kept the same schedule as everyone else and carried her share of the regular Home duties, such as cooking, cleaning, etc. She also did secretarial work and helped to edit and proofread some of the pubs such as the Grapevine, various FSMs, and the edited version of The Story of Davidito book. She also helped to care for Peter and me, learning from our faithful, long-time cook and helper, Rose. She had regular fellowship and dates with the other members of the Home, and as time passed, she developed a very close relationship not only with Peter and me, but also with our Home shepherds, Gabe and Amy, and with the other young people and older members in our Home.
53.Rebecca has done very, very well, especially given the fact that this unique calling and ministry was quite unexpected for her. It was a very big change, but she yielded to the Lord step by step, and as a result has blossomed beautifully. Peter and I are so proud of her and so thankful for her. We love her dearly and she has become a very important and needed part of our lives and ministry.
54.As you know, Peter and I are very much in love. In the short time since the Lord and Dad had put us together as man and wife, king and queen, we have truly become one in all ways. The depth of our love and the extent of our unity is very great, and our need for one another and our love for one another grows day by day. I felt so perfectly content to dwell happily and safely in our cozy little den, our little cave, where we worked together on the Lord's Words, preparing the GNs and other publications for you, our dear Family. But as you know, shortly after Dad's Homegoing it was necessary for Peter to travel more. Soon he was away from home nearly half the time, and it became evident that one of his main ministries, at least at this point in time, would be visitation.
55.Since he was traveling so much of the time, the need for him to have a traveling companion and helper who could accompany him became very obvious. And so, as I already explained, the Lord laid on my heart the need for Rebecca to join our Home and to fill that role. But as the months passed and Rebecca continued in her training, and as the time drew nearer when she and Peter would take their first trip together, it began to dawn on me more clearly that half of Peter's life would be spent away from me, away from our cozy room, and away from our working on the Lord's Words together, and he would be off traveling through the kingdom, visiting the brethren with another woman! I began to go through battles of jealousy, feeling selfish and possessive.
56.You may wonder right off the bat what I was jealous about. I already made it clear in the beginning of this letter that Peter and Rebecca do not have an "in love" romantic relationship, so it might look to you like, "What's the big deal?" Please understand that when we first embarked on this new ministry together, we didn't really know how things were going to go or what kind of feelings would develop between Peter and Rebecca. Now that a year and a half has passed, the relationship of Peter and Rebecca might look pretty nonthreatening to you. But for a long while we were not sure how the Lord would lead and how our relationship would develop.
My Personal Battles
57.At times I felt jealous of the many experiences that I knew Peter and Rebecca would share that I would have no part in. Of course, whenever Peter is away, he tries as much as possible to communicate with me and to keep me abreast of his different activities. He tells me about the meetings he has, the lessons he learns, the prophecies he receives, and the many precious brethren that he meets and fellowships with. And up until this time I had been content to share that part of Peter's life with him through his reports and the testimonies that he would share with me when he would return. I felt that that was just a sacrifice that we needed to make in order for Peter to do the Lord's will and visit you, our dear Family, and take care of Family business, while I stayed home by the stuff to continue to work on the Lord's Words.
58.It was obvious to me that I couldn't in any way hope to accompany Peter on his travels, at least not at this time, because not only did I not have the physical strength and endurance needed, but I also knew that both of us could not be off on visitation with neither of us giving attention to the preparation and production of the GNs. Of course, Peter is still involved with the GNs either during or in-between his travels, keeping abreast of and reading all that is going out to the Family. But he is not able to give the GNs his full or even most of his attention when he's away from home on visitation.
59. Of course I knew and never doubted that the Lord wanted me to continue to put most of my attention on receiving and getting out the Lord's Words,to continue to feed you and the lost. That truly is my greatest pleasure, and I find such satisfaction and joy in doing so. It's not really that I had hoped or wished to do something different. I was very happy in the ministry, the job, and the responsibility that the Lord had given me, and I was even willing to have Peter be away from me for much of the time in order for him to fulfill the Lord's plan for his life at this time. I hadn't had much of a problem with it until I began to realize what Peter traveling with Rebecca would involve both for me and them.
60. I felt that not only would I be missing sharing so much of Peter's life with him, but that there would be another woman sharing that part of his life with him in my absence. I knew that the Lord was making them a team for Him, and that in the many months that they would be away from home traveling, they would work together, pray together, read the Word together, sleep together sometimes, fellowship together, hear from Him together at times, and do many of the things together that I so very much enjoy doing with Peter.
61.I realized that Rebecca would be the one who would be praying for him in his afflictions, taking care of his physical needs, helping to organize his clothes and his laundry; counseling with him about his overall schedule, and helping to work out the details of his date schedule; traveling with him, enjoying free time and recreation with him, and the list goes on and on!
62.Of course, Peter and I stay in very close communication during his travels and thereby we are able to continue to counsel together, and I'm able to comfort him in his trials and pray for him, as well as rally our dear loved ones here in our Home and in our other units to pray desperately for him. It's not like we are out of communication, or like our unity or bond is broken or even weakened. Butit started to dawn on me that Peter's time and attention would no longer be devoted primarily to working with me on the Words. He would spend half his time traveling, visiting, taking care of Family business, and strengthening you, our dear brethren, through his personal shepherding, teaching, counseling, and intimate interaction with you, face to face.
63.These trips that Peter takes are very taxing for him, both physically and spiritually. Even though while he's away he tries to stay abreast of what's happening in every aspect of the work, he's not able to completely. Therefore, when he returns much of his time is spent getting caught up--reading some of the many, many prophecies that the Lord gave in the months that he was away; counseling with me about the publications in the works, and major moves and changes in the Family; counseling with Matthew and Francisregarding Family administration and business; reading important communications from the CROs and the CRO offices; and preparing for his next trip. I started to feel like our paths had gone somewhat separate ways and that things would never again be the same.
64.I began to feel jealous of all that Rebecca would share with Peter that I would have no part in. My feelings of jealousy and insecurity were not logical or founded in fact, because in actuality, I felt very secure in Peter's love. I knew without a doubt that he loved me. Rebecca also loved me very much and was very respectful, kind and considerate. Peter also was constantly and consistently very, very loving and wise, sweet and considerate with me. He never deliberately hurt me, and he never gave me any reason to doubt his love. Just because I was learning lessons on giving, unselfishness and yieldedness, Peter never took advantage of that or did anything that was unkind or thoughtless. Peter and Rebecca were not in love. They did not have a romantic relationship, but at this time I didn't know how things would develop, and as anyone can tell you who has ever battled or is battling jealousy, it's often the future that worries you the most.
65.At times I felt very bad for having such battles. Peter had in no way fallen out of love with me, and I had pages and pages of beautiful promises and encouragement from the Lord in the form of personal prophecies. I knew that there was no threat whatsoever that my marriage was going to be hurt. But in spite of this constant encouragement from the Lord through His living Word and from Peter, I still began to battle quite regularly with jealousy and possessiveness when I realized he would be spending so much time with Rebecca.
66.Overall I don't usually mind sharing Peter, and there have been plenty of times when I've shared him a lot, such as during the Summits. I didn't even mind if he got quite close to someone, which has happened, as long as it was just a temporary thing. But my problem was that I didn't want to share his heart and his emotions, his consistent attention with someone else.
67.I felt so very convicted for my bad attitudes, and sometimes I felt like the Lord was probably very displeased with me. But whenever I would come to Him in desperate prayer and ask Him to speak to me, He was always so loving and understanding and non-condemning. He never rebuked me, but instead I could feel Him put His loving arms around me to hold me and encourage me and give me the strength to go on. He knew I was trying to overcome these battles.
68.In my heart I truly did want to yield, I did want to do His will and be unselfish and giving, so the Lord just continued to systematically work in my heart, little by little. He wasn't in a hurry; He didn't push me or make demands on me that were too much for me, but He continued to gentle me along the path of yieldedness and obedience. And He gave me the grace day by day to continue to say yes and to want to do His will.
69. These battles with jealousy, selfishness and possessiveness were not continuous, for which I'm so thankful. I had weeks and months where I didn't battle too much, for which I was very grateful. But as the date of Peter and Rebecca's first trip neared, my battles began to intensify. I think the reality of what was happening began to hit me more clearly, and of course, the Enemy began to attack me more.
70.I had not discussed my jealousy battles with Rebecca at this point, and thank the Lord He had given me the grace to not manifest these battles in front of her. Of course, she is a very sensitive and considerate person, and it did cross her mind that I would possibly have some battles with jealousy, and she was always very careful of my feelings. I know she loves me very much and would never want to hurt me. I am very thankful that the Lord helped me to not reveal to her, at least not at that time, the battles that I was having, because I know it would have made it much more difficult for her to travel with Peter and do what she needed to do.
71.As the departure date for their first trip approached, I was amazed and truly thankful that the Lord gave me great grace to be able to spend a lot of time with Rebecca, helping to prepare her for the trip. In fact, several times I spent several hours with her, talking to her in great detail about how she could best help Peter, and how to interact with him and treat him and love him, so as to make it as easy as possible for him. In fact, over the months whenever I would think of things that I needed to tell her, I would sit down with her or walk with her and go over those things--tips, points and suggestions that would help her to do a better job in caring for Peter.
Battles Intensify!--And the Lord's Comfort!
72.During this time before their first trip, I struggled with very big battles. I felt very emotional. It's not like I had jealous fits, or yelled or slammed doors, or had confrontations with Peter. There were times when I felt quite discouraged. At times I listened to the lies of the Enemy, which caused me to feel the terrible sadness that he brings when we're not raising a standard against him. I would sometimes say unprayerful things to Peter which I regretted. Sometimes I would also cry in his arms, as I felt overwhelmed with the situation. Peter was always very, very loving, understanding and patient. As you know, he too has experienced battles with jealousy, so he was never condemning or critical, but always did his best to encourage me and reassure me of his love.
73.I'm sure anyone who has experienced jealousy battles can relate to what it's like when even though you know something is the Lord's will and you sincerely want to do it with all your heart, you just don't seem to have the strength to do it. You feel a heaviness, a pressure from the Enemy, as he attacks your mind with his lies and misinterpretations and distortions of the truth. I have to say, and I don't think I could say it enough, that my strength in this situation came from the time I spent with the Lord in intimate lovemaking, communication and desperate prayer.
74.The Lord again reminded me of the importance of spending time with Him andgoing to Him in my time of trial, when on the morning of Peter and Rebecca's departure, Peter sweetly asked the Lord to give some encouragement for me in prophecy. He gave the following message:
75. (Jesus speaking:) When the storms come upon you, and when the tests and trials seem to overwhelm you, look to Me. Just talk to Me. Come walk with Me and talk with Me. Let Me hold you in My arms. Let Me hold you and caress you and kiss you. Let Me be a stable force that you can hold on to and know that all things will be okay. Know this, that I understand completely and I love you with the deepest love imaginable, for My love for you is from everlasting to everlasting. You are precious in My sight.
76.You have been willing to obey, to do My will, and I honor you for this. I honor you with My love, with My seeds, and with great victory. For these tests and trials will come to an end; there will be a time of surcease. But you must learn from these things, that others may learn from you--from your testimony, from your faith, from your perseverance, from your desire to do My will regardless of the outcome, regardless of the difficulty. But know that I will keep you, My love. Know that I will hold you and I will wrap My arms around you.
77.I will kiss you and caress you, and I will be your strong Tower and your Protector, for I will be your strength. And know this, that I am well pleased in you--well pleased with your faith and your love and your loyalty and your dedication.
78.I do not look down on you, nor do I condemn you for the tests and the trials and the fighting, even for that which you think is defeat, which I say to you is not, because you keep moving forward. Know, My love, that I am your Husband and your King, He that is with you always. I will never leave you nor forsake you.
79.Come unto Me, My love. In this time when Peter is absent, come, come unto Me. We will commune together and be ardent and passionate lovers together, and I will give you strength, encouragement and faith. So hold on to Me. Let us become one, that I may hold you and carry you through any storm, any test, any trial, for you are so precious to Me. (End of message from Jesus.)
80.(Mama:) It was so encouraging to have these sweet words of promise and instruction. What a treasure, especially because I felt so desperately in need of the Lord's comfort and reassurance. I felt so bad for having such battles. Anyone who has been jealous knows how it is--not only do you have to fight the jealousy, fear, negative comparisons, etc., but also the condemnation of the Enemy.
81.Many have told me that jealousy battles were the worst battles, the most enduring, humbling and discouraging battles that they've ever faced. I can certainly understand that and I sympathize. That's why it's so important at a time of such testing to know and frequently remind ourselves that the Lord is our constant Friend, Companion and Husband, and He's there to receive us and love us, no matter how undeserving and awful we feel! We have to believe that, and then avail ourselves of the power He has to give us by going to Him in prayer, intimate lovemaking, meditation, reading the Word, and hearing from Him.
82.Another source of strength to me was the wonderful blessing of being able to hear the Lord's personal words of encouragement and direction through prophecy. My dear channels would often hear from the Lord for me to receive direction, instruction or promises. These promises were my life-support system. I was very grateful for the Lord's kisses in the form of His Words. And if that were not enough, He went even further to help and encourage me, giving me another marvelous token of His love. You may recall that I explained in "Mama's Surprise!--Part 2" (ML #3134, GN 743), that the Lord had given me the gift of prophecy to help me through a period of some personal battles when the Lord was speaking to me about the need to be more loving, giving, yielded and unselfish. Well, it was during this difficult time when I battled jealousy that the Lord gave me the gift, which was a source of great encouragement.
Off They Go on Their First Trip Together!
83.On March 1, 1997, Peter and Rebecca left on their first trip together. They were visiting Japan and Thailand and would be gone for nearly two months. Thank the Lord, when Peter and Rebecca left, we were all in very good, sweet unity, as usual. There had never been any clashes or confrontations, or any ugly times when the Devil's evil jealousy had interrupted our fellowship or tarnished our times of communication.
84.At the time of their departure, my and Peter's relationship was as strong and loving as it had ever been. Thank the Lord, my battles with jealousy and possessiveness had not damaged our relationship, and I know it's only the Lord's mercy that He gave me the strength to fight and to yield. Even though I wasn't completely yielded in spirit, I was at least partially yielded, and the Lord honored it. The Lord knew I was doing the best I could. I was making steady, gradual progress, and that's all He required of me. He knew that I would come around with time, and He wasn't worried. I didn't feel the Lord pushing me or demanding more of me than I felt I could give. He just continued to hold me up, support me, and cheer me on when I would make steps of progress.
85.But now that Peter and Rebecca were away, I knew I needed to get down to serious business. I needed, and very much wanted with all my heart, a miracle in my life. The Lord really helped me in the days immediately following their departure, and I was very happy and in the victory. I didn't have any jealousy battles. Even when I would think about Peter and Rebecca being together on the planes traveling, or in hotels, or visiting Family Homes, the Lord helped me to resist the temptation to be jealous, or to feel left out or envious.
86.It was a real miracle, and I was so thankful! I was in remarkably good health at the time and was able to enjoy a lot of special, personal fellowship with the Lord early in the morning and late at night. These were very special times of prayer and praise and singing to the Lord. I was so thankful that He was making it so easy for me, and I came to the conclusion that actually, when Peter and Rebecca finally left, it was a bit of a relief for me. Even though I had been partially yielded, in that I was yielding in the physical and doing everything I should do, still, I had been fighting it and resisting it in spirit for so long. But when it finally happened, then I realized that there was nothing I could do about it! The Lord's plan and program were moving forward, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. This realization brought about a greater degree of yieldedness or acceptance and a temporary surcease from the battles. I still wasn't completely yielded, but I was getting more yielded day by day.
87.I was doing pretty well and wasn't having too many battles until I got my first communications from Rebecca, a couple of days after they had left. In this little message there were just a few tiny mentions of some of their times of personal fellowship, really very insignificant things. These were little things, not big at all, and nothing that she wasn't supposed to report and nothing she shouldn't have said or done.
88.One of Rebecca's main ministries when traveling with Peter is reporting, especially reporting on activities and details that Peter doesn't need to take his time to report on personally. Peter likes to keep me informed of all his activities, as it helps us stay unified and it also makes it possible for me to offer counsel on a variety of subjects, should the need arise. But even though Rebecca was doing the right thing in her reporting, hearing of some of her and Peter's activities together caused me quite a few battles, as I immediately started feeling jealous, selfish and possessive.
89.I realized that it was ridiculous for me to have battles over these things. Here I knew, and it was obvious, and in fact inevitable, that Peter and Rebecca were going to be spending time together, talking together, fellowshipping, praying, and enjoying their times together and with the Family. So I don't know why the first mention of these activities would cause me such battles! I realized that if this little tiny thing had caused such a problem in my life, then I really was in quite bad shape, and at this rate I would continue having battles for months on end or indefinitely! I realized that if I didn't get the victory, a solid, lasting victory over this jealousy, then I was just going to be miserable, constantly comparing and feeling left out and thinking negative thoughts. I would continue to battle in order to just "survive" the situation if I didn't gain a clear-cut victory!
90.I could foresee the battles growing more and more intense all the time as Rebecca went on more trips with Peter, and grew closer and closer to him through their shared experiences. She would be taking care of him, helping the Family as a team with him, and seeing a side to him that I've never gotten to see, as he interacts and ministers to others and a new and different anointing falls upon him, etc.
91. So all I could see was many more battles down the road. The Lord had told me that there were going to be a lot of intense battles, but on the other hand, He had said He'd make it easy for me. I was really trying to be brave and pray and face each thought and battle as it came, and the Lord was giving me peace--much more peace than I thought I would've had--but the outlook wasn't too bright.
My Open Heart Prayer to the Lord
92.This jealousy was stealing my joy and generally making me feel unhappy, dissatisfied and discontent. I knew I needed a change, something supernatural. I knew that I couldn't do it, and if there was any hope for me, it had to be the Lord.
93.That night during my private prayer time with the Lord, I cried out to the Lord in desperate prayer. It wasn't an easy prayer to pray; it really cost me! It was a test--but I knew that what I stood to gain, even if it would mean a permanent change in my life, would be better than these battles and this feeling of insecurity and jealousy. I'm sure you can all relate to these kinds of prayers, where the Lord has been speaking to your heart for many weeks or months, and you know you need to pray such a prayer, but you just can't seem to muster up the courage or the conviction, because you know that praying the prayer means that your life is going to change and you're going to have to change, and it usually means yieldedness and forsaking all and becoming a new creature in some way.
94.I guess there are many things that hold us back from praying those kinds of prayers, where we lay our all on the altar of sacrifice and make a total commitment, giving everything to the Lord. In prayers like this we are casting ourselves and our cares, our hopes, our dreams, our loved ones, and even our future on Him--letting Him make us into soft, moldable, malleable clay so that He can transform us into what He wants us to be. We're held back by our pride, fear of the future, preconceived ideas of how we think things should be, selfishness and wanting things our own way, lack of faith and not really trusting that the Lord knows best, or our hope that if we hold out long enough, maybe things will change in some way and He won't require such a sacrifice of us.
95.But I had finally come to the end of my rope, and I was tired of fighting these jealousy battles. I was tired of being selfish and possessive. I was tired of standing in the way of the Lord being able to perform His perfect plan. I really did want to be completely yielded, and finally, that night I prayed what I now refer to as my open heart prayer to the Lord. (Now remember, this prayer has to do specifically with my battles with jealousy, but please try to see how it can apply to whatever may be troubling you.)
96.I don't usually record my prayers. But I had my dictaphone there and the Lord urged me to put it on tape. I'll include excerpts of that prayer for you here:
97.(Prayer:) Jesus, please, please during this time while Peter is away, please somehow change my heart. Give me a miracle! It has to be a miracle. This is an impossible situation, but You said You're the God of the impossible, and what's impossible with man is possible with You, and all things are possible to him that believeth. I need the faith even to believe that this is possible, Lord. But You said it, so I know that whatsoever we ask in faith, believing, You will do.
98.I ask You to melt us together, Peter and Rebecca and me, so that I'll get over this selfishness and jealousy. As it stands now, I'm not only wanting the lion's share of Peter's love--which I have and which You've promised, and I know Your promise is sure--but I'm wanting all of it. I'm not satisfied just to have the big part of it, I want all of it in my selfishness and jealousy and possessiveness. Lord, You know I don't want to be like that. I really, really don't. You've given me everything that's so wonderful, and here's this little tiny bit that I can't have, which I want.
99.It's so terrible, Jesus. It's really terrible and I hate it! I want You to do a miracle in my heart. I want You to do it fast, in the two months that Peter's gone. Because when Rebecca gets back, I want to love her--love her enough to be able to be happy and thankful she's around, look forward to seeing her, be thankful for whatever she can do for Peter. I want to be accepting of her.
100.I don't know how You're going to pull this off, Lord, but please, could You? I really, really want it. I mean, in a way I don't want it, because I know I'll have to share and open up my life, my heart and my marriage, and I know I'll have to give, and that means giving up part of me. But on the other hand, I really want it because I know that's what You want. I know that's what's going to be pleasing to You. I know that's where Your blessing lies.
101.So I really do want it, Lord, and I know it's asking a lot. It's asking for a very, very big miracle. Lord, is this possible? What does this require? In other words, what do I have to do for You to be able to do this miracle?
102.I guess one reason I have the faith to ask this is because I have a firm foundation. I know Your promises. I know what You've promised and I cling to those promises. I know that they're strong and firm; they last and they're permanent. My only problem is that instead of being content with the lion's share of Peter, I want all of him. I want to be the only one who has a special place in his heart, and I know that's not Godly and that's not right. I know Rebecca should have some of him, and I know he should love her, too. In fact, I should be willing to share Peter like this not only with Rebecca, but with others, too, if You were to have others of the second generation travel with him and thereby grow close to him in the future. So I want to get rid of what's not of You, Lord.
103.No matter what else we don't have, we still have You, and it's just such a wonderful feeling that we know we're not going to fall because You're going to be there to lift us up, to hold us in Your arms. So I don't have anything to fear, and I'm getting more faith all the time. I'm so thankful, because You're giving it to me, Lord. The prayers of my loved ones are strengthening me, and Dad's helping me, and I think probably a lot of people up There are as well, so I'm really sort of excited about it.
104.Oh, I know there are going to be a lot of tests and I'll be tempted to go back on what I said, but by Your grace, Lord, I'm going to keep going. I have to keep going for Your sake, for the sake of Your Family. So I pledge, I vow before You, Lord, and before Dad and all of Heaven, that I'm going to keep going, no matter what it takes!
105.I've prayed quite a few desperate prayers of "Lord, help me to love You more. Help me to love Peter more. Help me to love Rebecca more, and help me to show my love for all three--You, Peter and Rebecca--by yielding to You." But now I see I need to go a step further and say, "Lord, help Peter to love Rebecca more. Help Rebecca to love Peter more--as much as You want them to love each other. Help me to have the love I need for Rebecca, so all together we three will be a good sample of what You're trying to do in helping the whole Family learn greater love, yieldedness, openness, unselfishness, care for others--all of which are needed if You're going to give the Family the unity they need."
106.I know You're counting on me, Lord, and I've got to go forward.And if I'm going to have to do it, why not do it wholeheartedly?Why not go all the way? Instead of being dragged along unwillingly, reluctantly and hesitantly, why not give it all I've got? I know the sooner I yield, the quicker the victory can come--the victory that You want--the binding of us all together and helping us to love one another, the victory of getting rid of my selfishness and possessiveness, and making me giving and sacrificial and all the things that are like You and what You want me to be.
107.I'm in a situation that I can't get out of because it's Your will, but it's such a wonderful blessing in disguise. And if I recognize it as such, and I take up the challenge and I make it something positive and really put my whole heart into it, it's going to be a lot easier. Because then I'm going to be in cooperation with You, Lord, and in cooperation with my Heavenly helpers. I'm not going to be fighting against them; I'm going to be fighting along with them.
108.Well, I know all of this sounds great and sounds real brave and courageous. But I probably won't always be sounding this way, so I'm putting it down to testify for the record that this is what my goal is, this is what my aim is, and this is what I'm going to do, by Your grace.
109.Thank You, Jesus, my wonderful Husband and King! I'm trusting You completely and I know You love me and You do all things well. (End of prayer.)
110.I was almost being "forced" into getting some victories. I had to get victories for my own sake in order to continue doing my work in peace of mind. Also, in order to have victories to share with you, my dear Family, I had to get desperate and pray for a miracle. I have to say, as you heard in the prayer, this really tested my faith. But there was a little seed of faith, a little grain of possibility there that the Lord might be able to do it for me.
111.The other part of the request that would make the miracle such a big one was my asking the Lord to do it in two months. Even though several people had gotten very sweet encouragement for me from the Lord, telling me to keep fighting, that He was going to help me, I still battled. I knew I would survive, but I just didn't think the victory was anywhere in sight. What I mean by "the victory" is what I expressed in my prayer, that I would not just endure this situation, but that I would embrace it joyfully, I would be thankful for it and I would love Rebecca. I already loved her and I appreciated her. However, as some of you have probably experienced, when you're jealous you can still love the person and be thankful for them, but the situation is what you don't like, and you just end up gritting your teeth and bearing it.
112.Now I don't mean to say that to endure or tolerate a difficult situation is altogether wrong. It does represent yieldedness. It shows you are at least trying, even though it's difficult. We know we can't go by feelings, and our yieldedness is not always manifested by feelings of happiness. Sometimes you can be yielded, but the Lord chooses to test you by not giving you the positive or happy feelings that go along with your state of yieldedness.
113.In my case, I knew I was not fully yielded. I knew I had been holding back, and I wanted to not only yield completely, but also to have feelings of happiness to "prove it." Not that you need this kind of proof; you don't. In fact, I shouldn't even refer to it as "proof" because, as I said, you can be yielded but not have such feelings. I think I could have taken it by faith that the Lord had given me the victory even if my feelings hadn't changed, but I felt if I had feelings of happiness it would be a greater testimony of my victory to Rebecca, who I felt would need that reassurance.
114.I wanted to do more than just survive the situation, as expressed in my prayer. The kind of victory that I felt I needed was a quick one and a complete one--one accompanied by an outward manifestation of the change, one where I would not only be fully yielded by faith, but also where I could really sincerely be happy to have Rebecca around, be happy that she was making Peter happy, be happy she was helping. That would require a pretty big miracle!
Heavenly Forces to Help Me Fight!
115.Right after I prayed the above prayer, I gave the tape to my executive secretary, Misty, to listen to, as she was helping me prepare my lessons for these GNs, and therefore she needed to be aware of all these different important details. About half an hour later, she put the tape I had given her outside the door of my bedroom, along with another tape which was a message that she had received for me from Dad.
116.At that point I didn't have the victory yet, but I knew by faith it was on its way, and these words from Dad were such a great encouragement to me. I'll include that message here for your inspiration.
117.(Dad speaking:) That's my gal! What a fighter! Beautiful, Honey, beautiful! That's a big step, a giant step of yieldedness, and I'm so proud of you. Thank you, Honey, for being willing to not only hear the Lord's still, small voice, but then to act upon it, to move on it, and to put it into words in your prayer. It's not even your own natural desire, but the Lord's desire has become your desire. It's the picture of yieldedness, and it's that kind of yieldedness that gets the reward.
118.You ask, "Is this possible?" Yes, Honey, of course it's possible! All things are possible to him that believeth. With man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible. Our God specializes in things thought impossible and He can do through you, and with you, and in you, what no man can do. The Lord is going to do it, Honey! You've prayed for a miracle and you're going to get a miracle! You've prayed for a victory and you're going to get a victory, because you've been willing and yielded to being a cheerful giver. Because you've wanted to not just give begrudgingly and not just be stingy and just get by, but you've wanted to be an example for others, the Lord will bless you and He'll give you this--your heart's desire!
119.Right now it feels painful. Just to pray the prayer hurts, because right now there's not much relief in sight, even if the Lord does answer. Right now you feel like you're caught between a rock and a hard place. The battles you're feeling are difficult, but on the other hand, the victory doesn't look that great either, because victory means acceptance, yieldedness, happily taking up that cross and bearing it with a smile on your face and joy in your heart.
120.Honey, I'm so proud of you! You're such a fighter! You think you aren't, but you are. You're a fighter, an Amazon woman, a Brunheld, a real warrior of the Spirit! You're used to fighting the Enemy for others. You're used to having faith for miracles for others. You know the Lord will deliver and come through for others. Well, Honey, He'll do the same for you, and more, because of your great love and yieldedness.
121.As soon as you prayed that prayer, it set things in motion in the spirit world! It released the Heavenly forces to come to your aid, to work in your heart and mind, to calm your spirit and strengthen you in your weak area. Just like I've always taught, the spiritual warfare depends on us! It depends on your choices, and by praying that prayer, in essence you made a choice and you yielded. You have put your yieldedness into words, into action. You've stepped out on the water, and the Lord will hold you up. He will carry you over to the other side and He'll set your feet upon a strong, solid victory.
122.Right now you feel weak and like you're sinking. Sometimes it seems like the waters are about to engulf you and drown you. It's hard for you to have faith that the Lord can give you the victory, because the battles rage and you seem so weak in yourself. But don't worry, Honey. You don't have to worry at all about how weak or how strong you are, because it's the Lord's strength that counts, and He's the One that's going to pull you through. Just keep reminding yourself of that little song, "God specializes in things thought impossible, and He can do what no other one can do." Doing miracles is His specialty!
123.Thank you, Honey, for praying. Thank you for saying those words. Words are real things, and those words will bring change. They have loosed the power of the Heavenlies to come to your aid! They have raised up angelic forces to support you and strengthen you! They have turned the tide of the battle, because those words, that prayer, equals yieldedness, and when you're yielded, the Lord will do anything for you!
124.Don't worry if you don't get an instant victory--just keep telling yourself that the victory is on its way! The answer's comin' and it's almost here! The answer's comin', so never fear! Just keep on believing, trust and obey; the answer's comin' and it's on its way!
125.You've won the victory by faith! You've overcome by faith! Your yieldedness has made you strong where you were once weak. So keep trusting the Lord, Honey! Keep fighting! Of course the Enemy will try to discourage you and try to steal away those victories, but if you keep fighting, it will get easier and easier, and the battles will be less and less frequent, and less and less severe, until finally they have almost faded away completely and you have a strong, solid victory and testimony!
126.It's a testimony of the power of yieldedness! It's a testimony that God can do miracles! He can do the impossible. He can change your heart, your mind, your desires, your very nature, if you'll just give it all to Him. That's your message, and that's your testimony.
127.I love you, Honey, and I'm so proud of you! Thank you for fighting. Thank you for being such a fighter. Thank you for going on the attack. You're doing it! And the Lord is doing it! I'm so proud of you! And Peter will be so proud of you! God bless you, Honey. I love you! XXXXXXX. (End of message from Dad.)
128.(Mama:) That was so wonderful, such good news! The Lord was going to do the miracle! It was so encouraging and gave me such faith to forge ahead, and such peace and freedom, knowing that He would liberate me from this problem of being only somewhat yielded. I wanted to be actively enthusiastic about what the Lord wanted me to do.
129.Dad emphasizes the importance and power of yieldedness in the above message. That's the point I want you to remember from my prayer--the need for yieldedness! Because that's what the Lord is looking for in all of us--yieldedness. That's the key to victory not just over jealousy and possessiveness, but over other ongoing spiritual battles as well, such as selfishness, independence, bitterness, not being able to get along with others, resistance to the New Wine, doubts, worldliness, a fascination for evil, etc.
130.I think we all know what it's like to be partially yielded--not just when it comes to sharing a loved one, but in regards to making whatever sacrifice or change the Lord is asking you to make. You believe and you're willing to accept up to a certain point, but you haven't truly and completely surrendered all. That's how I had been up until the point of this open heart prayer of commitment. But isn't it sweet of the Lord that, in spite of the fact that I had been only partially yielded, He still continued to have patience, faith and mercy? And at the moment when I finally did yield all, then He allowed Heavenly forces to be released on my behalf to help fight with me and for me for the victory.
131.One of my favorite quotes from the above prophecy, which I had printed out and posted on the wall of my bedroom, is the line that says, "He can change your heart, your mind, your desires, your very nature, if you'll just give it all to Him." That promise is for you, too!
I Finally Quit Struggling!
132.In another message from Dad that was given a couple of days later, he gave a very interesting description of what it's like when we're fighting what the Lord's doing in our lives, and how much easier it is when we finally yield. Maybe as you read this, you can think about whether there is some area in your life where you're holding back or are just partially yielded. And I'm not just talking about the area of sharing or opening your life up more to others. Maybe it has to do with exercising your gift of prophecy, moving to a new field, forsaking an unfruitful relationship or habit, teamworking and being open to the opinions or others, living Acts 2:44-45 and being unselfish in financial matters, etc.
133.(Dad speaking:) Honey, the Lord gave you the victory through your desperate prayer and yieldedness. It's kind of like you've known all along that this ministry with Rebecca was the Lord's will and you were willing to endure it, but you weren't completely yielded about it. I think it was a little bit like you thought if you held back or you didn't completely get into it, that maybe there was some hope that it might just go away.
134.Of course, you knew in your heart that it was the Lord's plan, but because of the difficulty and sacrifice that was required of you, the great forsake-all, in some ways you just postponed the inevitable. You knew that eventually you were going to need to completely yield and really get into this situation and really go for it with all your heart, to be a cheerful giver and a cheerful receiver, but you weren't very happy about it and you fought it and resisted it in spirit.
135.But when the day came, when that which you greatly feared had finally come upon you, and Peter and Rebecca were off traveling together and it had finally happened--she was taking care of Peter in your absence, you knew the Lord was working to melt and mold them together as a closer, more tightly knit team--you finally realized that you just couldn't fight it any more! It's kind of like that old saying, "If you can't lick'm, join'm!" You finally resigned yourself to the fact that, "This is going to happen. It's something the Lord is going to do. It's His will, His perfect plan. It's necessary so that I can learn the lessons I need to learn so I can teach the Family. I can either be miserable in it and try to fight it, or I can yield and go for it and try to be happy about it and get the victory."
136.It's like what little children do. Sometimes they'll kick and scream and fight when they don't want to do something that their parent is asking them to do. But finally they get so tired of fighting, and they realize that it's going to happen whether they like it or not, so they decide it's a whole lot easier just to yield, just to relax. And then they find out that, hey, it wasn't so bad after all!
137.I know it wasn't an easy thing to do when you cried out to the Lord with those beautiful words of total yieldedness, Honey, and you finally asked Him to change your heart. Because when you pray a prayer like that, you know the Lord is going to answer; He's going to change your heart. It's a little bit scary to do that; it takes a lot of courage, a lot of guts. When you pray a prayer like that, you know that things will never be the same again, because you give permission for the Lord to move forward, to work in your heart and mind and to change your life.
138.I'm not saying that things are going to change all that much, Honey. I don't think they will. I don't think there's going to be any big outburst of emotion or passion between Peter and Rebecca. I don't think there's going to be any big intense falling-in-love experience, but there will be greater intimacy and more sweetness in the spirit. Rebecca will feel more welcome and more a part of your and Peter's lives. But, Honey, what actually does or does not happen between Peter and Rebecca, and you and Rebecca, is not the most important part of your lessons. That's not the most important thing to the Family.
139.The most important part of this facet of your lessons is the yieldedness, the willingness to ask the Lord to change your heart, the willingness to finally quit struggling and to just lay your will on the altar of sacrifice and let the Lord do whatever He wants to do. That's the important lesson, because that's the key to victory and the key to happiness, peace of mind and progress. Because even if you're yielding in part and doing the things you should do in the physical, as long as you're resisting in the spirit, the Lord can make some progress, but He can't really bring the full victories and the full fruit that He wants to bring and make it the full testimony that He wants to make it.
140.So that's what the Family needs to see--that you prayed the prayer that cost you so much, and then you went on the attack to put feet to your prayers, to make your prayers a reality. (End of message from Dad.)
141. (Mama:) That was certainly encouraging news from Dad, to hear that I was on the right track! Praise the Lord! I know it was only by the Lord's grace and was nothing of myself. I felt so weak and nearly helpless, so I give all the glory to Jesus! You can have the victories you seek, too, if you'll just yield your all!
Learning to Enjoy the Fight!
142.I continued to remain in very close written communication with Peter and Rebecca during their trip, and I'm thankful to say that most of the time the Lord helped me to stay in the victory and my battles were very minimal. Of course, I would occasionally get hit with jealous thoughts or feelings of selfishness when I would read their personal reports and hear the details of their personal interaction with each other--the experiences they were sharing together, the times that they would pray and counsel together or have occasional dates, the battles they would fight together and the victories they would share together.
143.So I did have my share of battles, but in a way, I was happy when things would come up that would challenge me or cause me to stir myself up, because it really kept me fighting and seeking the Lord desperately and leaning on Him with all my heart. And when I would have battles and fight through to the victory, I would feel encouraged because I knew I was making progress, I was going forward.
144.I never thought I'd say this, because it never seemed to me I was much of a fighter before, but it got to the point where I liked the challenge! I liked the feeling of knowing I was going on the attack and fighting. I was making progress, moving, doing something positive, growing, and it was very satisfying. I found that I was experiencing what I had heard many of you dear Family members say before: I was having big battles, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything! My battles kept me desperate and close to the Lord, and were a good reminder to me that I needed to continually put Peter on the altar and not get complacent.
145.I knew I had to not only fight for my personal victories, but I also needed to keep making steps of progress by putting feet to my prayers. For example, right around this time I wrote a personal letter to Rebecca, a copy of which I sent to Peter, encouraging her to feel completely free to love Peter and give him all the support, affection and attention that she felt the Lord wanted her to give. I reassured her that she didn't need to worry about me, that I was happy that not only was she there helping Peter, but also that she was loving him in my place.
146. I stated for the record that her loving Peter freely and giving him all the love she would like to give him would not hurt our relationship. In fact, I would be very thankful to see her being able to pour out the love that I knew she had for him. I wanted her to feel free to love him without hesitation or holding back. Mind you, I hadn't yet told Rebecca of my battles with jealousy or possessiveness, as I didn't want to make it difficult for her to do the job the Lord wanted her to do. I didn't want her to be worried about having to communicate with me about her interactions with Peter, or possibly even cause her to not be honest with me for fear of hurting me.
147. Peter was away on a very important mission. He was carrying a very heavy load, pouring out almost constantly, and I wanted to be sure that Rebecca felt free to minister to him as the Lord led her. I didn't want her holding back in her affection and care of Peter for my sake. I didn't want Peter to lack because of my failing to communicate with Rebecca and set her mind at ease. I was not there to care for Peter; there was not much I could do besides pray desperately for him and try to uplift and encourage him through my regular correspondence and by sending him prophecies of instruction and encouragement from our wonderful Husband. So I was very thankful that Rebecca was able to love and care for him in my absence.
148. Obviously, I wasn't there, so she didn't need to be mindful of my feelings or of hurting me with her show of affection toward Peter, as people normally would do when they're in the same location or Home. But nonetheless, part of her responsibility on the trip was to report. So of course, her knowing that she would be in such close communication with me, including telling me about the time she and Peter spent together, could possibly have hindered her sense of freedom to care for Peter as the Lord wanted her to, so I wanted to set her mind at ease. But I want to make it clear that I'm not expecting that others would feel led of the Lord nor even feel the need to make such statements, at least not to the same extent.
149.I continued to seek the Lord desperately, praying with all my heart that I'd be right with the Lord and have the right attitudes. Around this time, Dad gave me another very encouraging message, excerpts of which I'll include for you here.
150.(Dad speaking:) I admire you for your desperate prayers, Honey. Sometimes the Lord does wait on us. In His love and mercy, He doesn't want to force His plan on us, especially not before He feels we're ready for it. He wants to make things as easy as possible for us, so He often waits for a sign or a signal from us. He waits for a definite decision and commitment and yieldedness on our part, showing we're willing to do His will no matter what it is. He waits for us to present that blank sheet of paper without any conditions or reservations, and to let Him fill it in.
151.He's our loving, caring Husband, and He's very thoughtful and considerate. Just like in a love relationship there on Earth, when a man loves a woman deeply, he is usually very concerned for her well-being. And even if he has preferences or plans or some particular goal that he's trying to reach, he's willing to go slow because he prefers to have the consent and cooperation of his mate. He doesn't want to go against her will or to make her feel forced or obligated. He would rather that they walk together in unity. That way they can both enjoy the journey much more and reach the destination much more easily.
152.This patience that the Lord has with us and His willingness to go at our pace may look like it slows things down. It may look unwise or unnecessary, but in actuality it's a case of: If you go slowly, you get there more quickly, because you get there together, happy and whole and healthy, with greater love, greater unity and greater happiness.
153.So the Lord is a very wise Husband. He doesn't force His will upon us, but He waits patiently until we're ready, open and willing. So that spiritual principle that the Lord showed you is true, Honey, about how He waits for our cooperation, He waits for a nod, for a yes, for a humbling and a yieldedness on our parts.
154.I admire you so much, Sweet Baby, when I see your yieldedness and your willingness to give, because I know how difficult it is. Even when you know it's the Lord's will and you know it's for the good of the Family so you can lead the way through your lessons and your example of yieldedness, it still costs so much and it's so easy to fight it and resist it and put it off until the last minute.Honey, you could have delayed in this commitment for months, but you're so wise to just let go.
155.The Lord is making you a fighter! You are proving and testing the Lord by giving all, because even if the Lord doesn't require it, you have given all, Honey, you've done it. You've made it, you've passed the test.
156.As I said before, the personal details of your and Peter's relationship with Rebecca--what you do, how you work together, the feelings that you have one for another--can't possibly apply across the board to everybody in the Family. The specific way the Lord has worked in your lives and the details of your lessons on jealousy won't relate to everyone. But the one thing that they will be able to relate to--every single one of them, and the thing the Lord will hold each one accountable for--is the example of yieldedness. That example and the principles related to it can apply to whatever battle or problem each person is facing. You see, Honey, it's a funny thing; you just don't understand the power and value of yieldedness. Once you've yielded, then the change has been made in your spirit.
157.The laying down of yourself, your pride, your willfulness, your determination to have it your own way, brings a change in your spirit and a change in the spirit world as well. You are then able to avail yourself of not only the power of the Lord but also the power of the ministering spirits that He will release to help and strengthen you. You will then find it easier to resist the Enemy's lies and temptations to fall back into your old reactions, old ways of seeing things, old ways of relating to people and circumstances. Your yieldedness not only brings a change in you, in your spirit, but it brings a change in the spirit world. Like I've said before, the spiritual warfare depends on us. Your choices affect the spiritual battles being waged. Your choices, meaning your yieldedness, affect the power the Enemy has to cause you trouble.
158.Of course, even after yielding you can still have battles,but the yieldedness is what gives you power to fight those battles. It gives you power to progress. So after yielding, with each battle you become stronger, and the power of the Enemy to influence your thoughts and actions is weakened. It's the yieldedness that brings the power of God into your life to progress. And slowly but surely, through the battles that you face after your moment of yieldedness and your laying your all on the altar, you become stronger. But there's a definite change in your heart and mind and spirit, and in the battle going on in the spirit world, in the moment that you yield. (End of message from Dad.)
159.(Mama:) I needed to get the victory for my sake, for Peter's sake, for Rebecca's sake, and for your sake, dear Family. So because I had to do it, I wanted to do it wholeheartedly. I wanted to go all-out and do it the way it should be done--not being pulled along, dragged along, grinning and bearing it, just barely yielded. I wanted to look at it positively instead of negatively, and that's the key.
160.We can look at it like this: The Lord put us here to love Him with all our hearts, and our neighbors as ourselves. That often involves a lot of giving, sacrificing and sharing, whether it's in telling others about Him, or living in love and unity with those around us.That's what the Lord looks on and that's what He's going to reward us for--our sacrifices and our giving. That's our whole life, that's our purpose, and we need to get that firmly fixed in our mind and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that that's our purpose for even being here!
161. Well, I admit that that's the ideal, and I'm telling you, just like I already told you above, that this takes a miracle and a lot of desperation, a lot of yielding, a lot of looking to Jesus as our Husband, and desperately crying out to Him to help us be more in love with Him than anybody else. That way, when earthly relationships or situations disappoint us or don't satisfy us in the way that we want, or when we feel we're losing or suffering because of our giving and yieldedness and sacrificing, Jesus is there and He's the One we can go to, and He's the One Who's going to satisfy us and love us. When we love Him more, we're going to just be thankful for Him and that we can go to Him, and these other things are not going to move us as much.
162.The Lord said to me one time, "You sorrow when your loved one goes off on a trip, but I am happy because then I can be closer to you. We can have more time together. We can have a honeymoon together." I often thought of the Lord and felt sad for Him, that here He was with outstretched arms just ready to give me everything I needed to fulfill all my desires, and instead of looking to Him, I was looking back. I was trying to look at Peter to see what he was doing. I was feeling sad for my losses, when they were nothing--nothing at all--compared to what the Lord could give me, what He wanted to give me, what He wanted to be to me.
Going a Step Further
163.The Lord continued to work in my life, and as I kept in close written communication with both Peter and Rebecca, I felt a wonderful peace of heart and mind. I could sense that the Lord was working in my life and changing my heart, my mind, my desires, and my very nature, as He had promised. But I knew that I still had a way to go--quite a way, in fact.
164. Although I had made a lot of progress, and their time of being away was easier than I had anticipated, still, I knew that I needed to be a new creature, totally changed by the time Peter and Rebecca returned home. It was one thing to stay victorious and positive when viewing their relationship from a distance, but I didn't want to come between them when they returned home. Nor did I want Peter or Rebecca to feel uncomfortable around me.
165.The Lord had already given me a wonderful love for Rebecca, and I was very happy that He had given Peter a love for Rebecca. But I felt the need for something more. I felt the need for a much greater gift of love for Rebecca. As I said before, I didn't want to just partially yield to the situation out of sheer necessity. I didn't want to just put up with it or put up with her, but I wanted to love her so much that I could welcome her home with open arms and want to have her around.
166.I didn't want to have any feelings of resentment or to think, "Well, Rebecca has had Peter all to herself for two months and now it's my turn." I wanted to be able to welcome her right when they arrived home, and throw my arms around her and be thankful she had returned. I didn't want to try to keep her at arms' length, but I wanted to be glad to see her and glad to have her around. I didn't want to do anything that would make her feel that I had come between their friendship.
167.I knew this would be another manifestation of the very big miracle that I had been seeking the Lord for. It's not that I didn't love Rebecca--of course I did--but I needed to love her more. I needed a supernatural, huge gift of love. It's not that I wanted to love her more than the other members of our Home, but I needed more love for her because our situation was more difficult. As I mentioned earlier in this Letter, I had not had jealousy battles before with other women, but this situation with Rebecca was different. I feared what might develop in their relationship, since they had more time to be together in my absence.
168.So I knew the Lord had to do something. He had to intervene to help me to open my heart and life completely, and to free me from any and all jealousy, possessiveness, selfishness or resentment. This was really asking a lot, considering how the Lord had made me and my natural inclinations. Following is another one of my desperate prayers, which is somewhat of a conversation between me and the Lord. I was praying out loud, and from time to time I would stop for a moment and wait to see if the Lord had anything to tell me in prophecy.
169.(Prayer:) Lord, You know that what I've been asking for, and am still asking for, is a big miracle--one that is utterly and absolutely impossible in the natural, but one that You have promised to do for me. Lord, You know the situation so well. When Rebecca was here before, Peter and she and I really hadn't bonded that much; she hadn't spent that much time with us. And if even then I put up a wall and a barrier and didn't really include her in spirit, then how much more so when she gets back after having gotten closer to Peter, become good friends with him, good fellow workers, with her being in the habit of sensing his every need.
170.Well, to think that I could open my arms to her and want her to come in and be around us all the time and be happy for this bond that she and Peter have made and the deepness of their relationship, that I could overcome my natural desire to want him all to myself now is an impossibility--especially thinking that, from my perspective, in just a couple of months they're going to go off again together and get even closer.
171.It's almost an incomprehensible request, Lord. There's no way in the natural that I'm going to be able to love Rebecca so much that I'm going to want to have her around, that I'm going to want to flow right with it, bond with her and Peter, and have us all become so happy together. So having said all this and put it down for the record, I am asking for a miracle! There's no question that this is the way I will feel in the natural, yet I also know Your Word says the things that are impossible with man are possible with You, and all things are possible to him or her that believeth.
172.And in this case, it's going to have to be a very big miracle, Lord! Because not only is this an impossible situation for me, but for millions of women and men all over the world it would be an impossible situation! It's just impossible! It's just one of those things that in the natural realm can't happen. So I've ruled it out from happening in the natural. The only thing left is a very big miracle--I think I'd have to say a bigger miracle than I've ever experienced before.
173.I know that when miracles happen and You change our feelings, Lord, then we look back and we often don't realize how contrary they were before, how absolutely contradictory our feelings were and how we couldn't have been more opposite in our feelings. So that's why I'm putting this all down for the record. This is how I feel right now, March 18, 1997, six weeks before Peter and Rebecca return home.
174.Okay, Lord, I already told You that I am yielded. I want to love Rebecca, and I want Peter to love Rebecca. I want all this. I do, Lord. You know I do. I want Your will. But, Lord, I can't do this myself. I have no possibility of doing it myself unless You completely change my heart and my mind and make me a new creature in this respect. I need a complete transformation!
175.Lord, I can hear Your still small voice asking me what I want specifically, saying, "What do you want Me to do?" This is what I want You to do, Lord:
1) I want to be able to welcome Rebecca right when she gets back--to throw my arms around her and really be thankful she's home.
2) I don't want to feel that I want to keep her out of our room as long as possible, but I want to be glad to see her and glad to have her around.
3) I want to be happy to have her around.
4) I want to be happy to see the close bond that has developed between Peter and her, and I want to be part of that.
5) I don't want to have to be in on every little thing that Peter and Rebecca are saying between themselves, or have to be with them whenever they're talking or whatever. I don't even want to worry about it.
6) I want to be able to hear reports about their trips from both of them and be happy that Rebecca can be there and tell me some of the things that I didn't get to experience, and not just want Peter to tell me everything.
7) I do not want her to feel that I've come between her and Peter and their friendship when they come back.
176.Okay, Lord, what do I do now? (As I quietly waited, the Lord began to reply in prophecy to my question, which I recorded:) "Trust Me for the miracle. Whatsoever things you ask in prayer and faith, believe that you shall have them, and it shall be done unto you."
177.But, Lord, that is a really big miracle and that's asking an awful lot, considering the way You've made me and the way I am, being naturally selfish and possessive.
178.(The Lord replies in prophecy:)"If you have faith, you shall see the salvation of the Lord."
179.Okay, Lord, this is going to have to be a big salvation--saving me from my selfishness and from the depths of jealousy and possessiveness. Right now my natural feelings go against all of this. I don't even want to do this. I don't want to love Rebecca in this way because that will mean that everything will be different. In my natural mind, the natural inclinations, the natural man, I really want to keep my relationship with Peter exclusive.
180.But, Lord, I want Your will, and I know I need to forget the past,get rid of the past, and get rid of the selfishness and jealousy. I know that's Your will, and I want my will to be conformed to Your will. My desire to please You overrides my very strong natural instincts and wishes and natural makeup. My desire to please You is even greater than all that.
181.But, Lord, I don't have the willpower or ability to accomplish any of this; all I have is the desire to yield to You and ask You to do this and to change me in all the ways I need to be changed, which is a whole lot. It goes against the carnal mind and the natural things which are so strong, and that I'm bound by. I'm bound by the natural, and I can't get free of these chains of selfishness, possessiveness, jealousy, and not wanting to give, unless You set me free.
182.Lord, You said that this year You were going to give me an anointing of miracles, and all I can do is believe what You said and trust Your Word. Even if You hadn't given that particular promise to me, there's so much Word on how You can do the impossible. I've never experienced a really big miracle that I remember, such a desperate situation as this that required such a big change in me.
183.Of course, when Dad went to be with You, Lord, You brought a big change in my life. You did a miracle then, but I hadn't prayed for it--not that I know of anyway. I wasn't so desperate for that change, but You knew how much it was needed, so you changed me through taking Dad. I had to change then and You did it for the sake of Your Family. But it happened pretty much involuntarily; it wasn't something I was desperately seeking. But, Lord, this I am seeking, and this is a big, big deal. I can't do this unless You change me and take away all the walls of resistance and unyieldedness and hesitation and barriers and boundaries that I put up because I think I deserve more, and I think others can only have what I deign to give them on my terms.
184.Well, Lord, there You have it! You already knew this, of course, but I'm putting it down for the record. Because I have to believe that You're going to do this miracle for me, and that when You do, I'll be so changed that to have thought any other way will seem far off and distant, and I may not even realize how I could have felt so differently. So that's why I'm putting it down here for the record, so I'll be able to look back and I'll truly know the big miracle You did in my heart and mind.
185.Lord, You promised me that You'll do it, now tell me specifically what You'll do so I can hang on to that. I'm sorry I need so much encouragement that You're going to do this, but it's so out of any realm of any possibility for me that I just have to have lots of Your Word, constant Word, to believe.
186.(Jesus speaking, again through Mama:) Oh, My child, of course I'll do it for you. Don't you know that you're My pride and joy? You're My precious bride that I long to do miracles for! And, Darling, I have done many miracles for you, great miracles, but at this point you're not so aware of them and don't remember them so clearly when faced with this big mountain in your life. And this is a big one, I do understand. I know it is directly contrary to how you feel and what you want and what logic dictates.
187. But know that I am the God of the impossible; that's My nature and My business. That's what I'm here for. You don't have to fear. I want you to live in the supernatural and not on the carnal, physical plane. Yes, you are on the Earth and you are partly bound to the Earth, but as I told you long ago, you can be in the world but not of it. You can live in the Spirit while still being in the physical house of the flesh.
188.I am well able to help you rise above the natural circumstances, no matter how impossible they may seem to you. Your desires and My desires are in unison because of your yieldedness to Me and your willingness to lay your all on the altar of sacrifice. When you have no will of your own and you sign a blank sheet and humbly submit that sheet to Me for Me to fill in, then your desires and My desires are in unison. I can give you your heart's desires, if you continually yield and want this miracle. It is within My power to give it to you--and not only within My power, but within My great desire, because I love you.
189.I need you and I want you to be a sample to My children that My power works; that their yieldedness and desperation can pull down miracles from Heaven; that I can take away the stony, selfish heart and replace it with a heart of love and giving; that I can calm the troubled waters and make the heart in turmoil serene; that I can break the chains of selfishness and set the captive free. I can do all these things for My children who love Me and want Me most of all, who come to Me and yield themselves to Me as My beloved brides and precious wives.
190.So fear not, My love, for what I have promised I shall also perform. I will grant you the requests of your lips. Each thing that you have asked of Me, I will give you. But then there will be no turning back, and your direction will have been changed. Your borders will have been enlarged. You will be as one. But this will only be symbolic of being one with all My children, being one with those in your household, and being one with My Family worldwide.
191.Henceforth, you will be free. But the Enemy will continue to bring choices before you to see if you really want this new way or if you prefer the old way of selfishness, possessiveness, jealousy and exclusiveness. You have only to tell the Enemy of your desire to follow Me and he will flee. You have only to remind him of My promises and he will run. (End of message from Jesus.)
192. (Mama:) Lord, by "henceforth" do You mean from now on I'm free?
193.(Jesus speaking:) Yes, child, that is what I mean. Your yieldedness and your desire and your desperation are the keys that you have given Me that have enabled Me to unlock your chains, to remove the shackles. You don't have to wait for the future, but at the voice of your cry I will answer you. I don't require you to wait. I have done the work in your heart already, because that is your desire, and because that is My desire, and because that is the desire of your beloved husband, King Peter, and that is the desire of your Father David. I pled for you and I interceded for you and I wept for you to bring you to this point of desperation and yieldedness, and this night we have delivered unto you the victory. (End of message from Jesus.)
194.(Mama:) The day after the above prayer and conversation with the Lord, I also received the following message in prophecy:
195.(Jesus speaking:) My people are starving to know the answers that will break them free from their selfishness, that will loose the shackles of jealousy and possessiveness that have such a strong grip upon them, even stronger because they've seen so many examples of misused freedom. They have rocked and reeled from the blows of the Evil One, who was trying to tear down their faith in My Law of Love. He almost succeeded, but I have the power to overcome him.
196. Though My plans may sometimes be delayed, they are never defeated. And though all the circumstances may seem contrary to this renewed move of My Spirit, even though much that has gone before has fought against it, the powerful voice of My Word will give the faith that My children need to launch out into the deep, expecting that their nets will be filled with good things from My hand. So it is, My child, that you and I must work together, and I depend on you to follow Me into the unknown, into a new world of love and faith and yieldedness, so that they may follow you.
197.I need you, My child, and I love you for your willingness to bear this responsibility, so I will make it easy for you. I will carry the load and I will walk before you and beside you. I will show you all that you need to know and give you all that you need on the journey. (End of message from Jesus.)
198.At the risk of getting a little off the subject, I want to take a few minutes here to comment on the point in the above message where the Lord explains that the Enemy has been able to gain an even stronger hold of jealousy or possessiveness in the lives of some of you because you have been deeply affected by situations you witnessed or maybe experienced in the past in which the freedom allowed under the Law of Love was misused. I suspect the effect that might have had on you was to cause you to close up in an effort to try to protect yourself or your loved ones from being hurt. Possibly the excesses of the past have made you doubt or even reject the truth of the Law of Love, and you've determined that you'll never let happen to you what you saw happen to others.
199.I believe it's accurate to say that some of you have adopted these negative attitudes about the Law of Love even from what you have just heard happened in earlier years, not even having witnessed it or experienced it for yourselves. I think this is especially true of some of you young people. You've probably heard stories or rumors of how things were in earlier years, and some of you may be quite offended by it. But you know what? Some of what you heard may be quite exaggerated! And that negative impression you derive as a result can be very strong, to where your whole impression about the Law of Love becomes extremely negative, which is probably neither completely accurate nor fair. Remember, the Enemy has no qualms about putting as negative a spin as possible on the freedom of the Spirit, especially when it comes to twisting, perverting, and spoiling the beautiful truth of the Law of Love in any way he can.
200.I'm not denying that there were mistakes made in the past. The freedom of the Law of Love was taken to extremes in some cases, but what you must not do is allow the Enemy to kill your faith in the beauty of the Law of Love today and steal away the blessing it can be to your life and the lives of others today, because of the mistakes of the past! If things were mishandled in the past, if people were hurt or left out, that is not the Lord's fault, nor the fault of the Scriptural truth of the Law of Love. It's the fault of the weaknesses and lack of love of man! We can't deny, reject or simply ignore the truth of the Law of Love because there have been excesses or mistakes in the past. The past is the past. We need to learn from our mistakes, but we must also leave them in the past and go on!
201.The Law of Love is the beautiful principle of loving others as yourself, which our lives for the Lord are based on, and because of which we are able to live together and accomplish great things for the Lord. So I wanted to point out this very key point in paragraph 195 where the Lord is showing us how the Enemy is trying to use the mistakes of the past to destroy our faith in the Law of Love today! Don't let him do it!
What Kind of Miracle Could I Expect?
202.The Lord mentioned that He was going to do a miracle for me, and I was very curious to know more details about exactly what kind of miracle He meant, so I asked one of our channels to pray and hear from Him regarding this question. In the message the Lord gave, He explained why He was not able to reveal the future to me with great clarity at that time, saying that there were still various turning points which we needed to meet and deal with. He said that the future is fluid because the events, happenings and circumstances depend in part on people's choices. He's limited Himself to work within people's choices and desires, and He's dependent upon people's commitments and yieldedness.
203.He indicated that we were still going to come to various crises and times of decision when we would again be tested--our yieldedness, willingness, and utter dependence upon Him. But He did go on to explain some aspects of the future--some points that had already been set in motion due to my desperate prayers. He said:
204. (Jesus speaking:) Each time that you cry out to Me, I am able to place another piece of the puzzle into the big picture, and little by little it becomes clearer. As I have promised you, you will gain a great and miraculous victory. It will surpass your expectations, and you will see it as something supernatural, for you will know that it was not in your power. In fact, it was completely contrary to your nature to feel such love and to have such generous, unselfish attitudes.
205.My precious one, you will look upon this little handmaiden with eyes of thankfulness! You will take her into your bosom and you will want to shower upon her kisses of appreciation. You will have the desire to humble yourself and to show her your gratitude, and instead of feeling like she has been taking from you, you will feel like giving her more and more of your own love and the love of the king. Instead of feeling resentful and wanting to keep your distance, you will want to bring her into your fellowship, your lives, and your time of communion with Me--not out of duty, but out of a giving, thankful spirit.
206.You will no longer be fearful of that which you once thought you would lose. I will purge all the negative emotions from your heart and I will purify your love, as you have been tested and tried with the fires of desperation.
207.You see, My darling, it is not the circumstances that determine the outcome of your attitude, but it is your seeking Me, your calling out to Me, your kneeling before Me in utter submission, casting all your cares and fears and even that which you hold dearest on the whole Earth at My feet, giving Me permission to do that which I will, that which I must, that which I desire. Regardless of exactly what the circumstances are, or how things will develop in the months to come, I will grant you this victory as a testimony of My miracle-working power.
208.Where once there was selfishness, you will find a giving, generous spirit. Where once there was possessiveness and a desire for an exclusive, private relationship, you will find that you have opened your doors and your arms and your heart wider than you ever thought possible. Where once there was fear and dread of the future, there will instead be hope, joy and strength.
209.These specific requests that you made, these specific manifestations of the miracle that you have brought before Me, I will perform. You and your king will be amazed, for you will truly know that you have witnessed a miracle. I will overrule your natural tendencies. I will rewire your natural reactions. I will cause you to be a cheerful giver. And through all of this I will draw you closer to your king, closer to this little handmaiden and the Family, and especially, closer to Me.
210.It takes great faith to be specific in your prayer requests. When I hear from your lips exactly what you want and you verbalize specifically the changes that you would like to see, and you couple this with great yieldedness and submission, then it draws from Me the power to grant your requests. As you know, according to your faith it will be done unto you, but also according to your requests it will be done unto you.
211.This mighty yielding on your part, this facing of your fears and giving to the utmost, has caused you and your loved ones to be enveloped in a spirit of freedom. This has broken down any barriers, any walls that had been built up between you; for when you give to the limit you have nothing else to fear. Once you have given all, you're not holding on to anything or holding back in any way, and the result of this is freedom.
212.Through this prayer that you prayed, I was able to set you free--free from the past and free from the fears of the future. I was also able to set the king and the little handmaiden free. Even this, My precious one, is the result of your prayers and your yieldedness, for you have such influence. For I have limited Myself, My darling, in that I will not work beyond that which you can bear.
213.I will do many mighty miracles for you. This is only the beginning. This is preparation for the days to come. You will look back on these times of testing and they will give you faith in My miracle-working power. You will testify that if I was able to bring such a change in your life, to change your very nature, then indeed I am able to do anything, whether it be to heal the sick, raise the dead, or call down fire from Heaven! (End of message from Jesus.)
The Miracles Are There for You, Too!
214.(Mama:) I understand that you may be thinking, "Well that's all well and good for Mama, because she's the queen, she's the shepherdess of the Family, she's the Lord's anointed Endtime prophetess. So of course she'll have that kind of faith and the Lord can do those kinds of miracles for her. But I could never pray those prayers or receive those miracles; it's just too much for me!" You'll be very encouraged to hear that in another message where the Lord enumerated the miracles that He would do for me, He also broadened that message, including the following encouragement for you!
215.(Jesus speaking:) I will do it for you, My queen, and I will do it for others, because time is short. There is not as much time these days for My children to win their victories more slowly, but as we grow closer and closer to the Last Days, and as My children need the miracles and the strength and the victories and the overcoming faith, these things will be given to them more quickly.
216.My children have been faithful, dying daily for Me and the lost. They have been tried and proven and tested, just as you have, My queen. They are very willing, but they do not find within themselves the way to perform My will. They need the miracles, and these will be given to them, because I love them and I want to make it easy for them.
217.It does not mean that the victory will be handed to them on a silver platter. They will be tested and tried, and they will have to continue to walk by faith and to fight and to keep going by faith. That will be their part. But the battle and the struggle will not be as long, for they will need to see the victories come quickly in order to have the faith to carry on. For like you, My queen, they will feel very desperate and helpless and hopeless without My supernatural intervention.
218.For it is true that it is not within a man or a woman to naturally have the love that they need or that they want to have for those they work and live closely with--their teamworkers, co-workers, young leaders in training, all those of their Home. But they desperately want that love. They want to fulfill My will, just as you do. They want to see My vision fulfilled. I will do for them what no other one can do, and I will do it for you, My dear Maria. (End of message from Jesus.)
219.(Mama:) In that same prayer and prophecy session Dad spoke, saying:
220.(Dad speaking:) Wow, Honey, it's amazing that the Lord gave you a little sneak preview of how things will be in the Last Days. We always knew the Lord was going to do mighty miracles for His children, things like calling down fire from Heaven. But also thinking about it in terms of gaining personal victories by a miracle of God's hand is so amazing. You can see the Lord's wisdom in doing that, because the Family won't have as much time to work on their weaknesses and win these spiritual victories that they will desperately need in order to stay closely knit and united.
221.So it really is a wonderful gift of God to help His Endtime children by miraculously interceding on their behalf and helping them with their personal victories. The Family will be thrilled to hear that! Of course, I hope it doesn't make them think that they no longer have to do their part and strive toward the goal and reach for the prize of the high calling. They will still have to fight, because I don't think the Lord is just going to hand it to somebody who's not even trying. But He is going to do the miracles for those who are giving it their one hundred percent. That's so sweet of Jesus, it almost makes me cry. (End of message from Dad.)
222. (Mama:) I think one of the key factors in helping us win these quicker victories is the knowledge that we can go to the Lord, our personal Shepherd, and receive from Him the specific instruction, encouragement and answers that we need, which will be tailor-made for our individual situation. I know I wouldn't have fared nearly so well through this time of extreme testing had I not frequently availed myself of the Lord's loving, personalized counsel and shepherding through the Words I received and others received for me in prophecy.
223.One time when Peter and I were discussing how things had gone for me during his and Rebecca's first trip, he asked me who I talked with when I was battling. I thought about it for a moment, and then I realized that I talked with the Lord! When thinking and praying about it more, I came to the conclusion that taking our problems directly to the Lord may be one of the solutions to the problem of jealousy battles requiring so much shepherding. Many of you know that it can be very time-consuming to constantly be shepherding, counseling and praying with people who are in the throes of jealousy battles, and other ongoing battles as well. Of course, we all need someone to talk to sometimes, and I don't mean to say we shouldn't have any earthly shepherding, but our greatest comfort, reassurance and answers come from our number one Shepherd and Answer Man--Jesus! (The Lord can help shepherd us through any type of battles, as He indicated in "Jesus, Our Good Shepherd." [ML #3113, GN 724].)
A Lesson and Example in Detail
224.Something you might wonder about is why am I talking so much about Rebecca? Why do I spend so much more time talking about her than the other women in our Home? And where does Rebecca fit in with the overall example of unity between the two generations in our Home? These are good questions that I thought you might have, and I felt the easiest way to give a clear, concise answer was to ask the Lord. He gave the following message:
225.(Jesus speaking:) How the king and queen interact with all the young people is part of their sample, but because there is not time and space to speak in detail of their interactions with each young person, I have called out Rebecca to be an example of the lessons of the king and queen in more detail.
226.The difference between the queen's relationship and the lessons she learned with Rebecca as compared to the others is that Rebecca's ministry afforded her so much more time with the king. It is perfectly understandable that the queen would be more tempted to feel jealous, possessive, or fear the future with one of the young people who spends so much more time with the king than those who simply, because of their ministry, see him once in a while and have, comparatively speaking, very little opportunity for personal fellowship.
227.I used the relationship of the king and the queen and Rebecca to bring about a variety of reactions in their hearts, in order to teach them lessons that could be shared with the whole Family. The relationship of the king and the queen with those in their Home is not enough of an example, because it's not detailed enough. It doesn't show people how to overcome their unyieldedness or their fears of the future, or their jealousy and possessiveness.
228.I engineered the experiences that the queen had. I even allowed her to fear the future, and to wonder what kind of relationship she and the king would have with Rebecca, because I wanted to take her through a variety of emotions and battles and times of testing. She had to travel this path, and she had to come to various turning points so that she could be the example of yieldedness, desperate prayer, accepting My will, signing a blank sheet, and giving her all to Me on the altar of sacrifice.
229.So the relationship of the king and queen with their Home in general is part of their testimony and sample, but the relationship of the king and queen with Rebecca in particular is a more in-depth view of their sample. For how could I have brought forth the lessons and important spiritual principles in the queen's personal testimony had she not experienced these battles with jealousy and these fears that are so common to man?
230. So both of these examples are important, but each serves a different purpose. The relationship of the king and queen with those of their Home is an example of unity overall, and especially between the two generations. The relationship of the king and the queen with Rebecca is an example of the yieldedness and spiritual principles required to bring such unity to pass.
231.For the depth of unity I can give to the Family depends on the yieldedness and the choices of each individual. Each person will be brought to a point of decision. The faith of each individual will be tested and their yieldedness will be proven. And so the example of the king and queen's experience with Rebecca is very necessary, because it is through that example that the queen pours out her heart, and it is through that example that I am able to show the power of yieldedness.
232.In the story of the Home of the king and queen you are seeing the broad picture, but in the story of the king and queen and Rebecca it is like you zero in on that picture with a microscope, and you see the in-depth lessons, battles, victories, and the decisions that lead to overcoming spiritual battles and thereby gaining greater unity. (End of message from Jesus.)
233.I hope that message helps you to put things into better perspective as you read my testimony. I am sharing my personal story and experiences for the benefit of those who are experiencing similar situations or battles, or who will yet at some time in the future. And, of course, the principles can apply in many other areas of life as well. Please read this with an open heart and then just take things at your own pace, following the Lord as He leads you.
234.And as you read my testimony, remember that it's the yieldedness, the desperation, the willingness, the general spiritual principles that I hope you will grasp and put into effect in your lives, as much as possible.
Jealousy, Circumstances, and Getting the Victory!
235. I readily admit that my situation with Peter is in some ways ideal. What I mean is, if you as a married couple are going to be in a very close working relationship or an intimate relationship with another person, mine is probably an ideal situation. But that doesn't mean that my battles are not as intense as those you might have, which is what the Enemy will try to tell you. Even though I have such a good situation, the Devil attacks me very hard, maybe even harder than most, I would imagine, to try to defeat me, so that the Lord's plan of the Law of Love and the One Wife vision being put into effect more fully--whether between the two generations or within the same generation--will be delayed or weakened through my not getting the victories that I should get and not being the sample that I should be, thereby hindering me from getting out the Lord's Word on the subject to you.
236.I know that the natural tendency is for you to look at my circumstances and think they're better than yours, and then conclude that because of your more difficult circumstances, my lessons don't apply to you and you shouldn't be expected to take them to heart or gain the same kind of victories yourself. I imagine that a very natural reaction would be for you to say, "Mama can't possibly understand what I'm feeling or experiencing!"
237.I prayed about this question of whether circumstances affect the intensity of jealousy battles and whether the victory is available to all, regardless of their circumstances. The Lord explained that the battle is not dictated by outside circumstances but is a spiritual battle! He said:
238.(Jesus speaking:) The battle is a battle of the spirit, and when a battle rages in the spirit, the battleground is within the heart and mind of man.
239.The battle of jealousy lies within, and the intensity lies in the spirit, so the outside conditions mean little in comparison to what's going on within. This is how things work in the world of the spirit. For in this way I can work in the hearts and lives of My children everywhere. I have many children in many lands, in many different Homes, in many different circumstances, surrounded by many different people, many different personalities, and on and on it goes. Yet I can go straight to the heart. I can use whatever circumstances they find themselves in to work in their hearts and minds.
240.My goal is the same: that they may be Mine in body, soul and spirit; that they may learn to live the Heavenly life; that they may partake of the freedoms of Heaven; that they may be free from the shackles of pride, jealousy and envy; that they may be so filled with My love--love for Me and love for one another--that it will overflow and quench the fires of jealousy.
241.So the battle of the spirit is the same, the answer is the same, and the victory is the same. As My children turn toward the light and let the light of My love flow into their hearts, it will cleanse them from the darkness. As they fill themselves with My Word, as they imbibe My Words, as they soak themselves in My Words, it will wash away the pain and the hurt. And as they look to Me and love Me and draw close to Me, their ardent, passionate love for Me will overshadow the pain and the heartbreak that they feel.
242.This victory is open and available to all. For I have made My Word open and available to all, and My Spirit is open and available to all. And I Myself am in all places at all times, in each heart, and very readily available to all. (End of message from Jesus.)
Look Past the Details to the Spiritual Principles!
243.I know the intense emotions that come with jealousy battles--the pressure, the sadness, the discouragement. It can come over you like a wave, without warning, when you least expect it. And it's often so hard to pull out of it. Many times you don't even know what you feel. There's a combination of so many emotions. You're angry, resentful, discouraged, condemned.
244.Jealousy is a powerful attack of the Enemy. It is very destructive, and if it weren't for the Lord's miraculous help, it would be impossible to overcome. But at least one thing I can say about jealousy is that it drives you to the Lord, because you know that there's nothing you can do in yourself--in your own strength, your own determination or willpower, your making of resolutions--that can help you get a permanent victory, or even pull out of an immediate battle.
245.Only the Lord can break the chains of the Enemy. Only the Lord can free you from the grip of jealousy. And that's what I want you to see through my testimony; not the specifics of the situation involving Peter, Rebecca and me. The little details of our relationship are not the important thing. In fact, you don't even need to concentrate on the fact that it's jealousy that I got the victory over, unless you have that same problem. Maybe you need deliverance from something else--from another form of selfishness or an angry spirit, or from negative thinking, doubts, bitterness, or self-righteousness; or possibly you're battling an ungodly addiction to System music or movies, many of which promote horrible violence and perverted anti-Christ values!
246.Whatever your problem may be, I want you to look at the bigger picture--the spiritual principles. That's what I want you to see, because that's what will work for you, regardless of your circumstances or what your particular battle is. No matter how dark your situation may seem, no matter how frustrated you may be, no matter how weak and incapable you may feel, even if you feel you have tried everything and you're at wits' end, I know that what the Lord has done for me, He can do for you, if you'll just call out to Him in desperate prayer and yield your all to Him.
The Lord Will Lead You Gently, as He Did Me!
247.I commented earlier on how the Lord led me gently, step by step, and He never made things too difficult for me, or required more of me than I was able to give. Well, my dear ones, the same will be true for you. In all your efforts to develop greater unity, whether it be in your working relationships, your interaction between the two generations, your contact with other Homes, your fellowship with one another, etc., you'll need to do your best to live all aspects of the Law of Love, which means counseling together, making wise, united decisions, being loving, and thinking about the needs, concerns, and feelings of everyone involved. You'll need to be sure to be hearing from the Lord and following the counsel He gives you carefully and prayerfully. Everyone needs to go according to their own faith.
248.Of course, there is always some pain when living unselfishly according to the Law of Love, because giving hurts. Giving is a sacrifice. It's never easy to give, especially to give the one you love--their time, attention or affection. But the Lord will minimize the pain and hurt, and make it bearable; He will not suffer you, His dear children, to be tempted or tested above that you are able. The more you exercise your giving muscles, the more you will be able to give and the less painful it will be. It will get much easier. But in the beginning, if you are fearful and out of shape in your giving and sacrificing, then you'll need to walk more by faith, remembering that the Lord loves you and He will give you the grace.
249.The Lord won't expect more of you than you are able to give. He won't expect you to take giant steps that you are not ready for. You will probably find that the Lord will lead you to new working relationships, friendships, or teamworks for His glory. I am asking that you be open to the Lord's nudges to love more, be more united, care more, and see the needs of others more. I do want to see you be more giving, sharing, sacrificial, and to love without partiality. I hope you will have the faith to begin slowly to open your life a little more to those in need, to be a little more giving of the Lord's love and more caring for the lonely and brokenhearted, and a little more sharing. If you can begin by including others more in your ministry and inviting others to join you for personal fellowship time or talk time, that's a start.
250. I know the Lord is patient, understanding, and gentle. He will be with you as He has been with me. I hope that my testimony gives you faith, shows you the Lord's miracle-working power, and proves to you that if you just believe and yield to the Lord step by step, as He leads you personally, then He'll give you the grace, strength and victories you need, just as He did for me. Praise the Lord!
More Steps of Progress!
251. A few weeks before Peter and Rebecca returned home I had a meeting with all my dear loved ones in our Home, during which I talked about my battles with jealousy and the victories the Lord had given me. I also asked them to lay hands on me and pray that the Lord would give me continued perseverance, fight, faith, and victory. (During this meeting we had an informal pow-wow in which we discussed and brainstormed practical and spiritual tips for fighting and overcoming jealousy. Lord willing, I hope to publish that list of tips for you, along with other very helpful messages from the Lord regarding jealousy.)
252.Around the same time, the Lord led me to write a letter to Rebecca giving her some fairly clear indications that I'd had battles over the months with jealousy, regarding her relationship with Peter. The Lord opened the door for me to write this letter because Rebecca herself had been experiencing some jealousy battles at times during their trip, when Peter would be with some of the dear women with whom he came in contact. I comforted her in her battles, but the Lord also led me to caution her and give her the counsel that she needed to get desperate with the Lord and cry out to Him for a very big victory over her jealousy battles so that it wouldn't affect Peter or limit his being able to show the Lord's love during their travels together.
253.I knew that not only would it help Rebecca to receive this counsel from me more easily if she knew that I too had experienced jealousy battles, but knowing about my battles would also help to prepare her for her return home, when I would need to share more with her about my battles. I knew, of course, that I needed to be honest with Rebecca and share my lessons with her, when the time was right.
254. You might wonder why I had not told Rebecca of my battles until this time. It was because when we had prayed and asked the Lord about what we should do, He had said that I should not tell her, because it would be too difficult for her, because she loved me so much and she would completely back off because she wouldn't want to hurt me. He said we should wait until she was stronger, and even until after I had the victory, if possible. We asked the Lord step by step, and when I wrote her that letter, we had gotten a confirmation from the Lord that it would be a good thing to do to prepare her heart. (Rebecca received this letter very well, God bless her. Not only did she go on the attack about her own battles with jealousy, but she was also very open about her feelings. She said the Lord had been preparing her heart that I might be battling jealousy, so she was not surprised. She was happy that we discussed the situation openly. The Lord continued to deepen our communication, and our relationship continued to grow sweeter and more honest as time passed, and as we followed the Lord step by step.)
Rebecca--God's Gift of Love to Me
255.I spent the day before Peter and Rebecca returned from their trip in prayer, listening to the various messages that Dad and the Lord had given me in the preceding months, especially the promises of victory. I tried to take special time to review what the Lord had said, and to pray and think about things. In one of the last letters I had written to Rebecca, I had told her how she had made my life easier because she had made things easier for Peter, and by making things easier for him, she was making them easier for me.
256.As I thought more about that, I realized more clearly than ever before that the Lord was wanting me to look at things positively, the way they actually are, and that Rebecca, far from making my life more difficult, has made it much easier. She's been so good for me. She has made my life better in every way. She's been the catalyst to get me to draw closer to the Lord, to love Him more, to want Him more, and depend on Him more. Her becoming a part of my and Peter's lives has helped me to fight more, share more and love more.
257.In fact, when I was musing on all the benefits of our ministry with Rebecca, the Lord gave me quite a long list of wonderful positive points!
* Our relationship is a sample to you, our dear Family, of working together with others in love and unity.
* It's a sample of our willingness to work very closely with the younger generation, and show that it actually works.
* It helps me to be more giving and less selfish.
* It gives me more of a tender heart.
* It helps me to understand what others go through.
* It brings down the blessings of the Lord because of obedience.
* It keeps me desperate and close to the Lord.
* It makes me have to keep fighting.
* It also helps Peter to understand what other people are going through.
* It supplies Peter with someone who loves him and knows him intimately who can take care of him on his trips.
* And last, when Peter is with Rebecca, whether it's at home or out on the field, I can work on my relationship with Jesus and spend more time with Him.
Those are quite a few terrific benefits, wouldn't you say?!
258.When thinking and praying about this, I asked the Lord to give me a little message, a prophecy along these lines. I wanted a confirmation that what I was thinking was of Him. Plus, I knew He could express these thoughts so much more eloquently than I could. He gave me the following beautiful Words:
259.(Jesus speaking:) Rebecca has helped you, My love, in so many ways. She's been a jewel of great price in My hand to bring you true happiness--not the sadness that the Enemy would have you believe. She's brought you something invaluable, far greater than money could buy, far greater than what could have been done with mere laughter, mere lightness. She has helped you to experience temporary sorrow, so that your heart could be turned more toward Me and you could experience My joy in much greater measure than before.
260.She has done great things for you, My darling, so be thankful for her. Show her appreciation and gratitude. She has not only made Peter's life easier, but she has made yours easier--not only because of what she has done for Peter, but because of what she has done for you. She has helped you to yield. She has helped you to obey. She has helped you to be softer and more broken, more loving, more giving, more of a fighter, more like Me, with more understanding of Me and My ways.
261.Oh, she has done beautiful things for you, My love. So don't despise her, don't belittle her, don't resent her, and don't be jealous of her. She's been instrumental in helping you to see and feel Me more clearly, to love Me more dearly, drawing you closer to My heart in every way. She has been a very valuable jewel in your showcase--not only for what she does for others, but for what she does for you personally. She is My gift to you because of My love for you. (End of message from Jesus.)
The Victory Won!
262.(Mama:) Now, after all that preparation and explanation, I can hardly wait to tell you of the wonderful miracle the Lord did! I knew by faith He was going to do it and I was trusting Him for it. But I was so very encouraged, as you can imagine, to see and feel the miracle manifested in my life immediately upon Peter and Rebecca's return and in the weeks and months that followed. I felt like a new person. I was changed! There had truly been a transformation in my heart, mind, spirit, and even in my very nature, as the Lord had promised.
263.I just felt so different around Rebecca--I actually wanted her around and I enjoyed her company. We were so much freer together. I was so happy and thankful that Peter and Rebecca were willing to be natural around me without fear of hurting me. It was a miracle to me that they felt the freedom to do that, and that I had the faith and strength, by God's grace, to not be negatively affected by their normal day-to-day show of affection and love for one another. I found myself inviting Rebecca to join Peter and me much more frequently for times of fellowship, or even just little "touch base" times throughout the day.
264.Before, if I had the opportunity or a good excuse to not have Rebecca come into our room to see us personally, I would take advantage of such an excuse. But now I found myself going to the opposite extreme and taking advantage of every opportunity to see her and be able to pass on a little of the Lord's encouragement and love.
265.There was such a big difference when we were together, too. Everything flowed so much more easily and felt so much more natural. Even though now she was aware of my previous battles with jealousy, I was happy to see that that didn't inhibit her or cause her to hold back or be dishonest with me. It was so nice, such a relief to actually feel the Lord's love, and not just be acting purely by faith or doing things just because I knew that's what I should do and what I needed to do. It made our whole relationship so much more pleasant.
266.Of course, as the weeks and months progressed I did have occasional jealous thoughts, but the Lord had given me so much more strength to be able to resist them almost immediately, so they had much less effect on me.
267.I was just thrilled, overjoyed with the wonderful miracle the Lord had done in my life and how His promises to me had come to pass! I give the Lord all the glory, because as I have said earlier in this testimony, and as I say again, with man--with me--it was impossible! I just didn't have the love or the unselfishness that I needed to gain such a victory. I know without a doubt that this is a very big miracle of the Lord's Spirit.
268.I knew words would fail me to try to express all that the Lord had done, and for a long while it was even unclear to me exactly what kind of victories the Lord had given me. I knew there had indeed been a very big change and a huge miracle, but I wanted the Lord to enumerate and express exactly what the victories were. Having shared all my battles with you in such detail, I wanted to be sure to give sufficient time to express the Lord's victories.
269.Being at a loss for words to describe such a marvel, I asked the Lord Himself to explain this wonderful miracle that He had done in my life, and He gave a very significant, outstanding message which I'll include for you here.
The Impossible Has Come to Pass!--A Great Victory for All the Children of David!
270.(Jesus speaking:) Great are the victories of the children of David, and even greater are the victories ahead! For that which was thought impossible has come to pass! That which you, in your own carnal weakness and way of looking at things, with your own little mind and limited vision and foresight, thought was impossible, has come to pass and has been made reality, just like I promised.
271.I promised you great victories!I promised you a miracle--a miracle of the gift of love! I promised that I would send you My gift of love and grace and the anointing to receive Rebecca with open arms and with a true, genuine love in your heart, with a true feeling of love and warmth and acceptance and friendship. I promised that I would erase and wash away the resistance, the hindrances of the Enemy, the jealousy, the resentment, and the lack of love and acceptance. And so have I kept My Word. I have been faithful to My Word.
272.That which was thought impossible I have done, in order to prove to you the power of My Spirit! I know that you thought it was impossible, and it really was impossible for you to do it on your own and through your own strength, or by your own willpower and trying in the flesh. I allowed you to go through those tests and battles of feeling like an utter failure, that there was no hope for you, that you would never be able to win the victory and overcome the Enemy's attacks of jealousy. I allowed you to go through the deep, dark experiences and the tests of your faith where you really came to the end of your rope and realized that you had no other hope but Me and a miracle.
273.I allowed you, My precious queen, to be tested and tried in the fires of jealousy. I allowed you to have to pass through the heat of battle until you saw no hope in sight, except My outstretched, saving hand. And you reached for it in desperation and yieldedness. You humbly bowed to My will and said yes to Me with your whole heart, and you yielded your all to Me. You were willing to take those steps of faith and share the one that you love. You yielded time and time again, and desperately cried out to Me for the strength and the grace and the answers and the willingness to follow Me.
274.Because of your yieldedness, My love, and your desperation to obey My vision, I have been able to grant you the desires of your heart. I have been able to give you great victory over jealousy, great victory over the fears of jealousy, and great victory over the choking ties of possessiveness. You are no longer bound by the Enemy's strong, hindering cords of jealousy, but you have allowed Me to cut those cords asunder and set you free--free to share and free to give without being hindered, restricted or bound by the Enemy's fears and lies and worries.
275. This has been a tremendous victory not only for you, My precious one, but it will now be a victory for all the children of David. For you will be able to testify that it is possible, that it can be done. For you have gone on record and have testified of your battles, tests and trials, your fears and worries, and of the Enemy's hindering spirit which tried to discourage you and dissuade you from moving forward and from trusting in My promises. You have testified and recorded your tests and lessons along the way, so now you can also testify and record that a great victory has been won!
276.Nothing speaks louder to My children than a personal testimony of a victory won, and this will go farther than you can imagine! For when others read about your victory, it will give them faith for themselves, for their own situation, for their own marriage, or for their own working relationships or love relationships. They will be given new faith and new vision that if I am able to do it for you, I am able to do it for anyone. I can do it for them, too.
277.They will see that your victory was not given to you just because you are My queen, for they will read about your tests and battles and in some cases will be able to recognize their own circumstances or situations. They will realize that you were touched with the feeling of their infirmities, that your tests and trials and battles were the same as theirs, and that the victory was given to you because you hung on by faith and you expected the miracle. You not only expected the miracle but you asked Me for the miracle. You prayed desperately and asked for an outright miracle, and that was a true step of faith--a step of believing, trusting, simple faith.
278.You simply called out to Me, your Best Friend, and humbly asked Me for the help that you needed, for a miracle. You kept trusting Me for that miracle, no matter how you felt, no matter whether the Enemy attacked you with thoughts of jealousy or fears or worries. You continued to trust and to hang on to My promises, even though you didn't see the answer right away. You didn't see the miracle right away or even feel it for some time, but you kept believing because I had promised it.
279.I haven't failed you, My love. Although I had to allow you to pass through the fire and through the tests so that I might bring you out as finer gold, I have not failed, but I have kept My Word. Now your victory shines as bright, pure gold--a victory that all can see, a victory that everyone can look up to and relate to and identify with and reach for, for everyone is going to want to reach for that beautiful, golden victory over jealousy.
280.Now may the children of David be set free! Now may they truly be set free to live the Law of Love, to live in greater unity. Now will the seed of your victory be spread throughout the Family and begin to take root in people's hearts. People will be given faith and strength, and will continually look back to their Queen Maria's victory. They will continually refer to your testimony and to the lessons that you have recorded, which will inspire and increase their faith. What a beautiful, beautiful victory! What a wonderful, glorious day of victories for My people!
281.I know the heart of man. I know that it is weak, that it is jealous, and that it is not man's natural tendency to be giving and loving and sharing. I know the heart of man, that it is selfish. I know how My children struggle to gain the victories that they so desperately need, for they want to be giving and caring. They want to open their lives and their hearts to others and to include others and bring others into their lives. They want to offer comfort and friendship to the lonely. They want to give love, to live the Law of Love, and carry on with the spirit of David. But they haven't known how to lift these burdens of selfishness and jealousy, which weigh them down and hinder them, off of their shoulders. You have helped them, My love, to lift their burdens. You have helped to cast these burdens aside and let them roll off so that My children can walk forward unhindered.
282.It was a difficult process for you to go through. It was a test and an intense battle. The spiritual warfare was great, because the spiritual victories were very great. Now you are enjoying the victory, having felt the weights lifted off your shoulders and that oppressive cloud of jealousy being swept away by a miracle of My hand.
283.Now you are able to feel the freedom of My Spirit to love, to give, to share. And that freedom and gift of love of My Spirit will never be taken away from you, for it is My gift to you for a battle well fought. You have won the crown and now all you have to do is hold on to it.
284.Continueto be yielded and giving. Continue to stay open. You have tasted the victory and you know that it is yours. You know what it feels like. You know that it's there. You know what it feels like to experience those weights being lifted off of your shoulders and to have the gloomy, dark spirit of the Enemy washed away through the power of My Spirit.
285.That victory is yours forever and ever, and the Enemy cannot take it away from you! Your yieldedness and desperation will guarantee your victory. Your yieldedness to My Spirit and to My will is your protection against any weakness in your victory, for as you continue to look to Me, to yield to Me and be desperate, your victory will only grow and grow, and become stronger and stronger.
286.You're thankful and excited and you're reveling in this wonderful victory that I have given you and in the fulfillment of My promises. You have a victory today and you feel good.You haven't experienced any big battles or even twinges of jealousy, but you might be tempted to fear the future. The Enemy might be tempting you to worry about tomorrow and whether you will continue to feel this way and to have this victory. Don't worry, My love, for even though you might experience some tests along the way, your victory is yours and it is guaranteed to you by your yieldedness.
287.Just because you might experience tests along the way, or even if you do experience twinges of jealousy in the days to come, it does not mean that you are failing or backsliding or that you have lost your victory. For that which I have given you is a gift from My hand and I will not go back on My Word. My Word remains sure and steady and strong, and any tests which you might experience along the way are for your good and so that you will continue to be able to lead and guide and help the children of David through their tests and battles. You will continue to be able to be up front, encouraging them to follow, beckoning them to come, calling to them that they can do it too, that there are victories along each step of the way.
288.This is only the beginning of the days ahead--the future, the Endtime days. It has been written and I have promised in My Word to do miracles for My children in order to lead them through the Endtime days. I have promised that they should even be able to call down fire from Heaven, and that greater things than these shall they do! This is just the beginning. These personal victories are for your personal encouragement and will help you to be able to trust completely in the future for the other miracles and victories which I have promised. For My children will know and have greater faith that if I'm able to do this within their lives and hearts and give them personal victories over jealousy, once having experienced it, it will increase their faith to expect other victories and greater victories. They will expect and trust and believe in the miracles which are ahead, for there is much more that I will unfold in the Endtime days.
289.This is like a foundation which I am laying to increase their faith for the future. For the battles ahead will be great, the spiritual warfare will be intense, and they will need faith for miracles. They will need simple, strong faith to believe in the impossible. So you are helping them to exercise their faith muscles. You are helping them to exercise their belief in the impossible. You are helping them to fix their eyes firmly on Me, the God of the impossible, the God of miracles, the God of great victories. You are helping them to continue to believe that in following Me they will always be on the right path, going the right direction; that I will lead them through all the dark and slippery places; that I will not fail them; that I will uphold them with the right hand of My righteousness.
290.As My children proceed and learn to walk through the Endtime days, so shall they learn to yield to Me, that I might use them mightily to perform the miracles that will be needed, and to be the leaders of the lost. The lessons that they are learning now are such valuable, important, precious lessons, which they will be able to hold close to their hearts in the days to come. They might not even understand it all right now, just as you do not understand all of the victories which you are personally winning, My dear queen; you just know that they're there. You've expected them, you've asked for them, and you've trusted and believed until you received. But you do not fully understand the great impact that this will have, not only on your personal life, but on the entire Family and the lives of all the children of David, and on the days ahead.
291.The children of David are as a great storm which is gathering force and power,and is building up and gathering momentum, and which will soon be released and sweep over the world, carrying My message, My Spirit, My power, My miracles and My wonders! Great shall be the forces of the children of David! Great shall be their power and might in Me, because great shall be their yieldedness. They shall be as yielded tools and vessels in My hand that I can pour through to accomplish My will. (End of message from Jesus.)
292.(Mama:)What wonderful, glorious promises! Thank You, Jesus, our dear Husband, for Your Words of strength, encouragement, and reassurance.
293.You'll notice in the above message the Lord says, "This is only the beginning of the days ahead--the future, the Endtime days. It has been written and I have promised in My Word to do miracles for My children in order to lead them through the Endtime days. I have promised that they should even be able to call down fire from Heaven, and that greater things than these shall they do! This is just the beginning." This had special personal significance for me, because when I was in the midst of my battles and desperately calling out to the Lord for the change that I needed in my life, I remember saying to Him in prayer that if He could do this, such a great miracle for me, I wouldn't have any doubt that in the End I would be able to call down fire from Heaven and do the other miracles that He has promised that we would perform. I know that our God is a God of miracles. He can do the impossible!
Slow Beginnings, Greater Ends!
294.No matter how different your personal situation is from mine, the Lord's promises still hold true for you just as they do for me, and the lessons that I have learned on yieldedness, acceptance, desperate prayer and fighting are what I want you to hold on to. These lessons can be applied not only to jealousy, but also to other spiritual battles such as loneliness, bitterness, fear, negative thinking, etc. In my specific situation, the Lord let me experience all of this to give you hope, and to help you to see that it is possible to get the victory over jealousy. It is possible to be a cheerful giver. That means it's also possible for you to get the victory over whatever has you bound!
295.The answer is there for you just as it was for me if you'll just cry out to the Lord, put your will on His side, and then start by doing something, taking even little tiny steps in obedience to the Lord. It may not seem like much to you, but little is much if God is in it. A little giving is much if God's love is in it. Then, gradually, as you continue to seek the Lord as I did, through His written Word and His living Word that He can give you in prophecy, you'll feel your faith grow and you'll be strengthened day by day. And with time you'll see that you will be able to take bigger steps and more steps, until you'll be amazed at the love, faith and trust that the Lord can give you.
296.But you've got to start somewhere. Don't let the Enemy tell you that the doorknob is too high, that you could never do it, that the Lord and I are asking too much of you. Don't listen to him when he says you could never live peaceably and happily with others, or that you could never get along with those of the other generation. He'll try to make it look impossible for you to have more unity with your brethren, because he doesn't want you to even try. He'll say it's too much, the doorknob is too high.
297.I'm going to lower the doorknob for you right now by telling you that all the Lord expects of you today is that you just believe and accept and yield and take one little, tiny step for Jesus and your loved ones. Do what you can do today and don't worry about tomorrow or next week or next month or next year. Yield to the Lord today, and He'll help you yield tomorrow and the next day, and the next, etc.
298.Just like many things in life, you have to start out slow and small and build your strength. It's like a weight lifter--he doesn't begin his weight training program by lifting 350 pounds. A high diver doesn't start his training by diving off a 30-foot diving board. A race car driver doesn't put the pedal to the floor and go around the track at 220 miles an hour on his first try. A math student doesn't immediately take a calculus class. A pilot doesn't take his first test run in a 747 jumbo jet.
299.Well, working together with those of the other generation, living together in harmony with others, and sharing and living the Law of Love are pretty much the same. You have to start out by laying a foundation, learning the basics, and building your strength and your faith day by day, step by step, through faithful study of the Word, seeking the Lord for His personal, specific instruction and encouragement, and then doing your best to put His Word into practice lovingly, considerately and prayerfully.
300.Growing in love and learning to be more giving will take time. The Lord is not in a hurry and neither are we. Don't set unrealistic goals for yourself, but take the time to walk in love and in unity with your mate or loved ones and the other members of your Home. It takes time to pray and hear from the Lord and consider others' feelings. It takes time to do things in love. It takes time to grow. So just follow the Lord. Let Him lead you.
The Lord Will Do It!
301.As we embark upon this move of the Spirit together to overcome our weaknesses and besetting sins, the various roadblocks to unity, it will be a time of testing, a time of change, a time of commitment. The Lord will work in each person's life individually. Your tests may not be the same as mine; nonetheless, I believe that we will all be tested in some way. This is part of the price we pay for the privilege of following closely and being the Lord's chosen Endtime army.
302.But during this time of growth and maturation, I pray that your eyes will not be stayed on the tests or sacrifices or on that which you feel you are losing, but that you will be able to lift your eyes to the horizon, to the future, to that which we all stand to gain. There are brighter, happier, stronger days to come, and I know and can testify from personal experience that you never lose by giving! Any sacrifice you make, even giving that which is dearest to you on this Earth, will reap His rewards.
303.I pray, my precious ones, that you will find faith and strength through my testimony, and that you will see that I, like you, am weak and helpless and hopeless without the Lord's supernatural strength and grace. If you are to gain the faith and hope that is there for you, you have to believe that the Lord's miracle-working power is not just for me. I don't have a special corner on the market. The Lord loves you and cares for you just as He does me, and He is simply using my experience and lessons to lead the way.
304.I don't know how the Lord will lead in your particular situation. I don't know what kind of relationships, either personal or in your ministry, He will lead you to have. I don't know specifically how the Lord will expect you to reach out more to others to build more loving bonds, greater unity and sweeter understanding. Each situation is unique, and the Lord will lead and guide you according to His will. Whatever the case, we hope the changes the Lord is bringing about will lead to more love, caring, sharing, trusting and teamworking. Remember, greater unity is the goal!
305. I do not expect everyone to follow in the footsteps of Peter and me regarding all the details, but I do hope and pray that you will take to heart these lessons of yieldedness, commitment, giving all and trusting the Lord, and apply them to your lives as the Lord leads. Because only as each of us surrenders completely to the Lord and allows Him to work in our lives and make us new creatures and vessels of His love, will the unity the Lord wants to give us become a reality.
306.We, the Family as a whole, need a change of spirit, a change of heart. We need to open our lives to greater love, sharing, and openness to one another. The Lord can do it, He wants to do it, and He will do it. If you feel that this is too much for you, or that you just don't have what it takes, then just turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of Earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.
307.Remind yourselves continually that God specializes in things thought impossible, and He can do what no other one can do. He can do miracles! Our wonderful, loving, caring Husband is the miracle worker! Reach out and receive the miracles you need today.
308. I love you so very much, my wonderful, precious Family, my dear loves, companions, friends and co-workers in the Lord. God bless and keep you strong, yielded, committed and moving forward in the light of His love.
Much love always,
Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family