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FSM 307 DO
Reactions to the "Loving Jesus" Revelation -- From Second-Generation Summit '96 Attendees
For those age 16 and above.
(Portions can be shared with teens ages 14 and 15 at their parents' discretion.)
Copyright © 1997 by The Family -- March 1997
(Note: The following reactions were written during Summit '96. We were not able to have these dear ones update their reactions for this FSM, so please bear in mind when they mention the different ways they're struggling or that they "haven't tried such and such yet," that they most likely have continued to grow in these areas, since the time they wrote these reactions.)
This Revelation Was the Best Thing for My Walk with the Lord!
--From a Male YA
I am totally behind this revolution! I know in my heart that this is the best thing that could have happened in my personal life and walk with the Lord. Initially, I found the revelation quite easy to receive, as I'd been desperately praying that I would be a new bottle. However, after reading "Loving Jesus!-- Pt.5," I started to get hit with a few battles. I think that earlier on in the reading I was so determined to be a new bottle that I really fought to not let any doubts in. But later on, thinking I was over the hump, I realize I let my guard down. That's when I started to go through some battles, mainly along the lines of analyzing the concept of being a woman in spirit when loving Jesus intimately.
Once I realized what was happening, I got desperate with the Lord, because I had seen other teens, YAs and SGAs who were not behind the way the Lord is now using the new garment of prophecy. I saw that the Lord could not fully bless them when they did not fully get behind the new direction in which He was leading the Family. I got on my prayer bones and asked the Lord to help me to not just be okay with this revelation, but to jump in with both feet, all the way. At this point, I realized that my biggest enemy was analyzing and trying to understand all that the Lord was asking me to do.
That day I took some time loving Jesus. I even tried masturbating and picturing myself with the Lord, and I was surprised at how easy He made it for me. It didn't feel weird or anything. I did feel a bit embarrassed, though. I felt as if I'd just had my first date with someone, and like, "It was nice, but I'd like to get to the point to where I feel comfortable having a date with this person." Even though I felt a bit humbled afterwards, I was very happy that I had taken the step of faith. I was even thankful that I felt humbled because that's what the Lord said it would do, and I knew it must be good for me!
Since then I have spent more time with the Lord in this way and it has gotten much easier. It's an answer to prayer! My biggest prayer in recent years has been to have a closer walk with the Lord and a deeper prayer life, and I believe that this is the best way for me personally to draw closer to Him. I'm not such a spiritual person as far as receiving visions or having heavy spiritual experiences, so sometimes I have a hard time merging the physical and spiritual, without some physical medium. That's why I am so thankful for this special way to love Jesus in the physical, by myself or with a partner. Either way, it really helps me to love the Lord more.
Another thing the "Loving Jesus" GNs have helped me in is to see how the Lord wants me to be His love for others. It has brought a new dimension to the Law of Love. Before, if someone asked me for a date, or if they really needed some love-up time, then I figured that under the Law of Love I should do it. But now the Lord is helping me to realize that I should think more along the lines of, "How can I be a vessel of the Lord's love to this person?" -- Not in a proud way or thinking that I'm so great, but if I'm trying to be the Lord's love to those around me, even if they don't particularly have a physical or sexual need then there will be a lot more love going around.
I'm very thankful for this new revelation, to keep us changing and revoluting and not getting stuck in a rut. I know this is preparing us for the Endtime, not only in helping us to have a closer walk with the Lord and hearing His whispers more, but also keeping us moving, changing, new bottles, and much more.
The Sweet Assurance of His Love Is Bringing Me Closer to Him!
--From a Female YA
The "Loving Jesus" GNs were wonderful! Before the Feast I was preparing myself for something super bottle-breaking and extraordinary. I think the Lord allowed that so that I would be desperate. It sure did the trick! I was desperate to be a new bottle and receive this New Wine, and several days before the Feast I asked the Lord to open my heart and make it receptive to what He had in store.
When it came time to read the Feast mailings, I thought they were very precious and beautiful, but my first reaction was, "Is that all? -- That's not so bad." Like Mama said, it's not completely new, as Jesus and Dad have been saying this all along in the Letters, although we never had such a clear understanding of it before. I realize that for the men it was a lot newer and took more faith, but for me it seemed very simple and not some strange new doctrine.
It was a help for me to look at this new revelation in the light of it being a gift from the Lord, rather than something He was requiring of us. That gave it a whole new dimension! It made it all so much more special and helped me to see it as something to be done out of love rather than duty.
It had never occurred to me that Jesus wanted or needed my love. I had always looked on my relationship with Jesus as something that was beneficial for me. Jesus has always been my best and most wonderful Friend, but I never looked at my relationship with Him in any other way. From the time I could say the word "Jesus," I always knew He wanted me to love Him, sort of like a father with his child. But to think of Him as my Lover, and as a lonely man wanting a bride and sweetheart was a completely new concept!
I know what a mess I am, so to think of Him actually wanting me was almost hard for me to accept -- not because I didn't believe it, but I just wondered, "How could He want someone like me?" When I first read it, I was touched to tears and thrilled by it, but then I started reasoning in my mind. I felt like, "Well, I can understand why Jesus would want and desire to make love in the spirit with Mama and Peter -- but with someone like me?!" I had a hard time accepting that love, and it still is something that I need to take by faith.
My biggest desire and the thing that I want above all is that special relationship with Jesus. This, too, was my New Year's prayer, and I believe this revelation is His answer. I am working on re-reading the "Loving Jesus" series, as I feel like I am still assimilating it all.
In my relationship with my roommate, when he says special things to me and tells me all that he loves and admires about me, and that he thinks I'm beautiful, it's very hard for me to see it. I'm so thankful for his love, but I know that it's only the Lord who gave him that love for me.
Anyway, when I compared my relationship with my roommate to my relationship with Jesus, it helped me to understand Jesus' love a little more, the way He is with us and why He would love me. His love is so perfect and great that He looks beyond my imperfections and sees only the good -- simply because He loves me. This was a wonderful realization and set me free to love Jesus! It's been in the Word all along and I've known it in principle, but I guess I never really understood it so well before.
One last thing I wanted to share is that one of my initial trials was about masturbating when loving Jesus. This probably sounds funny, but I had a trial about it and battled with condemnation for a while, because I don't know how to masturbate. I've tried, but it's not pleasurable for me, and for it to even feel a little bit good I have to really concentrate. It just doesn't seem to work. So when reading about masturbating while loving Jesus, I felt I would be failing the Lord if I couldn't do it. When Mama said that some of the women in WS were elated about this new way to love Jesus, I almost broke down in tears as I felt I would certainly be left out of this new and special gift and would not be able to have this close relationship with Him. For a little while I almost felt resentful, like, "Why does He want me to do something that I can't?"
But a little further on, I was greatly encouraged by Mama's lessons on not trying so hard and the prophecy from Dad about how you don't have to masturbate if you can't or don't want to! It overwhelms me when I think of His love, how He just takes me as I am, and that it doesn't have to involve any self-effort or a works trip where I have to try to work it up in the flesh. That sweet assurance that He loves and accepts me the way I am is what I feel is bringing me closer to Him, and makes me want to say those words of love to Him -- when I'm alone or when having love-up together with someone. I am just so, so grateful that He would want to be close to me in this special way!
Perseverance and Focusing on the Lord Pays Off!
--From a Male SGA
Receiving the "Loving Jesus" series was pretty tough at first, and I was hit with quite a few questions. I was reacting too much with my carnal mind. But all that disappeared as the Word kept working on me and I decided to try to say the love words to Jesus. When I did, He filled my heart with such love and thrilled me so that I didn't even care about all my questions and doubts! I saw that loving the Lord this way was on a spiritual plane. I felt so happy. It felt good to be carefree in fucking our Lover and Bridegroom. The Word came more alive to me and Jesus reminded me of confirming Bible verses and MO quotes, etc.
Since then I have tried other aspects of this new revelation. I've loved Jesus with my wife and it's gone well, although we're still getting accustomed to it. It seems to enhance our love-making. I also tried masturbating, and although it was fine, I found it a bit hard to join the physical and spiritual. I guess it just takes time to get used to these things.
After the first time I tried loving Jesus and had that special experience with the Lord, it's been a bit more difficult. I've still said the love words, but it's been more by faith without such extraordinary feelings. I'd gotten a bit discouraged about this, but this morning when praying, I realized that I haven't really been giving the Lord my full concentration and genuinely loving and making love to Him. -- Maybe I thought it would come more easily!
So this morning I tried to really focus on the Lord, and He gave me a little prophecy. I didn't write it down (Lord forgive me!), but it was something like this: "I would that you be as a new bride, as a nymphomaniac that desires and cannot get enough of her husband, but always desires more, more, more. For though she does not always have large amounts of time, she grabs him for little 'quickies' along the way, in different places throughout the day. So although you may not always have large amounts of time, you can turn your attention to and give affectionate words and thoughts unto Me." It was encouraging to get the Lord's seeds--His Word--from that time with Him.
"I Can Feel Jesus' Presence Right Here with Me!"
--From a Female Senior Teen
Thank you so much for the new GNs about "loving Jesus." They are so thrilling and wonderful! This new way of loving Jesus has made my relationship with Him so much deeper, and more loving and intimate. I feel so privileged to be able to partake of this new revolution.
When I first started saying these new love words to Jesus, it was a bit difficult and I felt a little awkward. It was also very humbling for me, especially since I am a young person and I was wondering if any of the other teens were doing it. But I went ahead and said the love words by faith, doing it because I knew that it was pleasing the Lord--and it really made a change in my life.
I started feeling like Jesus was right there, not only during my prayer and Word time, but in everything I did; wherever I was I could feel His presence there. So I started doing things just to make Jesus happy, which in turn made me happy. It wasn't a common or normal happiness, but it was like a feeling you have when you do something special and nice for someone you really love and you make them really happy, and they thank you so much for it. You have this sort of refreshing feeling, like you know that you made the person's day. That's sort of the feeling I had.
Also, before the "Loving Jesus" GNs came out, I had had a hard time with my parents. I didn't get along with them and I was very familiar with them. But after we read these GNs, everything started changing! We started praying and reading the Word together more often, which was very special. Now our relationship is a lot closer, with better communication. It's like Jesus is involved in everything we do, in every aspect of our lives.
I know He loves me so much, and I know that even if I was the only person in the world, He would have still died for me. That thought makes me want to serve Him with my whole heart and give Him all my love and attention. Thank you so much, Mama, for telling us this good news, it has really liberated me in the spirit and I feel so free to love Jesus.
"We Are Still Unique and Radical!"
--From a Female YA
It was a relief to read the "Loving Jesus" revelation, because for some time now I had been saying love words and even having "dates" with Jesus while alone. For a long time I'd desired to be more intimate with the Lord than I had previously been, so to the best of my ability I had tried to follow literally what Dad had said about us being the Lord's Bride, and how He wanted us to be with Him. However, shortly thereafter I began to experience feelings of condemnation, as although I enjoyed this fellowship with the Lord and felt my relationship with Him deepening, I wasn't sure if I was getting "out of my league" or being disrespectful in being so intimate in that way with the Lord. So I was very happy with the "Loving Jesus" revelation and the beautiful and clear explanation which accompanied it.
I honestly thought that once Dad went to be with the Lord, the Family would become more conservative and "normal," and eventually become typical mainstream Christians "with a past." To the contrary, this revelation is very radical! It's a doctrine like FFing, which many first-generation adults had a difficult time with at the beginning. But now, although we YAs and SGAs weren't personally involved in FFing, we're proud of it, as even though we don't practice it today, this belief and part of our history certainly sets us apart and makes us different from the church Christians. So I was elated to see that we are still unique and radical, and that it wasn't over once Dad graduated, but that he's helping us to see clearly the things that we had been seeing through a glass darkly up until now. It's an exciting time to be in the Family, and I feel it's a privilege and honor to be one of the chosen few.
Trusting the Lord and Taking It One Step at a Time
--From a Female SGA
When I first read the "Loving Jesus" series, although in some ways it seemed to make perfect sense and was not such a new concept, still, I'm pretty analytical, and the Enemy tried to come in right away with negative thoughts and carnal reasoning. I'd get hit with wondering whether this revelation was going too far or not. Other religious groups have doctrines and practices which most of society would say are strange. So the Devil would hit me with wondering how we would know when we've gone too far, or if we were going to fall into that same category, and eventually become like those weird groups. I know that sounds pretty bizarre, but once you get into that carnal reasoning mindset, then you're trapped and you don't see that it's the Enemy fighting you; so you continue to try to figure it out in the flesh and consequently get more confused and flustered about it all. -- Basically, it makes it impossible to receive the things of the Spirit.
From the bottom of my heart, my desire is to get closer to the Lord in an intimate, personal way, because the Lord is what our whole religion and belief is based around; and even if everything else crumbles, we'll each still have the Lord, so He is really what is most important. After reading the "Loving Jesus" series, I felt like, "Well, if it's going to help me to get closer to the Lord, then whatever it is or however strange it sounds, I'll give it a try." I've tried saying the love words to Jesus by myself by faith, and I believe that the Lord is pleased, because it says so in the Letters.
Even though I don't have any real problems with the revelation, and I believe it's easier for me, being a female, a lifesaver and special blessing for me has been how the Letters express that the Lord is so patient with each of us, allowing us to go at our own pace. When changes or new revolutions happen, some people are able to jump right in immediately and run with it, whereas it usually takes me more time to get used to the idea, and then I do fine. So in this last month since reading the series, I've been getting more used to the idea and saying the love words, trusting the Lord that, like it says in the prophecies, He will speak to my heart and help me, step by step, to go further. -- And that He will confirm His will by putting that desire in my heart and helping me to love Him more intimately.
(Written several weeks later:) I was going to have some time of prayer and prophecy about a certain matter. I began praising the Lord and loving Him, trying to clear my mind of my own thoughts and asking Him for a clear channel. I spent about 25 minutes in praise and communion with the Lord, and ended up having a terrific experience loving Jesus!
What's special about it is that it was my first time that I've had what I would consider a genuine "Loving Jesus" date-- just Him and me. I'd had "Loving Jesus" dates with a partner, and I say love words to Jesus on a regular basis. But I had not yet launched out, by myself, into any kind of heavy intimacy, by either masturbating, or having some type of "spiritual sex" with Jesus. It's not that I thought it was weird, but I just didn't feel like it. I thought about it from time to time, and felt like I probably should, but I just couldn't. I didn't feel like it physically. When I would say love words to Jesus, it never developed further, so I didn't push it.
After I had been loving the Lord for a while on this particular morning, once more the thought came to my mind about masturbating. I again felt that I simply didn't have it in me to get into it. While the time I was spending with Jesus was beautiful, and we were exchanging passionate, sexy and erotic words of love with each other, still, physically there were no sexual feelings for me. I didn't feel good about forcing myself, or getting into a works trip by masturbating when I didn't feel like it, so I decided I wouldn't worry about it. I figured, "Well, maybe I'm just one of those people who can't do that."
I kept on loving Jesus, and all I can say is that somewhere during the next few minutes, things changed. Even though I knew the Lord was there with me the entire time, I was beginning to feel it, as if a person was there with me. I began to feel very sexy, and wanted to love Jesus so deeply and completely, and physically as well. Of course, we're loving Him via the Spirit, but it can certainly be very physical and tangible at moments. It developed into a beautiful time of loving the Lord, and I felt like masturbating, which I did. It was very nice, sexy, special and intimate. It was so neat, and afterwards I was so amazed!
I was lying down, just praising the Lord and crying because it was so beautiful, and this poem came in prophecy, which I wanted to share with you.
STAIRCASE TO HEAVEN
Love Me tender, love Me tight,
Love Me in the morning, noon and night.
In such intimacy I am well pleased,
For it shows your love, not only in word, but deed.
As I caress you and bring you closer here,
You will find joy and strength in ever remaining near.
Trust in My love, for I am more than enough,
My love keeps on going, even when things get rough.
Cast fears aside, throw all to the wind,
Receive His love, while you love Him;
Him -- Who is I -- the Master of love,
Painting your heart as a rainbow above.
For each precious moment we spend, you and I,
Builds a step on the staircase to Heaven on High.
The staircase you climb as you do My will,
But to build the staircase, takes moments spent still.
Keep an equal balance, 'tis been carefully planned,
I have created this need in the heart of man.
For the step must be built, 'fore the step can be climbed,
And the jewels are acquired through Me -- with time.
Alas, this one gift even I cannot call for,
Though I send angels of petition to knock at your door;
To plead and implore, and to beg for your love,
For this is the one choice not made Above.
With this angel of petition, a prayer I attach,
That the door of your heart to Me you'll unlatch.
Though timid perhaps, please give Me a chance,
To pour on you love, freshness and romance.
But while in My Majesty, all is supplied,
Yet I wished for a wish in that moment I died.
That in giving My love, life and body for you,
You would believe upon Me, and My love would be proved.
Thus faith would be borne deep inside of your heart,
Sprouting courage within, to make Me a part;
Of all that you do -- heart, soul, body and mind,
Trusting that I have placed you, wherever you find ...
Giving yourself into My arms of care,
Letting Me, every one of your secrets share.
Reserving moments, wholly for us alone,
Allowing My mercy and tenderness to be shown.
Oh, all of this is what I love about you best,
And I think thoughts as these, as we lay down to rest.
After our love has consumed in such passion,
Leaving contentment, hearts of satisfaction.
Yes, My love, stop a moment, send a prayer;
No need to wait, for I'll be right there.
I'll never put off, postpone nor delay,
The time I desire to spend with you every day.
I appreciate your love, your sweet willingness,
For in this the very heart of God you bless.
The Word Has Opened My Eyes!
--From a Male YA
It was the Word that started to open my eyes and heart to the simplicity of the "Loving Jesus" revelation. I did a study in the Word on it, and the quotes really hit home! I thought, "Do I know everything about the Lord? No. So if He chooses to reveal a new side of Himself, why should that be so hard for me to accept?"
It was after I started to say loving words to Jesus that I realized that I normally don't think about Him that much. More often, I just acknowledge Him and then go on with my day. It was a revelation for me to start including the Lord in everything I do throughout my day. I started to pray a lot more -- not just before I did something, but as I worked, during get-out, etc.-- just thinking about the Lord, talking to Him and making Him part of my life in a closer and more personal way. It's new for me, but so refreshing! I feel like the Lord has wanted to be this close all the time, but I hadn't seen it nor responded.
I had a few times of masturbation and saying love words to the Lord, which were pleasant and enjoyable. It was easier than I thought it would be! The Enemy had put all kinds of lies in my head like, "Watch out, soon you won't know if you're a man or not," or that I would begin to have homosexual tendencies. But, of course, nothing of the sort happened.
I didn't have any special experiences when masturbating while loving Jesus, but I knew the Lord was pleased with my trying, and I felt that if I could continue to love Him in this way, my love for Him would deepen. I found it easier not to visualize, as it was more distracting. I have not had the chance yet to try this while sharing, but I want to. I feel the Lord is asking me to make changes, but He is patient and helps me as I go along.
After I Struggled for So Long, He Has Truly Become My Lover!
-- From a Female YA
The "Loving Jesus" series has been a real special thing in my life. For so long I had been struggling for a closer walk and communion with the Lord. I was quite frustrated and compared myself with others who I felt were closer to Jesus than I was. I loved the Lord deeply, but I just didn't feel close to Him. All in all, I think I was trying too hard in the arm of the flesh.
So that's why the "Loving Jesus" series brought a breakthrough in my spiritual life! Like a "lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path," it has shown me a way through the darkness of my mind and into the light of His love!
Oh, one other thing that I like so much about this series is that it's so RADICAL! -- And so revolutionary! We do need something like this every once in a while to keep us young in Spirit. "Because they have no changes, therefore they fear not God" (Psa.55:19b). Also, as we've already seen, it's been a time of "sifting of the wheat from the chaff," which I'm very thankful for, as it's making us a Gideon's band!
When this series first came out I jumped in wholeheartedly, and it was a beautiful experience for me. I'm a very romantic person, so I like the idea of loving Jesus so passionately. I must confess, though, the first time I tried loving Jesus in this new and interesting way, I was hit by the Enemy with some silly thoughts like, "What if my relatives knew about this? Or what if some Systemites saw me! -- They'd think I was really off my rocker!" But then the Lord came in with, "To hell with the System and the proper way and what they think of us! Are we becoming like the churches?"
So I got out one of the "Loving Jesus" Letters where there are a lot of passionate phrases and started repeating them to the Lord while I was masturbating, and whew, what an amazing orgasm I had! -- Better than any I've had! I'm serious about that! After that I lay there and I felt just as if I was resting on Jesus' breast -- and you know, now that I think about it, I was!
I have felt a major change in my walk with the Lord! He has truly become my Lover. My times with Him are so much more exciting and I'm falling more and more in love with Him each day!
Following by Faith, Not Feelings
-- From a Female SGA
A couple weeks before the Feast I started getting a bit nervous, as I felt that something new and radical was coming and I wasn't sure how I would take it. After having read "Loving Jesus! -- Parts 1-2," I knew that the Lord wanted us to have a more intimate relationship with Him, but I had no idea that it would lead to loving Him in such a sexy way. I was one of those people who thought that when Grandpa went to be with the Lord, things would settle down in the Family and that we wouldn't have any more radical revolutions. Well, I was sure in for a big surprise, as since he went to be with the Lord we've had one revolution after the another, and radical ones too. Thank the Lord! It's really exciting!
When I first read the "Loving Jesus" series, I was quite taken aback, and was having a difficult time understanding it. During the second day of the Feast, as I was having quiet time in my room, I prayed and asked the Lord to "help my unbelief." The Enemy really came in with doubts about prophecy and I was wondering if this was really from the Lord or not. All of a sudden I realized that I was going too far, and that right there I had to make a decision in my heart as to whether or not I believed that Mama and Peter are the Lord's mouthpieces, and if I was going to believe this revelation or not. I saw how far I had let the Enemy come in and lie to me, as I had never had a hard time accepting new things or prophecies before.
I got desperate with the Lord and asked Him to give me the faith to believe, even though I didn't understand it all. After this I went on with reading the rest of the series, and although I didn't feel that anything great or special had happened during my time of prayer, all of a sudden I found myself believing everything and accepting it all! The Lord gave me total faith and trust, and ever since, I haven't doubted once that this is truly all from Him! It's an honor to be able to spend this intimate time with Him.
On the third day of the Feast I thought I would give it a try. My mate was taking care of children that day and I was alone during quiet time, so I tried it! I had a special time loving up Jesus, saying words of love and even masturbating. It felt so good and refreshing! There was nothing to hide; it was just Jesus and me, and I felt I had come before Him in total humility and He accepted me as I was. Since then I've done it more and it really is so sweet and such a blessing. So far I don't feel any great changes in my life or like I'm so much closer to the Lord, but I feel the happiness and joy of knowing that I am doing what He desires me to do. I still don't understand all the reasons, but I have faith that I'm doing the right thing, and that faith keeps me trusting that I am closer to Him than ever before.
I've never really felt close to the Lord or that He was close to me. I know He is there for me, my best Friend, my Helper in time of need, my Protector, and now my Lover and Husband, but I don't feel Him. This is why Mama's Letters on feelings (GN 500) were a turning point in my life. I'd always felt so out of it and unspiritual because I didn't feel a strong connection with the Lord. But now I know I don't have to feel, I just have to have faith and believe that He is close to me. Now with this new way of loving Him, maybe in time I will come to feel I'm close to Jesus. But now that isn't so important for me. I just want to love Him like He wants me to, and if He wants to give me the blessing of feeling Him, then He will in His time.
Learning to Go All the Way for Jesus
-- From a Female SGA
When I first started reading "Loving Jesus! -- Parts 1-2," I thought it was great, and it was an answer to my heart's most earnest prayer to be closer to Jesus. But when I came to the prophecy about the use of the word "fuck," I thought, "Oh, no!" I knew the next parts of this series would be along these lines of sex with the Lord, and I was really praying that I'd be able to take it. So I was already struggling and getting hit with doubts, and I hadn't even read the whole series!
My big thing was, "Why do we have to involve physical sex with our spiritual relationship with the Lord?" I started reading the suggested reading list, prior to finishing the rest of the "Loving Jesus" series, and one quote from "Come on Ma" says: "If you can accommodate this new wine without asking why or trying to analyze its ingredients, God has such thrills and intoxications of the spirit in store for you that you will be glad you drank it without question, and you'll be whisked off into a world which you never dreamed existed" (ML #286:23). The Letter goes on to say that if you can't take the New Wine, you're an old bottle! So right then I had to decide if I was going to be an old bottle or new bottle. I figured it was more humbling to admit that I was an old bottle, than it would be to accept whatever was coming, ha! I asked the Lord to please help me and to clarify why sex was related to our relationship with Him.
The Lord was so sweet and patient with me, and I heard Him clearly say, "Do you think sex was man's idea? What about 'I created you in My Own image, male and female?' You were created to become one in the flesh, as We do in the spirit. One of the main reasons for sex is so you would understand My need for your love. I'm not all of a sudden incorporating sex into your spiritual relationship with Me, I've brought you along step by step, just like a man wooing a woman, until finally the time comes when they're ready to fully unite in sex! I created sex in the physical as a picture of how I want you to be with Me in the spirit."
I can't remember verbatim what the Lord said, but that was basically it. With this, my eyes were opened and I understood this strange truth and had peace about it. I felt like I had just discovered a treasure and was all excited about it.
But when we read the next parts of the "Loving Jesus" series, I again started having all these doubts. It was so hard for me to receive it, and the only reason I can come up with is that I'm so proud! After reading part three I was praying about it and the Lord reminded me of how when I was a kid I would read the story of Naaman in the Bible, and I'd always think, "If I were him I wouldn't have hesitated to jump into that muddy river if I knew it would heal me!" As a kid I had the hardest time understanding why Naaman would even have a problem with it. Well, here I was struggling over something many times more pleasant than bathing in a filthy river, and with innumerable benefits! Realizing this helped me to swallow it all by faith.
Where do I stand now? I want to accept and implement it wholeheartedly. The truth is that ever since I got together with my mate, we've loved Jesus together, and through him I fell in love with Jesus. I've had very intimate times with Jesus -- not sexually, but where I would love Him up good and feel loved up by Him. Also when my mate and I would make love, sometimes my mate would say that he felt Jesus was making love to him. (Of course I also felt that way, but it's natural because I'm a girl.) But when he'd say that, I didn't have a problem with it at all. It made perfect sense as it's been in the Word all along and I thought it was wonderful. It's still like that now and I've had hardly any problems saying love words to Jesus with my mate. I've also said love words to Jesus alone, but never masturbated while loving Jesus intimately. -- I think, in my case, it's because I'm too proud. LHM!
Reading the FSMs of reactions to the "Loving Jesus" series helped me to realize it's not such a big deal. -- In fact, it's sounding better all the time! The more I read, the more my faith grows. Hearing others' experiences and how they've even felt a little embarrassed makes it easier, and helps me see that others battled as I did, but they've begun by faith and they like it. I've sort of had the impression that people in WS are different and it's easier for them, but I think the only ones it's easier for are the ones who yield right away.
I was thinking about when you're falling in love. You can be cautious and not want to expose yourself too much or get too close, for fear of letting yourself go and falling all the way in love; or you have difficulty admitting that you enjoy the other person as much as you do, maybe because you don't want to be hurt. The wonderful thing, though, is that with Jesus there isn't anything to fear, no negative repercussions, and there are only benefits and blessings, joys and rewards to be expected.
Or I was thinking how again it's like when you fall in love, maybe you have a "perfect man" in mind that you dream of marrying. Then when finally you find the one who has all the wonderful qualities you prayed for, you hesitate because he has a different color of eyes or hair than you wanted. But he's still your dream come true, and soon you realize you like his eyes and hair too. Maybe the package isn't what we expected it to be, but the content is what we all desire most.
"Loving Jesus" Has Been an Awakening into the Spirit World
-- From a Male SGA
Initially, although I was able to say meaningful love words to the Lord, I still was having a hard time imagining the Lord as my lover. I'm starting to feel differently about this though, and I even amazed myself by experiencing this sexually when masturbating, which I previously didn't think I could do!
This "Loving Jesus" revelation has very much been an awakening for me into the spirit world. I've been finding that I have less severe battles with discouragement after having experienced a deeper closeness with the Lord. And like when a person marries someone and they grow close, they both (ideally) accept each other as they are, since they can't really hide things about themselves from each other. It's wonderful to feel that same sort of acceptance from the Lord, and it makes it easier for me to not get under as much condemnation and discouragement about myself as I have in the past. Thank the Lord!
"Loving Jesus" Brought Happiness and Assurance of His Love
-- From a Male SGA
This new revelation was the answer for me in my personal life and walk with the Lord. Before the Feast I had trials that my relationship with the Lord wasn't as intimate as I wished. Somehow I felt there was a wall there that I couldn't cross, and I wasn't as assured of the Lord's love as I am now after practicing loving Jesus intimately.
I knew that the Lord loved me, but I always felt like maybe I wasn't pleasing Him. I had a good working relationship with the Lord, as everything I did in the form of service was in close counsel with Him, and I pretty much had a success story as far as the way things were running in that area. But I wanted so much to have that personal touch! When I read the prophecy GNs and saw the way Mama and Peter would communicate with the Lord in the spirit, I longed for this same type of connection.
One step I took in this direction was that I started to have frequent prayer times with my mate, during which we would take time to hear from the Lord in prophecy. This was beautiful, and it did quite a bit to satisfy that yearning I had, but I felt that I was still missing that total peace and assurance, which later I experienced while practicing the "Loving Jesus" revelation.
Anyway, when the Feast came and we started reading the series, at first I felt a little awkward. Actually, I even felt a little sick to my stomach in a few parts when I would apply it in the physical sense. I wondered how long I would wait before giving it a shot. You know that nervous feeling you get just before giving a speech or doing something difficult that you know you need to do? Well, that same afternoon I went and did what I knew to be right, and I decided to do what seemed the most difficult: picturing myself as a woman with Jesus, and masturbating.
Then something happened that I never expected to happen: I didn't feel awkward at all! In fact, it was one of the most beautiful things I ever experienced. When I finished I felt like a new person, I felt like jumping up and down and shouting! This was the answer I had been seeking for the longest time!
In conclusion, I think this experience for me was similar to what some people felt when they got saved and first met the Lord. In my case I felt the difference immediately, like an outburst of joy and happiness. Praise the Lord! Later I was thinking, "Could this new revelation possibly be a parallel to salvation, in the sense that some people feel a total transformation immediately, and for others it's a matter of faith and believing, but both are saved equally?"
I really love you, Mama and Peter. Thank you for having the faith to share this with the Family! I can't even begin to explain the change of heart that has come over me since I've been practicing this new revelation. It's wonderful! Thank You Jesus!
"I'm Hooked on This New Way of Loving Jesus!"
-- From a Female YA
My initial reaction to the "Loving Jesus" series was pretty neutral. -- I wasn't negative about it, but I wasn't jumping up and down about it either. But after a few days of reading through the GNs and getting the full picture of what the Lord was telling us, I started getting more and more turned on about it. It's so beautiful to see the Lord's need and desire to have each of us as a personal lover and bride!
The prophecy about the Lord's need for love and how He was pleading with us to give Him the love He so desires made me want to do all I could to give Him what He needs and wants, as well as deserves. Just thinking of how much Jesus means to me and how much He has done for me, I can't help but do what He has asked us to do! When you love someone and they ask you to do something, you don't care if it's a little embarrassing or bottle-breaking, you're willing to do anything just to show that you love them. I guess it's like that with Jesus. I felt that even though this might be very embarrassing and it might cost me my pride, if this is what it takes to prove to Jesus how much I love Him, then I'm definitely willing to at least give it a try.
If I start trying to analyze or figure it out in the flesh, I get all confused, but over the years I've learned to just take things by faith and not expect or demand to understand everything. I've found that as I take things by faith, one step at a time, the Lord helps me to come to a better understanding. Like the quote says, "Understanding is a reward of faith."
After taking some time to pray about it, I felt that since saying love words to Jesus didn't require a step of faith for me, as I was already used to doing this to some extent, but the Lord wanted me to go a step further. I know that for some people, even just saying words of love to Jesus is a big step or even a leap, but since in my case it wasn't, I figured the Lord would expect a little more of me.
Masturbating while saying love words to Jesus was definitely very different and not something I was used to, so I thought I might as well try it. I figured I had nothing to lose except my pride, so I went ahead and did it! And it was wonderful! I'm hooked on this new way of loving Jesus! It's so wonderful that the Lord trusts us with so much -- even to be in the bed of love with Him! If I am in love with someone and we have a date, I usually feel very attached to them. Being in bed with someone is emotional and it's very attaching. I feel that I've been in love with Jesus all along, but now that I've been in bed with Him, I'm so much more attached to Him and so much more in love with Him!
I'm very challenged with this new way of loving the Lord and I think it's wonderful. It hasn't been a major battle for me to put it into practice, but I have had to let go of my pride and make a decision to take the first step for Him. But as I did, He was always there to help me take the next step and has even been making it easy for me to take these steps! It's brought a whole new dimension into my relationship with the Lord, so much so, that I wish the Letters had come out sooner!
One Step at a Time, and Trusting Him for the Rest
--From a Male SGA
While praying that I would receive this New Wine, I felt the sensation of jumping off a cliff into the unknown, just trusting that the Lord would catch me. It was an incredible feeling! The neat thing was that I had perfect peace that not only was I not going to fall, but that instead I would soar into the sky! In the days that followed the reading of these GNs, I started to yield to them and what the Lord was doing more and more, but the amazing thing was that as I yielded and received this revelation, the Lord helped me to yield in many other areas of my life too.
For the most part I didn't have a problem saying love words to Jesus, even masturbating while loving Jesus, though I wasn't picturing myself as a woman in spirit, I just included Jesus, thanked Him and tried to say love words to Him, and it was quite inspiring. The only thing I haven't been able to do is picture myself as a woman in spirit and have Jesus make love to me. It's really a radical idea. But I'm taking it slowly like the Word says, trusting that He'll help me be able to do it, as I really want to do all that it says and partake fully.
For me personally, it's wonderful to have this more practical and understandable way to love Jesus. My sincere desire is to love Jesus with all my heart, soul and mind, so expressing my love for Him in a sexual way is something that I can really relate to. I have a pretty strong sex drive and certainly know what it means to greatly desire someone, so now focusing that on the Lord helps me to have a much more passionate relationship with Him.
One last thing is that I just love how radical it is. Wow! We are such a revolution, I just love it! We'll never be accepted by the vast majority, but will continue to stay different and on-fire, fervently loving and serving Jesus. I feel so privileged to be part of this wonderful Family that loves Jesus and each other so much!
"I'm Very Happy to Know That I Can Be His Bride!"
--From a Male First-Generation Adult
Generally, the "Loving Jesus" revelation didn't seem like such a big thing to me. I think the Lord and Mama explained it very well, and it was just the matter of overcoming my pride. Masturbating while loving Jesus intimately was easy for me, though loving Jesus with my mate is taking some getting used to.
Actually, this revelation is very logical and makes sense to me. It's funny, because as analytical as I am, I somehow feel that this particular revelation is so logical! The concept of us, both men and women, being the Bride of Jesus has been in the Word all the time, but I just hadn't seen how it would be possible for men to apply this. At one time I was envious of women, and wished that I, too, could understand this concept better and love the Lord as my Husband. Now I understand the concept better, and I don't have to take it solely by faith, so to speak. I was very happy to know and experience that I, too, can be His Bride! Jesus' explanations were so clear and I don't think there could be any more logical explanation of the concept of us being Christ's Bride.
Of course, it is quite radical, but we've been through a lot already and accepted many radical revelations and doctrines which have separated us from the System. Many other religious groups have their own unique and peculiar doctrines which seem odd to outsiders, but which they are willing to stand up for. So why not us? I know that Mama and Peter are following the Lord, and their only motive is to love the Lord and the Family, and to help us follow Jesus more closely. So I had total peace in Spirit when I read the series.
More Love, Freedom, and an Exciting New Relationship with Jesus!
-- From a Female YA
My initial reaction to the "Loving Jesus" revelation was that it was pretty heavy and radical, and I was thankful to be a woman, ha! -- As it was definitely easier to relate to. What helped me somewhat was to reflect on how since the beginning of the Family, our parents have had to receive new revelations in the Letters, and they went through heavy things like FFing, etc. But because they received these, it made this Family what it is today. So I felt that this is the time for us, the second generation of the Family; and the Lord is testing us to see if we're new bottles and able to take by faith the revelations of the Spirit that He has for the Family now.
With this in mind, I wanted to receive and fully participate in this new way of loving Jesus. I had to take it by faith, though, as I didn't fully understand or grasp why the Lord wanted us to love Him in this very physical way. It just didn't make sense to my carnal way of thinking. I have a very analytical mind, but I refused to get into analyzing it, as the Word brought out so clearly that it's a spiritual thing and needs to be received in the Spirit, and that the reward of faith will be understanding.
It was a new concept for me to picture Jesus as a Lover. I've always thought of Him more like a Father and my best Friend, and our relationship has been one of my resting in His arms. He's Someone I can talk to, Who understands my heart and loves me no matter what I go through. My time spent with the Lord has always been very special to me. But after reading "Loving Jesus - Parts 1-2," I'd been praying for a closer relationship with the Lord, something deeper, but I didn't know how to have it.
I was also praying for and seeing the need to be more liberated sexually. Ha! That's an embarrassing thing to admit! Having lived in small pioneer situations for quite some time, I'd become quite reserved, inhibited, very work-oriented and not so into having fun through dates or being sexy. I knew I had a lot of pride in this area that was affecting other areas of my life too, such as my relations with others. I really wanted a change, a liberation, something to humble me, draw me closer to the Lord and others, and give me more love for others. I felt like the Lord wanted to work on this, but I didn't know how. So this revelation was the answer to my prayers! When the Letters brought out about the fruits of humility which will result in greater yieldedness, love and anointing, I knew it was for me, and that whether it was easy to apply or not, I wanted to fully partake of it.
The thought of saying sexy and erotic words to the Lord felt a bit odd and awkward at first, as I'm not the kind to say words like that to anyone! It was very bottle-breaking, but I liked it! Masturbating also isn't so easy for me as I find it difficult to come without a lot of hard work or fantasizing, so I don't do it very often. But I wanted to jump in with both feet right away, so after reading part four of the "Loving Jesus" series, I decided to try it that night.
I said love words to Jesus while I made love to Him and it was the best masturbating experience I'd ever had, so beautiful! I came right away. I was so encouraged! It was a liberation in the Spirit and I felt I could do it over and over again. It was satisfying not just in the physical, but I felt that my lovemaking with Jesus had reached the spiritual plane as well, and I could feel His love for me! From then on I wanted more; I wanted to do everything the Lord asked of me.
A test and battle came in learning to love Jesus with a partner. It scared me to think of saying love words in front of someone I'm sharing with; it would just kill my pride! I never say love words of any kind to the person I share with. I'm usually very quiet and I deliberately don't make a lot of noise when reaching an orgasm, so just the thought of it was extremely humbling! I didn't know how I was going to manage that one, but I was willing to try, and felt I shouldn't miss it for anything.
So I had a date after the Feast. I was very nervous! I re-read portions of what Mama had suggested to say or do before the date, and I made some feeble attempts. My partner, though, was not so enthusiastic about it and that was hard for me as I really wanted to try. But I was reminded of needing to be understanding of others and so I just kept to myself saying love words to Jesus, thinking about Him, praying before and after making love for His presence and tried to think of Him during my orgasm. These first steps meant a lot to me as I'd never taken them before, and though it was a small beginning, I knew the Lord was happy that I'd stepped out and tried.
Since then I've had quite a few love-up times with Jesus and they've been very special. It's becoming easier for me to say radical love words to Him, and it doesn't feel so awkward anymore. I feel that understanding is truly the reward of faith, and as I've been able to let things sink in a little, He's showing me many things that He wants to fulfill in my life through this special relationship with Him. These are the things I've been feeling lately:
Firstly, I have a new relationship with Jesus. It's deeper and more intimate, as I am now His lover and it just seems logical that to express my love completely I would want to have sex with Him too. I feel more aware of His presence. I talk to Him more during the day and have a greater desire to spend intimate time with Him. It's not that I actually feel anything in the physical or feel radically different, it's just somehow I feel He's closer, I'm closer and His love is more fulfilling.
He's also filling my loneliness. I've been hit many times with loneliness battles, wanting and needing someone to fill not only my sexual needs, but the needs of my heart as well. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time, mainly due to being in a situation where there aren't too many guys around, and even though I knew the Lord loved me and the Word brings out how He can fill that emptiness, it never seemed to work for me. The concept just seemed to be too spiritual. But this new experience of loving Jesus is changing that feeling. Of course I still enjoy and desire human love and touches very much, but the Lord fills that gap when there's no one around, and it's so beautiful!
Secondly, He's setting me free in my sexual life as I'm getting used to saying sexy words, thinking sexy thoughts and just being sexy, and it's having a real effect! I feel I can be more open and honest with others, too, about my feelings and desires. It's like the Word says about taking off the outer garments of pride, fear, etc., and baring myself before Him. Once you've made love to someone there's pretty much nothing left to hide, it's all out in the open. It's really changing me little by little.
Thirdly, the part about loving Jesus with others, I'm seeing more and more how needed this is for us YAs. I know it will help to deepen relationships and bring them into proper focus. With myself, and I've seen it with many other YAs too, our ideas of relationships can be a bit shallow, kind of the Hollywood image of love affairs. So bringing the Lord into our relationships like this will shed a new light on them and strengthen them from the start by building on the right foundation.
It's also changing my whole outlook on sharing. I've always been picky and sometimes very selfish in not wanting to share with certain ones that weren't to my liking. I knew it was wrong to be selfish like that, but I couldn't break out of it. I tried a few times but failed, and I really went under with condemnation about it. I thought of the first-generation adults in the Family who went through the FFing era and the years when there was much more sharing going on, which taught them about unselfish sexual giving for the sake of others. I think this kind of unselfishness is lacking in the second generation; and having grown up not needing to lay down our lives in the same way has made us somewhat unrevolutionary in our attitudes towards the Law of Love. I just felt it wasn't really expected of me to have to sacrifice in this way. Lord help me!
But the Lord is asking it of us now! He wants us to grow up in these areas and He's making it easy for us with this new concept on sharing of "being Jesus" for someone. It really takes the pressure off for me that it doesn't have to be my personal emotions involved or my love manifested towards the person, but that it's Jesus using me to love someone, and that we can both be vessels of Jesus' love and love Him together! In fact, this has encouraged me to want to start having dates again with someone in my Home that I stopped sharing with a while ago because it was difficult to be with someone I wasn't attracted to, didn't have any feelings for, and didn't get along with very well at the time. But now I feel that it would be very beneficial for me to share Jesus with him, and the humbling would do me good too, ha!
Something I can see right away is how easy it is to get off to a grand start and then slowly let myself get back into old ruts of being too busy. I see that my relationship with Jesus really needs to be cultivated. I just have to take the time! Lately I've been kind of having quickies in the Spirit -- just quickly saying love words to Jesus, etc., for lack of time. But I felt convicted when reading one reaction in an FSM about how the Lord wants more and He'll bless the time we take for Him.
Copyright (c) 1997 by The Family