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Living the Lord's Law of Love!--Part 3 Maria #449 CM 3203 3/98
--Responsibilities, Emotions, Boundaries!
Required Reading. For Voting Members Only
Table of Contents
Defining the terms "givers" and "receivers"
The responsibilities of the receiver
The needs of the married person who is sharing their mate
The needs of the giver who is doing the sexual sharing
Everyone is giving and receiving
Jealousy, the greatest hindrance!
The Enemy's attacks!
What if emotions develop?
More on emotions
Staying within the appropriate boundaries
The Law of Love does not mean free sex!
Guidelines for singles sharing amongst each other
The responsibilities of the giver
The importance of honesty and forthrightness on the part of the giver
(Note: All references to sexual sharing in this GN are only to be applied according to the guidelines in the Charter.
(As mentioned in the first part of this series, because this topic is complex, it won't be possible to explain everything or answer all the questions in just one GN. So please read through the whole series, because something you might not understand so well from reading one GN might be further explained in a later one.)
1. God bless you! Thank you for carefully and prayerfully reading this series on the Law of Love! There's so much wonderful counsel in these GNs, both from the vintage Letters and new messages from the Lord and Dad for today, that I pray you can find the time to really study and absorb them.
2. In this GN I'm going to talk more about our responsibilities when living the Law of Love fully, and some of the various emotions and relationships that can come up when we do so. Though this GN will continue to focus on the sexual side of the Law of Love, I want to remind you again that the Law of Love involves much more than sex; it's the Scriptural truth that should guide all our actions and motivate us in all our decisions. However, as you know, it's the sexual side of this principle that raises lots of questions and can bring about situations that require a lot of the Lord's wisdom and love. So Lord helping me, and with Peter's continued excellent help and counsel, I'll continue to give you the Lord's answers and guidelines, which I pray will help things go as smoothly as possible for you personally and for your Home.
Defining the Terms "Givers" and "Receivers"
3. In this series, I will put forth a lot of specific, practical counsel. As you know, the relationships that will come up as you begin to live the Law of Love will certainly be diverse. There will be single men sharing with single women, married men sharing with single women, married women sharing with single men, married people sharing with other married people, and within all these relationships there will be limitless combinations of emotions with varying intensity! I couldn't possibly refer to or explain every different scenario that might come up in the process of giving you the counsel you need. It could get pretty complicated unless I can hang names on some of the key players. So, for the sake of clarity, in this series I will use the terms "giver" and "receiver."
4. You will be called a "receiver" when you're sharing sexually with one partner from a married couple, or when you're sharing with someone who you have strong emotional or romantic feelings for, but who does not have the same feelings for you.
5. Of course, both people give and receive love in all sexual sharing, as you're each a channel for the Lord to give His love to the other, and you each receive the Lord's love from the other. But in order to make these lessons clear, as I already said, I have to have a name or "handle" for each person involved. So for the sake of clarity, when I talk about the receiver, I'm talking in this context: The person who shares with a married person, or the person who shares with someone they're in love with, but the in-love feelings are not reciprocated.
6. Before I go further, I want to make it clear that I realize that you might feel that this term "receiver" doesn't suit you very well in some situations. You might feel that it's not accurate. I understand that.
7. I realize that there will be times when you who are called the "receiver" will not feel that you're receiving much, but to the contrary, you will feel that you're the one who is doing the most giving. For example, in some cases the married person might come to you to ask for the date; it won't be your idea. You might not even want to have the date, but you do so because you believe it's the Lord's will. In such situations it can be a sacrifice for you and possibly not even that fulfilling sexually. You don't see how that makes you the receiver.
8. Also, sometimes it's very complicated to have a date with a married person. In some cases you accept a date because you know that it promotes unity, it's living the Law of Love, and you feel it's good for you to keep reaching out and sharing. In other cases you do it because the couple is learning to share and you happen to be one of the people the other mate does not feel threatened by. But when you feel like you're not only giving to the married person you share with on your date, but you also have to be careful that the other mate doesn't have jealousy battles and then afterwards you have to communicate and make sure everything is okay, this is difficult. And you continue to do it because the Lord has told you to even though you're not particularly physically attracted to that sharing partner. Well, this is definitely not your usual concept of "receiving."
9. From a different angle: Possibly you're in a position where as a single you give a lot to a married couple through your ministry. Say you help to teach their children, or you're one of the ones who does a lot to help support the Home. You do a lot of giving just on a day-to-day basis. Therefore it might not be easy to accept that you're the receiver when the married person has an occasional date with you, when you give so much in other ways. You want to be noted as being the giver as well. That's understandable.
10. All these scenarios are very real. They will come up quite frequently. Every time a single shares with a married person it's not always that personally satisfying for the single. So when you as a single share with a married person in circumstances similar to those I've explained just now, you are doing a fair bit of giving, of course. But nonetheless, even if it's a sacrifice for you, even if you're sharing mostly for the other person, technically you're still a "receiver" because the mate of the married person you're sharing with gives in all cases, not just some.
11. Therefore, for the sake of clarity in these GNs, to make things easier to understand, the one who shares with a married person will need to consistently be termed the receiver. Please pray to get over any negative mindset of the "receiver handle" right from the beginning so as not to be distracted. This handle is only necessary for clarity in the pubs, it only applies to sexual sharing, and by using this term I'm not insinuating that every "receiver" situation will be so obviously fulfilling for you personally.
The Responsibilities of the Receiver
12. After that wee word of introduction, let's talk about the responsibilities of the receivers. When you're on the receiving end of someone giving you love through sexual sharing, you have some responsibilities towards the person or persons who are giving to you. As the receiver, you need to make sure your actions towards the giver--or givers in the case of a married couple--are loving actions. You're under the same obligation to lovingly fill the needs of the givers as they are to fill your needs.
13. What are the needs of the givers? One is gratitude. You owe it to them to show thankfulness for their giving to you. Another is reassurance. They should be assured that you're not trying to take something away; namely that you're not trying to steal their mate. Or if you're sharing with a single, they need to know that you're not trying to take away their freedom by pressuring them into a personal relationship that they do not wish to pursue, and you're not demanding that they give you more than they feel they can.
14. Here is a message in which the Lord talks to you who are receivers. This is a message that one of the SGA women in our Home received when praying about how to make it easier for the wife of one of the men she has regular dates with.
15. (Jesus speaking:) You give joy to the giver when you become a noble receiver. And how do you do that? By praying to Me for the humility and gratitude of heart befitting your current position.
16. One way to put yourself in the other's shoes is to imagine lending something very precious and dear and irreplaceable to a poor person in need. You gave freely and willingly, but then you went away and hid yourself and wept bitter tears at the loss of something so precious. You didn't wish to have it back prematurely, for you gave out of the depths of your heart, yet there was a sense of loss.
17.But then that poor person returned to you and thanked you with sincere gratitude. Although that poor person could never know just how deeply from your heart you gave, yet their gratefulness and indebtedness to you eases the loss and fills your heart with joy and happiness and a renewed joy of giving.
18.When the precious treasure that you lent is gratefully returned to you, you don't feel as though a part of it was stolen away or that your generosity was misused or abused. It's more precious to you than ever because you shared it, and after it had brought joy to another, it was returned to you a hundredfold! (End of message from Jesus.)
19.(Mama:) Besides being a noble receiver by being grateful, another one of your responsibilities is to have an attitude of contentment--to be satisfied with the love you're being given. You are responsible to refrain from demanding more from those who are giving. You should keep yourself from making too frequent requests for someone's love and attention, as well as from exerting pressure on the givers to give you more.
20.This is very important, and is one area in which receivers often fall short. You, as a receiver, might have legitimate and sometimes very desperate needs, and when someone attempts to help fill those needs, you're so happy with the love and attention that it's natural that you would want more. But if you don't keep yourself in check, you can get very demanding in spirit, which can make it very difficult for the givers.
21.People who give their love--either by sharing themselves or their mates--are usually willing to give to someone who has a need and who is thankful for the love they're giving. However, when someone has a very demanding attitude, it makes it much more difficult to give to them. On this point, the Lord said in prophecy:
22.(Jesus speaking:) In order for there to be harmony, the receiver must trust Me that what I am giving them through others is what I wish for them to receive, and they must be content and happy in this. (End of message from Jesus.)
23. (Mama:) When a married person is sharing with a single, one thing that helps is if the single and the other married partner can be friends, and at least talk together sometimes and have some sort of rapport. Even just doing simple activities together sometimes, or developing a friendship, often helps the sharing to become less of a threat for the person who is sharing their mate.
24. Here is some counsel Dad gave to one of the young women in our Home who had an ongoing relationship with one of our married men, Gabe. In short, Dad told her she needed to love the wife as much as the man. Pretty radical, huh? Here's Dad on it:
25. (Dad speaking:) Learning to love the wife just as much as the husband is a real key. You might say that's unrealistic, but it's not. If you work at it and really pray, the Lord can give you that love, and it will make it a lot easier on all of you. I know you really love Amy and you really go out of your way to do things for her. But a lot of the reason you do them is because you want to be able to be with Gabe. You enjoy his company and his friendship and his appreciation of you. That's very important to you, and so you're willing to go out of your way for Amy so that you can continue to receive that from him. That's fine, but in the long term it's not enough.
26. When you become a wife, you'll understand the threat it is to have someone else coming around your husband who finds him very attractive and who he finds attractive. It's not enough to feel that the pretty little girl is doing nice things for you to keep you happy; you have to feel that she loves you just as much if not more than the husband. That's the greatest reassurance that she's not going to do anything to hurt you--because she really loves you!
27. You can't expect to have a free ride with the husband without really loving the wife, and by that I mean with real love, the Lord's love. If you don't have it, then you'd better pray for it and go on the attack as if you did have it, and then it will come. Okay? (End of message from Dad.)
28. (Mama:) Another responsibility of the receiver is to help make it as easy as possible for those who are giving, especially in the case when the person they're sharing with is married. It's important for the receiver to be considerate of their sharing partner's mate by thanking them for sharing their mate and by making sure that the sharing partner returns to their mate after the date at the agreed-upon hour.
29.Also, the receiver would need to refrain from being overly affectionate with their married sharing partner in public, and to caution their partner if he or she is being overly affectionate in public. You, as the receiver, should be open to the suggestions from the person you're sharing with if you're told you're being too openly affectionate in public places, and you should be understanding if your sharing partner who is mated is not as affectionate in public as you'd like them to be.
30.Making a conscious effort to show concern for the mate of the one sharing with you is doing unto others as you'd have them do unto you. I'm sure you'd want the same consideration if the tables were turned. It goes without saying that a mated person should be careful about the affection they show their sharing partners in public. The problem will not necessarily be in showing simple affection, as that's completely acceptable and even recommended, but if much more affection is shown to one person than to others, or if there is more affection shown to the sharing partner than to the person's mate, then there will likely be hurt feelings, embarrassment and jealousy. Also, a mated person needs to be mindful not to act cool and reserved toward their mate.
31.The Lord summed up the responsibilities of the receivers when He said:
32. (Jesus speaking:) To you who are the receivers of love [those who receive love from a married person or who share with someone you are in love with, but the in-love feelings are not reciprocated], I say, you must be the most prayerful, for you are the recipient of another's love, of another's sacrifice, of love at the expense of another. Therefore, you are responsible to act in a loving manner and to receive this love in gratitude, thankfulness and love.
33. For if the receivers of love would show more gratitude, concern and care for the givers of love, it would make the giving so much easier. If the receivers would show themselves to be no threat, if they would do the loving thing, if they would show their love in a way that it is understood by the givers that they [the receivers] are content and thankful--that they are, in a sense, servants of the givers--they would be blessed.
34.How smoothly the sharing of My love goes depends so much on the attitude, response and thankfulness of the receivers. As they respond with love and understanding and do not apply pressure, as they let Me move, and flow with My plan, and are desperate, so can I make the giving easier for the givers. If the receivers are prayerful, they will be considerate, happy, thankful, communicative, and will not expect more than they are given. That attitude will greatly help to break the chains that the Enemy would try to cast on the givers--chains of comparing, fear and jealousy.
35. But even if the giver--the mate who is sharing--tries to be loving, kind, considerate, and do things the right way with his or her mate, if the receiver is aggressive, flirtatious, inconsiderate, deceptive, or obviously trying to develop a relationship or even steal the married person, then no matter how loving the mate who is sharing is, the mate who is not sharing will feel threatened. He or she will feel there is more to the outside relationship than there is, will be tempted to doubt the love and words of encouragement of their mate, and will battle much, much more. For this reason I say the receivers must be the most prayerful.
36.I say unto all that the key factor is living My Law of Love--doing unto others as you would have them do unto you; acting in a manner in which you would want others, if the roles were reversed, to be acting toward you. If you will do this, it will allow the true spirit of My Law of Love, the giving spirit, the loving spirit, to flow freely amongst you, and it will unite you as one--living in love, serving in love, loving one another, and loving Me!
37. But if the receiver refuses to act in love, if the receiver continues on with behavior that is not according to the Law of Love such as that mentioned above--being aggressive, flirtatious, inconsiderate, deceptive, and obviously seeking to pursue a love relationship or even pull the mated person's attention away from his or her marriage and cause damage to the married relationship--then that receiver must be warned that they could lose the blessing. The givers can in such cases feel free to discontinue the sharing relationship, to stop the dates and intimate interaction until such time as the receiver learns to live according to the Law of Love and yields to the wishes of the givers. (End of message from Jesus.)
38.(Mama:) So to summarize the responsibilities of the receivers: You are to be very prayerful, show your gratitude, be content, and not pressure the giver(s) to give you more. You are to be desperate with the Lord and do all you can to follow His plan. You are to be considerate and make it as easy as possible for the giver(s). You are not to be aggressive, flirtatious, inconsiderate, deceptive, or try to get what you want by trying to steal the mate or weaken the married relationship or pull the married person's attention away from his or her mate. You are to show yourself as not a threat, and reassure the giver(s) that you're not trying to take anything away from them--either their mate, in the case of a married sharing partner, or their freedom, in the case of a single who is not looking for an ongoing relationship with you.
The Needs of the Married Person Who Is Sharing Their Mate
39.Since we're talking about needs and responsibilities, I want to talk about the needs of the married partner who is lending their mate to another. In many ways this is the person who is giving the most. It's generally more difficult on this person than on the mate who is actually doing the sexual sharing, because they're giving some of the time that they would normally have with their mate to another person, and they feel the loss--especially since all of us in the Family are so busy for the Lord that married couples often don't have that much private time together to start with. The one who is sharing their mate with another can get hit with jealousy, or with the fear of losing their mate, or with worry that their mate is going to be more attracted to the person they're sharing with, and that the sexual sharing will develop into a relationship that will take away from their married relationship, etc.
40.You who are married and are sharing with others should be very aware that your spouse needs to be assured of your love in order to help them not succumb to these fears, and to help them have the strength to overcome them. Your mate needs reassurance that you love them, that they're important to you, and that you're happy being with them. Their giving needs to be acknowledged by words of encouragement and appreciation from you, which tell them how proud you are of them for their giving. If they have battles with jealousy, they need understanding and desperate prayer. They generally need to have some communication with you about the time you spend with someone else, though I don't necessarily recommend sharing too many details of the sexual activity.
41.Peter is always very, very considerate of my feelings when he shares with others. He's prayerful and careful in his interaction with me when he's preparing for a date or when he returns afterwards. He takes time to show his appreciation of me and to love me up before and after his dates--not necessarily always sexually, of course, because I wouldn't expect him to regularly do "double duty," but he certainly gives me lots of encouragement and reassurance. When I make an obvious effort to be giving and to not be possessive, he acknowledges it. He lets me know that he notices, that he appreciates it, and that he knows it's not easy for me. Of course, that positive reaction from him reinforces my behavior and helps me to want to continue giving.
42.You who do the actual sharing must also strive to keep in check any emotional feelings that might arise for the one you're sharing with. (I'll cover this point in more detail later in this Letter.) You must be careful not to make careless, thoughtless or unprayerful comments that might hurt your mate or cause them to worry or fear. You should avoid making unfavorable comparisons between your mate and your sharing partner. You must also endeavor not to do things that will exacerbate any battles your mate may have. Here are a few more tips:
* Try not to put more effort or time into getting ready for your date with someone else than you do when preparing for a date with your mate.
* Try to arrange to have your date somewhere out of hearing range of where your mate will be, so he or she won't hear the laughing, music, sounds of sex, etc. If you can't avoid having your date fairly close to where your mate is, be mindful of your noise level.
* Try to have your dates when your mate is occupied with some absorbing activity--a date, witnessing, a meeting, a movie, fellowship or Word time with others, etc.
* Pray with your mate beforehand, and try not to be in a big rush, as though you just can't wait to get to your date.
* You should ask your mate if there are any things that you can do, or not do, that will make it easier for them. Often these are just little things, like washing up before coming back to bed with your mate so you're clean and don't smell of another's cologne.
* If you've had your date in your bedroom, take time to straighten up the room after the date--making the bed, disposing of used tissues, washing and putting away wine glasses, etc.
* Try to return to your mate after your date at the agreed-upon time; or if you've had your date in your bedroom, escort your sharing partner "home" shortly before the appointed time so your mate feels comfortable returning to your room.
43.I suggest that you married couples discuss these things, and once you know your mate's requests, that you each do your best to fulfill them as a sign of your love. These above-mentioned points are important, because how you handle your mate when you're the one having the date will make a very big difference in how well your living the Law of Love together goes, and how happy everyone involved will be!
The Needs of the Giver Who Is Doing the Sexual Sharing
44.The person who is the giver in the actual sexual sharing also has certain needs which must be considered. They need to have a peace that they can give love without feeling that more is expected of them by their date partner than they can give. The person they're sharing with should not make them feel that they aren't giving enough.
45.If they're married, they need understanding and support from their mate. Their mate should try to refrain from making remarks which question the motives of the one who is sexually sharing, or which make it difficult to give in this way. This especially holds true if the mate who is not sharing is battling jealousy, because off-guard comments born of jealousy can be very hurtful. The one doing the sharing should not be made to feel guilty, like they're doing something wrong, if they're being prayerful, operating according to the Law of Love and sincerely trying to share the Lord's love and be a blessing to another person.
46.If you as a married couple are sharing with others, please review the first sections of this Letter periodically to see if you need to adjust any of your behavior accordingly. In fact, you might need to do some apologizing if you've been unloving and inconsiderate to each other in some way, and ask the Lord and each other for a fresh start, pledging to take these guidelines into consideration and to do your best to make it as easy as possible for your mate.
Everyone Is Giving and Receiving
47.(Jesus speaking:) In sexual sharing, everyone involved has needs of one kind or another, and those involved all have the responsibility to fill the needs of the others. Everyone, both givers and receivers, will be giving something if they're operating according to the Law of Love. Everyone will also be receiving. Though the blessings they receive will be manifested differently, each one will be receiving.
48.When I ask people to give, I expect all to give. It's a cycle. The givers give their love, they give of themselves, they give to another; and in doing so, they're giving to Me. They also receive, for they receive My blessings for their giving.
49.The receivers receive the love that is given from the givers. They also receive love from Me, for it is also My love that is given when the givers give. But the receivers must also give. They're responsible to give love in return, to give gratitude, to give of themselves. They are then expected to also give to others of the blessing they have received.
50.If this cycle of giving and receiving is to continue, then all parties must do both--give and receive. The giver gives love and receives My blessings. The receiver receives love through others, and then gives love and gratitude back in return, so that the givers become receivers of love. Then the receiver should give to others so that the receiver becomes a giver as well. This is the cycle of My blessing, the cycle of giving, the cycle of love. (End of message from Jesus.)
51.(Mama:) Maybe you've seen the above prophecy come to pass in your own life. Perhaps you've been a giver and you found that through your giving you received friendship, gratitude, unity and love in exchange. Or perhaps you've had the opportunity to feel the Lord's love in a very special way through someone you cared for very much who gave to you, and you found that receiving in that way gave you a greater desire and incentive to reach out to others, because you had a renewed understanding of the power of love. There are so many blessings to be had for all involved through sharing. But in order to make those blessings a reality, we all need to be loving, prayerful and wise.
52.Being in the position of the receiver can sometimes bring up a variety of emotions. You can feel happy and thankful for the love and attention you receive, but on the other hand, you can feel rather humbled by it. A young woman in our Home expressed it as follows:
53. It's often easy, as a "receiver," to wonder, "Well, hey, what am I doing this for, anyway? Just for me? If so, well, I can live without it. I don't want them to be doing this just for my sake." I've often felt that way. You feel bad that someone is doing something for your sake, and "giving" to you. You wonder why you should be a burden to them and "make them sacrifice." It may be pride, and the solution is thus humility and being willing to admit that you have a need and accept "charity," so to speak.
54. I think this is probably a big issue with other people as well. You just don't want somebody to be "giving" you something they'd really rather not, and you feel kind of condemned and creepy about it. This feeling of being a "receiver," or sometimes it seems more like a "taker," can be a big burden and make you feel somewhat guilty.
55. It's easy to believe you're doing the right thing when you're meeting someone else's need, like sharing with one of the single young men in our Home, for example. But when you're sharing with someone and you know it's to meet your own need, that they don't need it and maybe don't even want it, you can feel pretty selfish. You feel like you're helping others live the Law of Love, but you wonder if you yourself are doing the loving thing. (End of comments from one of the young women in our Home.)
56. (Mama:) The Lord already explained in the above prophecy that everyone involved in living the Law of Love fully both gives and receives. But because I knew that this fear of being what some people call a "charity case"--that is, more often than not being the recipient of another's "sacrificial" love--is fairly widespread, I wanted to ask the Lord more about it. I knew the Lord must have an answer, because to feel "guilty, creepy, and condemned," as this young woman put it, when receiving the Lord's love from another, is very sad, as those negative feelings can be quite discouraging.
57.First of all, the Lord explained that it takes humility to graciously accept being in the position of the receiver:
58.(Jesus speaking:) To receive love is humbling, yet the fruit of humility is righteousness. My children must fight the temptation the Enemy would try to cast in their way to yield to pride in place of humility, for humility is the way of true love. (End of message from Jesus.)
59.(Mama:) The Lord also explained further the role the receiver plays in supplying some of the needs of the givers.
60.(Jesus speaking:) All are givers and all are receivers of love. He or she who gives also receives, and he or she who receives is also giving. The degrees of giving and receiving may vary, and the roles rotate back and forth; nevertheless, you cannot receive without giving, and you cannot give without receiving. When two or three people share My love, all are giving and all are receiving My love and My blessings in their lives.
61. The receiver is not doing all the taking, but rather is helping to supply a need in the lives of the giver(s). As a receiver, you're supplying the need the other has to pour out. You're providing them an opportunity to give, therefore an opportunity to receive My blessings. You're providing an opportunity for them to be a channel of My love. You're filling the giver's need to give.
62. You givers do not have to feel this need or even be aware of it. Just trust Me that I have put in your heart and spirit the need to pour out, to give to others, to serve others, even sacrificially. This is a basic human need of man--the need to give--for in giving you receive My full and abundant blessings. (End of message from Jesus.)
63.(Mama:) The next time you're tempted to feel like a "charity case," realize that those thoughts are an attack of the Enemy, as the Lord brings out in this last prophecy excerpt on this subject.
64. (Jesus speaking:) The Enemy runs wild, tempting My children with twisted attitudes and negative feelings of condemnation, remorse, guilt, discouragement and pride; for he will stop at nothing to hinder My Law of Love and the freedom and liberty that I will pour out to all those who abide therein. Vanities! These are lying vanities of the Evil One who would play on pride to stop My children from receiving and giving love in this way. (End of message from Jesus.)
65. (Mama:) Here's another very sweet message from the Lord that I hope will help you have an easier time when you are the receiver:
66. (Jesus speaking:) It's always more humbling to be on the receiving end no matter what area it's in, whether you're receiving a donation, or someone is sacrificing for you in giving you their time, driving you some place, doing work for you, showing you mercy or forgiveness, helping you with your needs, or loving you sexually. It's humbling to be on the receiving end. But everyone is a receiver and giver in life and all day long, so it's just something you have to get used to.
67. Because this is a new concept or new idea put forth, it takes a little time to adjust to it. But if you can see it like many other areas of life where there are givers and receivers, then it's not something that's so odd after all. Mothers are givers to their babies, who are receivers. Witnessers are givers, and the lost and hungry are the receivers. The cooks are givers to those they cook for, making the entire Home receivers. The shoppers are givers, and those that stay back the receivers. The shepherds are givers and the sheep receivers. The one leading devotions for the day is the giver, and those in the audience the receivers.
68. It's not bad to be a receiver. Being a receiver does not make you of less worth, or less important, or less smart, or less skilled, or inferior to others, or less used, or less loved. Being a receiver does not make you labeled that you're not as "good" as a giver. (End of message from Jesus.)
Jealousy, the Greatest Hindrance!
69. (Mama:) Jealousy is one of the main battles those who are married or who are emotionally involved with someone fight when implementing the sexual side of the Law of Love. It is undoubtedly the biggest hindrance to sharing sexually, and in some cases, jealousy is the reason people don't share at all. The jealousy battles that many have experienced in the past taint how they look at sharing today, sometimes to the point that in many cases it keeps them from sharing or allowing their mate to share with those in need. This is a problem.
70.Jealousy dams up the flow of God's love; it snuffs out the flame of love. Jealousy works against the principles of the Law of Love. The Law of Love is all about giving, sharing, and helping those in need; while jealousy is all about keeping, self-interest, selfishness, and being interested mainly in your own needs, wants and desires. In "Goals for 1998," the Lord led Peter and me to put forth overcoming jealousy as a united Family goal. As you may recall, in that GN the Lord described the seriousness of the grip of jealousy, saying:
71.(Jesus speaking:) Jealousy strikes at the foundation of unity. Jealousy is the enemy of unity. Jealousy is a great divider, for jealousy kills love, inhibits communication, and gives way to resentment and bitterness. Jealousy divides even those who love each other, and prevents those who could love each other more deeply and more sweetly from drawing close in My Spirit.
72.When jealousy is allowed to flourish, when a standard is not raised against jealousy, then it is the beginning of the end of unity, because jealousy is the enemy of love, the enemy of the Law of Love, the enemy of sharing. Jealousy is of the Devil! Satan loves jealousy; he's the creator of jealousy. He is jealousy! But I hate jealousy with a perfect hatred! I am the destroyer of jealousy, for I am Love. Jealousy is the opposite of love.
73.The Family must be rid of this evil attack of the Enemy if you're to progress down the road of unity that I have set before you. Each person must take a stand against jealousy and must see it for what it is--an attack of the Destroyer, an attack of the enemy of love. Everyone is prone to jealousy; it's a natural weakness of man. But I am greater than jealousy, and I have the victory through acceptance, yieldedness, and deliverance! (End of excerpt of message from Jesus.) (ML #3160:149-151, GN 765).
74.(Mama:) I know that many of you, like myself, have experienced the negative, discouraging, debilitating effects of jealousy. It can be a tough battle to overcome, but it's definitely worth the fight to rid ourselves of this evil enemy! We know that our wonderful Husband and Lover is a jealous God, but His jealousy is because He wants to keep us close to Him and away from the false gods of selfishness, covetousness, greed and hate, so we can love Him and love and care for others. Jealousy that doesn't want to give love or care for others and meet their needs is of the Devil. The Lord is the destroyer of jealousy that withholds love, for He is Love.
75.Many of you were hurt in the past due to jealousy, which was often caused, at least in part, by the lack of love and wisdom of those involved. In our earlier years, after sexual sharing was first allowed, many in the Family didn't apply the whole counsel of the Law of Love properly, and thus failed to treat their mates and loved ones with enough love, patience, understanding or wisdom, which caused severe jealousy battles and deep hurt. Remembering these past difficulties and the extreme battles has kept many from venturing into any further sexual sharing, for fear of facing the same again.
76.Peter and I are sorry for any of you who have been hurt in the past as a result of a lack of love, consideration and wisdom by others in their attempts to live the Law of Love. We can understand that fear. But as Dad said, "It not only pays to face your fears and to acknowledge them--even confess them--but to take a positive stand against them, especially in the power and Spirit of the Lord with the promises from His Word!" (ML #171:12).
77. Unfortunately, these fears--the fear of loss, of hurt, of reopening old wounds, of having to fight jealousy, and all the other fears we have to face when sharing our loved one with another--have seriously hampered the love and care the Lord wants to pour out to those in need. Dad commented on this in prophecy, saying:
78.(Dad speaking:) For a long time now the Family has put sharing and intimacy, unity, living the "One Wife" vision, and taking care of the single brothers and sisters and the single moms all on the back burner. They've tried to ignore it, hoping it might just go away, because they didn't want to have to deal with their jealousy. But that's not what the Lord wants! Just ignoring something and refusing to acknowledge it is no way to get a victory or to make any progress!
79.The Lord wants to purge the Family of jealousy because it's a real curse. The Enemy has had the Family in his stranglehold through their jealousy, and he has pretty much succeeded in using jealousy as a tool to cause people to not want to risk living the Law of Love and sharing sexually and loving others as the Lord would have them to. This has interfered with the flow of the Lord's Spirit throughout the Family. (End of message from Dad.)
80. (Mama:) If the Family is ever going to fully become what the Lord wants us to be, we're going to have to take a stand against the curse of jealousy! We can't let the Enemy hinder the Lord's Spirit of love from flowing through us because we're afraid to fight, overcome, and defeat jealousy. This is a huge subject, and in order to keep on the topic of the Law of Love I can't deal with all of the aspects of jealousy in this GN.
81. However, we're preparing the first of a series of GNs on jealousy, and it is our prayer that through those GNs as well as this series and "Golden Victories" (ML #3162) you all will find the strength to fight against this debilitating spiritual disease which is undermining one of the major foundations of our faith--the Law of Love--and standing in the way of the greater unity that the Lord wants to give us through our living the Law of Love fully.
The Enemy's Attacks!
82.Now I want to come back to something that I touched on lightly in the previous GN. The Lord and I have repeatedly brought up the point that sharing sexually can bring unity. However, many of you might have a bit of a hard time accepting that, since you have either seen, heard about or experienced the opposite. You might be thinking, "I've seen many situations where sharing brought about anything but unity! I've seen arguments, clashes, hurt feelings and all kinds of problems as a result of sharing." So it may look to you like there must be something wrong with the Law of Love; that it doesn't work, or it's impossible to live it. This is not the case. I asked the Lord if He would answer this question, and the following is His response:
83.(Jesus speaking:) Do unto others as you would have others do unto you--this is the basis of My Law of Love. When you act otherwise, there are problems; when there are problems, you have acted otherwise. The problem is not that My Law of Love doesn't work--the problem is that you don't use My Law of Love correctly. You don't think of others enough, you act selfishly or unprayerfully, and you don't do unto others as you would have them do to you. This is the basis of these problems.
84.Another main reason for these problems which occur is the spiritual attacks of Satan, for he is the enemy of love. He fights against My love! He fights against those who try to live My love. He attacks you in order to defeat My love which flows amongst you as you give love one to another. He attacks through jealousy, selfishness, possessiveness, lack of communication, excessive emotions, acts caused by excess of emotions, through suspicion, mistrust, misunderstanding, and other unloving acts.
85.All of these problems--whether caused by your not living in a loving manner and your not doing unto others as you would have them do to you, or by these attacks of the Enemy--can be overcome by the power of My Spirit, by prayer, and by a willingness on your part to fight through to victory. Satan cannot overcome My love, if you will do your part. What is your part, you ask? Your part is to do My will, to make the decision in your heart that you want to live My Law of Love. Having made that decision, you must venture out and begin living in love, giving in love, and you must be willing to fight for love.
86.The Enemy will attack. He will try to bring disunity and cause problems, all for the reason of getting you to give up, to claim that My Law of Love doesn't work. But you must believe by faith that My love never fails and that if you will take the stand to live My Law of Love, I will help you to overcome these attacks of the Enemy.
87.So when you see these problems crop up around you, know that it is an attack of the Enemy, or that someone is not fulfilling My Law of Love. Don't yield to the Enemy and say, "It doesn't work. It's too hard. I won't live this life of love anymore." Instead, rise up and fight against Satan and his wiles! Take the stand! Fight the fight! Defeat the Enemy! And in doing so, you will gain a great measure of Heaven in your hearts and in your lives. (End of message from Jesus.)
88. (Mama:) In another prophecy on the same subject, Jesus said:
89.(Jesus speaking:) My children, you must realize that the Enemy has, does, and will continue to fight your living the Law of Love fully. He will try to dissuade you by causing misunderstandings or by calling into question the motives and actions of your loved ones. Some of the disunity, confusion, and heartache that has come up as a result of sexual sharing has been a direct result of the Enemy's attacks--because he feels if he makes things difficult enough, you'll become discouraged and disillusioned and you'll feel it's not worth it, that things were better off before you tried to live the Word fully. Also, some of the problems are a result of unwise or unloving behavior or decisions that are not well-oiled by prayer.
90.Of course the Enemy will try to attack and cause problems. He'll try to cause you to quit, to give up, to say, "It doesn't work to live the Law of Love fully--forget it!" But if you will recognize these attacks of the Enemy and work together to defeat him, then you will soon see My blessings in your lives. (End of message from Jesus.)
91.(Mama:) These prophecies clearly answer why there have been problems. The first reason is that those involved were not "doing unto others as they would have others do unto them." The second reason is that the Devil attacks through jealousy, selfishness, possessiveness, lack of communication, excessive emotions, acts caused by excessive emotions, and through suspicion, mistrust, misunderstanding, and other unloving acts.
92.It's not that the Law of Love doesn't work--it's that we need to do our best to implement all parts of it, especially "doing unto others as we want them to do to us," and we need to fight against these attacks of the Enemy. The Lord clearly stated that these problems "can be overcome by the power of My Spirit, by prayer, and by a willingness on your part to fight through to victory."
93.It's not easy to live the Law of Love fully. It's not easy to overcome jealousy, selfishness, or any of the problems the Lord listed here, but we can do it with His help. We can overcome them if we will pray and fight! We must recognize these things as serious attacks on love, on our way of life, on the blessings the Lord wants to give us, and we must fight against them and overcome them.
94.The Lord said we must make the decision in our heart to want to live His Law of Love. Then we need to venture out and begin living in love. In other words, first we must make a spiritual decision, then we must put that decision into action, and then we must fight against the Enemy when he tries to defeat us.
What If Emotions Develop?
95. When people share sexually, the potential for emotional attachment increases. There are times when those sharing develop in-love feelings for one another, which sometimes, though not always, prove to be either infatuation or a short-term association rather than a long-lasting love relationship. Of course, not all sexual sharing leads to emotional involvement. Sometimes people can share regularly over an extended period of time without becoming emotionally involved with each other. But there are cases, of course, where emotional feelings develop.
96. When two single people develop emotional feelings for each other, it generally poses no major difficulties in regards to their relationships with others. When two single people fall in love, it's relatively uncomplicated, as long as both are being prayerful and considerate of their other Home members in general.
97.But for those who are attached--either married or in some kind of serious "going steady" or long-term relationship--it's hard enough to share your loved one sacrificially to supply the need of a lonely person, and it's even more difficult to do so when it's not "sacrificial," when there's an attraction on one or both sides. But it gets much more difficult and complicated when emotional feelings develop. When a married person develops emotional feelings for someone other than their mate, it can cause serious jealousy battles, especially when these feelings are reciprocated. And if handled improperly or unlovingly, this outside relationship can cause severe marital strain or even the breakup of the marriage.
98.Problems can also occur when either a single or a married person develops emotional feelings for someone who doesn't return those feelings. When someone has strong emotional feelings for a person who doesn't feel the same way, the one with the feelings may put too much pressure on the other one. They can become demanding of their time and affections, or they can become jealous if the person gives love and affection to someone else.
99.When thinking about some of the difficulties that can result when people fall in love due to their sexual sharing, some questions might come to your mind,such as: Why does the Lord allow people to develop emotional feelings for others when they are already married to someone? Is it wrong when this happens?Should we resist and fight against these feelings, or do we not put up any resistance to these emotional, in-love feelings that may crop up? Do we just completely flow with it, or do we pray against it happening, unless it's really what the Lord wants? If we pray against falling in love, does it inhibit the Lord from doing what He wants to do, because we don't want it? Are we putting limitations on the Lord's love, and in a way making it impossible for Him to bring about His will because we're resisting it? When I asked one of the channels in our Home to bring these questions before the Lord, He gave the following counsel, which is good for both singles and those who are "attached":
100. (Jesus speaking:) My love is a powerful force--the most powerful force in the universe! It has power to bring joy, peace, satisfaction and Heavenly bliss. I do want you, My children, to feel the power of My love as you share with each other. But the most important thing is that the focus is on My love--that you know and understand and concentrate on the fact that it is My love that you are giving, and My love that you are receiving. Constantly putting Me in the center of your attention and in the center of your lovemaking will make it easier for My love to flow freely without being misinterpreted or misguided.
101.It's not that I want the children of David to resist love or to pray against love, for I am Love and I want My love to flow freely. But at the same time, I do wish for you to pray that your emotions will be kept in check. Because often, when you share My love with each other, the feeling of happiness, of sexual attraction, of passion, of pleasure and satisfaction is so overwhelming that unless you're prayerful and careful, you can credit all of these wonderful feelings to the person instead of to Me, the Giver of love. So it's not that I want you to go into your dates or your relationships with each other with an on-guard feeling of not wanting My love to flow or flourish or grow, but you should go into your relationships and times of sexual sharing fully focused on the fact that you are giving and receiving My love.
102.If you give Me the glory and continually acknowledge that the love that you're both giving and receiving is from Me, this alone will help you to keep your emotions in check. This will help your relations with others to get started on the right foot--not giving undue glory or credit or place to the individual, and not allowing the emotion that you may temporarily feel for the individual to usurp the attention and thankfulness that you should be giving Me.
103.Each relationship must be judged uniquely on its own merits, and each person must follow Me carefully and prayerfully in their relationships with others. For although I would wish for My love to flow freely in all relationships, so as to bring forth unity and to make My children more aware of Me and to allow them the pleasure of reveling in My love, it is not that I intend for all these relationships to go further, to develop into strong emotional bonds or love relationships. In some cases, yes, I will work this way; but in many cases I will not. But it is a learning process and a maturing process.
104.People who are inexperienced in love can easily misplace or mischannel or misguide these feelings of love and attraction, and can put more stock or more value in them than I intend. That is why there is a balance: I don't want you to resist love, but I do want you to pray, even from the beginning, that your emotions will be kept in check according to My will, and that you will recognize that the love given and received is from Me.
105.I do not want for you to enter into your relationships with each other with a fearful mentality--fearing the future or fearing what might develop. But it is wise to enter into relationships prayerfully and to not let your guard down and just let your emotions run wild and free, unchecked and unchanneled. My love is a strong force in the spirit, and when manifested by loving each other and loving Me intimately in the bed of love, it can be overwhelming! It can be beautiful, but it can also be captivating, and I want for all of these feelings to bring Me glory and honor, and to cause Me to be more in the center of each of your lives.
106.But if you misread this blessing and this gift from My hand, then the opposite can often come to pass,and that is that I am pushed out of the picture. Instead of Me taking more prominence and becoming more the center, your eyes and attention and affection and desires are placed on the other person to the extreme.
107.Another reason that it is needful to be prayerful and to pray that your emotions stay in check from the beginning is because the feeling of sexual attraction is a powerful feeling, and sometimes the sexual desire, especially when mixed with the beauty and power of My love, is hard to control, hard to judge wisely. Therefore, it's best if you take things slowly and don't jump to conclusions, because those who are inexperienced and immature often move too quickly.
108.When you have a wonderful experience in the bed of love and you feel great love and passion and satisfaction, when you're overflowing with joy and feeling very comfortable and very happy, if you don't take care to give Me the glory and to realize that I am the One that allowed it--in fact, that it is My love that you are feeling and sharing and experiencing--then you can, even from one day to the next, be enthralled in a passionate, out-of-control love affair. And if you act upon these feelings and these strong emotions, then very quickly much hurt can be done to your mate, if you're married, or to the mate of the person you're sharing with.
109.It can cause a lot of confusion, hurt feelings, distrust, lack of understanding, and even disillusionment between those who are sharing when the relationship gets out of hand, and later the reins have to be drawn in tight and the love needs to be controlled and put back within the proper boundaries of the Law of Love.
110.So the moral of the story is, even if you are overtaken with feelings of passion or love or emotion in a sharing relationship, it is always wise and best to go slow, because sometimes these feelings are just for a moment.I wanted you to feel these things to be able to experience My love, but if not acted upon and if not dwelt upon, if not talked about and confessed one to another, then these feelings subside and you go about your business for Me.
111.But sometimes, when it is My will to develop a more long-lasting relationship, if you remain prayerful and continue to pray that I will keep your emotions in check, if you see with time that the feelings remain or even grow stronger, then it is possible that I am doing something else in your life, and I am establishing a more long-term relationship.
112.So I do not want you to resist My love--I want it to flow freely and beautifully and fully in all its glory and majesty. This is My reward to the children of David, that they feel and understand and know My love fully. But I also say that it is your responsibility to be prayerful, careful, and to seek My will even from the beginning, and not to go into new relationships blindly, just saying, "Come what may," and after your emotions are strong and nearly out of control, then to pray to keep them within the boundaries of My Law of Love.
113.Instead, pray from the beginning that you stay within My will, and that you are prayerful, wise and loving in all that you do. Pray that all of your actions, not only to your sharing partners, but also to your mate and all the others involved, will be loving, kind and considerate. And always keep Me as the center and focus, and give Me the glory. Recognize, testify, and continually remind each other that it is My love that you're feeling, and that it comes from My hand. That alone will help you to keep a good check on your emotions, because it will help you to not focus your attention so much on the other person but on Me, and to keep Me in first place.
114.Let your motive be to love--to love Me above all things, and to love the other with My love, and to love your mate and children and all the others with whom you are involved with My love. Strive always to be prayerful, careful, wise, loving, kind, considerate, giving honor to whom honor is due, keeping Me in first place, and being wise in your priorities. (End of message from Jesus.)
115.(Mama:) That counsel is fitting for singles and those of you who are married or who have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend, as is the counsel I'm going to give you now. One of the central themes that is repeated throughout the above message is the need to keep the Lord in the center of our relationships and give Him the glory for the love we receive from others. Focusing on Him, acknowledging Him, and keeping Him as our First Love will help us to keep our feelings in proper perspective. It will be a good reminder to us that the person we just had a date with is not necessarily destined to be our permanent dream lover and lifelong companion, but that the Lord used that person to help us experience His love.
116.Also, the Lord emphasizes the need to pray from the beginningthat your emotions will be kept in check. The Lord wants us to learn to use His love to our benefit and the benefit of others, without hurting anyone. That's a lot easier to do when you're in control of your emotions and they're not running wild--and it's much easier to keep them from getting out of control than it is to try to rein them in once they're blazing hot. "Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life" (Pro.4:23).
117. A very important thing to remember is that if you feel strong emotional feelings for someone you share with, go slow. That means go slow about expressing how you feel to your new love, the one you have the emotional feelings for. The Lord says that if you get your eyes on the person instead of Him, you can from one day to the next find yourself in a passionate, out-of-control love affair. It might seem like an exaggeration to you that it can actually happen so quickly, but think about it for a moment. Have you ever had a date with someone that was very inspiring and uplifting, and you woke up the next day feeling warm all over? That person was on your mind. You felt distracted. You wondered what they were up to. You wanted to see them.
118. When you feel like that, it's easy to right away start building on the experience you had the previous night with the other person--through comments, touches, notes, little sexy rendezvous, or even deep provocative eye contact. You can easily let the person know how you're feeling, usually with hope of finding that the feelings are reciprocated. If the person responds positively and your interaction continues in this vein--say you have a dance night and you take advantage of the opportunity for a lot more sexual contact than usual, and you have additional dates the following nights or as soon as possible, and you talk all about how "in love" you are--then the whole affair can very quickly become as hot as a bonfire that you keep throwing fuel on.
119. You might be having lots of fun. The problem, however, is that a bonfire like this is plenty dangerous. To begin with, if you or the person you are in love with is mated or either of you have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend, they will definitely be hurt by your actions. And also, if these feelings are only temporary, in effect what you're doing is leading the other person on, and eventually, when your feelings subside, your new love will also be hurt! Also, when pursuing a love relationship of this nature so intently, it's easy to be a bad example to others by making them feel left out, by neglecting your ministries or responsibilities, by hurting your mate or long-term lover, etc. All around, it's not a good scene.
120. To avoid this, the counsel the Lord gives is to go slow in expressing the emotional feelings you might have to a new boyfriend/girlfriend, lover or sharing partner, or don't express them at all. Give it some time, and don't try to feed those feelings or emotions through sexy comments or notes, flirtatious "come-on" behavior, etc. In many cases if you just trust the Lord and keep giving Him the glory for the wonderful time you had together, the feelings will subside. The Lord said, "sometimes these feelings are just for a moment."
121. Of course, in some cases the feelings will not subside. But what happens when you give it some time, without doing things that will inevitably make the feelings blossom, will be a good indicator as to how the Lord is leading. You will then be better able to tell whether the sharing experience was designed by the Lord as a brief experience to help you to love Him more and feel His love more tangibly, or whether He possibly wants you to take it further and pursue some kind of personal relationship.
122. Here's a little more insight from the Lord on how and when to keep your emotions in check and to know the timing on when to act on emotions and when to let them cool off.
123. (Jesus speaking:) The most "dangerous" time, the time when people are most susceptible to letting their emotions get out of control, is early on in the relationship, especially right after they've had sex, because they're still enjoying the emotional and even physical "high" of the lovemaking and feeling My love and Spirit so fresh and strong. But just like a fire burns down or even burns out if more fuel is not added, so the emotional feelings or in-love feelings can also die down fairly quickly if left on their own, if left to Me. Or if the people have frequent contact, the feelings will possibly dwindle considerably, but remain like simmering coals--not the hot, blazing, dangerous, out-of-control bonfire. The coals are much easier to monitor and work with. They're easier to manage, and they're easier to recognize as something that is pleasant, sweet and one of My blessings, but not necessarily something that is to be actively pursued, or not something that will change one's life.
124. The beginning of the relationship is where the most care must be given. That's when people are caught off guard, caught by surprise even at the strength and intensity of their reaction, of the strong emotions they feel. Sometimes it's even the first date, or the first few dates, that are the most explosive, because it's new or intriguing, even in the flesh. But as the newness wears off, things are more easily controlled, and even the emotional reactions lessen. Things simmer down to a sweet, warm, encouraging love, something that is strengthening, uplifting and encouraging, but something that is easy to keep in its place. (End of message from Jesus.)
125.(Mama:) The Lord's love, mixed with sexual attraction and the passion you naturally feel when making love, is very powerful. The Lord calls it "overwhelming, captivating." That's why it's so very important to be prayerful right from the beginning, and to go slow, so things don't get out of hand. You'll avoid a lot of hurt feelings that way, especially if you're married or seriously "attached" to someone, or you're sharing with someone who is.
126.The Lord says it can cause a lot of confusion, hurt feelings, distrust, lack of understanding, and even disillusionment between those who are sharing when the relationship gets out of hand, and later the reins have to be drawn in tight and the love needs to be controlled and put back within the proper boundaries of the Law of Love.
127.Please note here that the Lord says when a relationship gets out of line, it will need to be corrected. I'll cover that point more in detail in later GNs, but I want to at least mention here that just because a relationship or strong emotional feelings feel wonderful and this seems to be the greatest thing that ever happened to you, it doesn't mean that it's in sync with the Lord's will. If those in relationships are not very prayerful and desperate to avoid mistakes, they can easily get out of line to where the relationship has to be curbed.
More on Emotions
128.When reading about the need to keep our emotions in check, someone asked, "Does that mean it's wrong or bad for a sharing mate to have any such emotional feelings? Couldn't it sometimes be the Lord's will that they have feelings for or even fall in love with someone else, and couldn't it be handled properly in other ways, besides keeping your feelings or emotions in check? Shouldn't the emphasis be more on keeping your actions in check?"
129.The Lord confirms in paragraph 111 that sometimes it is His will for a married person to develop emotional feelings for someone else other than his or her mate. Sometimes He will lead a married person to get involved in a relationship with someone else--whether it's a short-term love relationship or a more long-term relationship. That is, an additional relationship, not that the mated person would leave his or her mate in favor of the new love. But what we want to avoid is when relationships that the Lord never intended to be such big deals get blazing hot, go haywire, and before long are out of control, causing harm to the mated person's marriage or children, the other person involved, other Home members, and even the Lord's work.
130.Such runaway relationships can do a lot of damage very quickly, and once a relationship has been blown way out of proportion, it often requires a lot of time and shepherding to get things back on an even keel and to overcome the hurt and resentment caused by acts that were unprayerful, unloving, or not within the Lord's will.
131.As far as the question of whether the emphasis should be on keeping actions in check rather than emotions, the Lord had the following to say:
132.(Jesus speaking:) Emotions move you to action. Actions are a result of emotions. Therefore I call you first to keep your emotions in check, for in whichever direction you yield your emotions, your actions will soon follow.
133. It's not "bad" or "wrong" to feel such feelings of love and emotion for another, be they a part-time sharing partner or a one-time sharing partner. If you're sincerely doing your best to follow Me and obey and live My Law of Love, then I am the One Who puts those emotions there in the first place. Strong emotions and feelings of love for another are not a bad thing, but they're meant to serve a purpose. So how you channel those emotions you feel for a sharing partner or lover or even your mate, how much you yield your emotions to Me and allow Me to use them to bring about the desired effect that I would have, both in your life and in the lives of others around you, is of utmost importance.
134.I bid you to keep your emotions in check by yielding them to Me. For if you yield your emotions toward self, seeking selfish pursuit, then those emotions will control you rather than you controlling them. The emotions themselves are not bad; it's what you do with them, how you channel them and use them that determines whether they will bear good fruit or not. (End of message from Jesus.)
135.(Mama:) When you have feelings of love, it's so difficult to keep them in check and to keep from going overboard. But judging from the message you just read, the Lord knows that people can keep their emotions in check if they really get desperate, and strong feelings are not always synonymous with going overboard. If you have never seen strong feelings kept in check you may be wondering if it's possible. I want to tell you that I have seen this happen and it is possible, as long as everything is done according to the Law of Love, and there is a large measure of love, understanding and yieldedness on the parts of all involved. Not only that, but all involved must also seek the Lord desperately, pouring out their hearts to Him and asking that He will keep them from making mistakes or hurting others. Then they must continue to be prayerful each step of the way, so that their decisions and actions are led and guided by the Lord.
136.I want to remind you that you can't always measure love by your physical passion and feelings for someone. Should you begin to have strong, romantic, in-love feelings for a new sharing partner, this does not mean that you have fallen out of love with your mate. You simply can't measure love solely by romantic feelings. Just because you seem to have less romantic feelings for your mate, it doesn't mean that you love them any less, nor does it change the deeper, steadier love that you have between you.
137.This reminds me of what I said quite a few years back in the Letter "How Can You Measure Love?" (See DB 3, pg.313.) Well, how can you measure love?--Certainly not by relying on the feelings you have, because they're not an accurate measurement. Feelings change from time to time, so it is wise not to misjudge your steadier, long-standing love for your mate should these concentrated in-love feelings for a new sharing partner crop up. (More on this subject later in this series.)
138.It's not hypocritical to continue to show your mate abundant love and care even though it might not seem to come as naturally to you if you don't have the same degree of hot sexy feelings for your mate as you do for your lover. With or without the feelings, you still need to do it! This demonstration of love to your long-term partner is showing your faithfulness to the deeper, steadier love that the Lord has given you. By outwardly showing your mate this love and attention, you're making a positive declaration of your commitment to the love and devotion that exists between you. You're showing that you're still firmly attached to each other and operating as one unit, as the Lord intended for you to be.
139.This reminds me of another puzzling situation that might come up. Some of you might ask, "What happens if I go slow and don't act on my feelings, dwell on them, or say anything about them to the person I have the feelings for, but they don't subside? What if they grow stronger with time? The Lord said when that happens that He might be doing something else, possibly establishing a more long-term relationship. But what do I do in that case? Do I say something to the other person? And if so, when?" We brought this question to the Lord and He gave the following counsel:
140. (Jesus speaking:) The time to make known your emotions and feelings for another is when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am leading you in this direction, and this I will do through many signs and signals, through confirmations and clear signals, through all the ways to know My will. As you seek Me and come before Me, I will make known My will to you in several ways--through My Word both old and new; through the voice of My Word, alive and fresh, whispering in your ear; through direct revelation and Godly counsel; through circumstances and conditions.
141.The time to make known your feelings to the person involved, your new lover, is only after you have a clear sound of the trumpet from Me. In prayerfully seeking Me for every detail in these matters, I will guide you. (End of message from Jesus.)
142.(Mama:) It might seem to you that the Lord is making a mountain out of a molehill here with all this explanation of when to act on or reveal the emotional feelings you might have for another. But many of you have probably experienced that once you put your feelings into words, the relationship changes. The person who is the recipient of another's love, upon knowing of the feelings the other person has, almost immediately feels more obligated, more responsible to be loving, considerate, to give more time, attention, sex, etc.
143. Another effect is that when a person hears of the feelings of love that someone has for them, it can cause their own feelings to blossom, as they are touched and warmed by the feeling that that person loves them more than they thought. Sometimes it just feels good to know that you're loved like that, and it causes the love to be returned. It's similar to the principle of, "We love Him because He first loved us."
144. Also, the one who was initially in love, who confessed their feelings, can often feel they should then be given better treatment, more attention, more consideration, more time, etc., because they feel the object of their love is now more accountable and should act accordingly. (More on this point will be included later in this GN.) So there's a pretty big chain reaction that can come about when a person voices their feelings of love. The relationship gets more complicated and requires more prayer.
145.If the Lord is leading towards a longer-term relationship--and by this I don't mean an actual threesome or permanent relationship, but more than a casual friendship or sharing relationship--then it's worthwhile to deal with the complications and invest the time necessary to pray and counsel about it. But if the Lord never intended for the relationship to grow to that proportion, it can easily become a waste of time and a fairly big distraction. Or worse yet, people can be hurt. That's what we want to avoid, by seeking the Lord's leading before making your feelings known in this type of situation.
146. We've covered in fair detail about how and when to communicate with the person you have feelings for--which is very good counsel regardless of whether you're single, mated or "attached." Now let's see what the Lord has to say about how and when to communicate with your mate or steady lover about your feelings for someone else.
147. (Jesus speaking:) It's important when you're having sexual fellowship with a person and there are feelings, emotions or attraction in your heart for that person, that you don't downplay it to such a degree with your mate that you are in effect lying. You should at least be positive about the time you spend together with that person. There are ways that you can talk about your time of fellowship with someone so that it's positive, but yet it doesn't set off the alarm bells in the heart and mind of your mate.
148. If you feel the sweet times you are having with someone are continuing with the same emotional intensity, even though you have not gone out of your way to encourage it nor have you spoken about it with your new love, then you would need to speak with your mate about these feelings. Honesty is the best policy. You should definitely talk with your mate before saying or indicating anything to the other person, the object of your newfound emotions or in-love feelings. Then you and your mate can pray about it together.
149. Your mate will be much more open to your continuing the relationship and will be more open to believing that My hand is in it if they have a part in the decision-making from the beginning. Take care not to breach the trust of your mate by leaving them out or operating behind their back in dishonesty or deception. (End of message from Jesus.)
150. (Mama:) You'll have to be very prayerful about how you communicate with your mate about your feelings for someone else. You don't want to cause them to worry or become alarmed about feelings that are here today and gone tomorrow. But what's even worse is for your mate to find out much after the fact, especially if you've already communicated with your new love. This is very humiliating for your mate and just not the right way to treat them!
151. You also don't want to talk with your mate after you have it all "figured out" with the Lord, so your mate feels they have no choice or say in the matter. That doesn't help things to go well. On this, someone wrote me the following:
152. I don't think that the responsibility should rest on the in-love mate to announce to his partner that "this relationship is of the Lord, and I'm convinced of it." That makes it very, very difficult. I had that experience happen to me recently, and though it was done quite gently and I was trying to yield to it, and it all went quite well, it still caused me to be somewhat rebellious to my mate about it, because I felt that he was trying to use spiritual leverage, that "it was the Lord," that it was "teaching them both good lessons," that it "was for her," etc., to push his way through.
153. If I had been involved with the initial counseling about it or prayer about it, I might have very well come up with the same thing, or received the same thing from the Lord, because after all, I do believe that it was the Lord and it did bear pretty good fruit. But me finding out that he was in love with someone and that he was convinced that it was definitely the Lord did not make it at all easy. I felt totally shut out of the counsel loop. Also, once he had "heard from the Lord" on it, he felt very strengthened about his position, and naturally relieved and assured about his new relationship. So then he was more closed to any of my comments or counsel, and was pretty much of the opinion that, "Tough. It's the Lord's will and it's right."
154. (Mama:) Take a word from the wise: Be prayerfuland communicate with your mate or loved one with consideration and love. You should do this before talking with your new flame, because according to the Law of Love, your mate needs to be in agreement with the outside love relationships that you have in your life. It's wise to talk with your mate prior to mentioning anything to the person you have feelings for, or before you give them too much indication that you have emotional feelings for them, since when you do, you could be fueling a fire that your mate might not have the faith for, or be in agreement with. An outside love relationship can be much harder to pull out of after you've declared your feelings, as opposed to before you have let your emotions be made known to the third party. Also, when you counsel with your mate they might have some helpful counsel for you, or might help you to see another side of the situation that you're not seeing clearly.
155. Next you might wonder when you should talk to your shepherds. We've emphasized the need to be open to shepherding, so this is a good question. But it might look pretty contradictory that the Lord says to keep your feelings to yourself and at the same time to seek shepherding. Here's a little message from Him with some clarifications on this:
156. (Jesus speaking:) In the initial stages when you're sharing with someone and you feel some emotion, during the time when you are just waiting to see which direction the relationship takes, whether the emotions will subside or whether they will continue on or even intensify, it is best that you just commune with Me on these matters. Talk to Me and share your heart with Me; let Me establish your thoughts. For if you were to go even to your shepherds prematurely and express your feelings and emotions, this in itself lends to intensifying them. Then your shepherds are put in a position of having to voice an opinion, or they feel the need to give counsel; but if it is premature, then what can they say, how can they lead you?
157. If it is during the time when you are to just trust Me and quietly wait, then it is better just to do that and don't go seeking the counsel, comfort or instruction of man. Then later, after a short time passes, if you still feel some emotion for the person and you feel the need to counsel with your shepherds, this is fine. But I also suggest that you should counsel with your mate fairly close to the same time, because the danger is that if your mate feels that others have been aware of your feelings much before he or she was made aware of them, then this just adds salt to the wound, as your mate may feel that there was a breach of trust, a lack of faith, and may find this counseling "behind their back" to be embarrassing. So if you feel the need for the counsel, help and prayer of your shepherds, that's perfectly fine, but it should be either shortly before or shortly after you also share your thoughts and feelings and emotions with your mate. (End of message from Jesus.)
Staying Within the Appropriate Boundaries
158.(Mama:) Dad described love as follows: "Love is an emotion--something which causes you to move out into something good" (ML #845:2). And, when you have emotional or in-love feelings for someone, it generally causes you to want to do good things and to interact with the one you have feelings for in a positive manner. For example, you'll go out of your way to be loving and kind to them; or if they have something to tell you, you're apt to listen and seriously consider their suggestions or counsel. The communication and unity between you will usually improve through the closeness you share. These things can be a positive force in your lives. It can cause you to be happier, to feel more loved by the Lord, to have a better outlook, and to be more inspired. These feelings can bear good fruit. They do, however, need to be kept within their boundaries. On this, the Lord had the following to say:
159.(Jesus speaking:) The danger lies when these emotions are allowed to overflow the banks and go beyond the boundaries. Love is strong and powerful, and when it's channeled, it brings forth good fruit; it brings forth more love and light and joy and happiness. But if this strong flow of love goes beyond the bounds, beyond the boundaries of My Law of Love, then it can do harm and bring hurt to another.
160.So though two people feel these strong emotions of love and are attracted to each other, they must pray, they must seek Me, and they must call out to Me that I will keep these emotions channeled, that I will keep them within the boundaries. They must pray that they will not be blinded by this love and this emotion, so that they will see the effect that it has on others, so they can grow into full maturity and learn how to handle this love--how to enjoy this love without letting it hurt and harm others. (End of message from Jesus.)
161.(Mama:) We must pray that our emotions will not lead us into actions that will cause harm to others, as that would be breaching the Law of Love. The main danger of strong emotional feelings is that they cause those involved to become "blinded by this love and this emotion." When those involved are affected by "love blindness," they often act in a way that is mainly focused on their own feelings and desires and those of the person they are attracted to, without taking the feelings of others into account. This can be especially harmful when it happens to someone who is married, as their actions not only can hurt their mate (and children), but also can strain their marriage.
162.If a married person is giving too much attention to the sharing partner they have emotional feelings for, if they are constantly seeking their companionship, if they are overly affectionate in public or are having frequent sexual activity with them, it's very likely that an unhappy mate will be the result. Often, such runaway emotions lead to sexual encounters on the sly, without the consent of the husband or wife, which is unloving and hurtful. Such actions are wrong! They're against the Law of Love and lead to mistrust between marriage partners, which is something very damaging and hard to remedy.
163.As the Lord said, He wants us to "grow into full maturity and learn how to handle this love, how to enjoy this love without letting it hurt and harm others." The way to do that is to "pray that we will not be blinded by this love and this emotion, so that we may see the effect that it has on others." One of the main ways to keep from going overboard is to keep the Lord in the center of all your relationships, and pray from the beginning to keep your emotions in check, within the boundaries.
164.What are the boundaries? The boundaries are love--the Law of Love--that you "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" (Mat.7:12), that your "love worketh no ill to your neighbor" (Rom.13:10). Going outside of the boundaries means disregarding the principles of the Law of Love.
165.I'll give you a few examples: Being self-centered and seeking your own happiness, even to the hurt of others; excluding others from your fellowship; being deceptive in order to promote or preserve your relationship; allowing your relationship to disrupt the work your Home is involved in, or to cause you to neglect your own ministry, children, marriage, etc.; or when, as a married person, you're giving too much time or attention to your lover, being overly affectionate in public, having sexual encounters on the sly without the consent of your mate, etc.
166.Such actions as those listed above are wrong; they are not "doing unto others as you'd have them do unto you" or "loving others as yourself." Remember, the above points are just a very few examples of how you could possibly step outside of what we've referred to as the acceptable boundaries. To put it very simply, to keep your relationships with others within the proper boundaries means that you live according to the Lord's Law of Love--as explained in the Word, including this series of GNs--to the best of your ability.
167.The Lord wants us to be mature enough to live the Law of Love, grown up enough in the spirit and prayerful enough to keep our emotions within the bounds of love. Can you?
168.Along these lines, the Lord said in prophecy:
169.(Jesus speaking:) It's only My inexperienced, immature children who let their emotions run wild, who follow the love that they feel in their hearts without opening their eyes to see the effect that it has on others. But I want My children to grow, to mature, and to learn to let these feelings of love flow between them and another to bring good, and to harm no one. It is My desire that this love that they feel will not overflow the banks, will not overflow the boundaries of My Law of Love and bring hurt or harm to another.
170.My love is a powerful weapon, and My children must learn how to use it. It's a strong vehicle that will take them far, but they must learn how to control it. It's a mighty river that flows swift and strong, and My children must learn to flow with the current and stay within the banks of this mighty river. (End of message from Jesus.)
171. (Mama:) I spoke earlier about responsibilities, and I want to add that keeping your emotions within the boundaries of the Law of Love is another one of the responsibilities you have as you share sexually with others. I don't mean that you can't have in-love or romantic feelings for someone else. The point is that if you do fall in love, then you're going to have to keep your emotions in check so that your love relationship is not going to do any damage, which is a pretty difficult thing to do. You'll need to call on the supernatural help of the Lord to do it!
172.You're responsible to be aware of the effect your actions have on others--especially when you have emotional feelings for someone you're sharing with, and you or they are married or seriously "attached" to someone else. Staying within the boundaries means you handle any such feelings you may have for another maturely and in love so you won't harm your mate or your steady boyfriend/girlfriend, nor will you neglect them by not giving them the time, attention, love, sex and companionship that they need. It goes without saying that you certainly shouldn't leave your mate because of your emotional feelings for someone else. The key to staying within the boundaries, of course, is desperate prayer.
The Law of Love Does Not Mean Free Sex!
173.Another crucial point in helping you to stay within the proper boundaries is realizing that the Law of Love does not simply mean free sex. In other words, under the freedom of the Law of Love, you're not free to just do as you please. That's not what we're talking about! You need to understand this very clearly right from the start, or your experiences with the Law of Love will be riddled with problems and heartaches! One of our young CROs commented:
174. I think it would be good to clarify for the Family that the Law of Love, when applied to sex, does not just mean sexual freedom or that you're free to have sex with whomever you want, whenever you want to, with no rules or regulations. Right now there are many people who think that anyone who doesn't let them do as they please doesn't "live the Law of Love."
175. I know of young people who are sincerely wrong in what they consider to be the principle of the Law of Love. They will freely practice what they consider the Law of Love and almost pride themselves in it. But when you see how they live it, you realize that to them, the Law of Love means nothing more than sexual freedom. These so-called "believers" go around hurting people left and right, and if they're married, usually they have a very hurt and insecure husband or wife.
176. For example, a wife will be very upset that her husband doesn't let her "live the Law of Love" and do as she pleases; when in actuality he simply feels that there are some things that she would need to agree to and abide by in order to help him feel secure and loved. But unfortunately he's looked down on by others as the weak one who doesn't "live the Law of Love." (End of comment from young CRO.)
177.(Mama:) Very important point! It's out of line to accuse either your mate or the person you're going steady with of "not living the Law of Love" because they feel the need for some guidelines, agreements and consideration in the way you go about your sexual sharing. You are not free under the Law of Love to act on every whim and desire without consideration of how it will affect others! You are not free to be deceptive or to lie or cover up or try to hide your activities. You are obligated under the Law of Love to consider and protect the feelings and well-being of your mate (or your steady boyfriend or girlfriend) as much as possible.
Guidelines for Singles Sharing Amongst Each Other
178.I imagine that some of you who are single might wonder if or how the above counsel applies to the relations that you have with other singles. Do you also need to be careful, or can you be a little more footloose and fancy-free when it comes to following your emotions? Do you also need to keep your emotions in check and to keep your love within the proper boundaries? Here's a message from the Lord regarding these questions:
179. (Jesus speaking:) When a married couple has relations with another person outside their marriage relationship, it's of course more complicated,because it involves three people instead of two. So naturally they need to be very prayerful and careful and loving in all that they do. But singles, while their situation may not be as complicated, still should be very prayerful and careful, and you, too, should enter into relationships with the same counsel and the same mentality, so as to avoid hurting others, leading on the person you're sharing with, making promises or giving impressions that aren't lasting or true.
180. You singles should also be mindful that there may be others observing your interactions with each other, and if someone has feelings for the person you're close to or involved with, then you should be careful and prayerful not to flaunt your relationship in front of that person. While your relationships might sometimes be simpler when they involve just the two of you, whereas a married couple's relations with someone always involves at least three people, still, no man is an island and sometimes the relations of singles can be more far-reaching than you realize. If not handled right, you can affect others negatively by making people feel left out, undesirable, ignored, misunderstood, etc. So I caution you singles to be careful, prayerful and thoughtful of others.
181.It's very easy for you singles as well to be swept off your feet by the power of My lovemanifested though anotherand to misjudge the situation, or to feel that there's more "future" in the relationship than there really is. Often I allow you singles to experience My love in the bed of love with another, and I make it a glorious, wonderful, beautiful, exhilarating, thrilling experience! But that doesn't mean that I intend for it to be a permanent relationship. And if you act too quickly, on the spur of the moment, letting your emotions run wild without praying for My will or seeking My face, then this opens the door for hurt feelings, for broken dreams, for promises that are not kept.
182.So while I don't want you to resist My love or to put restrictions on how I can show My love either to you or through you, I do expect you to be prayerful and to enter into your relations with others in a prayerful, careful spirit, asking Me from the beginning to keep your emotions in check.
183.If you acknowledge Me freely and directly, and you know and show and confirm to each other that it's My love that you're showing and giving and receiving, then you'll be able to bask in My love fully and freely, and at the same time be wise and allow Me to channel and control your emotions. (End of message from Jesus.)
The Responsibilities of the Giver
184.(Mama:) If someone is in love with you and you don't have the same feelings for that person, you might wonder what your responsibility or obligation is to that person. This question is especially puzzling if you're married and are sharing regularly with someone who is in love with you. You might ask yourself if their in-love feelings bind you to a higher level of accountability as far as your needing to be more aware of their feelings, reactions, wants or desires, jealousy battles, etc. You might also wonder about how much you need to take that person's feelings into consideration when you make personal decisions or plans, or how careful you need to be regarding your interaction and dates with others so as to not hurt or offend that person. This is especially perplexing if the person who is in love with you is jealous. It is difficult to know how much you need to give them what they want as far as time, attention, consideration and sex.
185.All of these questions are very important, because when someone is in love, they can naturally tend to get demanding. This can put the other person or people involved under pressure. Because the receiver is in love, sometimes the tendency is for them to feel they have a "right" to more consideration than is really necessary or even good or spiritually healthy for them. Or sometimes the givers feel they have to be so very giving, because they really want to live the Law of Love and be unselfish, that they go to the extreme and give more than the Lord wants, giving the third party too much priority, attention or place.
186.This can cause the receiver to become familiar or even lifted up in pride in some cases, or it can result in the receiver getting the wrong impression, that the feelings are reciprocated. Also, the giver going overboard in trying to accommodate the receiver's wishes can cause the personal love relationship to occupy too large a place in the receiver's life and heart, when oftentimes the Lord is trying to use the tests or loneliness or desire that the receiver feels to bring him or her into a deeper, more intimate relationship with the Lord as their Husband and Lover.
187.Of course, the Law of Love teaches us that we need to "do unto others as we'd have them do unto us," so obviously there should be a large measure of love. But how that love is manifested and whether it's as much as the receiver wishes is the question. In these next prophecy excerpts you'll find answers to these and other questions.
188.(Jesus speaking:) Owe no man or woman anything but to love them, for in this you fulfill My law. The degree and intensity and frequency of love that is your obligation to give will vary according to each situation, and you must seek Me to know what is according to My will and how much is your responsibility to give in the individual circumstances.
189.The level of accountability or obligation of love is contingent on the situation, the maturity of the individuals, the lessons I'm teaching each one, the stage of growth they're at in their own personal lives, as well as My will and desire in their lives, where I want them to go, what I want them to do, how I desire to use them, and the purpose I'm trying to accomplish in each life.
190. In all these relationships, your greatest responsibility as an individual is that of seeking Me to know what to do, how to move, and how I want you to meet your responsibility of love. This is the greatest obligation I require of all--to seek Me and hear from Me on which direction I would have you go. Love always takes some kind of action, therefore let the first action that you take be that of petitioning Me, of hearing My voice, and receiving My counsel and direction. (End of message from Jesus.)
191. (Mama:) As you see, there is no hard and fast, do-this-but-don't-do-that rule to go by in these situations. We just have to pray and follow the Lord step by step. It's come to that! And for you married couples who are givers, I strongly suggest that both of you be involved in hearing from the Lord on these matters, not just the mate involved in the actual sexual sharing.
192.The wants, desires and needs of each individual will vary from person to person, according to personalities, circumstances, conditions, and what the Lord wishes to accomplish in their lives at the time. Each situation is unique and each must be judged according to the time, the place, and the need at hand. But in all cases, in all instances what you "owe" your brother or sister is to love them. The degree of love that you show must be given on a case by case basis, each according to the need and the purpose the Lord wishes to accomplish in the lives of all concerned. You'll see in this next prophecy excerpt that sometimes the Lord will lead you to give more than other times, as He knows best.
193. (Jesus speaking:) I bid you to live in love; yet there are times when refraining to meet the desire or demand of another is the greater part of love. This is why, My children, it's imperative that you continually pray and seek My counsel on these matters. For there are times when the request of one, although sincere, is not within the perfect boundaries of My best will. For when one is fully immersed in the throes of emotional love, one's vision is blurred, and in these times their petitions are not always according to My perfect will, nor what would be to the best benefit for all involved.
194.Love has many forms. At times to refrain from spending unnecessary time with another is love, for it may be that by so doing, you're freeing them to spend time alone with Me--time that I desire with them alone. At other times, you may also be freeing them to reach out to another individual who has need of love. There are times, however, when I will grant within a relationship that you fulfill not only the needs but the "wants" and "desires" of another.
195. Seek Me daily for the answers and solutions and to know the proper balance in your relationships with each other--to know when to give and when to take, how much to give and to what degree, when to meet the need of the other, or when to place the need of the other in My hands that I might meet it Myself. For each individual there is a time to reach out and a time to refrain from reaching out, and only in seeking Me will you know the difference. These relationships are fluid, therefore you must flow with My Spirit in order to maintain the proper balance. (End of message from Jesus.)
196. (Mama:) As you can see from the above counsel, you need to be Spirit-led in how you care for and love someone when you're in the position of the giver. (Remember, givers are married couples who share with others, or singles who share with someone who is in love with them, but the feelings are not mutual.)
197.Of course, you want to be nice; you want the other person to be happy and to have what they want and need. But as we learned in the above message, doing the most loving thing from the Lord's perspective doesn't mean that you always do what that person wants or give them whatever they ask for.
198.The Lord might lead you differently at different times, even with the same person, depending on the circumstances. Sometimes it's walking in love to open your arms and give an extra hug, a reassuring look or nod, or a tender touch that says, "I understand." Sometimes it's love to have a friendly chat or a walk. Other times you'll feel led to have a more in-depth time of communication, counseling and prayer, or perhaps an extra date or some unscheduled or unexpected cuddle time. Of course, if you are mated, you should first have counseled about these matters with your mate, and worked out some agreement where you are either allowed to engage in such cuddles at unplanned times and inform your mate of them later, or if your arrangement is such that you must discuss things beforehand, then you should abide by that arrangement.
199. (By the way, we've found that it's often convenient to schedule dates, rather than just "let them happen." Otherwise someone who is in love can easily be tempted to push for more time, and if they don't get it they feel that the other person doesn't love them, is mad at them or is ignoring them. Scheduling your dates helps everyone know what to expect and takes the guessing and the worrying out of sharing.)
200. Sometimes it's love to engage in a special activity together. At other times the loving thing is to refrain from doing some of the above-mentioned activities, and instead encourage the person to take some time alone to commune in stillness and quietness with the Lord, with you offering a supportive prayer. Or possibly the Lord will lead you to encourage the person who's in love with you to spend time with some other needy soul. The only way to know what to do and when is to seek the Lord!
201.The Scripture that might come to your mind is, "Give to him that asketh thee"(Mat. 5:42). At first it might seem that the above counsel is contrary to this verse, but here is the Lord's application of that verse in these circumstances:
202. (Jesus speaking:) "Give to him that asketh thee, and to him that seeks, turn not thou away." But you must prayerfully give them what they need and not necessarily always what they're asking for. This is the spiritual responsibility that you as the giver have toward the receiver. You are not bound to give just the things that the receiver wants and is asking of you--whether it be more emotional involvement, more of your time and attention, or more security in your relationship, etc. The most important thing is that you give what is best for the person.
203. Even though the receiver is in love and is asking of you, this doesn't mean that you must automatically meet those requests, or that you are scripturally bound to do so--especially if in doing so it ministers to their pride, or causes them to give too much importance to the relationship, or causes them to get an exaggerated idea about the emotional involvement of you, the giver, which, with time, would cause many more problems and complications than the initial disappointment felt by the receiver when his or her requests are not fulfilled. (End of message from Jesus.)
204. (Mama:) The needs of the receiver and the needs of the married givers are intertwined. So if you're married, you would need to be even more prayerful regarding the receiver's requests, because it affects your marriage and your mate. On this, the Lord said:
205. (Jesus speaking:) In the case of married givers, the needs of the marriage and the non-sharing mated person must be taken into consideration as well. If a receiver's requests would put too much pressure on the marriage or the mate of the sharing partner, then the married couple should pray about it and they need not feel obligated. I will not put the giving requirements too high; and the need or desire to make the receiver happy or fulfill his or her requests should not be put above the welfare of the non-sharing mate or the needs of the marriage relationship.
206. Some couples will find that their giving muscles grow with time, and as all grow and mature, and as I lead step by step, it is possible that after some time has passed the givers will feel led to give more, to fulfill more of the receiver's requests. But that will not happen in all cases, not even in all cases where the outside relationship with the third party continues for a long time. Again this is a case where you must pray and be led of Me. (End of message from Jesus.)
207. (Mama:) One thing we all need to be careful of is that we don't usurp the place and time in the receiver's life that the Lord wants for Himself. On this, the Lord said:
208. (Jesus speaking:) As you venture out to live My Law of Love, there will be times when I ask you to step back from the responsibility of love, when I desire to meet this obligation Myself, when the one in need will be able to draw close to My bosom that I might fill their desire and needs fully and richly and directly from My Own heart of love. The key is in seeking Me and in knowing when to give and when to refrain from giving, to know when I call upon you to fulfill your obligation of love, and when I prefer that you leave the duty of love to Me alone to fill the needs, wants and desires of those for whom you care. (End of message from Jesus.)
209.(Mama:) If the Lord is leading you as a married couple to enter into a more long-term relationship with someone (which should be prayed about and decided on by both mates), then of course more consideration needs to be given to the third person, depending on the level of commitment made by all three involved, as the Lord instructs below.
210.(Jesus speaking:) In a relationship of a married couple and a third party, it's the loving thing to be kind, considerate and mindful of the third party's feelings and emotions within reason, and as long as this is not to the detriment of your greater responsibility to My Family and the work that I require of you. I would that all those who I allow to have a special link with each other be mindful of others and not flaunt actions that would cause tender and sensitive hearts undue turmoil.
211.My desire is to bring the givers and the third party who is the receiver together in a sweet bond of friendship and love. Let the obligation of the givers, therefore, be an obligation of friendship and love, the degree of which I will make known according to the individual case as you seek Me.
212.Only at the point when I'm leading into a more definite and permanent relationship do I require a higher level of responsibility and a deeper sense of communication, counseling and consideration. There is a great variety of relationships and emotions. My will is very fluid and each relationship is unique in its depth, length and purpose. But when all three people involved have determined together that their relationship is something more than a friendship, then there must be commitment, to some degree, from each of the three people. And even then, the level of consideration and responsibility varies, depending on the level of commitment.
213.If the relationship remains one-sided [the receiver is in love with one married partner, but the feelings are not reciprocated], and the other two people (the mated couple) are willing to supply the needs of the third party and open their lives as I lead, then this requires some consideration, but moderately so. If the relationship is a friendship or love relationship that the sharing mate and the receiver would like or hope to continue for an indefinite period of time, providing it's in accordance with My will and the other mate agrees, then in that case there is some responsibility to the third person. But if the relationship is something that all parties agree is the Lord's will to continue, as a permanent threesome, with the same commitment as a man makes to his wife and vice versa, then there is much more commitment, and as a result, much more responsibility toward the third person. (End of message from Jesus.)
The Importance of Honesty and Forthrightness on the Part of the Giver
214. (Mama:) Another problem that comes up in the relationship of a giver and receiver is knowing how to respond to the receiver's declarations of love. This is in the case where the receiver has emotional feelings that are not reciprocated by the giver. Sometimes the receiver is rather insecure or desperate for assurance, so you, the giver, may suddenly be hit with a "loaded" question about your feelings. Or the receiver will say how special you are and so on, wording it in such a way that you feel you're expected or almost obligated to reciprocate in like manner.
215.When the other person is asking for confessions of love and devotion, even though you don't feel them, it sometimes appears to be an easy way out to temporarily comfort them or assure them or assuage their worries by saying, "Oh yes, I feel the same towards you," or, "Yes, I want to be with you always, too," etc. This is not recommended, however, as it can definitely cause many more problems in the long run, as the Lord explains:
(Note: In the following two prophecies the giver is depicted as male and the receiver as female, but it could easily be the other way around.)
216. (Jesus speaking:) The strong "in love" feelings of the human heart can often exaggerate, blow out of perspective, and overshadow or cast a cloud over reality. Words and actions are easily misinterpreted when one is in the throes of emotional upheaval. Therefore, in order for the party who has the stronger feelings (the receiver) to maintain clear vision and see a clear picture, honesty on the part of the giver, the one who has the lesser emotions, is necessary. As the one who feels less emotion clearly states his position, this will serve as a check and balance for the one who is prone to have her perspective clouded through strong emotions, and it will help her pull things back into proper perspective.
217. As the giver is honest in love and humility, this will help the receiver to keep a clear vision and maintain a proper balance when receiving love. Failure on the part of the giver to honestly state the facts, or to procrastinate in doing so, oftentimes is the very catalyst that will promote words and actions on the part of the receiver that come across as demanding, pushy, and pressuring for something more than is desired by the giver or more than he is capable of giving.
218. In order to keep a proper balance, therefore, the giver must be sweet and loving, yet forthright in speech, and in honesty and humility make his position known. The giver must not stand still, nor seek to take neutral ground, for in so doing, this leaves the door open for the receiver to assume that something more is there when it's not. It's a good thing to say sweet and loving things from a heart motivated by My love, yet avoid words that can be easily misconstrued and blown out of proportion, that you are not able to live up to.
219.As the giver strives to be honest and forthright regarding his own feelings, emotions and intentions, this will also help the giver himself to maintain a humble spirit and attitude. For to be honest is to be humble.
220.As I have said, when the one with strong emotions appears to apply unwanted pressure in a relationship, more often than not this state is fostered by lack of action on the part of the one who has less emotions in taking a stand and honestly making clear his own position. One reason the giver is often reluctant to make things definite is because there is a fine line wherein lies the temptation of pride. Though his intentions may be good, it's nevertheless a temptation of the flesh to feed on the praise of man.
221. When the receiver is obviously attracted and vocalizes her feelings, to hear how special one is to another--even though he may not feel the same in return--naturally ministers to the pride of the giver. The flesh naturally, even subconsciously, seeks the praise of man. The flesh likes to think that others are attracted, that others admire, desire and even look on in adoration. Openness and honesty will also help the giver, and serve as a checkpoint on pride, for it is humbling to be honest.
222.It's a two-way street. The receiver must be mindful not to put the giver on the spot, pressuring for something in return, when I am not leading in that way. Yet the giver must be prayerful and careful not to sit in passive lack of action, and therefore actually foster these actions or feelings; for by doing nothing, the giver is in effect opening the door for a certain amount of pressure to be applied. There may be cases where the receiver is still prone to apply pressure, even after having things clearly spelled out and defined, yet as the giver continues making known his own position in honesty and humility, things will fall into place. (End of message from Jesus.)
223.(Mama:) Not only are you givers not to say things you don't mean, but the Lord indicates in the above message that you should take the initiative to be lovingly honest about your feelings. Here is another explanation from the Lord along these lines:
224.(Jesus speaking:) A person who is in love perceives things differently and much more to the extreme than a person who is not in love. The slightest advance or affection can be interpreted to an extreme by the person who is in love, because she is desiring so much to have those in-love feelings reciprocated. This can be difficult for the party that doesn't have the same feelings, for he wants to be tender and loving and caring with the heart of the person who is in love with him. He knows what a big thing it is and how much it means to her, so he tries very hard to be loving and go out of his way to make her feel loved and desired and special.
225. Therefore it's good from time to time for him who does not have the in-love, romantic, emotional feelings that are so strong in the other person to gently remind her that although their relationship and their times together are very sweet and meaningful, and they've been able to develop a friendship, he is not in love. Making this clear shows My love to the one who is in love, even though it momentarily hurts her and makes her sad that these feelings can't be returned. The truth is always the best, and as I've said, will set you free.
226. In the long run you'll find that this is always the best way, because then the person who's in love will not continue to build false hopes and read more into things than really are there. Because it really is much more difficult for the person who does not have the in-love feelings to continue being loving, giving, open and encouraging to the receiver if he's afraid that she's going to read the wrong message into it. So it's better that she know that the in-love feelings are not reciprocated; that although the other person loves her dearly, his emotions are not so strong, and he's not in love. (End of message from Jesus.)
227. (Mama:) It's your responsibility as a giver to walk in love regarding your interaction with the person who is the recipient of your love. You are responsible to live according to the Law of Love, doing unto others as you would want them to do unto you--and that especially means interacting with that person according to the Lord's will and plan! And to do that, you need to pray! Remember, the Lord said, "Your greatest responsibility as an individual is that of seeking Me to know what to do, how to move, and how I want you to meet your responsibility of love." Sometimes you'll be responsible to give, sometimes to refrain from giving, and the only way to know the difference is to seek the Lord!
228.In the relationship of a receiver who is single and a giver who is married, there will be varying degrees of consideration shown for the feelings and needs of the receiver, depending on the situation--especially the level of commitment made by all three people involved. If you as a married couple feel led to enter into a more permanent threesome relationship with someone, then you are definitely responsible, at that time, to give that person more consideration. You're more accountable to the third person, and are obligated to show much more consideration for his or her desires, feelings, needs, jealousy battles, etc.
229.If the feelings of the receiver are not reciprocated on your part, it's the responsibility of you as the giver to not lead the receiver on, either by your actions or by your words. It's wrong to say things that could give the receiver hope of a more permanent or ongoing relationship if you and your mate have no intention of starting such a relationship. It's also wrong to give the receiver the impression that your emotional feelings for him or her are stronger than they really are, by giving pledges of love or devotion or pretending to have in-love feelings that just aren't there.
230.As the giver, you are to pray to resist the temptation of pride and receiving the praise of man, and one way to do this is to be sweetly and lovingly honest about your feelings for the person who's in love with you. That will help the receiver avoid drawing wrong conclusions, and consequently putting pressure on you to give more.
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231.What a tremendous blessing it is to have these jewels, this precious counsel from our faithful Husband and Lover. He's trying to make it easy for us. He's doing all He can to show us the easiest, safest, happiest way to live the Law of Love. Now it's up to us to be good students, faithful followers, willing servants, humble lovers, and yielded channels of His love.
232.There's a lot to grasp in all this material, but if you start to put it into practice the best you can, the Lord will honor your steps and He will bless you! Peter and I are so proud of you for your willingness to be what Jesus wants you to be. What a Family! What a Lover! We have more love, truth, comfort, happiness and contentment than we ever imagined possible! Praise the Lord! Thank you, dear ones, for making this all possible through your faith and obedience.
Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family