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Living the Lord's Law of Love!--Pt.4 Maria #450 CM 3204 3/98
--Counsel and guidelines for our second generation (age 16 and up), but applicable to older adults as well
Required Reading. For Voting Members Only
Table of Contents
The Law of Love and senior teens 2
The need for shepherding 4
More on the Law of Love and senior teens 5
Your responsibility to not hurt others, especially with gossip 7
Your responsibility to trust the Lord for a baby if you choose to fuck 10
Your responsibility to not fuck unless you decide together ahead of time to do so 13
Senior teens need parental permission to fuck 17
Are babies "a mistake"? 17
A baby is always a blessing, never a punishment! 19
Your responsibility to marry in the case of pregnancy 21
The responsibility of the woman not to deny her child a father 24
When the woman tells the man, "I won't hold you responsible!" 26
Two (or more) women pregnant by the same man 30
(Note: All references to sexual sharing in this GN are only to be applied according to the guidelines in the Charter. As mentioned in the first part of this series, because this topic is complex, it won't be possible to explain everything or answer all the questions in just one GN. So please read through the whole series, because something you might not understand so well from reading one GN might be further explained in a later one.)
1. God bless you! I'm very thankful for the time and attention you've given this series of GNs. We're so blessed to have such a vast understanding of the Law of Love, thanks to Dad's original insight and yieldedness, and the further messages of clarification and amplification that we've continued to receive from him and the Lord. Understanding and learning to live such a profound truth takes time and maturity, and I believe that you're willing to apply yourselves to this challenge. I know the Lord will bless you greatly as you learn to put the Law of Love into effect more fully in every area of your lives. Praise the Lord!
2.The first three GNs in this series covered a variety of aspects of the Law of Love, a number of which pertained more to married couples and those involved in love relationships. In this Letter, however, I would like to speak more directly to you younger ones--those of you of the second generation (age 16 and up) who are eligible to share sexually with each other.
3.As you know, one of the goals the Lord gave the Family for this year was to live the Law of Love more fully. The Lord wants us to live all aspects of it, "doing unto others as we'd have them do unto us." If we were all to do that, the other goals the Lord led us to put forth for 1998 would be met much more easily and quickly.
4. In the course of speaking about the need to live the Law of Love fully, the Lord specifically mentioned you young people and your need to have a clear, Word-based understanding and Godly attitude towards it. The Lord also said, "They need to be instructed with the pure water of My Word, and to be strengthened in the meat of My Word, that they might accept, believe, receive, and live the truth that has been entrusted into their care" (ML #3160:170). One of the reasons I'm writing these GNs is to do just that--to help you fully comprehend the many aspects of the Law of Love, to answer the questions you might have, to instruct you in its practical application in your life, and to teach you to live it in accordance with God's Word.
5.I'll speak mostly to you young people in this Letter, but it's also important for you older adults to read and understand what I'm saying here. Not only do you need to know what I'm telling the younger generation, but the counsel and instruction and new guidelines or clarifications for sexual sharing that the Lord puts forth in this GN apply to you as well.
6.One thing that I ask you young people to please bear in mind when reading this GN is that I'm talking to quite a wide range of ages, from 16 to about 25. Within this range there are senior teens, YAs, and SGAs, and each group generally has a different level of understanding, experience and maturity. Also, within each age group there are people with different outlooks, questions, needs and desires. So if I say something which doesn't exactly apply to you, please don't get offended or think I don't know what I'm talking about; be mature enough to realize that though it might not apply directly to you, there are bound to be others in the various age groups that need to hear it.
7.Also, if I make a general statement about your age group but you don't think that the statement accurately describes how you personally feel, please understand that I can't possibly describe in detail the feelings or problems of every single person in your age group. Instead, please consider that there are others of your age group who might feel that way and who need to hear the counsel that I'm giving. Thanks for understanding!
The Law of Love and Senior Teens
8.I'll start by talking to you senior teens. When the Charter was first implemented back in 1995, you were 13 or 14 years old. At that time, the change in the teen sex rules in the Charter which allowed senior teens to share sexually with each other did not affect you. You have now grown older and are allowed by both the Charter and the Law of Love to share with one another, if you so desire. I believe, though, that while you have been partaking of that freedom as you personally have felt led, many of you probably missed out on some of the important counsel that was given to those who were senior teens at the time that the Charter came out.
9.As you know, before the Charter was put into place, senior teens were not allowed to have sexual contact with each other. That changed with the implementation of the Charter. At that time we published GN 649, entitled "Teen Sex Policies," which gave some very needed counsel, guidelines, and stipulations to help you senior teens use this new freedom without hurting others.
10.I'll review one of the main points from that GN, but I feel you should all read it in full if you've not already done so. In fact, anyone who turns 16 should read this series of "Law of Love" GNs, as well as the other GNs included in the list of required reading for young people who are in the last quarter of their 15th year. All senior teens must have read the GNs in this list, together with a parent or shepherd, before they will be allowed to engage in sexual activity. (This is now a Charter amendment. Please see the Word Rules section in the updated version of the Charter and the corresponding amendment in the Charter LNF, which you should be receiving within a couple of months, D.V.)
GNs for 15-year-olds and senior teens
Parents and shepherds, it's very important for you to make sure that the young people in your Home during the last three months before turning 16 read the following five GNs with you before they begin having any sexual contact with others in their age group. This is required.
1) "Revolutionary Lovemaking" (ML #259, Vol. 2)
2) "Questions and Answers on Sex, Freedoms and Relationships" (ML #2718, DB 11)
3) "Teen Sex Policies" (GN 649/Lifelines 22)
4) "Go for the Gold" (ML #2961, GN 657/Lifelines 22)
5) "Mama's Memos!--No.4. A How-to of the Practical Application of 'Going for the Gold'!" (ML #3138, GN 748)
Also, all senior teens are required to read the following with their parents or shepherds before they begin having any sexual contact with others in their age group.
"Living the Lord's Law of Love" series (in full, starting with ML #3201, GN 804.)
In addition to the preceding Letters, we recommend that the following pubs be read by teens before they turn 16. These could be read on their own or with a parent or shepherd.
1) "All About Growing Up" (Childcare Reference Handbook, pg.800)
2) "Mama's Love Story!--Parts 5 and 6" (ML #2996, GN 639/Lifelines 22; ML #3001, GN 641/Lifelines 22)
Once they turn 16, members should be given the opportunity to read the full version of the following publications, which they were unable to read previously:
1) "Loving Jesus!--Part 3" (ML #3029, GN 662)
2) "Loving Jesus!--Part 4" (ML #3030, GN 662)
3) "Loving Jesus!--Part 5" (ML #3031, GN 663)
4) "Loving Jesus!--Part 6" (ML #3032, GN 664)
5) "Loving Jesus!--Part 7" (ML #3033, GN 665)
6) "What a Husband and a Lover" (ML #3098, GN 719)
7) "Golden Victories" (ML #3162, GN 768)
The Need for Shepherding
11.One of the main points the Lord brought out when giving you 16- and 17-year-olds the freedom to share sexually was the need for you to have shepherding in this area of your lives. Many of you who have turned 16 since the Charter went into effect have mistakenly gotten the idea that once you become voting members, you no longer need to pay attention to the counsel of your parents or your shepherds. Many of you buck against it when either your parents or shepherds try to correct you, counsel you, or become involved in your personal lives. However, the Charter specifically commissions the teamwork to shepherd those in their Home. (See the Charter, Responsibilities and Authority of Home Officers, B.)
12. I also talked about the need for shepherding not just you young people, but the adults as well, in my epilogue to the Charter, "Serve One Another in Love!" (See ML #2978:110-127, GN 623/Lifelines 22.) On top of that, at the time of the Charter, the Lord gave specific instruction to the shepherds and the senior teens about the need for shepherding and involvement by both your parents and the shepherds as you began having sexual contact with one another. (See "The Law of Love and Senior Teens," para.28-32, GN 649 or Lifelines 22.)
13.The Lord wasn't trying to stifle your sexual sharing when He commissioned your parents and shepherds to counsel you in these matters. Instead, He was trying to keep you from hurting others and from being hurt. Sex, relationships, and the emotions that come with them can be very turbulent. It takes time to learn how to handle these things in love, wisdom and faith.
14. It's a bit like circus performers who walk the high wire. When they're first learning, they do it very close to the ground, so if they fall they don't hurt themselves. Later, when they raise the wire higher, they put a net underneath so that if they fall, the net will catch them. It's only when they become experts that they walk across the high wire with no net. And believe me, there are very few experts in this world. Most circus performers regularly and happily depend on that net! In sexual sharing, shepherding is the net. Allowing your parents or shepherds to give you guidance and counsel can keep you from tripping, falling, and hurting yourself or others.
15.You may resent the idea of others getting involved with your personal lives, especially anything having to do with sex. But rather than complain about it, you should be thankful that the Lord is allowing you to share sexually at all. Remember, there are few, if any, other Christian groups or churches who allow their 16- and 17-year-olds to have sex with one another.
16.As I explained in the first GN of this series, Christians do not generally believe as we do about having sex outside of marriage, either with your partner before you're married or with someone other than your mate after you're married. They consider it a sin. Even in non-Christian homes, parents don't usually agree to or give permission to their 16- and 17-year-olds to have sex.
17.These restrictions in both Christian and non-Christian homes don't mean the parents have more concern for their kids than we do in the Family. The religious parents oppose their kids having sex outside of marriage mainly because of their religious beliefs; they feel it's morally wrong. But many parents who don't care anything about religion are usually just as intolerant or vehemently opposed to their teens having sex outside of marriage, not necessarily because they feel it's morally wrong, but for many other reasons, some of which might be common to religious parents as well, such as: They feel their kids aren't mature enough to make a responsible decision regarding sex, they don't like the guy or girl their kid is dating, they aren't prepared to shepherd the complications of teenage relationships and possible teenage pregnancies, they don't have the faith to face peer pressure in their neighborhoods and workplaces if their kids get pregnant. Also, they feel it takes too much oversight and counsel and involvement on their parts to let the kids have sex and to teach them how to be mature and responsible about it. So instead, the parents opt to just say the teens can't do it.
18. The Lord, however, has allowed you young people in the Family to share sexually because of the full truth of the Law of Love that He revealed to Dad. But with this freedom also comes responsibility, and the restriction of some shepherding. The point of this shepherding is to help you, to make your experiences with sex and relationships more pleasant. It's not a punishment. The older adults in the Family are not bothered or upset if you have sex or get pregnant or have complications in your relationships that require their help and time in counseling. Your parents and shepherds are happy to help you through these things, and they consider it their God-given duty to be there for you, giving you the guidance, counsel and prayer you need, as the Lord intended. So what would you rather have--sex with some shepherding, or no sex at all? I bet I know your answer to that question! Ha! Hopefully that helps you to see things in perspective, and puts a more positive light on the responsibilities and restrictions that you must be willing to accept.
19.If you're going to have the blessing of sexual sharing with one another,then you're going to have to be open to shepherding from your teamwork and/or your parents. The Lord made this quite clear when first giving you this freedom, and it's important for you to accept it. The Charter explains this point as follows:
20. Permitting you [senior teens] to choose whether or not to become involved sexually with your peers is a sobering step for everyone involved, both for you as well as for the adults. As adults, we better understand the potential emotional pitfalls of sharing sexually with one another and the difficulties which can arise, the battles of jealousy, of feeling left out, of unloving actions, etc. We realize that we will need to help you overcome these battles, that you will need shepherding, understanding, and a listening ear. But because we believe that the Lord wants you to grow into spiritually mature Christian adults, we are willing to take on the extra burden of helping you through these lessons. We are permitting you to partake of sexual sharing within the 16- to 20-year age range with the understanding that you will agree to be shepherded by your parents and other adults, and that you will be open and honest about your questions, tests and trials. (The Charter, Sex and Affection Rules, G.)
More on the Law of Love and Senior Teens
21.In GN 649, the Lord made it very clear that you senior teens needed to enter into these sexual freedoms of your own accord and at your own personal pace; that He was in no hurry, and you should not feel forced or pressured by anyone to have sex. (This counsel may also apply to some of you younger new disciples, especially in countries with more conservative cultures.) The following counsel was published at that time regarding senior teens:
22.(Peter:) Maybe some of you don't know much about sex and you're still quite self-conscious around members of the opposite sex. Or maybe you're not really interested in sex just yet. Or maybe you only want to experiment with a little bit of sexual fellowship and gradually grow into more. Don't worry! This isn't a race or a competition, so those of you who wish to go slow or are hesitant don't need to feel like you have to "go along with the crowd" or yield to pressure from your peers. In fact, there shouldn't even be any peer pressure! We're expecting you senior teens and YAs to be loving to one another and make it easy for each other by not embarrassing or teasing or pressuring anyone in any way. The Lord expressed your feelings and your need to act in faith with this freedom as follows:
23. (Jesus speaking:) For behold, these young ones are on the threshold of great change, monumental change in their lives, and many will fear. Many will fear the future, for they feel insecure in themselves, and they feel that they're not yet ready. They stand before the great, mighty, wide ocean of My Law of Love, and there are those who would just put their toe in, and there are those who would wade out ever so carefully, and there are those who would dive in! For there are those who are at different levels, and each one must have his or her choice. They must not be forced, and they must not succumb to peer pressure or the desires of others, but each one must walk according to his own faith.
24. For without faith it is sin. Each one must live this Law of Love according to his or her own faith, for only in this will they be able to experience and feel the warmth of love that I want them to feel. (End of message from Jesus.) ("The Law of Love and Senior Teens," para.16-18, GN 649).
25.(Mama:) I want to be sure that you senior teens understand this point, that you should only enter in at your own pace! No one else should talk you into it, make you feel that you have to share sexually, or even expect it of you just because you've turned 16. Entering into sexual sharing is a big step, one which you can take whenever you feel comfortable. If you don't want to share, or if you wish to start very slowly, then that is your right.
26.There's nothing wrong with you if you don't want to have sex right away. I know that some of you almost dreaded turning 16, because you knew that your peers expected you to start having full sex and you didn't feel ready. Please know that neither the Lord, nor Peter and I, nor your shepherds are pressuring you at all to enter into any sexual activity whatsoever. You can begin your sexual experimentation, learning, and growth at your own pace, when you're comfortable with it, and there's no need to start before that time, regardless of how old you are.
27.Here's a word to the wise for all of you of all ages: It would help make our 15- and 16-year-olds feel much more comfortable if other Family members, both young and old, would avoid making comments, even in jest or kidding, about how now that they're almost 16, or have just turned 16, they're allowed to have sex within their age group. This constant reminder makes them feel pressured that people are watching them and that sexual activity is expected of them, even though they may not feel ready. I've heard that some even feel pressured to have sexual intercourse on the night of their birthday, as peers make jokes about "the big night." This really puts people on the spot. Please don't do it. And the same advice can be applied to those turning 21.
28.Mothers and fathers, when your young people are approaching the age of 16 you should talk with them about this, and reassure them that no one is expecting them or pressuring them to begin sexual activity or have full sex. You should remind them that the Lord said He's given them the freedom to choose whether or not to engage in sex and they should only begin to experiment sexually with their peers when they feel ready and comfortable. You will need to read the above-mentioned Letters with them, which should open the door for you to talk with them about these matters. It's important that you communicate. (In fact, please begin to communicate with your young people about sex before they turn 16, preferably when or before they turn 14, because chances are they will have some limited sexual contact as junior teens, since kissing and some petting is allowed for junior teens with other young people age 14 to 17. So the sooner you open a good line of communication with your kids about sex the better, to avoid confusion, misunderstandings, unanswered questions, and their going further in sex than is allowed.)
29.Senior teens, if others in your age group decide that they don't wish to be involved in any sexual activity, then you should respect their decision! You should not label them, call them prudes, or look down on them in any way. You don't like to be forced to do things, therefore you shouldn't try to force others to do things that they're not comfortable with or ready for by any jokes, teasing, snide comments, condescending attitudes, and intimidating vibes. Of course it goes without saying that this admonition to not pressure people or label or tease them in regards to sex applies to all age groups!
30.Please remember that the Law of Love is doing unto others as you'd have them do unto you. Don't you want respect for your decisions? Don't you want to operate according to your faith? If you do, then you're required to allow others to do the same without your trying to pressure them. So please do all that you can to accept and respect each other's decisions in regards to when you will enter into sexual sharing. Okay? (End of section primarily to and about senior teens.)
Your Responsibility to Not Hurt Others, Especially with Gossip
31.As I said earlier, with the blessings of being able to enjoy this sexual fellowship also come responsibilities. What are these responsibilities? I'd say the first and foremost is the responsibility to not hurt others. For you young people, I believe that the greatest hurt that you cause one another in regards to sex and sharing is through gossiping.
32. I've received so many letters from young people talking about how deeply hurt they've been when others have talked about them negatively and spread stories and private information about them to others. I've heard of some of you having sex with someone and then talking negatively about it with others, making uncomplimentary comparisons to other sharing partners you've had, putting down your partner's body with derogatory comments, speaking in an ugly manner about the person, etc.
33.I've had others write me about how they've been labeled as "loose" because they share with others. An SGA woman in Japan wrote to me, describing the pain that gossip has caused in her area, which became apparent at a YA/SGA meeting during which some of the prophecies that were published in "Stop the Gossip Now" (GN 792) were read, and those who were guilty of gossiping apologized.
34. She commented that the prophecies on gossip hit the nail on the head! Up until that time, she hadn't realized how vicious some of the gossip was or how quickly it had spread. Just five days before the meeting, she'd had a date with someone who lives at a Home about ten minutes away from her Home. This young man has a pretty steady girlfriend. She hadn't had a date with someone who was married or "attached" for a long time, and up until the meeting, she didn't see it as a bad thing, but she said she had second thoughts after seeing the gossip that surrounded it.
35. She said they had not done anything behind the girlfriend's back, and had talked about it with her. But just by what others saw, they got together and "sided" with the girlfriend of the guy, and within a few days young people in four Homes knew about the date. Apparently some of the young people in the area supposedly felt sorry for the girlfriend, so one free day they got together and gossiped for a couple of hours about what a ***** the girl was who had the date.
36. This is really pitiful! In just a few days, people from four Homes heard about this date and some had spent hours badmouthing the girl involved! This type of gossiping--or any gossip, for that matter--is ungodly, hurtful, and destructive! It's of the Devil and is designed to cause disunity, pain and hurt. It's a direct attack on the Law of Love!It's unkind, unloving, and should not be tolerated. Here is an excerpt from a message Dad gave about gossip:
37.(Dad speaking:) Well, folks, this lesson is one that is as old as the hills, and yet it seems that each generation has to learn it for itself. I hope you folks are mature enough and wise enough to take a lesson from history, to take a lesson from the Lord's Word, or even a lesson from this little talk I'm going to give you, and learn this so that you don't have to learn it yourself through your own sad experience. Well, maybe you've already experienced this, and you can look back on what happened to you, or how what you did affected others, and learn from that. So stop and think for a moment.
38.Let me explain it to you this way: The Lord has given us a beautiful gift in His Law of Love. We are His last Church, the ones whom He's called during these Last Days to be His elite, to be called out, separated--not only from the System, but even from the rest of the Christians. Not because we're any better than they are, not because He loves us any more, but because He needs a group of people who will follow Him all the way, who He knows He can trust with the new revelations of the Spirit, those who can put them into practice and then teach others to do the same.
39.He's given us the freedom to share sexually under the Law of Love. He hasn't revealed the beauty of the Law of Love to the church people, nor to the rest of the world. Some might partake of some sexual freedom, yes, but most of them do it with a lot of guilt and shame, and they don't have the beauty and freedom of the Spirit like we have.
40.The Lord has given it to us as a free gift--a beautiful, precious, priceless treasure! It's like the gorgeous, unspoiled Garden of Eden. And yet there's a snake in the garden, and this snake wants to spoil it for everyone. You know what that snake is? It's the snake of little wagging tongues that go around talking behind people's backs or to others about what others in the garden are doing!
41. That little snake is the Devil's plan to destroy the beauty of the garden, the beauty of the Law of Love, loving, and sharing freely. He knows that if he can get in and get you to talk indiscriminately and unscrupulously with others about your personal, private affairs, or others' personal, private acts of love and sharing, that through this he can cause a breach in the wall--a serious breach through which he can get in and destroy the beauty that the Lord is trying to give you.
42.Haven't you seen it happen before? Someone was trying to reach out in love with pure, sweet motives, but because they were talked about, misread, and misrepresented, it destroyed the sweet act of love that they were trying to do, and instead it was turned into a scandal. Thereby that person felt labeled and was discouraged from continuing on in the loving thing they were trying to do.
43.Let me tell you, folks, it's dangerous! It's serious! It's letting the Devil use your tongue to be a snake in the garden when you go talking about things like that! They're absolutely none of your business! None of other people's business either! The only people you should be talking about them with are your shepherds, if need be. Or if you want to share something lovingly and sweetly as a lesson with someone else, you'd better pray first and make sure that that's what the Lord wants you to do, and that it's not going to hurt someone or get back to someone and cause a breach in the wall. And if you feel led to share either your own personal lesson that involves others or the lesson of someone else, you can help minimize the "gossip factor" by not using names. You can still share the example without having to make it known who was involved.
44.One of these days the Lord is going to hold you accountable for every idle word. It's going to be a sobering day. That's why I pray that you can learn this lesson now, rather than having to learn by your own hard experience of standing before the Lord and watching as He reviews the pictures and scenes of the folks who were hurt, the folks who were left out, and the folks who were lonely because you kept others from loving because of your little wagging tongue--the snake in the garden. Don't let it happen to you, kids. Be wise, beware, and be prayerful! (End of message from Dad.)
45.(Mama:) I've been trying to teach you through this series of GNs the importance of doing the loving thing, of living your life in love, trying to love others and not hurt them, and doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. Would you want people to gossip about you? Would you like people calling you names? Would you like to be labeled? Would you like the people that you have sex with to talk to their friends about what you did, how you did it, what you look like, the things you said, or other intimate details? Would you like to be rated as to your sexual performance? Would you like it if they told their friends that you're not very experienced?
46.If you don't want others to do this to you, then don't do it to them. That's the principle of the Law of Love! Love does not gossip, does not speak negatively about others, does not talk about shared intimacies, does not give someone else a bad name or reputation.
47.If you're guilty of gossiping, if you put down and talk negatively about those you share sexually with, then you're not living the Law of Love--and perhaps you should stop sharing because you're not mature enough to handle it! This is serious business and we cannot tolerate this cruel hurting of others. If you're old enough to be a voting member of your Home, if you're old enough to have the freedom to have sex with one another, then you're old enough to have enough love to hold your tongue.
48.And if you're not able to do that, then although you're old enough physically, you're certainly not old enough spiritually, and it's pretty clear that you have some lessons to learn! In which case it would be the responsibility of your Home shepherds to point out to you how your actions are hurting others and to help you grow and mature in this area. It behooves you to listen to and receive their counsel. Otherwise, if you continue to gossip and hurt others, then your shepherds would be responsible to give you some form of discipline, restrictions, reading list, etc., and if that does not prove effective, to come before the Home Council to propose that you be put on Probationary Status, as is their authority under the Charter. (See the Charter, Responsibilities and Authority of Home Officers, C, and the Procedures for Placing a Member on Probationary Status.)
49.It grieves me to hear how deeply some of you hurt one another by your cruel comments! Sex and sexual activity are very personal matters. It's a very sensitive issue, and when you talk to others about someone else's sexuality, it can cause deep hurt. It's hard enough when you're young and are just learning about sex. It's embarrassing, uncomfortable, and awkward enough without having someone else talking about you. So, young people, this is an area you need to work on. If you want the blessings of the Law of Love, then you need to bear the burdens of the Law of Love--the burden of loving silence and keeping the private matters of others to yourself!
50.If one of your friends starts to talk negatively about someone else, if they start telling you the details of the sex lives of others or start talking negatively about the sex they had with someone, then you should stop them and tell them that they shouldn't be talking about it. That's part of the Law of Love as well. If you don't, then you are just as guilty as they are, and you're not living the Law of Love.
51. Another form of gossip which I want to mention briefly is when someone feels they need to keep a person "informed" about the activities of his or her mate or lover. For example, say someone has to go out for the day or be away from the Home for a while. What you don't want to do is to take it upon yourself to tell that person upon their return about anything their mate or steady lover did that seemed "suspicious" to you as far as their having intimate contact with others, especially if the person you're telling is jealous! You shouldn't be the self-appointed watchdog, saying such things as, "Oh, I just thought you should know that while you were gone, such-and-such happened. I don't really know what all was going on, but I just thought you should know." This sort of report will probably cause that person a big trial and can even result in a misunderstanding or argument between the two mates or lovers.
52. If you see something that you feel you should report, please either go to the person involved or to your shepherds rather than talking to the mate or lover, to so-called "keep them informed." Because what you saw or think you saw could just be speculation, and you could send the poor unsuspecting mate into a tailspin for no reason!
53. Now I'm going to talk more specifically about the details of sexual sharing. In the following pages I mention fucking with condoms several times. I want to make it clear that I'm not promoting the use of condoms. To use condoms as a means of birth control is not going for the gold, and if you choose to do so, as you know, you forfeit some of the Lord's blessings in your life. But it is my understanding that condom use is somewhat common. That is your personal choice, so I have to take that into consideration when giving you the counsel you need and making it clear. But please do not take the repeated mention of condom use as a promotion of such or as an indication that Peter and I have retreated on the message contained in the Letter "Go for the Gold."
Your Responsibility to Trust the Lord for a Baby If You Choose to Fuck
(Adults, please take special note of this section--it applies to you too!)
54.Another responsibility that everyone who engages in sexual activity must face is the possibility of pregnancy. This is a big issue, therefore I would like to address it very frankly with you young people who are single. Judging from the letters I've received and the reports I've read, it's become clear that many of you need a clarification of the instruction the Lord gave in "Go for the Gold" (ML #2961, Lifelines 22). We tried to help simplify that long, complicated Letter by publishing "Mama's Memos No.4," which was a summary of the practical application of the revelation (ML #3138, GN 748). I hope that helped. But I think many of you might still be a little confused. Many of you seem to think that the Lord has said He wants you to be making love all the way with one another, that this is "going for the gold," and that this is His highest will. That is not the case, and that is not what He said in "Go for the Gold."
55.Let's take a look at what was said in that Letter to help us all have a clear understanding of the Lord's mind on this matter. The reference to gold medals in "Go for the Gold" was used by the Lord in prophecy to illustrate how we should trust Him for the results of sexual intercourse. He said that if you're going to have sexual intercourse, His highest will is to trust Him for the outcome. In other words, if you make the decision to fuck, He would prefer that you trust Him for what happens, rather than using some form of birth control.
56.The initial question we asked the Lord in "Go for the Gold" was about the use of birth control to prevent pregnancies when two people go all the way, and His answer was, "Trust Me." He went right down the line and asked everyone who wants to fuck to trust Him regarding birth control, including: those "whose bodies are tired from the bearing of children"; those "young ones who have child after child"; those "younger ones who are just married with one or two or no children and are contemplating what to do"; those "young ones, unmarried"; and those "single mothers who struggle." To all of us He said, "Trust Me. For this is the simple answer. This is My highest. This is the best. Trust Me. Trust in Me with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding."
57.The message is, if--and that's a big if--you are going to have sexual intercourse,the Lord's highest will for you, regardless of your age, marital status, or the number of children you have, is to trust Him for the outcome rather than taking matters into your own hands through birth control.
58.As I said in "Go for the Gold": "The simple answer for everyone who is having sexual intercourse and wondering about whether it is okay to use birth control is that it is best to trust the Lord explicitly, without using any form of birth control. This applies to older married couples, young couples with children, newly mated couples, single moms, [SGAs], YAs and senior teens. If you're going to have full sex, trusting the Lord concerning pregnancy is His highest and best, and through trusting Him fully, you will find perfect peace and He will reward you or bless you fully"(ML #2961:91).
59.In the above paragraph, when I said "if you're going to have full sex," I was talking about intercourse. If you decide to have intercourse, then the Lord asks you to trust Him concerning pregnancy. If you don't fuck, but have other types of sexual activity, then pregnancy is not an issue, of course.
60.I want to draw your attention to something else I said in "Go for the Gold": "The word picture about the gold, silver and bronze medals when related to sex and birth control is applicable only when a person decides to have intercourse" (ML #2961:299). In other words, the message of "Go for the Gold" is NOT, "Single people, it's God's highest will for you to fuck and just trust Him for the outcome." The message is that "IF you decide to fuck, the Lord's preference, His highest, is that you trust Him for the outcome." Do you see the difference?
61.He's not saying that He wants you to go all the way, and that if you don't, you're not in His highest will. He's not telling you whether you should fuck or not. He's leaving that choice up to you. He is not saying that if you have sex with someone that it's His highest will for you to have intercourse. I know I'm being repetitive here; I'm doing it on purpose, because I'm trying to drive this point home in order to clear up this misinterpretation.
62.I'll say it again: The Lord is not saying that when two single people (or married people who are having sex with someone other than their mate) have sex together, that it's His highest will for them to fuck. Got it? What He is saying is that when anyone, single or married, makes the decision to fuck, His highest is for them to trust Him and not to use birth control.
63.In "Go for the Gold," the Lord also made it quite clear that He is not demanding, asking or even encouraging you singles to have intercourse when you have sex together. He said: "But that you would enjoy the freedoms and the love that I have given unto you, I say unto you unmarried that you may love one another. You may love with your hands and love with your mouths, you may kiss and caress and rub and go [have an orgasm] and enjoy the ecstasies of the flesh, but not fully becoming one, not having intercourse. For thus I free you from the burden of the responsibility of pregnancy so that you may learn to have the closeness and the love one with another, that you may fulfill My Law of Love, that you may share freely without worry, and that you may show My love in a tangible, touchable, feelable way one unto another, without partiality"(ML #2961:121).
64.It's evident from what the Lord has said that He is perfectly happy if you singles do not fuck, but instead you do other things to reach an orgasm together. Do you understand that point? To make sure, I'll repeat it: As a single (or a married person who is having sex with someone other than your mate), when you have sex with someone, the Lord does not ask or even encourage you to have intercourse. You are not more in His will if you have intercourse, nor are you less in His will if you do not have intercourse. As the Lord said, "They will be pleased to know that they can be within My will just by loving, kissing and caressing" (ML #2961:133).
65.In this same prophecy in "Go for the Gold," the Lord explains that He wants to bring you single young people along step by step. He says,"So I call them first to love, first to share, first to get to know one another, first to kiss, first to caress, and I will put in their hearts the desire to do more, and then I will ask them to trust Me. For first they will be pleased to know that they can be within My will just by loving, kissing, and caressing, and then I will work in their lives and they will learn to trust Me and they will make decisions to marry. For by allowing them to love without responsibility, I will bring them into loves where they will want the responsibility, and I will make two as one, and they will trust Me" (ML #2961:133).
66.What the Lord is saying is that He's happy to have you who are single share love together, without fucking, and He may even use this sexual fellowship to eventually lead you to the person that you will want to have a deeper relationship with, even that you will want to marry and have children with. He's allowing you to have sexual fellowship without having to bear the burden of the responsibility of a possible pregnancy by telling you that you can do other things besides fucking and still be within His perfect will. But when you make a decision to fuck, then His highest will is that you trust Him by not using birth control and by taking the responsibility of possible pregnancy.
67.He says that when you reach the point that you decide to fuck, then He wants you to trust Him. The same prophecy from "Go for the Gold" says: "I must first bring them [the young people] to the place of decision, and then I say unto them, trust Me for the outcome" (ML #2961:135). This line of prophecy is very important!He's saying that when you make the decision to go all the way, He wants you to trust Him for the outcome.
68.What does "trust Him for the outcome" mean? I think many of you probably interpret this to mean that you will trust that you won't get pregnant--that you will have intercourse and trust that it won't result in pregnancy. Don't you think that's what a lot of young people think? They decide that they do want to fuck, and because they've come to that decision they decide to "go for the gold." Well, in that sense, they have made the right decision in regards to the Lord's highest will concerning birth control, because when they decided to have intercourse, they decided not to use birth control, but to trust the Lord instead. However, in many cases what they're trusting the Lord for is that the woman will not get pregnant. But see, that's not what the Lord said in the prophecy above. He said, "trust Me for the outcome."
69.Since I can't use my eyes very well, Peter looked up the word "outcome" in the dictionary for me. Here's the definition: "A natural result; a consequence." The definition of a consequence is "something that logically or naturally follows from an action or condition." Some synonyms for outcome are "result" and "fruit." So if you take the definitions and apply them to what the Lord said in prophecy, then you can better understand what He meant.
70.He's saying that if you're going to go all the way, then He wants you to trust Him for the natural result, the thing that will naturally follow your action, the fruit of your action. If the action is sexual intercourse, then He's obviously asking you to trust Him for the result of the action. What is the natural result, the fruit of sexual intercourse?--A baby! So when the Lord says, "trust Me for the outcome," He's basically saying, "Trust Me for the baby that may very well result from your action. Trust Me that I can make you good parents. Trust Me for the changes that will happen in your lives when you have this baby." He's not saying, "Trust Me that you won't get pregnant." He's saying, "Trust Me for the outcome," and the natural outcome of sexual intercourse is a child. This is not to say that every time a man and a woman have sexual intercourse, it results in pregnancy; but that is a strong possibility that you should be prepared for should you choose to fuck.
71. In a message the Lord gave us on the subject of pregnancy, He brought out some interesting points about the natural result of intercourse. I'll include a portion of that message for you here:
72.(Jesus speaking:) I have My natural laws that are set in motion when the man plants his seed within the womb of the woman. This is the way that I ordained it from the beginning. Every time the seed is planted in the womb it does not bring forth a child. But things are set up in such a way that in time, a child will be formed, and this will continue the cycle that has been set in motion to populate and to replenish the Earth. This is My plan, this is My will, for all mankind to bear fruit, to have children, to populate the Earth.
73.The laws of My natural cycle for replenishing the Earth are strong. I have made them so to ensure that the Earth will be repopulated. When the man plants his seed within the womb of the woman, the two have placed themselves within the cycle of My plan for replenishing the Earth, and the natural way of bringing forth new life into the world. They must consider this possibility before taking that time together, realizing the possible outcome and the strong laws that are put into motion within the cycle of My plan to bring life into the world.
74.I give My people the option to choose to fuck or not to fuck. I give My children the option to not plant that seed of the man in the womb of the woman, for this is the surest way to avoid a pregnancy, if that is what they wish. (End of message from Jesus.)
75.(Mama:) Here's another excerpt of prophecy where the Lord talks about the result of intercourse, which also shows why He blesses us in the Family with so many children.
76.(Jesus speaking:) I have ordained that the world should be populated. When two people come together as one, the opportunity arises for Me to add more children to the world. I love children and I love to give children, for in doing so, I populate the Earth and I send another touch of Heaven to humanity!
77.I love to give you, My children, more children, because when I deliver these young ones into your hands, the potential for them to truly be a touch of Heaven on the Earth is great. For if you raise them in My nurture and admonition, and if they choose My will in their lives, then they truly are a touch of Heaven to those that they meet and witness to.
78.So don't be surprised that the fruit of your becoming one, the fruit of your intercourse, is a child. For it is a high honor to be chosen to be the vehicle for the delivery of one of My touches of Heaven to Earth. (End of message from Jesus.)
79.(Mama:) As you can see from these two prophecies, the Lord wants children to be born. He wants to keep the Earth populated. In order to achieve this, He has His natural laws in motion, so that when a man and a woman make love, a child can--and in many cases, will--result. He says, "The laws of My natural cycle for replenishing the Earth are strong," which means that sexual intercourse will often result in pregnancy. Because, as He said, "this is My plan, this is My will, for all mankind to bear fruit, to have children, to populate the Earth." Do you understand what He's saying here?
80.He wants children to be born; it's His plan and His will. On top of that, in the second prophecy included above, the Lord says He loves to give us more children, because He knows that children born to Family members can be a true blessing to the world.
81.So when we have intercourse, not only are we within the natural cycle of His plan for replenishing the Earth, but the Lord also has a special interest in giving us, the Family, children.--Which is probably why He said, "So don't be surprised that the fruit of your becoming one, the fruit of your intercourse, is a child." I'm bringing all of this up to help amplify and clarify what the Lord means when He says "trust Me for the outcome."
82.I'm going to summarize this point again: If you choose to have sexual intercourse, if you choose to fuck, the Lord's highest is for you to trust Him for the natural result of your action, which may very well be a child. If, as a single male or female, you do not feel ready to have a child, and if you would not want to marry and live the rest of your life with the one you're having sex with, if you do not want to be the parent of a child together with this person, then you should not go all the way with one another.
83. There are many other fun, exciting and sexually satisfying things to do together when having sex, without having intercourse. If you're unsure of how to give sexual pleasure to your partner in ways other than fucking, I suggest you read Cool Tips for Hot Sex (coming soon, God willing), which has a great deal of very helpful information along these lines.
Your Responsibility to Not Fuck Unless You Decide Together Ahead of Time to Do So
(Adults, please take special note of this section--it applies to you too!)
84.In the "question and answer" section at the end of "Go for the Gold," we gave the following question and its answer:
85.Question:When and how do you decide what you're going to do on a date?
86. Answer: You and your date partner should discuss it and come to an agreement beforehand. It's best not to just "let things happen" as your date is in progress, because you could easily get carried away and end up fucking when that's not really what you want to do. Honest communication and coming to an understanding before you start your lovemaking is advisable (ML #2961:319,320).
87. When answering this question, I was assuming that you would have some sort of communication before having sex. However, it seems that in many cases this is not so, especially with you young people. From what I've heard, many of you more or less just "flow into it." You get the "sex vibes" from one another, and things just follow the natural path. In many cases it's just understood that you want to have sex together, and in the intimacy of the moment it begins. The thought of talking about it or praying together doesn't seem to enter in.
88. I can understand this, because having sex with someone can be plenty awkward as it is, without having to humble yourself to talk about what you're going to do, how far you're going to go, and whether you should pray about it before you start. It would be best if you would do these things, but because, for the most part, you don't, we need to find a simpler, better solution!
89.You see, the problem with not talking and deciding together ahead of time how far you're going to go is that once the passion begins, it's even harder to talk about it, because if you do, you feel you're ruining the atmosphere or breaking the flow of the sexual experience. However, if you don't talk about it, you often go farther than you had intended to. When you're all excited, ready and wanting to fuck, in the heat of passion, it's pretty hard to have the willpower to decide not to, or to say no if the other person really wants to. For a woman, it's hard to not yield to a man's desire when she knows he really wants it, and for the man, it's almost irresistible when the woman says she wants to, or insists it's okay. If the decision to not go all the way isn't made ahead of time, it's almost impossible to make it at the last minute. And if you don't make a decision to refrain, if you go ahead and fuck, then there's a great possibility of a pregnancy occurring.
90. But as I said, it seems that so few of you are able to talk about it ahead of time. So I'm going to change the answer to the question I posed above, in order to try to help make it easier for both you young people and adults. Here is the question with the new answer:
91. Question: When and how do you decide what you're going to do on a date?
92. Answer: It should be understood by all singles (SGA/FGA) that sexual sharing with others will not go as far as sexual intercourse (fucking), unless the partners have talked about it before the sexual activity has started and have made the decision to fuck. If you haven't talked about it ahead of time, then it should be clearly understood by both partners that you will not fuck.
93.So, men, if you and the woman you're having sex with haven't decided to fuck before you started your lovemaking, then this means that she's not going to fuck you! She will do something else to help you achieve an orgasm, God willing. Women, if you haven't talked about it beforehand and decided together to do so, then know that you are not to fuck the man, and that he understands that, so he's not expecting you to. You should not fuck unless you have discussed it and made the decision to go all the way before you start the sexual activity. (This is now a Charter amendment. Please see the Sex and Affection Rules section in the updated version of the Charter and the corresponding amendment in the Charter LNF.)
94.I believe that if everyone will have this mindset, it will make it easier for all. It should be understood by everyone that silence on the subject means you will not fuck. This eliminates the need to talk in detail about what you will or will not do before you begin any sexual activity on your date. You can just flow into things without having to talk about it, if that's what you want to do, because you will know that if you haven't talked about it, you have an unspoken agreement that you will not go all the way.
95. (The counsel you just read applies to SGAs and FGAs. It also applies whether both partners are single or one is single and one is married. In the event that a married person shares outside their marriage, the nonsharing mate will need to be in agreement with the sexual activity that happens on the date. So not only would the married person need to talk to his or her sharing partner and come to a decision before fucking, but he or she would also need to have gotten permission from their mate to fuck beforehand. It's best to counsel with your mate and discuss these matters before discussing them with your potential sharing partner. More on this later in this series.)
96.Now, if you do want to go all the way together, you must talk about it ahead of time, before you start the sexual activity. And what I mean by "before you start the sexual activity" is before you start any kissing or petting. If you think you might want to fuck, then you must talk about it before you begin any sexual activity, because bringing up the subject after that point is too late.
97. It doesn't take long once you start the touching and kissing before your heart is pounding, your mind intoxicated, your body enveloped by the passionate embrace and intensely pleasurable caresses of your lover, your ears filled with words of love and desire, every fiber of your body, heart and soul crying out, "Yes! Yes!" But alas, then it's too late to call time out, catch your breath, wait till your heart stops pounding, and try to have an objective conversation and prayerfully counsel together on a major, life-changing personal decision! Got the picture? So for that reason, if you haven't talked about it before you start kissing and petting, then you will have to wait until next time!
98.You should personally pray about whether you're going to fuck or not before you get together to begin your date, so that you know what the Lord's will is for you in the matter. For some people it might be easier to talk about whether or not you're going to fuck before you get together for your date; for others it's easier once you've gotten together. But just remember, if you want to fuck, then you need to make that decision together before any sexual activity begins; if you don't, then it's understood that you will not fuck. If there is a difference in opinion as to what you'll do on your date--if one person wants to and has the faith to fuck but the other doesn't--then you should not fuck. If one person says "yes" and the other says "no," the "no" vote wins.
99.You might think this is being overly cautious, but remember, if you have sexual intercourse, you could very well produce a child together, and if that happens, the Lord has made it quite clear that in most cases He wants the two people to marry. As you will recall in the prophecy you read earlier, the Lord said you shouldn't be surprised if the fruit of your intercourse is a child, because He wants to give us children.
100.Now some of you might think that if you fuck with a condom, that would override the rule that if you don't talk about it beforehand that you can't fuck. It doesn't! At the risk of being overly repetitious I will say it again: If you do not talk about it together before any sexual activity starts, then it's understood that you will not fuck.--And that means either with or without a condom.
101. I want to bring to your attention that not only is using condoms for birth control not going for the gold, but they are also not that reliable. Condoms can be flawed or break or come off, so you need to fully understand that they do not always prevent pregnancies. There have been plenty of women who've gotten pregnant even though the man wore a condom when they fucked! And if that happens to you, then you both are responsible for the outcome--the baby--the changes it will make in your life, and the very likely possibility that the Lord wants you to marry one another.
102.If you decide to fuck, there is a good possibility that a pregnancy will occur,and if it does, you need to seriously consider marrying your sex partner. If the result of your having intercourse with someone could very well be your needing to marry that person, then it would undoubtedly be a good idea for you to make that mutual decision together before you begin your sexual activity. Right? If you can't communicate about the mutual decision to have sexual intercourse, then you definitely should not fuck, because you are not ready to get married.
103.So remember, if you have not talked about it, if you haven't made the decision together beforehand that you want to go all the way and that you're prepared to face the responsibilities of pregnancy and marriage, then that means that you have agreed to not go all the way. Right? Have you got it? If nothing is said before the sexual activity starts, then it means that you both understand that you will not fuck. Okay?
104.So ladies, if some evening you and one of the men begin kissing and it carries on from there, and you haven't decided ahead of time to go all the way together, you should not fuck him. Men, if you and one of the women end up in bed and you haven't talked together beforehand, deciding that you will go all the way, then you should understand that she has no intention of fucking you. And you should respect that and not try to talk her into it.
105. Women, if you haven't talked about it ahead of time, don't let the man pressure you into going all the way, and don't you pressure him. If he says, "Let's go all the way," all you have to say is, "We didn't talk about it ahead of time, and if we didn't, we aren't supposed to do it." If he tells you, "Well, let's talk about it now," just tell him, "Sorry, the Charter says we should have talked about it before, so it's too late to talk about it now." (Men, you could naturally say the same if it is the woman who wants to fuck but you didn't talk about it in advance.)
106. Also, even if you've been fucking someone for a while (with or without a condom) but you've never really talked about it together, meaning you've never discussed whether you're ready to take responsibility in the case of pregnancy, then you would need to talk about that sometime in the near future (before your next date). Just because up until now you've been fucking without having discussed it or actually decided together that that's what you want to do, doesn't mean you should keep doing it. You should discuss it before you continue fucking. Since you are now more aware of the responsibility and more accountable, you would want to make sure you're both on the same wavelength.
107.Both of you, men and women, need to remember what the Lord said earlier: "I love to give you, My children, more children." Got that? He loves to give those of us who have intercourse children! That includes you! And if He gives you a child, in most cases He very much wants you to get married so you can be the parents of the child. Having a child is a wonderful thing; it's one of the most precious gifts He can give us. As the Lord said, children are a touch of Heaven given to humanity. A child is a magnificent gift that changes your life forever.
108. A baby, while giving you unconditional love and a great deal of joy, also requires a tremendous amount of work. In one prophecy about having children the Lord said:
109. (Jesus speaking:) I am very well aware of the work, the prayer, the time, the energy, the love, the patience, the heartaches, the joys and the sorrows of raising children. It is no easy task. It requires giving your all. (End of message from Jesus.)
110.(Mama:) For two single people, the decision to experience such a life-changing event (such as the creating of a new life)shouldn't be made in the heat of passion, especially when the Lord almost always expects you to get married to one another should it happen. Instead, it should be talked about and prayed about ahead of time.
111.So I'll say it again: if you don't decide together to go all the way before you start having sex, then it should be understood between you, it should be an unspoken agreement, that you do not intend to have sexual intercourse, either with or without a condom. I hope this explanation will make it easier and more comfortable for you young people to be with one another sexually without having to be concerned about a pregnancy occurring and the major changes a child would bring about in your life.
112. When deciding if you're going to fuck or not, it's good to remember that the Lord has made it clear that in most cases you would both need to take responsibility for the baby in case the woman gets pregnant. So the possibility of an ongoing relationship between the two of you, usually marriage, is something to seriously take into consideration when making your decision. The Lord recently gave the following counsel on this:
113. (Jesus speaking:) In this new day I have put forth many options for loving, comforting and sharing love. You who feel you are not close friends, not able to get along, or who have nothing in common, who do not feel that certain camaraderie between you, would be wise to take this matter into careful and prayerful consideration before you make the decision to fuck! For if you do not have what you deem a sufficient connect in the first place, you would be wise to choose from the other options I have given to share love.
114. There should be a measure of personal love, friendship, camaraderie and so on between those who feel led to share love by going all the way, fucking--and this should be factored in and weighed in when the original choice and decision is made whether to fuck or not. (End of message from Jesus.)
Senior Teens Need Parental Permission to Fuck
115. (Mama:) In accordance with what the Lord showed us and your CRO leadership at Summit '98, it is now required that before senior teens (16- and 17-year-olds)engage in sexual intercourse with someone, with or without a condom, they must receive permission from a resident parent or parents. This rule is a new Charter amendment that will be published in an upcoming GN and is included in the revised Charter and Charter LNF. You senior teens are free to engage in other forms of sexual activity according to the age guidelines put forth in the Charter. However, because you are young and may not fully grasp the responsibility of having full intercourse, including the responsibility of pregnancy and having a child, the Lord has made it clear that it's His will that you have more counsel before making the decision to fuck. (Note: Once parents give their 16- and 17-year-olds permission to leave home, the senior teens will then be free to make their own decisions regarding sexual intercourse once they have discussed the matter with their sharing partner.)
116. Also, even if you have permission to fuck from your resident parent(s), you must still pray together with your sex partner and discuss whether or not you want to have full sex, taking into serious consideration the possibility of pregnancy. If you've not done so when you begin your lovemaking, then as I just explained earlier, you must understand that the default is that you will not fuck. (Please see Sex and Affection Rules in the updated version of the Charter.)
Are Babies "a Mistake"?
(Adults, please take special note of this section--it applies to you too!)
117.It's important to understand, though, that if a pregnancy does occur, it's a blessing, and should not be considered a mistake. If your sexual activity leads to a child being conceived, then it's very important for both you and your child that you receive it as coming from the hand of the Lord. As the Lord said earlier, "It's a high honor to be chosen to be the vehicle for the delivery of one of My touches of Heaven to Earth." In another message, when talking about unexpected pregnancies, the Lord said:
118.(Jesus speaking:) To you women who have unexpectedly gotten pregnant,I say that you are fully within My will, and the baby which I have created is a wonderful blessing of My love to you. Your child is My gift and blessing to you and represents My love for you. Your child was created in Heaven and was formed with the greatest of care and perfection in My eyes, right down to each hair of the head.Everything about your child, including his entrance into your life, is the way it's supposed to be, and is a part of My perfect plan.
119.A baby is the most precious gift that you will ever have in life--a new soul, a brand-new personality, a wonderful child that needs your love and who will bring you much love. Your baby is not a mistake, is not mistimed, and is not a punishment, but is a gift from Heaven to you, who I love and want to bless in a special way. It's because of My love for you and My plan for your life that I give you one of the most priceless treasures of all, one of the most valuable things on Earth and in Heaven--a baby.
120.If you've been chosen to bear a baby, it's because you have also been chosen to fulfill My special purpose and plan in your life, and I'm honoring you with something very valuable, trusting you with a part of Heaven. (End of message from Jesus.)
121.(Mama:) I know that some of you young women consider your pregnancy or your baby to be a punishment for your "mistake" of making love. This isn't so! The Lord said in prophecy:
122.(Jesus speaking:) In no way would the gift of a child ever be a punishment or an action of discipline for any of My children. This giving of life was ordained at the beginning of time to be a blessing and not a curse, a gift and not a punishment, a reward and not an act of discipline. For the giving of life is a blessed thing--an immortal, eternal soul, wrapped in the form of human flesh. This is the gift of God, and no matter how it comes or under what circumstances or conditions, the child is a gift and a blessing, and will bring joy and happiness to those who receive it as such. Whether wanted or unwanted, it still remains a priceless gift of love from the Creator of the universe. (End of message from Jesus.)
123.(Mama:) Think about that for a minute. That's pretty amazing, isn't it? Because some of you young people do feel bad that you've gotten pregnant or have had a child, I want to share another beautiful message from our wonderful Husband, given to one of our new young mothers who was having battles along this line. Again, I hope this helps you to see things more the way He does.
124.(Jesus speaking:) My dear child, can you not see that it is I Who have brought this into your life? Can you not see that this, your child, was ordained to be yours from before the foundations of the world, given to you as a special gift of My love? Through him will your labors be multiplied many times over. Through him your love will reach many more than you could by yourself, and through him you will receive great rewards, reap great happiness, great joy, and great fulfillment.
125.I worked My perfect plan. My heart's desire has come to pass in giving you this child. And some day, through the acts of this little one, you will find your greatest happiness.
126.I'm sorry that now it seems to be a weight. You feel that your past is tainted, that your reputation is marred, and that you must forever carry the burden of this, your "foolish mistake." You feel that one night you made a mistake so terrible that it altered your future forever, and now you must pay the consequences, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. You feel there's no end in sight, for even when the child is grown, yet you will still bear the responsibility of this "mistake."
127.But I say to you that though it seems this way in your eyes, it is so different in My eyes. For through this that you consider a mistake I was able to work a miracle in your life! Through that one action I did bring about a wonder so perfect that it would fulfill My plan in a marvelous way.
128.Even though you look at it as a mistake, in My eyes I see it only as fulfilling My will. Though now you feel that this little one is a damper to your happiness at times, for he hinders the way that you would do things, the way that you would spend your time, the way you would appear in the eyes of others, yet I see your child as a beautiful jewel in your crown, My shining creation, My diamond in the making who will one day bring Me great happiness. (End of message from Jesus.) (See also "Children Are Forever!" Treasures, pg.806.)
A Baby Is Always a Blessing, Never a Punishment!
129. (Mama:) There are situations where some of you might be quite discouraged or even condemned because your pregnancy came about when you either had sex with someone who was outside of your permitted age range according to the Charter guidelines, or you had sex with an outsider. In either case, it's hard for you to feel that the pregnancy is a blessing because you were disobeying when the baby was conceived. One of the CROs explained these situations like this:
130. Some moms feel that the way they got pregnant was wrong, so they feel that the baby is like a mark they have to wear for the rest of their lives. Once the mom has the baby she usually loves it very much. But the feeling she has is still like, "I've fallen from grace, and even though the Lord has forgiven me, I still have this constant reminder of my mistake, this baby, and I can't ever put the past behind me." Having a message from the Lord would be a great relief and encouragement for these dear moms to whom the Lord saw fit to give a touch of Heaven, no matter how it came about. (End of comments from CRO.)
131. (Mama:) When we asked the Lord how He sees these babies that come as a result of disobedience to the Charter rules, He had the following to say:
132. (Jesus speaking:) My ways are high above the ways of man and My thoughts than man's thoughts. What you see as mistakes, My children, I am able to turn into opportunities. This is why even when you step out of My will in disobedience, though I am saddened that you disobeyed, I am still able to bring a great victory out of what seems like defeat. Even when you fall, I can turn a mistake around, making it into an opportunity for you to fulfill My will.
133. You must not think that the miracle of life is a punishment for your sin. When I give a child, this is My gift of love. This is a blessing in your life and a loving reminder that I am your loving Father who cares for you, and that even though you fall, I am faithful and just, and I will forgive you for your sins. I will cleanse you from all unrighteousness.
134. When I give you a baby, it has nothing to do with punishment for your mistake! It only means that by fucking you gave Me an opportunity to show you My wonderful love for you in the form of a little child. The two things, punishment and a child, are completely separate. Your mistake and the correction you receive is one thing; but whatever the correction, it never has anything to do with the child I give. If I choose to allow you to become pregnant, this is a token of My love--to show you how much I love you. By fucking, you created the circumstances in which I could give you one of My most priceless gifts of love, because I love you so much.
135. If you have crossed the boundaries that I have set, when you proceed in disobedience, I will teach you needed lessons and deal with the sin according to the position of your heart, the degree of sin, and the degree of repentance you have. But, My dear children, in addition to your chastisement, when you ask forgiveness, I also pour out the healing balm of My love and blessings--for I am faithful and just to always forgive you. Even when you stumble through disobedience, I will give you the opportunity to learn through your mistakes, because I love you.
136. I am a loving Father and I am able to turn your mistakes around for your good. When a child results, even though you previously made a mistake, that child is not a punishment for your sin. If I choose to bless with a child, this is a consolation--that though you sin, as far as the east is from the west, so far will I remove your sin from you. I will not remember your sin any longer. Even though you make mistakes, I am a loving Parent and I also give you opportunities through your mistakes to learn and to grow and to mature.
137. A child is always a token of My everlasting love and mercy towards you, that I trust you with the care of My most precious gift of life. That child is a token of My love and proof that where there is life there is hope. That child is an opportunity for you to grow, to mature; it is to stabilize you and continue making you into the vessel that I want you to be. That child is a new beginning, a golden dawn, a bright horizon to a glorious future. That child is the hope of the future and a wellspring of life and joy to all of you who bear the responsibility to love, care and nurture your little one in My ways.
138. So, My children, I want you to know that when a child results, even though you stumbled and made a mistake, I am right here to catch you and hold you. Your child is never a punishment, but I am able to turn your fall into a fall upward--up to new beginnings as you look to Me. I know your hearts. I know when you will fall and stumble, and I also know and am able to foresee your repentance. I know when you will ask for forgiveness. I sometimes use these opportunities to lead you along, to teach you and train you, and when I give a child, it is always to reassure you of My unconditional love for you. Through that child I am opening up a whole new world of life and joy to you, because I love you!
139. Whenever I work the miracle of the gift of life, this is always a token of My infinite love, mercy and blessing in your life. (End of message from Jesus.)
140. (Mama:) Wow! This sure is a far cry from the way some of you have been looking at pregnancy! Even though you've disobeyed and pregnancy occurs, the child that results is not part of some punishment for your sin! A child is never meant to be a "mark" of disobedience, or the result of anything negative at all! So don't let the Enemy condemn you or tell you otherwise!
141. A child is always a blessing from the Lord, never a punishment! A baby is always the Lord's gift to you, to show you how much He loves you--a token of the Lord's love and mercy! A baby is one of the most wonderful gifts that the Lord can give anyone!
142. There is no such thing as a child that is conceived as "punishment for your disobedience." A child is never a punishment. And any of you dear folks who think otherwise had better ask the Lord to change your way of thinking! This type of mindset has got to change, because there's simply not one shred of truth in it! It's completely the wrong way of looking at things!
143. The Lord does not label our dear mothers nor attach some stigma to them just because He took the opportunity, even through a mistake made, to give them a child, and neither should we! A baby is never a punishment! In fact, the Lord said that a baby is a consolation! That child is His token of love to remind you that even though you made a mistake, the Lord still loves you. That child is to remind you of His unconditional love for you in spite of how you stumbled. So instead of looking at that child as a punishment and a reminder of how bad you are, you must see it as the Lord's reminder that even though you made a mistake, He loves you anyway. In fact, He loves you so much He gave you a wonderful gift of love, one that will help you to learn and grow.
144. The Lord tells us very plainly--spells it right out--that He can use our mistake and turn it around for our good and give us new opportunities as a result! Although it makes Him sad if you step out of line with the rules for sexual activity, and He will correct you in some way--probably through some discipline, as outlined in the Love Charter--nevertheless, a child is never part of your correction, discipline or punishment! That child is a reminder that even though you stumbled and made a mistake, the Lord is right there to catch you and hold you, and He will give you an opportunity to learn through your mistake.
145. The Lord loves you that much! Like the illustration of a loving parent, your child might make many mistakes as he grows up, but you still love him! Your child is always your child; he's your very own, and you will always take him back into your arms and help set him straight again. And when he says he's sorry, the wise and loving parents will do all they can to help their child and provide opportunities for him to learn and do better. Wise parents will help their child learn through his mistakes, and that's how the Lord is with us!
146. Just because your child makes mistakes, that doesn't mean you stop loving him, does it? You don't stop providing for your child just because he makes a mistake. Even when it's necessary to discipline your child, you still always want the best for him and you'll always try and provide for him the best you can. As a parent, you always want the best for your child, because he's your child, your little one!
147. So when the Lord sees fit to console you and comfort you by giving you a child, remember, it's His token of love. He's giving you an opportunity, a new beginning to learn and grow. Even though you might not like the responsibility of this wonderful gift at first, you must let go of the Enemy's condemnation that he's trying to pile on and ask the Lord to help you accept this gift. Remember, some of His greatest gifts and blessings come in disguise at first. That's when it pays to yield and trust, and when you do, you'll soon see the wonderful blessings that will result.
Your Responsibility to Marry in the Case of Pregnancy
(Adults, please take special note of this section--it applies to you too!)
148.Another very important responsibility--in fact, a lifelong responsibility of having sex--is taking care of the "outcome" of sexual intercourse, a child. As I explained earlier, when two people have intercourse together, it's highly likely that a pregnancy will occur. In "Go for the Gold," the Lord made it quite clear that when pregnancy occurs, in most cases He expects the two people involved to marry. He didn't say He demanded that you marry, but He did say that in most situations it is His will. (Note: When I talk about marriage in this series, I'm referring to the Charter definition, which you can find in the introductory paragraph to the Marriage Rules.)
149.Unfortunately, in a great many cases that I've heard about, this does not happen, and those involved don't get married. It seems that in most situations the young men don't even consider the possibility of marriage, though sometimes it's the women who don't want it. However, in the majority of the cases it seems that the men refuse to take responsibility. First let's take a look at what the Lord and I said in "Go for the Gold," so that it's very clear to all of us.
150.For you unmarried who wish to become one with another, one in flesh in full union, in full intercourse, I say unto you, trust Me. But become one knowing that you put your life into My hands, that of your union I could see fit to bring forth one of My children into this world. And when I have given you this gift, this gift is yours and I would that you would be together, that you would help one another, that you would be one. If you can receive it, I would that you would marry, for two are better than one in the care of one of My little ones.
151. When a union brings forth a child, I wish for these to marry, but I do not demand it, for I seek the willing and the yielded heart. And when there is a question, bring it to Me and I will reveal My will and I will speak to the hearts of these that have brought forth this fruit from the seed of their union.
152.(Mama:) For those who are not married, but choose to have sexual intercourse, His highest is that you trust Him concerning pregnancy as well, believing that if He wants to bring forth a child through your lovemaking, He will; and if He does, that the child is His gift of love to you. In such a case, He expects you to care for the child and in most cases to marry.
153.But if you choose to become one in full union of sex, you must do so knowing the responsibility. For as I have spoken to those who are unmarried, you may love in many ways, but if you choose to become one, My desire is that you trust Me. And if your lovemaking brings forth a child, My desire is that you marry. All My mothers need fathers for their children. So this again is a case of counting the cost. (ML #2961:120,137,209,396).
154.(Mama:) In reading these portions of prophecy, it's quite evident that the Lord wants those who make a baby together to marry. He gives those involved the choice, saying that He does not demand it, but He's made it quite clear that it is His will in most cases. Listen again to what these excerpts say: "I would that you would marry, for two are better than one in the care of one of My little ones"; "I wish for these to marry"; "My desire is that you marry"; "He expects you to care for the child and in most cases to marry."
155.If two of you make love and it results in a child being born, then the Lord expects you to get married. It's possible that you might be one of the rare exceptions, but don't count on it! Apparently most of you single young men who have fathered children seem to feel that you are the rare exceptions. This seems to me to be another case of being willing to receive the blessings of the Law of Love (having sex, fucking), but not being willing to take the responsibility that goes along with it (marrying the mother and caring for the baby).
156.When the Lord said, "When there is a question, bring it to Me,and I will reveal My will and I will speak to the hearts of these that have brought forth this fruit from the seed of their union," He was saying that the two of you should come to Him in prayer and ask Him to speak to you in prophecy regarding His will in the matter. Every one of you young men who has fathered a child since the publishing of "Go for the Gold" in November of 1995 should have gone to the Lord and asked Him if it was His will for you to marry the mother of your child. If you haven't married her, you should have a number of prophecies in hand showing why it wasn't God's will for you to marry this young woman with whom you produced a child. You and the young woman should each have received prophecies saying that the two of you should not be married. It is also wise in such circumstances to ask others, such as your parents or shepherds, to get confirming prophecies, so you can be sure you're hitting the Lord's highest will.
157.If you do not have such prophecies, if you did not pray about the matter and hear from the Lord about it, then you should do so now, because there's a good possibility that He wants you to be married. There's a good possibility that He wants you to be caring for that child together! So I suggest you get in contact and begin plans for how you can pray about your future, and if you can't make a decision immediately to take the big step to marry, which is understandable, then at least consider giving it a try to get to know each other, live in the same Home, work together and see how the Lord leads you. Then if you feel it is the Lord's will to marry, you can proceed with the Charter guidelines for trial period and marriage.
158.This child is the responsibility of both of you, and that includes you, young man. It's not just the woman's responsibility--it's yours as well. You helped to produce the child, and God expects you to help take care of it by marrying the mother. If you weren't willing or prepared to take on this responsibility, then you shouldn't have been fucking her in the first place. If you weren't willing to bear the responsibility, then you shouldn't have taken the blessing.
159.If you have fathered a child since reading "Go for the Gold" and you don't have personal prophecies, as well as prophecies from the mother of your child, saying that the Lord doesn't want you together as husband and wife, then you need to get in touch with her so you both can pray about getting married, because most likely it's the Lord's will for you to be married! That's what He said in "Go for the Gold!"
160.I'll repeat it again: "I would that you would marry, for two are better than one in the care of one of My little ones"; "I wish for these to marry"; "My desire is that you marry"; "He expects you to care for the child and in most cases to marry." Got it? He wasn't kidding! He expects the two of you to seek Him about it, and in most cases to marry!
161.God expects you young men to help care for that child, to help support it, to help change its dirty diapers, to teach it, to train it, to love it, and to be its father. If you weren't willing to take that responsibility, then you shouldn't have been fucking in the first place!
162.The Charter states: "Members must follow the rules on birth control as explained in ML #2961" (Sex and Affection Rules, M). This counsel in the "Go for the Gold" Letter is our official stance on birth control as put forth in the Charter. So you can't complain and say, "Hey, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you make it clear?" It was right there in the Word, and it was referred to officially in the Charter. You all read it and you are responsible!
163.On this subject of your responsibility for the children that you young men father, the Lord said the following:
164.(Jesus speaking:) How can you expect the Family to carry all of your responsibility for you in this matter of your children? Why do you expect them to carry this responsibility and this burden and this load for you? Are you not the father that I have appointed to care for and supply and meet the needs of these children that you have fathered? I say, indeed you are the ones, and you must care for them as I care for them, and as I care for you, and have cared for you all the days of your life.
165.This is My challenge and My commission to you young men, that you bear the responsibility of your youth, that you care for the young ones that you have brought into this world, and that you work hard to supply their needs. If you only knew the blessings that await you, the strength of spirit that you would be given, the rewards in Heaven that you will receive, you would not hesitate to care for these little ones!
166.If you, My sons, could only understand the love that you will receive from these little ones--the gratitude, the thankfulness, the appreciation! But know that you will be the losers if you turn your back on caring for these little ones that I have put in your charge.
167.For what greater love hath any man than this, that a man lay down his life for his young children? They need you. They need your fathering, they need your care, they need your love, they need your understanding. They need to see your willingness to do anything to help them.
168.Will you take this responsibility? Will you live My Law of Love? Will you help that weak and desperate woman who pleads for a father for her children? If you will, you will have My full blessing and great fulfillment in this life! (End of message from Jesus.)
169.(Mama:) When talking about this same subject Dad said:
170.(Dad speaking:) You don't really expect all the other fathers to care for your children, do you? Isn't this generation the "fair play" generation?--Everything equal, everything fair? Do you boys think this is fair for you to run off like this and leave these girls in the lurch with a passel of kids? Well, I've got news for you, it's not right! If you'll read my old Letters, you'll see that it's not right.
171.God has spoken many times about real fathers and the importance of caring for your family. So I'm not going to let you off the hook, boys. I want you under conviction. I want you to know that you're failing. You're failing in your responsibilities, which means you're failing God, you're failing me, you're failing Mama, you're failing your Family, you're failing your parents, and you're especially failing that young mother and her little baby--or babies, whatever the case may be. So c'mon, you guys, take responsibility! (End of message from Dad.)
172.(Mama:) What about it, men? Is this according to the Law of Love? Do you think it's fair that others have to carry your responsibilities? Is it fair that the mother of your child has to care for your child without any help from you? What kind of man are you, anyway?
173.Dad said, "If you'll read my old Letters, you'll see that it's not right." So I thought it would be a good idea to include a few of the things Dad has said on this subject.
174.I'm against this business of "love'm and leave'm," especially when it results in children. That child needs a father, and he's responsible for it whether he wants to be or not! He has now got a child and he's gotta take care of it--period! That's the way I feel about it! These guys can't think they can just play around and then not be responsible for the consequences. It's there in the "Law of Love," believe it or not. But some of these guys see [in the Word] what they want to see, and are blind to what they don't want to see. So this Letter should make it very clear! (ML #332C:52,53,58).
175.Any man who deserts his own child and the mother of his child, whom he thereby has made his wife whether he likes it or not, is guilty of desertion and would thereby come under the Scriptural condemnation of "He that fails to care for his own is worse than an infidel"! (1Tim.5:8). You are bound to that woman and your child as long as she be pleased to dwell with thee.
176.Let's have no more of this careless, unloving, purely lustful, wicked, sinful, irresponsible, flagrant, profligate, promiscuous sexthat is unwilling to lovingly take care of the results! Such sex is not love, but pure, wicked, sinful, iniquitous, selfish lust with no regard for the consequences and no feeling of responsibility for the results and broken hearts, bodies and fatherless children left behind! Beloved, these things ought not so to be in our Family (ML #1022:5,13,28,29).
177. (Mama:) As you can see, Dad didn't look too kindly on those men who selfishly refused to take responsibility for the children they fathered! Are you one of those? If you are, you need to get in contact with the mother of your child and get down in some serious prayer about marrying her.
178.And you single young men who are all gung-ho about going all the way with the women you share with had better stick to the counsel I gave earlier about not fucking unless you're ready to take care of the outcome--your new son or daughter, along with your new wife. Amen?
179. If a woman had sex with more than one man during the month in which she became pregnant, please consider the counsel that was published in the "Questions and Answers on 'Go for the Gold'" (ML #2961:368-377). That counsel applies to pregnancies that came about before this Law of Love series. I will give more counsel later in this series regarding those who become pregnant after reading these GNs but who are not sure who the father of the child is.
The Responsibility of the Woman Not to Deny Her Child a Father
180. I've talked to the young men pretty strongly here, but the responsibility to have a father for your baby is also yours, ladies! I've heard of situations where the man is willing to assume responsibility, but the woman doesn't want him to; she doesn't want to marry him because they're not in love. I think this is fairly common. One SGA woman in our Home articulated this point of view as follows:
181. For my part, I of course would first try not to get pregnant. But if I did, and say I was close to the guy at the time but later things weren't going well between us, I would certainly not want to marry him. I'd rather be a single mom, and would think I could handle it. Now of course, that's probably not the Lord's preference, but I think it is a natural way a lot of young women think, especially those of us who are more the independent or strong sort, and also being that most young women are pretty picky. (End of comment from an SGA woman.)
182.(Mama:) Now this young woman is speaking from a hypothetical point of view. She's not pregnant, but is anticipating what her reaction might be if she were to get pregnant from someone that she was not in love with and didn't want to marry. Possibly you feel the same.
183.I asked the Lord how He views situations where the man is willing to take responsibility--be a father for the child and a husband for the woman--but the woman rejects him and chooses to be a single mother instead. It seems young people feel this is acceptable, because, after all, why should the woman be "forced" to marry someone she doesn't love?
184.I also asked the Lord about situations where the woman is close to the father of her child, they're good friends or even seem to be in love, but then she has a change of heart after she gets pregnant and doesn't want to be with him. What then?
185. On the other hand, what if the people involved really don't seem compatible; is it better that they just go their separate ways? Or can the Lord do the miracle and give the love needed for them to have a happy marriage? Of course we know He can do the miracle--it is within His power, as all things are possible with God--but is that what the Lord would normally want to do? Here are the Lord's answers:
186.(Jesus speaking:) Again I repeat the call to pray! Emotions and feelings are fleeting, and in these complex and delicate matters of the heart, I call upon the man and woman to pray and seek Me for guidance. The mature in spirit will not guide their lives by feelings and emotions alone, but through the clear sound of My living Word in their lives. As these pray and ask Me, I will make clear My will so that they're not led astray through feelings and emotions that are temporal.
187.My brides must learn that it's not wise to form preconceived ideas, for this hinders and may close them off to My highest will should I know better and desire to do a greater thing in their lives. By forming set ideas aforetime, they do not leave themselves wide open to Me. Those who are led by their own natural way of thinking might find satisfaction for the moment, but will run into complications further down the line.
188. It's not wise to answer a matter before it comes to pass, nor before it is weighed and prayed over. I often work through the unconventional, the unexpected, the out of the ordinary norm, and contrary to previously formed opinions. I often work against a strong human will and independent nature which can be born of pride.
189. I give and I take away, and I'm able to put strong bonds of love in the most unexpected of hearts when they're yielded to Me. I'm able to take those who would seem incompatible and make them one, a united team for My glory. I'm able to do the impossible when you give your all to Me. I work this way many times; I take two people who would seem exact opposites and put them together that they may balance each other out.
190. If a union is My will, though deep emotional feelings may not be present, I am able to put strong cords of love in your hearts if I am leading two people to unite. Therefore the wise woman will not make judgments on feelings alone, nor be led by a strong desire for independence and a strong human will, but by My sound, sure, living Word and how I am leading.
191.I do not force marriages. I will not require those who are genuinely incompatible to join together if I have a greater purpose to work in their lives. I ask that you seek Me as to My highest will. I do give leeway and make exceptions when I see fit and there is a greater purpose to be accomplished. But this I bid you, be certain of the matter before you proceed, and do not take the exception on the whim of feelings alone, but by a direct, clear sound of the trumpet which I will give. You can be sure by looking to My Word--both the New Wine and My direct word of counsel and confirmation to you personally; also through Godly counsel, through open and closed doors, through circumstances and conditions, through signs and even dreams that I would give you. If you are open and yielded, I will make My will clear.
192.I call both man and woman to take responsibility when I give a child. As the man has the responsibility to fill the father's role and assure that mother and child are well cared for in one way or another, so is the woman responsible to not deny her child that fatherly care that I provide. When a woman has become pregnant, her life is no longer her own, and she must consider the life that I've entrusted into her care. The criteria should be: "Is it good for my baby? Is it good for God's work? Is it good for the Body? Is it good for my potential husband and me?" The wise woman will base her decision on direct leading from Me, and not on feelings alone. (End of message from Jesus.)
193.(Mama:) Again the Lord is emphasizing coming to Him in prayer and finding His will. This is a very important decision, and He warns against making it based solely on your feelings or emotions. If you can truly put your life, future, marriage and the care of your baby in His hands, He will give you what He knows is best and what will make you happy. So please get in contact with the father of your child and give the Lord a chance. You might see things differently after you've taken some time to get to know one another and let the Lord work in your hearts.
194. Of course, if you've already prayed about the matter and come to an agreement that both of you are happy about, then you do not need to contact each other. You can if you want to and if you feel the need to prayerfully reconsider the previous agreement you made regarding the relationship you will have with each other and the child, but it's not necessary.
195. The same is true if you created a child (or separated from your husband or wife) before the time of "Go for the Gold." You also are not required to get in contact with each other, unless you desire to and feel there is a need to do so. If you wish to contact the mother of a child you fathered before "Go for the Gold" and feel there are needs on the part of the mother and child and that she would be happy for the contact and help, that's fine. But please seek the Lord and make sure it's His will that you make that contact, because it's not beneficial to renew the contact and begin "negotiations" about further contact between you if such contact would reopen old wounds, or if you've already come to an agreement that you're both happy with. On this the Lord said:
196. (Jesus speaking:) I wish for all to move forward--onward and upward. I do not call on My children to look unnecessarily to the past. Therefore if two parties have already prayed and reached a settlement in the past, there is no need to contact each other again, for what has been settled is settled. Time is precious. Every passing day is of great value in My sight; therefore use it wisely. That which has been settled is settled. When the book has been closed, leave it closed, for there is no need to review that chapter again, unless you feel the need or feel led of Me to open that book again in light of the new counsel for today. (End of message from Jesus.)
When the Woman Tells the Man, "I Won't Hold You Responsible!"
197. (Mama:) Here's another situation that has come up quite a bit: Two people are having a date and they want to fuck. In the heat of passion, the man asks, "But what if you get pregnant?" The woman says, "That's okay, I won't hold you responsible. I wouldn't mind having a baby and being a single mom." Sound familiar? But things don't always turn out that way.
198.When the woman actually gets pregnant, it's not uncommon that she changes her mind. The natural womanly instinct of nesting kicks in, and then even though she thought she wasn't going to hold the man responsible, when it actually happens, she does or she wants to. Then she starts expecting support and commitment from the father of the baby. On this subject, one of the CROs said:
199. Many young men feel they are an exception to the rule that the man and the woman should get married should the woman get pregnant. The men often feel exonerated from any responsibility because the women they share with tell them that they're not interested in getting married and they would be willing to be a single mom. More often than not, though, we've found that this is not something that's been prayed through, nor is it how the woman genuinely feels, but rather it's her wanting to satisfy the man and meet what she feels are his expectations of going all the way.
Another CRO commented:
200. In quite a few cases the young woman involved pressured the guy to go all the way when he didn't have the faith for it. I've heard this story countless times, and the women admit to it. That's not to excuse the guy, and he could have refused, but in the "heat of the night" it's almost impossible for some guys to resist. In quite a few cases the young women have basically begged and pleaded with the guys, saying things like: "I don't mind if I get pregnant and am a single mother, I just want a baby." Or, "I go all the way all the time and I never get pregnant." Or, "If I get pregnant, that's okay. I won't expect anything from you or hold you to any responsibility."
201. There are different reasons why some of the women have done this; some because they sincerely want a child, others because they just don't think that it will happen to them. However, when the woman finds out she's pregnant and all these new emotions are now new factors in the equation, she suddenly starts demanding and expecting a lot from the guy that she probably never thought she would, simply because she wasn't pregnant at the time and didn't pray or think far enough into the future and reality hadn't hit before.
202. But in these situations the guy just looks at things very logically. He doesn't have all the emotions of pregnancy to cope with, and most of the time he's not that mature emotionally himself, and the idea of a wife and child scares him. He thinks, "Well, I kept my part of the bargain. You've got to keep yours, and you can't demand more from me than you originally said." I'm not trying to excuse the guys here, but from talking to quite a few of them who've gotten themselves into this situation, I've felt quite sorry for them, as well as for the women, that they had to learn this the hard way.
203.(Mama:) I can see that you men and women who are in this situation might be confused, wondering if the woman saying such a thing does actually relieve the man of the responsibility of caring for the baby. Once again, the Lord was more than willing to speak to us, giving good advice about how such situations should be handled.
204. (Jesus speaking:) The key to this is the same as I have said, to pray first and get My mind on the matter. As both parties who share pray fervently and seek Me for clear counsel and direction on this beforehand, it will alleviate many misunderstandings and problems, as well as provide better and proper preparation for what may be ahead.
205.A woman's feelings come and go and rapidly change, especially with the onset of pregnancy when her body changes and she begins to experience new sensations and new moods of a whole new world that is opened up to her. When she holds that tiny babe in her arms, she will begin to see and feel and be touched by the weight of the responsibility that I place in her hands, which she is unable to fully experience before the child is brought into the world.
206. When the babe arrives, then her perspective and perception changes as she begins to actually experience what motherhood is all about. And along with this, the deep sense of responsibility sets in, and new emotions, feelings, and moods which are likely to change her original feelings on the matter. For I did not intend that a woman should rear a child alone, and when she holds that babe in her arms, only then will she begin to fully realize the depth of the matter.
207. In this case, she that answers a matter before she experiences it is not wise, for she does not fully know of what she speaks. Those who say they don't mind being a single mother know not what they say. For only as one personally experiences motherhood will she be able to comprehend what is the full scale of the matter.
208.This is why it is wise to pray and seek Me on these matters first, for I am able to reveal to you what My will is and how I look at things in each personal situation, and how I would have you proceed. (End of message from Jesus.)
209. (Mama:) You can see from the above message, as well as from the examples of those you might have known, that going by feelings alone is not a reliable way to make a decision. When you young women are in bed with someone you have strong feelings for and want to please, you might feel quite confident in your willingness and ability to care for a child as a single mother. But the Lord is trying to show both you young women and you young men that it's not very realistic to make such claims, because as the Lord explains, until you've experienced it, you don't fully understand what it means to have a child. Only when you are actually pregnant, or when you hold that baby in your arms, does the weight of the responsibility hit you. And I would like to remind you that caring for a child becomes more demanding, taxing, intense, and even problematic as he grows older. So even though you might feel fairly confident as a young single mother of a newborn, as that child grows older I think you might feel quite different.
210. An SGA single mother with a young child shared the following testimony:
211. From personal experience I can say that there is no way a woman can say that she'd be fine being a single mom and have any idea what she's actually saying. Until it happens to you and you become a single mom, you have no idea, and there's no way you can know what it's going to be like. Even if you've taken care of kids full-time before, you can't begin to imagine the responsibility and the toll that it takes on you being a single mom.
212. If it's the Lord's will for you to be a single mom, of course the Lord makes things easier, and if you're in His will, you'll be fine and you'll always be very happy for your baby. But even then, there are times when you really feel the absence of a husband or constant father figure: when you can't get your crying baby back to sleep at night, when the baby is fussy and there's no one you can give her to so you can take a much-needed break; when you have a two-year-old who is driving you and the rest of the Home crazy with her antics; when your kid is sick and you have to decide whether or not to take her to the hospital, you can counsel with others, but there is no one but you to bear the responsibility of that decision, and many other times. It's a very alone feeling, and it's hard!
213. Take it from me, someone who made that very statement before she got pregnant, you don't know what you're saying, and you can't possibly know the full extent of it till it happens to you. And believe me, it's very likely that you'll change your tune on the husband issue, too. Before I got pregnant, I would have never considered marrying someone just because I was going to have their baby, but afterwards, I was certainly ready to consider it and give it a try. (End of comments from SGA single mother.)
214.(Mama:) So I want you young women to understand that it's not a practical option for you to tell the man you're going to be making love to that it's okay to fuck because you don't mind getting pregnant and caring for a baby on your own. And men, please realize that even if a woman tells you that, there's a pretty good chance she'll change her mind if and when she gets pregnant. So be forewarned!
215. As explained above, there are a number of cases in which, at the time they had sex, the woman said, "I won't hold you responsible," and the man took that at face value. So when she did get pregnant, they didn't even bother to pray about it. The man simply said to the mother of his child, "Look, you said you wouldn't hold me responsible, and I'm not going to be responsible, period!" If you're one of those men, you might now be wondering how the counsel about the responsibility to marry in case of pregnancy applies to you.
216. I wanted to help you know what to do if you're in this particular situation, so I brought the following questions before the Lord: In these past cases, does the woman having said that she wouldn't hold the man responsible actually relieve the man of the responsibility? Or is it a case where the man has read the Word and is familiar with the "Go for the Gold" Letter and Dad's Letters on the subject and he should have known his responsibility, no matter what the woman said? If that's the case, then even if the woman said that she was willing to be a single mother, do the man and the woman still need to go to the Lord and hear from Him about what His plan is for them and the baby? Please read carefully the following message in which the Lord answers these questions:
217. (Jesus speaking:) The surest standard regarding the responsibility of the man when he has fathered a child is the standard of My Word, both old and new. For did not your Father David speak to you of this time and time again in years past, and have I not put forth guidelines that you may follow in recent years? Do I speak and My children not listen? I see that in these recent times, much confusion has entered the ranks. For lack of full knowledge and understanding in the matter, some of My brides have said to their man, "I do not hold you responsible." Some answered in haste and others in ignorance, for they did not realize the full extent thereof.
218. In these complicated and weighty matters of the heart and of emotions, I will have mercy and not sacrifice. The past is past. However, I would that all pray and seek Me in the present that they might know how to mend the past, and thus proceed from this day forward. In these matters of women and children who are found lacking for the help and support that they need, I would that the parties involved come to Me, seek Me, and hear from Me, to know My views on each individual case.
219.Therefore, whether a woman has borne the child in the past, or is about to in the present, or will in the future, if those involved have not done so already, I would that both the man and woman come to Me and seek My will and get My views on how they can best care for that child and rear him in My ways. (End of message from Jesus.)
220.(Mama:) The Lord makes it clear that even if the woman said she would not hold the man responsible, the man and the woman involved should still pray about it. There is flexibility, of course, and each situation should be judged on its own merits; there's not a hard and fast rule. But the Lord has not completely relieved you men of the responsibility of the children you fathered, regardless of the circumstances. He had made your responsibility clear in the Word, so you were accountable. Now it's up to each of you to pray together with the mother of your child to find the Lord's will for your lives.
221.You who have gotten pregnant or fathered a child might think, "Oh, how was I supposed to understand that long, complicated Letter, 'Go for the Gold'? I didn't even get the point!" I admit that the Letter was long, and it is a complex revelation. There's a lot of information in that Letter, but it appears that one of the main problems is that people just don't read and study the Word carefully enough. If you had read that Letter over carefully, taking the time to underline or highlight the points that applied to you, I think you would have found it to be quite clear. But if you just read or skimmed it once and barely got the drift of it, then of course you're not going to understand it, which unfortunately is what a lot of people apparently did.
222.Well, I want to reprint for you here an excerpt from the "Questions and Answers" section of that Letter that is pretty simple and clear, I believe. It says:
223. Question: Are people obligated to get married if a pregnancy results from their lovemaking?
224. Answer: No, it is not a hard and fast rule. But the Lord indicated that under most circumstances that is what He would want, for the sake of the child. (See paragraphs 120,125,137-140,166.) (ML #2961:325, 326).
225.(Mama:) You are still not obligated. We're not forcing you. Peter and I are not threatening to amend the Charter so that you'll be excommunicated if your lovemaking creates a child and you don't get married. But you do have the responsibility to go to the Lord and hear from Him in prophecy. He might, in some instances, lead you both otherwise. But the Lord made it very clear and very simple in this two-sentence answer to this question that under most circumstances, marriage is what He wants, for the sake of the child.
226.If you didn't get that point before now, I'm sorry. This is certainly a very good example of the importance of reading the Letters more carefully. Having sex and creating children is very serious business, and it seems only logical that before you went ahead and fucked, you should have made sure you knew the Lord's mind on it and what He expected of you!
227. Ignorance of the law is no excuse. In the world, if you break a law, you can't plead ignorance. It is the obligation of the individual citizens to know the law and abide by it, and it is not the duty of the state to make sure everyone knows it beyond the fact that they have to publish the law in some way such as a gazette (a newspaper or official journal) and make it available for people to read. So if we take that analogy and apply it to the Family, once something has been published clearly in our pubs, then it is each member's duty to make sure they familiarize themselves with that rule or guideline and then abide by it. The point I'm making is, there's really no excuse and you can't say you didn't know.
228. Also, it's possible that you might not be particularly interested in some Letters at the time they're published because they don't seem to apply to you personally at that time. For example, maybe "Go for the Gold" didn't catch your attention at the time you read it because you weren't having sex with anyone. But when you started to have sex, you should have gone back and studied the Word on the subject. The onus is on you to know the Word and abide by it.
Two (or More) Women Pregnant by the Same Man
(Adults, please take special note of this section--it applies to you too!)
229.Paragraph 159 of this Letter says, "If you have fathered a child since reading 'Go for the Gold' and you don't have personal prophecies, as well as prophecies from the mother of your child, saying that the Lord doesn't want you together as husband and wife, then you need to get in touch with her so you both can pray about getting married, because most likely it's the Lord's will for you to be married!"
230. Several of the CROs raised the question of, what if that single man fathered a child since the publishing of "Go for the Gold" but has since gotten into another relationship? Or what if the man has gotten more than one woman pregnant? From what I understand, these situations are rather common. Here is the Lord's counsel on it.
231.(Jesus speaking:) If two people have a child together and I have not already otherwise indicated clearly through the various ways to know My will that it is not My desire for that man and woman to marry, then it is the responsibility of the man to communicate with the woman and prayerfully counsel with her, that they may seek My will for their lives. If the man is in a new relationship or a new situation where he is involved with others, he should still contact the mother of his child, so that together they can pray and seek Me and find My will on how that mother and child should best be cared for.
232.In a case where the man has fathered more than one child by more than one woman, let them seek Me and I will guide them regarding their personal lives. I will reveal to them My highest will according to their situation--whether I lead them to join in a parenting teamwork or possibly a threesome; whether I lead one of the women into an entirely new situation, joining others with whom she may work and enter into a parenting teamwork; or whether I wish to raise up someone else to be her mate and care for her and the child, or whether I have yet another plan in mind. All this must be brought before Me to find My will in the matter. Each case is unique and must be judged on its own merits. All parties involved must pray and seek Me for guidance to know the direction I would have them take. (End of message from Jesus.)
233.(Mama:) The theme that keeps coming up is that you have to seek the Lord. Only He knows what He wants to do in your particular situation. The Lord indicates that these situations will be quite fluid. There is no pat solution; there are many variables and many options. He instructs that when a man has gotten more than one woman pregnant or he has since gotten involved in another relationship, if he has not already resolved the matter with the woman or women that he was involved with previously, he needs to communicate with her or them and prayerfully counsel with them about where to go from there.
234.There are various options: You can unite together to become a parenting teamwork or possibly a love relationship, even a threesome; the Lord might lead one of the women into an entirely new situation, helping her to find other people that she can work with or form a parenting teamwork with; or maybe the Lord will raise up someone else to be the mate of the single woman and care for her and the child, or maybe He has a completely different plan in mind. But the main point is, if you men who have fathered a child since reading "Go for the Gold" have not yet resolved the situation, you should contact that woman so you can prayerfully counsel about what you feel you need or want to do, even if you're now involved with someone else. If you have fathered more than one child, you are to contact each of the mothers and seek the Lord for His will for your lives.
235.You might wonder if this counsel also applies to you men who have had a child (or children) since reading "Go for the Gold"but have since gotten married to someone else. On this, the Lord had the following to say:
236.(Jesus speaking:) In the case where a man has since gotten married and has made a commitment to another woman, he still needs to contact the mother of his child or the mothers of his children. However, this needs to be done in counsel with his wife. The decision that they come to regarding the care of the other woman and child (or women and children) will need to be a decision that is made in unity between the man and his wife. She is now his "other half" and they must be in agreement as to what direction to take and how to care for the woman and child.
237.This will no doubt be a difficult decision, one that will require great love and sacrifice, but I will not give My children more than they can bear and I will give them great grace and understanding. I will also make a way to escape in that I don't require that they build permanent bonds with these women that were in the husband's life before his marriage. I will not require a parenting teamwork or threesome, but I will require a show of love, consideration, recognition, and unselfish love.
238.But a couple where the man has fathered a child or children before his marriage must realize that they will be blessed for their giving, their sacrifice, their love. And though they might initially resent anything that would encroach on their privacy or the simplicity of the "normal" marriage relationship they share, if they can put aside their own feelings on the matter and come to Me in desperate prayer, I will lead and guide. If they can ask Me to override or take away their preferences while they hear from Me, they can be a clear channel and receive pure words from Me, according to their faith. And they will be blessed according to their yieldedness and demonstration of love and care. (End of message from Jesus.)
239.(Mama:) If you have fathered a child or children in the past, if you have not already prayed with that woman about your responsibility toward the child and come to an agreement with her, then even if you are now married, you should contact that woman who bore your child and pray about how the Lord leads you and how much contact or involvement you all feel He wants you and your wife to have with her and the child. If there were two or more women who bore your children in the past, then you should contact each of them. Please counsel with your wife each step of the way, as these are decisions that you will need to make together.
240. The above counsel is specifically for situations in which single men have borne children with single women since the time of "Go for the Gold" who are still in the CM Family. This counsel also applies to men who have since gotten married or are involved in another relationship. If you have already prayed about the matter with the woman (or women) who had your child, and you have come to an agreement that both of you are happy with, then you do not need to contact each other, for the same reasons that were explained in paragraphs 194-196 of this Letter. It goes without saying that you would not need to contact the woman you created a child with nor pray about your future involvement with each other if she has gotten married.
241. Please note that later in this series of GNs there is new counsel on a man's responsibility when he fathers a child with a single woman that will go into effect from the time you read this series. It's important that you understand that the above counsel only applies to past relationships and children that were conceived since the publishing of "Go for the Gold." The Lord has given additional, more specific counsel regarding future relationships in which a single man or married man fathers a child with a single woman. (See parts 6 and 7.)
242. Thank you, dear Family, for reading this material so carefully. Some of the information contained in these GNs is a little complicated, so I appreciate your giving it your full attention. It would be good, if possible, that you take the time to read these GNs again, as there are so many important details that you need to know. Careful, diligent study will help you to excel in this special preparatory course. It's worth the effort to become an expert in the Lord's plan on how He (and you!) will rule the world in the Millennium through the Law of Love.
243. I know you may still have some questions after reading this GN. Hopefully as you continue to read the rest of the series, most of your questions will be answered. I want to emphasize the importance of staying open, of continuing to commit your questions to the Lord in prayer, of not overreacting, of being patient and looking to the Lord so He can make all things clear with time. Also, if you have any questions about how this Word applies to you or how you can live it in your particular situation, please ask the Lord! He can help the living of the Law of Love fully to go as smoothly as possible, and can make it a happy, fruitful experience, if you're prayerful and seek Him about all your actions and decisions. God bless and keep you!
244. P.S. There are several situations explained in this Letter in which the Lord suggests that those of you who have created a child together since the time of "Go for the Gold" get in contact, in order to prayerfully consider where to go from here. That contact should be made after you have had a chance to read over the Law of Love series in full and after you have had sufficient time to pray, hear from the Lord, and counsel with your shepherds (and/or parents). Also, if you are a married man, after you have had ample time to counsel and pray together with your wife.
Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family