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FSM 289 DO
{\b “Loving Jesus” Reactions—Part 1}
{\b --Reactions to the “Loving Jesus” GNs, Parts 3 through 6}
For Junior Teens and Up Only!

© Copyrighted March 1996, The Family, Zurich, Switzerland

       ({\ul \i Editor’s note}{\i : The “Loving Jesus” GNs were read before the Birthday Feast by many members of WS, all the CROs, and some of the translators and LIM personnel. We will include reactions from some of these brethren in this series of FSMs. The purpose of publishing these reactions is so you can benefit from the lessons others have learned when putting the “Loving Jesus” revelation into practice. We pray that you will not }{\ul \i compare negatively} your experience of loving Jesus with the experiences of those who share their lessons in this FSM, and that you will not feel {\ul \i pressured} as a result of reading these testimonies.
{\i        (The authors of the following reactions speak quite candidly. This may seem like a contradiction to what was said in the “Loving Jesus” GNs about this being a }{\ul \i personal matter}. It {\ul \i is} a personal matter, but that does not mean that this new intimate way to love the Lord is something so {\ul \i private}{\i  that it can never be talked about for any reason. The ones who wrote the following reactions share their hearts with you for a good reason—in hopes that you will benefit from their personal experiences. If you choose to discuss your “Loving Jesus” experiences with someone else—your shepherds, sharing partners, close friends, etc.—that is up to you. But please do so in a }{\ul \i positive way}, and only with DO Family members who have already read the series. Because we do not have time or space to publish all the testimonies and reactions that were written, we have chosen those that provide the greatest variety of lessons.)

{\b Faith Is the Key to Comprehend the Lord’s Love!}
{\b —From Apollos}

Dearest Mama,
       God bless you! I’m so thankful that Jesus has helped me to hang on, and I truly believe that He is now rewarding me in many different ways! Thank You Jesus! I feel a little overwhelmed with all that I want to try to share with you, and I’m not exactly sure where to start, but I’ve got to start somewhere, so here goes!

{\b I’m Glad I Held On}
       As you know, these “Loving Jesus” GNs initially put me through some serious spiritual battles. I choked on some of this when first reading through it. But I cried out to the Lord for the grace to receive all this. I also pled with Him to understand me, to take me where I was at, and to honor my feeble efforts to love Him in this new and mysterious way. And though I felt extremely reticent, inept and awkward in my initial attempts to utter the love words to Jesus, I nevertheless knew the main thing that I had to lose was my pride, and that there was much to be gained in the way of blessings, so I tried it repeatedly in my prayer time with Him.
       While having these intimate times of communion with the Lord, I experienced no perceptible or transcendent emotional, physical, mental or spiritual changes taking place. I must confess, I did hope to experience some sort of “rushes” or “highs” in the Spirit, or in the flesh, or somehow! So it was all by faith for me, and I would frequently be tempted before conversing with the Lord this way with thoughts of, “Why are you going to do that again, it just doesn’t work for you!”
       If there is any word to describe my feelings towards this “Loving Jesus” revelation for the first month or so after I read this series, I’d say it was ambivalence, which according to the dictionary means: “1. The coexistence of opposing attitudes or feelings, such as love and hate, toward a person, an object, or an idea. 2. Uncertainty or indecisiveness as to which course to follow.” I guess the good old Bible term double-mindedness would be a more honest description!

{\b Driven to the “Wilderness”!}
       Anyway, all of this ambivalence and these conflicting thoughts wound up driving me into the “wilderness”—a secluded corner of our yard! I trekked outdoors to a quiet and somewhat private spot I frequent, clutching my “Loving Jesus” Letters, my Bible, and my coffee mug, and I set down determined to get off the fence on this. Like Dad has said, the most uncomfortable place to be is on the fence, ouch! I felt like I just had to get ahold of God.
       So I determinedly trod into my “wilderness” lair, and got into some big-time prayer, and earnestly asked the Lord to “open Thou my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of the Word!” I told the Lord that I just had to get it right, I had to have some genuine spiritual conviction about all this! I claimed what Paul said about his own conversion experience, “Immediately I conferred not with flesh and blood!” (Gal.1:16). In fact, before delving again into the “Loving Jesus” GNs, a couple of verses from the Book of Ephesians came to me, so I opened up and read them, and wound up reading most of that Epistle as well. A number of verses were quite outstanding to me, so I’ll share them here:
       Paul said that he was praying for his brethren, “That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him: The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of His calling, and what the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of His mighty power, which He wrought in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead, and set Him at His Own right hand in the Heavenly Places” (Eph.1:17-20). So this was my prayer, that the Lord would truly open my eyes, and give me the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, that I might know these riches and the greatness of His power towards us, as portrayed in these Letters!
       There are all kinds of other wonderful verses in this Book, but I must share the one that got through to me most, which appears towards the end of chapter three. In this passage, Paul is again saying that he was really praying for the church there in Ephesus. “For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of Whom the whole family in Heaven and Earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man; that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the Love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God” (Eph.3:14-19).
       Wow! For me, this was really something, to “catch” this verse in the Spirit—that the Lord not only wants us to be strengthened inwardly, but He wants us to comprehend and know His Love, the “Love of Christ, which passeth knowledge!” In other words, I felt like He was saying to me, “So what if you can’t grasp all of this in your finite little mind, I’m talking about knowing My Love!—About you knowing Me more intimately, more closely, that I might fill you with My Own seeds, that you might be filled with all the fullness of God!” Wow, that’s a lot of “fullness,” let me tell you! Praise the Lord! I began to really pray and thank Him, to wholeheartedly call out to Jesus, asking Him to answer this prayer for understanding, for comprehension, for a desire to truly know Him and His Love, to be filled with Himself. And thank God, as always, He heard and answered. Hallelujah!

A Spiritual Awakening!
       And now for the dramatic revelation I received (drum roll please): Poised on my lonely spiritual pinnacle, desperate to experience to the full the orgasmic ecstasies promised me, and longing to be enthralled in conjugal bliss with my Heavenly Bridegroom, guess what happened! ... Thunderous orgasms that threw me from my seat, weeping, to the ground? Spiritual explosions that rocketed me above the trees and the clouds? Sensuous sensations that made me cry out in raptured ecstasy? No, nothing of this nature took place. However, the lone pilgrim was not disappointed, for as I said, God answered my prayer. How?—By speaking to me from His Words of Love in “Loving Jesus!—Part 5!” "So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God!” (Rom.10:17). As you have brought out in these Letters, Mama, the Lord deals with us all differently, and in my particular case, He simply spoke to me from the printed Word, and opened my eyes to behold wondrous things indeed!
       I had already been using the love words with Jesus for a while, and I’d tried loving Jesus while having sex. Though I’d had some pleasurable times, I still didn’t feel any closer to the Lord, nor did I feel like these exercises had deepened my relationship with Him. Therefore, I kept feeling rather disappointed. I felt somewhat condemned, and basically felt like I just wasn’t “getting it,” and at times was even rather unsure what “it” was! Oh my! However, while in deep prayer and meditation on this matter, and while reading and reflecting on the fifth “Loving Jesus” Letter, I must say, my former fears or doubts and disappointments were gently and lovingly wiped away by the Lord. As I continued to read, it was all really speaking to me—clearly, lovingly, and I can even say wonderfully! So that’s why I say I had a “revelation,” as the Lord brought those Words to life, and the entrance of His Word gave light, it gave understanding to the simple! (Psa.119:130).
       Now, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t have liked to have had a dramatic “road to Damascus” type of “conversion” or tangible experience here. I would have! But I know that the Lord does all things well, and that’s just not what He chose to give me, at least not at this point in time. But what He did give me was something that I now value more than temporal sensations, and that is faith—faith to believe that He indeed is behind this shocking revelation, and faith that He is right here with me, helping me learn to love Him in this way.
       In fact, as I read and prayed and drew nigh to Him using heartfelt love words and praises and thanks to Him for His wonderful goodness to me, I saw how this whole concept of loving Jesus was just what I needed. I also saw how truly the Lord has been my Best Friend, He’s been my daily Helper, my High Tower and Defense from the Enemy, my Light and my Salvation, but I had to confess, He had not really been my Lover. I had to face the fact that my relationship with Him was rather stale and even somewhat stagnant. Of course, this was no fault of His at all, but I saw how I had just become so routine with Him, and I was lacking the joy of Salvation I’ve known before, and I was rarely emotionally stirred when I prayed and reached out to Him.
       Now, I don’t want to say that a person’s relationship with Jesus should be gauged by how emotionally moved they are when they pray, as “feelings come and feelings go, and feelings are deceiving,” as Martin Luther said. But like Dad has said, you usually know when you’ve really gotten through in prayer, when you’ve made a real connection with Jesus and His Holy Spirit. And sad to say, I saw that the fervency and ardor in my relationship with Him was sorely lacking. But I didn’t see it in the typical “you never were much of a Christian” condemnation angle that the Enemy usually tries to lay on me. It was more of a realization, almost an awakening, like that part of the poem, “First Place” talks about:

       For there in that lonely desert,
       Apart from the busy scene,
       It dawned on me slowly and clearly,
       Where my great mistake had been.

       My mind was so full of service, just service,
       I had drifted from Him apart,
       And He longed for the sweet communion,

Surrender Brings Peace at Last!
       So here I had been balking about this “Loving Jesus” series, and suddenly it hit me between the eyes that this was just what I personally needed. This was the answer to my prayers to be closer to Him. No, it was not as I had envisioned it, and no, I certainly did not readily grasp this concept of being a woman in spirit! But oh, I had no doubt that He, my Lord and Master, my Savior, my Chief Shepherd, and yes, my Husband in the Spirit, was now reaching out to me, inviting me to draw nigh to Him and to “know the Love of Christ, which passeth knowledge!”
       Alone with the Lord, I laughed out loud, rejoicing that He was truly opening my eyes and my heart to receive what He had for me here. I also cried. I saw how loving He was, how He truly understood the big struggles I’d been through over this, and that it didn’t matter to Him. He was pleased that I was earnestly seeking Him and calling out to Him, and He was answering. He was happy that I was at last getting the point, that just as you’ve said, this whole thing really was His gift to me, not a rough and tough purge. Like you said, ”The Lord has a wonderful plan in this! He hasn’t revealed these truths to us for no reason or just as a test of our yieldedness and humility. This isn’t some kind of vain exercise or humility training that we just have to endure or grin and bear, but it’s a wonderful gift, a precious blessing, a treasure of inestimable value! He says He wants to give us His seeds of Love, strength, goodness, kindness, loving, giving, compassion and empathy! He’ll fill us to overflowing with His Love if we can just receive it!” (ML #3031:98).
       Along these same lines, one of the prophecies says, “So worry not and doubt not and fret not, but simply accept by faith. For this is pleasing to Me—the eyes of faith and the acceptance of faith. I will reward you with the desires of your heart, a closer relationship with Me as a result of your faith” (ML #3031:110). Wow, all I had to do was simply believe, just have faith, and I would have what I truly desired, more than sensations and orgasms, more than some kind of sexual liberation, I could have my heart’s desire of a closer relationship with Jesus! “Okay, Lord, that’s what I want,” I told Him.
       Then, after receiving a much better understanding in the spirit of what is going on here in these Letters, I felt like it was time for some more love-up with Jesus, really asking Him to enter in and fill me with His seeds. Of course, I’d felt like I was pretty full of His Word seeds from all of this reading, but I just wanted to draw closer and again try loving Him in this new way, since my mind was full of it from reading this GN. So I just yielded to Him the way I know a man wants his wife or lover to yield to him. I surrendered to Jesus, relaxing and resting, calling on Him and asking Him to please take me as I was, to forgive me for my former skepticism, and to love me up in the spirit.
       I’m not a real fantasizer, nor a great vision-receiver, and as I now called out to Him I wasn’t demanding or expecting any kind of tangible sensation (as I had been expecting in previous attempts); I just wanted to love Jesus and show Him that I was truly thankful for His Love. I wasn’t putting Him to the test, nor was I trying to test out these Letters to see if anything would really happen; I just wanted to love Jesus the way He has asked us to. And again, there was no sudden boom or thunderous moving of the earth beneath my feet, but my prayer was answered.
       I somehow knew that “immediately I was conferring not with flesh and blood,” but with the risen Savior! Jesus was there. Of course, we know by faith He’s always there, so what’s the big deal? Well, I almost hate to say that I felt His presence, because feelings are so subjective. But for lack of a better word, I did indeed feel the Lord’s presence. Or perhaps I can use the term Paul used in that passage I quoted from Ephesians, I somehow comprehended His Love for me right then and there. I just knew that He was real pleased with my reaching out to Him, and that He was honoring it by drawing nigh to me as I drew nigh to Him.
       And strangely, this time with Him seemed to even be somewhat stimulating in a sexual way, as I somehow perceived or felt that He indeed was making love with me in spirit. Well, such a statement is a definite “passeth knowledge” proclamation from your resident theologian, as I really don’t have it all figured out logically and haven’t taken the time to work it all out theologically either. But so what? Like Dad said in “Sex Works,” you don’t have to fully understand it, just flip the switch and enjoy it, use it, and let it work for you! Also, He told me specifically that His Love “passeth knowledge,” so that certainly helped me over the hump or around the roadblock of my very limited knowledge and understanding of His wondrous ways with the children of men!

More Lessons on Faith!
       The Lord very much encouraged my heart about all this, and helped me to personally grasp and take hold of Him and His promises, and to accept the fact that regardless of whether I get all kinds of feelings or hear bells and whistles or not, He wants me to simply believe His promises, to hang on to Him and His Words by faith, and that this is what is most pleasing to Him. Actually, just last night our Home’s shepherdess and I were talking together about someone in our Home who has had some wonderfully tangible experiences with loving Jesus. He’s experienced an ecstatic “honeymoon” with Jesus! And we sort of fell into negatively comparing ourselves, wondering why we don’t usually have these kinds of climactic and dramatic signs and wonders, until finally, we were both just down in the dumps.
       But then we realized what had happened, and started praying and calling on the Lord and rebuking the Devil, asking Jesus to cause His light to arise in our darkness and to pull us out of the pit into which the Enemy was trying to cast us! And guess what happened? The Lord unexpectedly broke through and gave us a prophecy all about faith, telling us that He wanted us to just believe His Word and walk by faith, not by sight! Oh, you wouldn’t believe how everything instantly changed and how our spirits were lifted and encouraged after that! I’ll include the prophecy for you here:

       “Fight the good fight of faith! Fight the good fight of faith! Lay hold upon eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses. Fight the good fight of faith! Above all, taking the shield of faith which quenches the fiery darts of the Wicked One, who seeks but to destroy and devour. But it’s faith with which you can ward off the Evil One, who seeks to sift you as wheat. My prayers for you are for your faith, that your faith fail not.
       “For without faith you cannot please Me. But if you would truly please Me, believe. Do you believe in the Name of the Son of God? Who is He, Lord, that I may believe? I am He, the Author and the Finisher of your faith. From a child you have known the Holy Scriptures. For faith cometh by the Word. It is faith that saves you, and faith is what keeps you, and faith is that for which you shall be rewarded—that the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold which perisheth, might be found in Him unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ.
       “For we walk by faith, not by sight. Why do you demand a sign? This is the victory, even your faith! Faith, mighty faith, the promise sees—looks to God alone, laughs at impossibilities, and cries, ‘It shall be done!’ The just shall live by faith. Feelings come and feelings go, and feelings are deceiving. My faith is in the Word of God; naught else is worth believing.
       “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. Faithful is He that hath called you, Who also will do it! For I am the Author and the Finisher, and I will perfect that which concerns your faith. You shall go from strength to strength, if you will but trust and believe, and have faith, and believe My Word and receive My Word, whether you see or not.—And that which is deep within your earth shall sprout and shall take root and shall send forth and shall grow, even as a mustard seed which appears not as anything, but which gives lodging to the fowls of the heavens in due time. Therefore, believe and walk not by sight and what you see. But trust Me for the miracle of new life and of growth beneath the surface, deep within the earth. And when the bud appears, the roots are already established and it shall indeed grow and become mighty, if you will walk by faith and not by sight.” (End of prophecy.)

       Anyway, that was very encouraging to us, and a good reminder to not get into comparing experiences in this “Loving Jesus” phenomenon! As I testified above, this is what the Lord laid on my heart when I was so desperate with Him about this, that the main thing He wanted from me besides my yieldedness and trust in all this was my faith. He wanted me to simply believe that He loved me and was making love with me, whether I saw or felt anything at all.

{\b “I’m with You, Mama!”}
       So even though I was hoping that my testimony of loving Jesus in this new way was going to be an ecstatic account of how I was lifted up into the Seventh Heaven in a frenzied orgy of the Love of God, I’m content, knowing that maybe He wants me to be an encouragement to others who will also have to take it by faith, without the “evidences,” as the Pentecostals call the gift of tongues. As you know, they won’t even believe that you’ve received the Holy Spirit until you talk in tongues, tangibly manifesting that you’ve “got the gift.” However, it seems evident to me that not only our spiritual sex with Jesus but our entire walk and relationship with Him is primarily one of faith, and that the only evidence that really holds water, or really pleases Him is “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”—which, of course, is our faith!
       So praise the Lord! I’m with you, Mama, on this “Loving Jesus” revelation, and I think it’s just great in that it’s just what I need, and what I’m sure most of us need, to draw us closer to Him, into a more loving and intimate relationship with the Lover of all lovers!

Learning the Ways of Love!
       (Written a few days later:) It’s a beautiful day today, thank the Lord, and for some reason the grass looks greener to me, the sky is bluer, and I’m enjoying a wonderful peace in my heart, largely due, I’m sure, to my cessation of struggle with the “Loving Jesus” series. Boy, I never thought that saying yes to Jesus meant saying yes to Him fucking me as His Bride, ha! But I’m sure glad I have, and I am sure enjoying this renewed relationship with the Lord, as it has somehow made my consciousness of Him and His presence much more acute, and for this I’m very grateful. Thank You Jesus! I know I certainly have a long ways to go, but I do have a deep abiding sense of the Lord’s peace and a renewed awareness of His presence, which is about the most comforting and strengthening thing I can think of.
       I would like to share a brief little testimony with you of something that happened to me the other day, that a paragraph here reminded me of.
       “Loving Jesus!—Part 3” says: “And as a man does not want to force himself on a woman, but wants to be accepted and wants to be caressed and wants to be loved and wants to be held and wants to be desired, so it is with Me” (ML #3029:60). This concept of gently being accepted and held and caressed and loved reminds me of something that is a little on the humorous side that took place between me and the Lord the other day. Actually it was the day I typed my testimony of the victories the Lord has given me with this concept, and I had spent some time singing to the Lord and praising the Lord, as well as reading His Word, and I felt quite inspired to go and begin writing that testimony.
       But then I thought, “Well, before I write Mama more about this ‘Loving Jesus’ business, I’d better do some ‘Loving Jesus’ myself, and spend some intimate time with the Lord, communing with Him in the Spirit and saying the love words, etc.” So I leaned back against the headboard of my bed and closed my eyes and began praying and loving the Lord and telling Him that I wanted Him and needed Him and I wanted Him to fill me with His seeds, asking Him to fuck me and sock it to me, etc.
       I must confess, in my heart I was thinking, “This is really what I should do, and I’ll do it right away quick so I can get back to my work and finish up this testimony that I need to write Mama!” In other words, I really did want to have some love-up time with the Lord and be filled and inspired by Him, as well as give Him my all, but I wanted to do it right then and there, sort of like a “quickie” so that I could then hop back to my work.
       As I was sitting there asking the Lord to make love with me and so on, I received a gentle sort of chiding or loving rebuke from Him in which He basically told me that He was not that kind of a husband, who wants his wife to dutifully come rushing into the bedroom, without any warm-up, to just throw herself before Him, saying, “Oh darling, hurry up, come and fuck me quick because I need to get back to work for you.” In other words, He wasn’t a “wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am” type of guy!
       I was then reminded of how I felt sometimes in the past when I’ve had a date with someone I love and she dutifully offers herself to me sexually, but does not really unite with me in heart and spirit, mentally and spiritually first. I have recalled the verse at such times, “Can two walk together except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3). In other words, as much as I love sex, and as much as I may appreciate her willingness to meet my physical needs, if I feel that it’s somewhat of a bore and a chore, or just a duty to her, it takes the wind out of my sails and my inspiration for having sex, and I just don’t have any joy in the mere mechanics of it all.
       So when I came before the Lord and right away told Him, “Okay, Lord, sock it to me, fuck me, fill me with Your seeds,” He reminded me very clearly of how I have felt when I’ve been given that sort of treatment, and He lovingly corrected me and basically told me just to relax, and that my “service” was nothing without my love. In other words, He didn’t just want the act of spiritual sex from me, He wanted my heart and my full attention, and most of all, my love. I just felt like He was telling me to relax in His arms, to lay my head on His breast, to hold Him and to let Him hold me in the Spirit. It was real sweet and beautiful. I apologized and let go of my anxious, hurried and flurried spirit and sort of spiritually melted into His arms, where He reassured me of His Love and helped me find a place of rest and solace in Him. Thank You Jesus!
       Of course, this is not to say that if we, His Bride, are already warmed up spiritually and in a prepared state, that He can’t just sock it to us without any preliminaries, I’m sure He can. But in my case, on this particular occasion, because I obviously wasn’t really in the right state of mind and wasn’t giving Him my all but was sort of going through the ritual of saying the words and wanting Him to hurry up and give me His seeds, so I could get back to work, He taught me a good lesson along those lines.
       ({\ul \i Editor’s note}{\i : If you wish, you can refer to “Loving Jesus!—Part 5,” ML }#3031: 59-121, GN 663, to read the prophecies that were given for Apollos when he was struggling with this revelation.)
* * *

{\b Loving Jesus—Just What I Needed!}
{\b —From a Male YA Translator at One of the LIMs}
       I liked these Letters very much. They were just what I needed at the moment when I read them. I say this because my prayer for this year was to have a closer relationship with Jesus, for Him to mean more to me. That is something I had wanted for a long time, although I didn’t really know how to achieve it. I thought that perhaps the way to do it was to spend more time in prayer and in the Word, and I guess that is one way to do it, but now I see what Jesus desires. Of course, I didn’t expect the answer to my prayer to come in this way, but it’s obvious that it is what I wanted.
       When first reading these Letters it was pretty easy to take, it didn’t give me a trial or anything, because it’s all well explained. However, after reading them, without realizing it, I started analyzing things and trying to figure them out in my mind, and then the Enemy started to attack me with doubts. So I saw, as it said in the Letter, that I had to take things by faith and not try to reason them out, because if I do, everything turns into a mess.
       The Letters helped me to see Jesus in a new way, a more personal way. I would have never imagined He needed our love so much, but now I see that He does. They have made me realize that I can have a very intimate relationship with Him, one that I never thought I could have. I haven’t quite gotten the hang of saying those loving words to Jesus yet. The times I’ve tried it they didn’t seem very natural, but I guess with time I’ll get more used to them and they won’t sound so strange to me.
       To conclude, I’d like to say that I’m very happy for this revelation. I’m sure that this way of getting closer to Jesus will help me a lot in my spiritual life.
* * *

{\b I Believe It’s the Truth!—And I’m Willing to Try!}
{\b —From a Male CRO}
       This is indeed quite a bomb! Crash, bang, boom! I can hear the old bottles crashing! And I must say, I feel my own bottle being stretched! Mama, you have the Words of eternal life, where else would I go?! It’s certainly a bottle-breaker and even a bit of a hard saying, but I’m okay with it. In fact, I’m determined to try it and love Jesus and have spiritual sex with Him, and I expect to reap all the wonderful blessings and benefits which are described in your Letters.
       I believe what you and Peter are telling us is true and I’m going to do it! I am determined to be like the little boy reaching out for the watch and I’m expecting to come up with a beautiful gold watch. I expect to receive a wonderful gift from the Lord! If the Lord is giving out new gifts, I sure don’t want to miss out. I’ll take what He has for me! I won’t turn it down because it looks a little strange. I want His gifts, I want to “grow in power and anointing and strength, and ... discover that this revelation is a great, great gift of God, a wonderful, wonderful gift of Love,” as Dad said.
       One thing which helped me to receive this very New Wine, which amounts to very strong meat, is that you, dear Peter, have embraced this and are practicing “spiritual sex with Jesus.” Since you have gone down into those waters and are saying “Come on in, the water’s great!” then I figure it must be so. If it’s good enough for you, Peter, then it’s good enough for me. I believe I’d follow you anywhere, because I know you’re following Jesus, and because I love and respect you in the Lord. I say the same of you, dear Mama, but since Peter is a man, I feel I can relate to him more in this situation.
       So I’m looking forward to trying it. I suppose mine will be “toddler steps” at learning just how to practice the role of being a female sex partner to Jesus, but I’m willing to try. In faith and obedience to the Lord and you, my dear Mama and Peter, I will follow.
       To some degree I have already been having a very intimate love relationship with Jesus, although I must say it has not been nearly as sexy as described in the “Loving Jesus” Letters. In my prayer and Word life there have been many times when I’ve had very deep love and communion with Jesus which came close to being sexual. I didn’t realize it at the time, but with God being as sexy as He is, I think if we are to approach Him at all, there’s going to be an element of sexuality whether we comprehend it as such or not. I think David in the Psalms was having a very intimate love relationship with the Lord in places where he makes such declarations as: “As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after Thee, O God” (Psa.42:1). And then there’s the very sexy Song of Solomon.
       Thank you, Mama, for your redefining “spirituality” and explaining that if you “feel very incapable, insufficient, ignorant, unclear and downright weak, very weak, but you’re still struggling to obey and to just say ‘yes’ to Jesus; all of you who feel uncomfortable with the new things the Lord brings along, and have to humble yourself to do them; all of you who feel like this are in the same boat as I am!” (ML #3031:23). I must say, in all my years in the Family, it seems that the women are the more yielded, humble and loving vessels. Perhaps the Lord is even making this new practice of having a sexual relationship with Jesus a little tougher for us men so that we can be humbled and learn to be more loving and yielded.
       Trying to masturbate while having love-up with Jesus I think is going to be the most difficult of the three aspects of the “Loving Jesus” revelation for me. Usually my masturbation fantasies are quite erotic, with gorgeous Family and other women and even goddesses at times, but in all cases women. Doing it to Jesus may be difficult at first to attain an orgasm, but I’ll give it a try. Even if I don’t have an orgasm at first, I think I could still masturbate while loving Jesus as best I can.
       I think including Jesus in lovemaking with a partner will be fairly easy and is something I’ve done from time to time in trying to emulate dear Dad. Of course, saying words of love to Jesus during lovemaking from the standpoint of being a female in the spirit will be an entirely new dimension for me and may not be so easy at first, but I do intend to also give this a good try. I’m sure it’s going to be a little embarrassing and humbling!
       The answer from the Lord and Dad telling you, Mama, not to try so hard is already a big comfort, especially regarding masturbation. Thanks so very much, Mama, and thank God and Dad for always making it easy for us and comforting us by letting us know that He doesn’t judge or condemn us by how well we perform, but only wants our love. Not having to fear failure or condemnation makes it much easier to get started with the first steps.
* * *

I Found My Forever Man!
{\b —From a Female Member of WS}
       I was overjoyed at what the Lord said in the “Loving Jesus” revelation. The prophecy where the Lord calls us personally to be His Queen and Bride and true love and to be married to a King, totally blew my mind! The concept that Jesus wanted me, personally, to have such an intimate relationship with Him was so beautiful. I was overwhelmed! I knew He looked at us collectively as His Bride, but I never looked at it as Him so specifically desiring each of us in this way. I still can’t quite fathom it all, to be so honored in His sight. I always thought if I could just be considered His handmaiden, or maybe a princess, that would be great. I’m overjoyed that the Lord wants me, personally, as His special lover, His wife, His mate.
       I didn’t realize Jesus was so lonely that He desires and needs me in such a way. I have felt lonely too. I have gotten for myself the passage from Isaiah 54 many times in the past, “thy Maker is thy Husband,” but I couldn’t understand how I could apply it to myself in a tangible way. I’m now single, and sometimes I miss not being in love and having someone in love with me. At times this has led me to think, “What is wrong with me?”
       The Lord was so sweet to comfort my heart since I came to this Home in WS, to show me that by receiving love from all the men through their signs of affection, words of encouragement, etc., that I was in a way having a type of personal relationship. The Lord was just using all the men collectively to give me the things I would receive if I had one special lover. Recently, though, I was telling the Lord how I missed being “in love.” I was telling Him how I wished our relationship could be like an “in-love” relationship, but I didn’t know how to make it intimate like that. I prayed and asked Him if He could help me to love Him like that. Needless to say, when I read these GNs I was flipped! I was so happy to read what the Lord said, giving us specific instructions of what to say! I logically can’t understand how saying these love words will change things, but I don’t have to understand completely, praise the Lord! It’s by faith, and I can hardly wait to see the changes that are going to happen.

A Passionate Loving Time with Jesus!
       In Part 4, the Lord is speaking in prophecy about how we can show Him our love when we masturbate, if we wish to. (See ML #3030:29.) Before I read this series of GNs when I would masturbate, I would envision one of the Lord’s angels making love to me. Then when I would come, sometimes I would cry and talk to Jesus and tell Him I love Him. Usually I’d also ask Him at that time to help me with whatever particular need I had at the time, in relationship to my spiritual walk with Him. At those times I was able to be more honest and open to Him. In the past I had thought about envisioning Jesus when I would masturbate, but I thought that would be exercising myself in “matters too high for me.” Anyway, it is so wonderful and liberating to hear that the Lord wants us in such an intimate sexy way, and I am very excited and happy about it.
       When I was reading the GN about masturbation and loving Jesus, I was in my bedroom alone at the time. I got so turned on all of a sudden to try it. So I did! I did all the things you were saying to do, Mama, like telling Jesus I loved Him and desired Him. I read one of the prophecies again while I was goosing myself in the chair and it was so sexy. I visualized Jesus fucking me and it was terrific! And it was so funny, because the second I finished going, I looked up and my roommate had just walked in, ha! She didn’t know what I had just finished doing. Talk about “going” when the Lord says go, ha! Well, maybe the Lord will lead this way in helping us singles who live with others solve the problem of how to get those “private” moments with Him!
       Mama, thank you for explaining everything so thoroughly. I know our men especially will be so thankful how you brought all the angles you could possibly think of before the Lord and got His Word on it. What stood out to me is how you did all you could to help make everything as clear and simple as possible. There is a lot of love, compassion and understanding in these GNs. I can’t help but feel it. It was so neat that you asked Dad to speak to us about the matter. Thanks so much for doing that. He was so encouraging.
       Reading these Letters made me desperate to be open to the new things ahead. It is all so exciting! It sure makes me desperate. I love you so much! It’s like joining the Family all over again! Crack! Pop! The Lord is breaking our bottles! Praise the Lord! Hugs and kisses to you.
       Thanks so much for your love for us. I love you!

(Written six months later:)
       My life really has changed for the better since reading the “Loving Jesus” series. It answered many of my heart’s desires, and it also helped me to understand why the Lord had brought me through certain experiences in my life.

Victory over Loneliness!
       I would be classified in the “singles” category in relation to these GNs. I was mated for quite a few years before coming behind the scenes, and being single was something that was difficult for me to adjust to. I wanted to be single-minded, and I knew the Lord wanted me to be single-minded too. By that I mean I knew He wanted me to let go of seeking security in another, and to let Him be my security. I knew He wanted to help me to mature, and to become a spiritually stronger fighter, leaning more on Him and not others. Lord help me, I am one that tends to let the Enemy walk all over me, and my usual course of action in the past was to run to my mate to “slay the dragon” for me, so to speak.
       Through the years, the Lord has done many miracles for me, helping me grow in this area. But in my heart I was always keeping my eye open for that “special soul-mate”—you know, the one who would be a tangible manifestation of the Lord’s Love, who would fill all those empties, a comforter, a prayer partner, a fellow soldier and coach in spiritual warfare, and one who would love me passionately (even though I’m getting up there in years—ha!). Well, it was such a liberation to surrender my heart to Jesus, to give my heart to Him as His Bride, His Wife. Wow! I have found my true “Soul-Mate,” my Forever Man. It’s like that line from one of our songs, “He was there all the time,” just waiting for me.
       Now it is as if His presence is ever so near. Realizing that Jesus desired this closer and more intimate relationship was an answer to prayer for me. This is just the kind of relationship I was looking for, and I didn’t even know it. It’s like I’ve “quit struggling,” and have a genuine peace of heart and mind.

Our Intimate Two-way Dialogue of Love Words!
       When I first started to say the love words to Jesus, I didn’t expect what took place. Sometimes I let the Enemy belittle what I do for the Lord, and have always battled with low self-esteem, which is so disastrous to keeping faith and yielding to what the Lord can do through us. So imagine my surprise when I started to tell the Lord how much I loved Him and needed Him, and desired Him, to hear Him reply back personally with words of love and thanks and encouragement and instruction to me. I’ve never experienced anything like this before!
       For example, I would tell Him things like, “Lord, I’m not such a good lover, but I thank You for asking me to be Your Bride. I want Your kisses and caresses.” And He would speak to my heart intimately, telling me how happy He is with my love for Him, and then He would lovingly reassure me in any of my questions or worries that I would share with Him. In all the times I have spoken the love words to Him, no matter how “yucky” I might have felt (from being out of it or having really blown it or whatever), I have only received words of love, through encouragement or loving instruction, always uplifting me to the Light and never condemning me. Praise the Lord! It’s been a wonderful benefit and help to know that no matter how I feel, the fact is that His Love is true and permanent, always there for me.
       Having the Lord speak to my heart during the times when I share these love words with Him is maybe a little like experiencing a new aspect of the garment of prophecy. I know we all hear from the Lord in different ways, but it’s so neat to have this intimate dialogue back and forth between one another—wonderful whispers!
       I find that if I talk things over with my Husband (Jesus) throughout the day, I don’t fret as much and my work progresses a lot more smoothly. The Lord has also used it to remind me that there are people who need my love! I’ve noticed since putting the “Loving Jesus” revelation into action that I have become more motivated to share His wonderful Love with others. It’s kind of like that quote about “joy”—Jesus, others, then you—I love Jesus, He loves me, we love others, and that makes for one happy girl.
       I realize this wouldn’t always be feasible for everyone, but wanted to share how it went when I had the opportunity to have a date with Jesus! I tried this shortly after reading Part 5 of the series. Although I have a roommate, it worked out for me to have our room to myself one night. So I decided why not devote the evening to Jesus, like I do when I have my normal dates with my sharing partners. I got a glass of wine and put on some music, got in bed, and read a few of the condos from one of the Daily Breads. Then I just closed my eyes and began saying the love words to Jesus. Well, one thing led to another, and before I knew it, I had a terrific orgasm that left me thankful I had put the “Do not Disturb” sign on the door—ha! Again, I’d have to say that it was the Lord’s sweet words that came to my heart when I was talking to Him and sharing the love words that especially turned me on.
       Another wonderful benefit of spending time “alone” with the Lord, that might encourage others, happened when I wasn’t even alone. My roommate and I were both taking private Word time on Rest-and-Word Day. We were both in our room, each of us laying on our individual beds. After finishing what I was reading, I closed my eyes to pray, and that intimate fellowship with Jesus, as if we were in the bed of love together, started to happen. I heard His voice, I felt His presence and His Love. It was so wonderful! I was so encouraged to realize that no matter where I am, even in my room with my roommate, that intimate relationship we have can always be there. Thank You Lord!
       Well, dear Mama, in all of this I don’t mean to give the impression that I’m so spiritual and everything has been so easy-breezy. What I do want to say is I found that when I took one step for Jesus, He took one for me, and when I took another step for Jesus, He took two for me, and He brought me over the mountain of this new revelation.
       I’m just your normal everyday sister. I’m not all that talented or sharp. I can be very analytical and I worry about all kinds of things. But I know that when the crux comes, it is only the Word that’s going to keep us. If I can have that Word living within me, alive and vibrant and real, it gives me faith for the days ahead. I believe the “Loving Jesus” revelation is a big step in that direction, and I’m very thankful for it. And thank you for your loving and faithful care to feed the sheep. I love you! Kisses and hugs!
* * *

{\b It Takes Getting Used To—But the Rewards Come Quickly!}
{\b —From a Male CRO}
Dear Mama,
       I love you and pray for you! Thank you very much for the privilege it was to read the “Loving Jesus” series. It’s having a profound effect on my life. Thank You Lord!

A New Perspective!
       One of the prophecies in Part 3 says: ”So come, come I say, come in unto Me and be My Bride! For I long to be loved as a lonely man who does not seem to be lonely because He has so many friends and so much family, yet He lacks a sweetheart and darling” (ML #3029:36). Reading this the first time was like opening the door of a new perspective on my relationship with Jesus. I had never looked at it from the standpoint of Jesus needing our love and needing a relationship with us. It was like a key, and I believe opening that initial door when beginning to read these GNs helped immensely in setting the stage and making it easier for me to absorb and accept what was still to come.
       Loving Jesus more has always been a desire of my heart, but I often felt that I didn’t know what more I could try to do. The desire was there, wanting to know how to love Him more and how to express it to Him; “for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I [EDITED: "found"] not” (Rom.7:18). I still feel like I’m not as close to Jesus as I could be or want to be. All the wonderful new counsel the Lord has given in the recent GNs about how to love Him through our prayer and praise times, through reading the Word, etc., has been beautiful—needed and appreciated lessons and guidance—but I still felt that I needed another boost into a new and greater orbit of loving Jesus.

Good Fruit in My Life Already!
       I am already noticing the beginnings of a change in my spirit as a result of loving Jesus this way. When I think of Jesus, I realize more how much He loves us, and I already feel more aware of Him in return.
       My prayer had often been for the Lord to teach me how to love Him. I still feel very inexperienced, but happy. I see how the Lord wants more from me and I want to learn to give it to Him.

Getting Over the Initial Hurdles!
       Okay, to get to some specifics. Not all the different points brought out about this new revelation were all that easy for me to accept initially. There were some big hurdles to get over, but I must also admit that within the context of the full series you pretty much pegged and explained each one. The first hurdle was the shock over the whole concept of becoming a woman in spirit when loving Jesus. It brought up a number of questions and my initial reaction was that I didn’t know if it would be possible for me to do—just the thought of it was humbling, bottle-breaking and embarrassing all at the same time. (See how proud I am?!) But as I read on, the Lord’s clear and loving explanation and your sweet interpretation of the Lord’s Words made it clearer and easier to first of all just grasp the overall concept and Scriptural reasoning behind it.
       The next hurdle was the humbling of trying to put it into practice. So in the privacy of my room I gave it a try. It was beautiful and easier than I expected. Granted, so far I haven’t gotten very “radical” or heavily “erotic” in my times alone with Him, and I haven’t had the chance to try making love to Jesus with my sharing partner, but just taking that first step alone was a strength and help. Just doing that little bit these first times and not trying to make a big deal out of it strengthened my resolve that the Lord was indeed leading into something new—a place with Him where I desire to be, but just hadn’t expected this to be the entrance way.
       The following day was to take it a step further, as I read the prophecy that explained about “touching yourself” at the same time as saying the love words to Jesus. Right when I read that prophecy, before getting to the explanation further down, I felt, “Oh my, does this mean masturbating? Now how is this going to fit in?!” But since I had taken the first step of saying the love words and saw how it was easier than I’d expected, I tried masturbating, too. I wasn’t physically successful, but that didn’t seem to matter.
       I don’t know how to explain it all, but with each attempt to get closer to Jesus in this new way of loving Him, I afterwards have a feeling of peace and contentment like I haven’t experienced so much in previous times alone with Him. It does take time to get used to it, but it seems to me that the Lord begins to reward the effort quickly—probably to help make it easy for us to keep going.—And maybe to also show His appreciation. Thank You Lord!
       On to the “woman in spirit” question: It was very clear when the Lord in prophecy said, “For what is it to you? Do I not also call you warriors and soldiers? Do the women say, ‘Oh, well, that’s not me, for I am a woman’? Do I not sometimes call you children? My children? The children of David? Do you all say, ‘Oh, but I am a man’? No, you just accept! So if I can call you children, if I can call you soldiers and men, can I not call you women?” And then later, “In the Spirit ... I can be you or her or me” (ML #3029:91,106). To me this was the key in helping me understand how playing the role of a woman could work in spirit during my love-up times with Jesus.
       After reading the full explanation, it became much easier to accept and understand. If I’d stopped reading, or skipped over reading some parts, or let some of my initial thoughts gel into a personal conclusion before hearing the whole matter, I could have missed much of the point. So I think it’s important to read and absorb the whole message before letting your mind run wild or drawing personal conclusions. By the end of the series it’s much easier to see, understand and accept it all—at least it was for me.
       Still, concerning being a woman in spirit while loving Jesus and the part about acting it out as in a play: Maybe it’s just me, but at first that illustration about the play didn’t go over so well. I often consider most actors to be so phony and shallow in real life that it was difficult at first to relate to just acting out loving Jesus. I didn’t want to relate to that example, as my first reaction was that it then wouldn’t be real, but just a superficial act. After further prayer, though, I saw that this thinking was wrong. I realized that if in your heart you mean what you say, and play the role God gives you with real conviction, to the point of actually becoming that creation, that’s what’s most important. It doesn’t really matter if you don’t feel you’re a very good “actor,” since the Lord takes and loves us as we are. I guess all actors are a bit clumsy in their initial attempts at a role, until they get to know it better.
       What is also helping me is realizing that loving Jesus in this new way helps me feel much closer to Him—regardless of the awkwardness and inadequacy I feel. Just going through the motions is in itself a step of faith, realizing that He’s going to be very patient with me and wait for me for as long as it takes me to get the hang of it.
       Fighting and not giving up, even when it’s tough, is important. I don’t think the difficulty is realizing that Jesus is our Husband and Lover, and that we come to Him as His Bride, to be loved by Him. I don’t have a problem with that, and I don’t think most of our Family will either—it’s just acting it out. But like you said, Mama, what counts with the Lord is the desire of our heart, our wanting to please Him, and our wanting to be made willing, even if it’s difficult.
       Well, one thing’s for sure, as the Lord said, “For if you will follow Me hand in hand, footstep by footstep, I will lead you to new heights and new places. I will lead you to new horizons that you have not even dreamed of. For there is so much that I have yet to pour forth unto you and to My children!” (ML #3032:167). Thank You Lord! There’s still a lot to learn!
* * *

{\b It’s a Time of Decision!}
{\b —From a Female Who Recently Joined a WS Unit}
       ({\ul \i Editor’s note}: This person is a {\ul \i second-generation adult}, meaning she is no longer a YA, since she is now over 21, but she was raised in the Family.)

Dear Mama and Peter,
       God bless you! I love you so very much, and I’m so thankful to be here! Everyone is so sweet and loving, and have done everything to make me feel at home and cared for. It’s truly a wonderful place to be, and I pray I can be a blessing.
       I just finished reading the “Loving Jesus” series. I was definitely surprised when I first started reading the material, and to me it sounded strange and a bit off the wall. But as I kept reading, it strengthened my faith, to where by the end of the series, I was quite excited about this new revelation. I know that strong confidence will also come from applying it in my life, which I really want to do. I was very encouraged by the mention that even if you don’t understand everything all at once, but if you just do it because that’s what the Lord wants, the Lord honors that and can help you to grow from there. It’s like if you practice something with a sincere desire to believe in it, then “understanding is a reward of faith.” My greatest desire is to please the Lord and be as great a blessing as I can be to Him and others and the work, so if there’s anything that can help me do that better, then I welcome it. So I’m happy and excited about this new way of loving the Lord.
       I think it’ll be a challenge for the young people. I was thinking particularly of the YAs, and wondering how they will react to it. Personally, I think it’ll be a real time of decision for our young people, perhaps similar to how the FF revolution was for the first-generation adults, which, as Dad said, “divided the men from the boys and the women from the girls.” I think this may just do the same! It seems to me that with the Charter, quite a few of the teens and YAs are experimenting with freedoms which push them towards the “cool” or “worldly” side, and some are getting quite into it. Whereas the way the New Wine and the Lord are moving is totally in the opposite direction, getting less and less “cool” and “worldly” all the time, but more revolutionary, radical and totally nonconformed to the world. So this series may be a shock!
       I think it’s good that the revolutions we’re experiencing in the Family are involving more and more commitment and action from individuals, because it’ll become harder to brush off the checks of the Spirit and just live on the borderline. I think it’ll divide those who really want to give it their all no matter what it costs, and those who are trying to take the easy way, who may just drop out altogether.
       Anyway, I expect we’ll hear a lot of ripples throughout the Family from this one, but it’s exciting; and radical change is always fun anyway, especially when it’s so Word-based and fully substantiated, and so filled with wonderful promises of the Lord’s Love, direction, care and blessings. Praise the Lord! I really love you!
* * *

{\b I’m Sold on the }“Loving Jesus Revelation!
{\b —From Francis Fisherman, a New Member in Mama’s Home}
       ({\ul \i Editor’s note}: Francis is a {\ul \i second-generation adult}, meaning he is no longer a YA, since he is now over 21, but he was raised in the Family.)

       After I read Part 2 of the “Loving Jesus” series, my initial reaction wasn’t super positive. I wasn’t doubting, but I was definitely hesitant about my ability to apply this “Loving Jesus” revelation to myself personally. It sounded great in principle, and easier for the women, no doubt, but not something that I felt I was up to as a man. But then that evening or the next morning, as I thought and prayed about it and talked to the Lord about it, I began to feel at peace about the idea. I didn’t get any prophecy or direct Word from the Lord, but I just started to feel maybe it was possible for me to have such an intimate and even sexual relationship with the Lord. Although I hadn’t yet read Parts 3 through 6 of the series, I knew what the Lord was leading up to, because Part 2 hinted at it pretty strongly. The first two parts didn’t talk about actual sex so much, but it talked about being Jesus’ lover, and I felt that in order to really be Jesus’ lover, then of course we’d have sex together. So I felt it was coming.
       I started to get the faith that maybe it was possible for me to have that kind of intimate relationship with the Lord without thinking of the Lord as a man or it being a male-to-male relationship. I thought of how when I’ve made love to some women, when they reached the point of orgasm they would call out to Jesus as if they were making love to Him, and I thought, “Why couldn’t I do the same?” Well, I didn’t have anyone to make love to at that time, but I do like to masturbate, and I do so fairly often, probably more often than most people. I’ve got a pretty strong sex drive, and have to get those hormones out of the way fairly often in order to keep my mind on my work and off the girls, ha!
       When I masturbate I always fantasize that I’m with some girl that I love, because that’s the only way I can go, and plus it’s so much more pleasant that way. So I thought to myself, “Why don’t I try masturbating and fantasize that I’m with Jesus and making love with Him, and see how that goes?” Even though my faith was growing, I was hesitant about how it was going to go. I have a very strong aversion to anything even remotely related to homosexuality, and just the thought of it is totally repulsive to me. So I was a bit worried that perhaps that would come up as a barrier while having this love-up with the Lord. (Mind you, this was all happening before I’d read the explanation from the Lord about us all being women in the Spirit. Now I know that there is no male-with-male relationship at all. But I didn’t understand that at the time when I was first trying out the masturbation with Jesus idea.)
       Anyway, the other reason I was hesitant about the idea is because I thought it might be considered a bit weird. You see, although I had a pretty good idea that the next GN was going to talk about having sex with Jesus while you’re having sex with another person, I really didn’t think there was going to be anything in there about masturbation. So I was a bit worried that maybe it wasn’t right, or I was going too far. I was already very self-conscious about masturbation as it is. I had never talked about it with anyone, and this is the very first time I’ve ever put down on paper that I do it!
       So back to that night after I read Part 2 of the “Loving Jesus” series: I decided that I was going to try it, and as I masturbated, I fantasized with the Lord and I said the same things to the Lord that I would say when I fantasized about a woman I’m very much in love with—telling Him that I loved Him and wanted to be with Him and fuck Him and be fucked by Him. And the miracle of the whole thing was that it wasn’t awkward at all! It felt perfectly normal, and it was a very sweet time. I didn’t feel at all like it was a male-with-male thing. There was no homosexual barrier that came up or made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t visualize Jesus, I was just talking to Him and calling His Name and telling Him these sexy words of love. It was a real miracle, and it totally changed my way of thinking about the whole thing!
       So later when I read Part 4 of this series and saw that there was a part about masturbation, that was so encouraging. I was just flipped out, because I thought, “Wow, I must have been getting an inspiration from the Lord!” After I finished reading Part 4, I had another time of praise and a nice love-up with the Lord, making love with Him while I masturbated, and letting Him fuck me with His Love. It was very nice, thank the Lord!
       On the point about picturing myself as a woman when making love to Jesus, I tried that when having another love-up time with Jesus and it was possible to a certain extent. Since the Lord uses a marriage to portray how He wants us to be in our relationship with Him, then it’s logical that one of the two of us has to be a woman, and the Lord certainly doesn’t fit that role because He’s our Lord and Master, not the “weaker sex.”
       You know, it’s funny, but when Dad went to be with the Lord, one thing that I was a little worried about was that we would get more conservative sexually as a Family. The general trend in the Family regarding sexuality has been towards the conservative side for the past few years, I’d say, and I figured that with Dad gone it was just going to get “worse”—in other words, more conservative, which is what I considered “worse!”—Ha! I mean no disrespect in saying this, Mama, but I did imagine you to be quite conservative sexually as compared to Dad. Dad seemed to always be the one promoting sex or talking about sex, so I figured with him gone, no one would promote it or talk about it any more.
       So I must say it was quite a happy surprise to read in “Mama’s Love Story” and in these “Loving Jesus” GNs that you’re not that way at all! Instead of getting more conservative in this area, I would say we’re getting more liberal—and liberated in such a wonderful way, using words of love and intimacy as a means of showing our love for the Lord.

(Written almost one week later:)
       I can already feel a change coming about in my life and walk with the Lord as a result of these “Loving Jesus” GNs. I feel my relationship with the Lord is noticeably deeper than it was before, and that’s just wonderful. I find myself talking to the Lord more, spending time praising Him and praying to Him more, besides having a couple of sweet love-up times with Him as well. I know that we don’t have to feel the Lord’s presence in order to know He’s there, and up until now I rarely if ever have felt anything. I still don’t feel very much compared to other people, I presume, but this last week when reading and trying to practice these “Loving Jesus” GNs, I have felt more peace in my heart and more closeness to Jesus.
       I don’t really know how to define those words “closeness to Jesus” or what it feels like, but the only way I can think of to describe it is a sense of tranquillity and a perception of the Lord actually being here and speaking to me and listening to me. It’s like I can hear Him whispering in my ear, which is very exciting and inspiring. I guess He’s been whispering all along, like the song entitled, “He Was There All the Time,” but I wasn’t paying enough attention to notice. Even when I did stop and have time with the Lord, I would often be distracted by my own thoughts, so I didn’t feel I had a real clear channel with the Lord.
       I did feel His leading and guidance when I would pray and seek Him for answers, such as when working, or making a decision about some work question, but it wasn’t so clear and direct. I guess I was in tune enough that I could feel the general direction He was leading me or capture the general idea of what He was trying to tell me, but there was too much interference and my antenna was not finely tuned enough to be able to receive the details or the softer messages of peace and encouragement and joy that He has wanted to impart.
       During united prophecy sessions I would receive prophecies pretty much every time, which greatly encouraged me, but it seemed that I needed to be in that united atmosphere of seeking the Lord together in order to be able to fully concentrate and hear from Him. So I was greatly encouraged when, while alone having praise, prayer and cuddle time with Jesus the other day, I actually got a prophecy. It was the first time I’d ever gotten a prophecy outside of a united prophecy session. I was very encouraged and excited. It came so fast I can’t remember it all, but I specifically remember one part where the Lord said that I needed to be like a blind man, who can’t see where he’s going and who doesn’t know where to go, and who therefore needs to be led by the hand by Someone who does see—that Someone being the Lord, of course.
       Using a similar analogy, He said that I needed to be like a lover who is so love-smitten that he or she blindly follows whatever his or her lover asks. Having been very deeply in love, to the point of being blind, you might say, I could relate to that one pretty well. (By the way, I have since learned that it’s best to have a dictaphone handy during these times alone with Jesus, to record private prophecies. Or else you can write them down, in which case it’s good to have a pen and paper handy.)
       In closing, I would just like to say that I think these GNs explain things very well and make the points very clear and easy to understand and accept, providing, of course, the reader is willing to do so. I love you so much, dear Mama. Thank you for all your loving care for your sheep.

(Written six months later:)
       It’s been six months now since I first read the “Loving Jesus” GNs, and I can honestly say that I’m more sold on them than ever! I still have progress to make in developing as deep a relationship with the Lord as I should have, but the “Loving Jesus” revelation has brought me a long ways and made things much easier for me.
       Jesus is more real to me, and I can talk to Him more easily, like I would to another person. Before, I had the feeling that the Lord was so far away. When I would pray to Him, it was as if my prayers were being carried to some far away place where He would hear them, like sending a modem message over a long-distance telephone wire, and then you wait a while until you get the response. It wasn’t a real direct, live, two-way communication. But now, I feel Jesus much closer, like He’s right there when I talk to Him, and He talks back to me. I don’t get a lot of prophecies or visions or anything like that, but I feel His voice in my heart much more than before. He’s becoming more a part of my everyday life, and it’s really wonderful!
       The sexual aspect of the “Loving Jesus” revelation has also been a real blessing. The things that Mama shared in the GNs about being channels of the Lord’s Love to others have inspired me to have dates with people that I am not naturally attracted to, knowing that I could be a channel for the Lord’s Love. It’s helped me to give to others more in this way, and in the process I’ve found that there’s real joy and inspiration in being such a channel. I’ve also found that looking at it this way helps any initial apprehensions about the date to quickly fade. It takes it out of the fleshly realm and turns it into a wonderful spiritual gift, with spiritual rewards such as more love, happiness and fulfillment. By taking it out of the fleshy realm, that doesn’t mean that it’s “platonic,” as I’ve found it to be physically gratifying as well!
       Being able to love Jesus while on dates with those I share with more regularly has also been very special. Like Mama said in the GN, it really does enhance our sharing with each other. It puts my mind more on the Lord, but without minimizing the love that I feel for the other person. In other words, I’m not all “holy” and “spiritual” on my dates now because I’m just “loving Jesus” instead of the woman I’m with. To the contrary, we both love Jesus together, and it’s exciting both in the flesh and the spirit! Praise the Lord!
       Dad has taught us to include Jesus in so many other areas of our lives, so it’s great to be able to now also include Him in our dates with others. I think in general this revelation makes it easier to keep our relationships with others from drawing us away from the Lord, but rather draw us closer to the Lord, since He’s included. What a blessing! It’s a wonderful gift for those, who like myself at times, have worried about whether having dates or starting a sexual relationship with someone else would pull me away from my relationship with the Lord.—It doesn’t have to if He’s made part of it, which this revelation implores us to do! It’s great!
       I’d like to add one last point, in regards to “Loving Jesus” while masturbating. I’ve found this to be one of the most wonderful aspects of this revelation, because it really does make it easier to say sweet and loving words to Jesus, and picture Him as my Lover, while I’m masturbating. Just like I normally wouldn’t say real intimate and sexy words to someone I love unless we were kissing or involved in some kind of sexual activity, by the same token, for me it’s more difficult to say those things to Jesus if I’m “dry,” so to speak. So being able to masturbate and imagine myself spending time loving Jesus physically is a great help. (Of course, I don’t always masturbate with Jesus, and often I think about a woman instead. Sometimes I don’t involve Jesus at all, or sometimes I include both Jesus and the woman I’m thinking of, as if I were making love with the woman and including Jesus in the lovemaking.)
       Like Mama said, this really is a gift and not a burden. I don’t do it because I have to. I do it because it really does make it easier for me to love Jesus in such an intimate way. It really enhances my relationship with Him. For me personally I think applying the “Loving Jesus” revelation would be more difficult if I couldn’t masturbate, because doing so makes it easier for me to relate to Jesus as a Lover. Of course, I can still say words of love to Jesus without masturbating, and most of the time I do, but to get real intimate it’s a super aid, and I thank the Lord for it!
       Much love,
       Your little sheep, Francis

Copyright 1996 The Family