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FSM 290 DO
{\b “Loving Jesus” Reactions – Part 2}
{\b --Reactions to the “Loving Jesus” GNs, Parts 3 through 6}
For Junior Teens and Up Only!
(c) Copyrighted March 1996, The Family, Zurich, Switzerland

{\b I Felt Like a Shmuck!*—But I Shtuck!}
{\b —By Gary}
(*Shmuck: A person regarded as clumsy, an oaf)

       Even before I first read the “Loving Jesus” prophecies, I was already a little rattled. I knew I needed changes in my life. At Summit ’95, the Lord had basically said, “Look, you’ve become dangerously like the Old Church.”—We, the Family, had become dangerously like the Old Church! The Lord wasn’t just saying, “Hey, you guys need a little more Word time, you need to pray more.” He wasn’t giving us a little pep talk and the usual encouragement. It was like He was saying, “Wake up! It’s now or never!—And if you don’t, I’ve got others in mind who can do the job.” (See also ML #2956:14-17.) It was really pretty shocking.
       I remember at the time being personally very shook up and thinking, “I don’t want to go home from here and just continue on as I have been. I don’t want that, Lord.” I really prayed that there would be a breakthrough in the way I operated, so I could get closer to the Lord. I was expecting the following year was going to be my best year yet in terms of being so close to the Lord, and there weren’t going to be any major trials and tests, and I was going to be on cloud nine. But this was not to be the case.
       At the last Summit, the Lord had prepared us that it was going to be a “new day.” It sounded pretty heavy, and I think if you look back at this past year, you have to admit that it was pretty heavy! But I’d say that it’s the Lord’s mercy that He’s shaken all of us out of our ruts in one way or another, and He’s used various methods, including the “Loving Jesus” revelation, to do it. It’s the Lord’s mercy, otherwise we would have had to try to make the switch from being Old Church to New Church by ourselves. We would have had to do it through the arm of the flesh, through our own willpower, instead of just saying yes to Jesus! We know, of course, that that would have been impossible!

Major Attack of the Enemy!
       While the spiritual concept of the “Loving Jesus” series was not all that new, I struggled with the physical application. I was one of the men that Mama talks about who read several of the first “Loving Jesus” prophecies early on and had a negative reaction. (See ML #3029:79.) I was hit with doubts and trials that had rarely entered my mind before! Still, I mustered up all my faith and courage to take the suggested steps to love Jesus in this new way.—However, in my first attempts, I experienced no spiritual highs, so I felt confused and condemned! I was determined, however, to hold on no matter what, until the Lord pulled me through and the storm clouds blew away.
       I wanted to be willing, and to remain committed to the Lord, and to move in the direction that He was heading, but I wasn’t prepared for the battles that befell me while trying to understand this revelation. Instead of helping Mama and Peter to lead the charge, I felt like I was barely able to keep myself on my own two feet spiritually. I felt like a dull unspiritual mess. In fact, I think I felt worse than I’ve ever felt at my lowest low!
       You may be wondering why I initially had this sort of reaction. What brought it on and why did the Lord allow it? Well, I can see some good reasons why the Lord allowed it. One immediate positive fruit was that it sure made me cry out to the Lord in desperation like I hadn’t done in a long time! Also, I believe the Lord wanted me to experience these things so I would be able to help others who may also struggle. But apart from this good fruit, I had to realize that these battles were an attack of the Enemy, who was trying to destroy my usefulness and my sample.
       The Lord explained in prophecy, “My people look to this one, not because of his own greatness, but because of the greatness that I have given him and the place that I have given him. Because of his important place, because this one helps to lead the troops, and because many eyes are upon him, the Enemy has fought him viciously, trying to steal his crown and destroy his testimony, trying to make him look weak and shallow and incompetent in the eyes of those who look to him, trying to make it seem as though he wavers in his resolve and in his determination and in his faith.” (End of prophecy excerpts.)

The Dangers of a Rigid Mind-set!
       Besides this being an attack of the Enemy, these trials were also largely brought on by my own rigid mind-set. As one prophecy said, “These tests come from their own willfulness, from their mind being made up about matters, from the unwillingness to change, from the unwillingness to be moldable and malleable and accepting.” I brought some of the battles I experienced on myself by having preconceived ideas about how things should be, which brought about a rigidity in my mind and a lack of faith. This was made clear to me in a prophecy that was received for me, part of which reads as follows:
       “The Devil walks about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. His ways are crafty, insidious, and sinister, so sinister that even the very elect could be deceived, as the Enemy seeks to bring about a rigidity in mind and heart. It is difficult for this one to see, for he naturally has this rigidity, this desire to see things clearly defined, to know the exact boundaries, to know exactly what is to be done.
       “On the one hand, this is his strength that can be used for being organized, definite and strong; but the gift, when used in the extreme, is not a gift, but a hindrance. So the strong points can become weak points. For this rigidity causes one not to see as God sees, but as man sees, and this works against faith and trust. Faith says, ‘Yes, Lord, I will go wherever You lead me. I will trust that You will not lead me astray, but You will take me to the places where You want me to go, show me the things that You want me to see, and explain all I need to know.’ Rigidity, or lack of faith, says, ‘If You are going to take me there, then explain this. I want to know exactly where I am going, why I am going there, what is going to be there, and why I need to leave, or else I will not go.’
       “But it takes faith to believe and to trust, and without faith it is impossible to please Him. Why? Because you are not trusting. Do not lean to your own understanding, for I do not limit Myself to the mind of man, nor his understanding, nor his ways. I go beyond that. That is why it takes faith.
       “Rigidity causes discontentment, for the mind being rigid decides the way things should be, and when they are not, there is discontentment and unhappiness. No one is impervious to the attacks of Satan, as he wishes to strike at the very heart of My Family, to defeat, to destroy, and this comes as a test. But they are My children, they are My soldiers and they know how to fight. They are not easily defeated, for they refuse to surrender, and in this I am well pleased.” (End of prophecy excerpts.)

       I had to take a conscious stand to set aside my “analyticality.” By nature I’ve got an analytical mind. My tendency is to try to figure things out, to want to understand every detail about things. My ministry requires a certain amount of analyzing, because Mama and Peter depend on me to help them by counseling with them and offering further opinions and bringing up additional aspects of an issue to help round out their decisions. My opinions are part of the whole equation that are prayed over and fine-tuned all together in the final analysis; and we pray that with everyone’s prayerful opinions and input considered, the final product or outcome comes out just the way the Lord wants it.
       So the Lord uses my analytical mind in some ways, but it can also be a burden that can work against faith at times. Like the prophecy says, for someone like me who tends to have this rigidity of mind and this desire to see things very clearly defined, it can become a weakness. In my case, it can cause me to see more as man sees, rather than as God sees, and to discern things with my carnal mind, rather than the mind of Christ.
       Furthermore, as the prophecy says, rigidity of mind actually causes discontentment and dissatisfaction, because in your mind you have decided the way things should be, but things don’t always work out that way, since God’s way of doing things differs greatly from the approach you might take if you were God!—Ha! If you’re very set and definite in your mind about how you want things to be, then if they don’t turn out that way, you can become discontent.

Then Came the Breakthrough!
       During the time I was battling after first reading the “Loving Jesus” revelation, I reached a point of desperately wanting and needing a breakthrough, and the Lord just wonderfully answered me one day, using a couple of sources that I least expected. For one, the Lord led me to read an FSM article that I’d written a couple of years back, “Overcoming Doubts—Hold That Fast Which Thou Hast!” (FSM 238). This article suddenly took on new life and meaning to me, and I recognized clearly the Devil’s devices that he’d been using on me! It just seemed like the cloud lifted and the storms I’d been experiencing passed. Praise the Lord! (If you’re having similar battles, besides reading all the good Letters on the subject, I’d highly recommend you read this pub.)
       Also, right about this time the Lord reminded me of a rather humorous experience I’d had some years back. I had been passing through the States, and while I was there I had to go to a government office to take care of some business. Most offices in the States and other Western countries are set up quite conveniently, and with pleasant and helpful people. In stark contrast, this particular office was an incredible test of patience! I ended up in this place for six solid hours, the first two-and-a-half of which I had to stand in a long, very slow-moving queue, all the time plagued with the uncertainty of whether I was even in the right line, since there was no information desk or anyone around who seemed to know what was going on!
       There were a few recent immigrants to the States in the line-up who were handling all this quite in stride since they had no doubt had years of such experiences in their native Third World countries. However, the majority of typical Americans in the line-up were complaining, murmuring, swearing and griping the whole time, plotting and conspiring as to how they were going to tell off the poor fellow handling all these inquiries when it was their turn to get to the front of the line!
       As I edged closer to actually being able to speak with this fellow who was handling all the inquiries, and dishing out various legal forms, etc., I couldn’t help but overhear and observe how a number of these fed-up Americans lashed out at and blasted this fellow, venting all their frustrations on him for having had to wait in line for so long! As a result, the man, who was Afro-American and someone with a real “attitude,” in turn retaliated by making what they were trying to do all the more difficult!
       I soon realized that getting upset and uptight was certainly not going to be advantageous in helping me accomplish what I was there for. Instead, when I got to the head of the line, I attempted to sympathize with the poor fellow and show some concern for him, as by this time he was completely bent out of shape himself. You could tell that he had a chip on his shoulder, and the next person that attempted to knock it off was going to get blasted!
       So I very genuinely commended the fellow for his patience in having to handle this wide diversity of requests, especially when people were obviously quite frustrated. I said something to the effect of, “I admire you. How do you find it within yourself to cope with a job like this day after day?” To which this big Afro-American fellow calmly responded, “Man, I just tell myself to chill out!”
       I think I had only heard this particular expression once before in a movie or something, but having this fellow use this expression in this situation suddenly put it in context for me, and I almost had to laugh! Well, in the same way that I had been desperately seeking the Lord, asking Him to help me be able to handle the battles I was going through, and the frustrations and varied emotions I was feeling, I just felt like the Lord said to me, “Gary, just chill out!”—I don’t know what it was, but somehow a combination of these factors just gave me a peace in my heart that I hadn’t felt in weeks! What a relief! Thank the Lord! I had become so fed up with struggling!

{\b The Key for Me!—Taking It by Faith!}
       A real key in my case was to just try it, and most of all, to quit trying so hard to figure it all out! Showing my love to Jesus in this new way now seems to flow more naturally. I express my love to Jesus intimately by saying love words to Him, and I show and tell Him that I am truly thankful for His Love, whether it be with others during a date, or while alone. I don’t feel forced or pressured, like I’m on any sort of quota, I just express what I feel when I feel like it. And I feel comfortable in my heart that the Lord appreciates my love, and accepts me where I’m at.
       I’d say the breakthrough came when it dawned on me that the Lord expected me to just take it by faith! To do so, I realized that I needed to quit trying to understand it all in my carnal mind, and instead concentrate on getting my heart right with the Lord, asking Him to help me have a positive attitude and just accept what He was doing.

Faith Versus the Carnal Mind
       If you are the kind of person who has to fight the tendency to depend too much on your own reasoning or your carnal mind, then you will appreciate the following prophecy.
       “[EDITED: "You"] must fight to overcome the strength of [EDITED: "your"] mind and of [EDITED: "your"] senses. For to be carnally minded is death. For the things of the Spirit are not discerned by the carnal mind, but must be received by the spirit of a man. For the carnal mind is enmity with God, it is enmity with the things of the Spirit. For if the carnal mind could receive all the things of the Spirit, then, yea, all men would believe, and where would be faith? For without faith it is impossible to please Me, but faith is that which pleases Me. Faith is that which is highly honored in My Kingdom. For it is faith that gets you into My Kingdom, it is faith that keeps you progressing within My Kingdom.
       “So fret not yourself in your mind, but look unto the good that I have accomplished, the victories that I have won, and look forth to the future in faith, faith that I am there, faith that I am leading, faith that I am guiding. And in such faith, you will find the peace that you seek, the peace that will keep your heart encased in My Love.” (End of prophecy excerpt.)
       In this prophecy, there’s a real emphasis on faith. It’s like that verse, “Without faith it is impossible to please the Lord.” Now I admit that for some of us, the “Loving Jesus” revelation is initially hard to reconcile. But even just a measure of faith on our parts is going to please the Lord, and I have found that when that step of faith is taken, “If any man shall do His will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God” (John 7:17). As St. Augustine said, “Understanding is the reward of faith” (MOP 31:8). In other words, once you’ve taken a strong step of faith, the understanding will come, but it’s not the other way around.

Hang On!
       Through this experience I’ve learned the value of hanging on—no matter what! All of us have gone through some difficult times, and some have felt tempted to throw in the towel. Sometimes that seems like the most logical, practical, reasonable thing to do—to call it quits! But the Lord will give you the victory if you {\ul don’t quit}. It’s that simple. The only way the Enemy can ever win is if we surrender. That’s the only way.
       Sometimes all you can do is hang on. I used to think of hanging on like hanging on limply or passively, with whatever little strength you can still manage to muster. But now I realize that you need to hang on as if you’re astride a galloping horse that you’re about to slide off of!—There’s no saddle, and you’ve got one rein in your hand and the other one’s dangling below, and you’re hanging on for dear life to whatever you can, to the mane or anything! That’s the kind of hanging on you have to do sometimes! But thank the Lord, if you hang on, the wild ride does finally stop!
       To use another illustration: I remember once long ago going on a two-day mountain climb. I’d been very out of the victory right about that time in my life, and I’d really wanted to go on that climb, just to get away from it all. A couple of friends and I went up and spent the night at the snowline, right by the top, and then came down the next day. It was quite a climb, and unbeknownst to us we chose the hottest day of the year.
       On the way up, I found myself halfway up this mountain thinking, “Why in the world am I climbing this mountain? I’m just killing myself. This is much much harder than I’d anticipated!” I’d climbed other smaller peaks before. My friends and I had been working up to this and were in good shape. But I was so tired, and we were bone dry for an extended period, as we had drunk all our water. We had already climbed for at least four or five hours, and I looked over from this ridge we were on and saw this mountain and I said, “By the way, what’s that mountain?” And my climbing buddy said, “{\ul That’s} our destination!”
       I thought, “Oh, no! You mean we’ve still got that much further to go?” In the next hour or so, we met so many people heading back downhill, broken in spirit. There was one guy who still wanted to go on, but his girlfriend had said, “No way! I’ll never speak to you again if we keep climbing!” There were so many people giving up. We didn’t meet many people coming back who had made it to the top, especially since it was a real killer of a hot day.
       But we did meet one or two people who had made it to the top, who encouraged us, saying, “It’s not that much further.” And as we climbed, we kept asking anyone else we encountered, “How far?” and we kept hearing, “Oh, just another half-hour.” The reality was there were three more hours of “half-hours” from the first time we posed the question! But had the first person said three more hours, we may have turned back in despair and we wouldn’t have made it to the top! But we had the faith for a half-hour, and so we kept climbing.
       That climb was one of the best spiritual renewals I’d had, in the sense that I learned so many lessons from it. Struggling to make it to the top, I had felt like, “I’ve had enough!” But actually making it to the top of that mountain changed my whole life. Making it to the top and sitting on that mountain peak and watching the sunset, and camping in a little tent right on the snowline was breathtaking!—Not only on a physical plane, but it really did something to me spiritually, too.—It helped me realize that I could make it!
       The goal in climbing that mountain was to get to the top. I didn’t want to come back and say, “Well, we only got halfway up.” It was just a thrill to say we were up there! ”The big one, we made it!” That experience helped me to realize that the key to hanging on is just taking it a “half-hour” at a time. There’s also a movie I saw a while back where there was a person who was fearful of stepping out, and his psychiatrist simply told him, “Just take one baby step at a time.” And that’s a similar philosophy. Just take one baby step at a time toward the goal, and just keep moving forward and don’t try to go the whole distance all at once.

{\b Having Faith in Mama’s Leadership}
       If you’re prone to think, “Where is Mama heading with all this?” why don’t you go back to the old Letters and see what the Lord said about Mama? Something powerful to read is the “Maria Prophecies” section in the MOP. When you read that, you see collectively how much the Lord has given about Mama. He’s said a lot, and it’s now being fulfilled. I accepted what Dad said for 25 years of my life, and I know that {\ul God’s} now put Mama in the driver’s seat, so it’s only logical that I will accept where she’s driving, the direction she’s going and the route she’s taking.
       There are some questions that each of us has to ask ourselves. First of all, the bottom line is: Do you believe in Mama’s leadership? Next, do you believe that Mama’s being led of the Lord to lead the Family? And, if you encounter something which you struggle with, do you acknowledge that the problem probably lies with you and not with the Word? Those are questions that we all have to ask ourselves. Practicing loving Jesus in this new intimate way is a personal matter, and each one of us has to make our own decision before the Lord. I have made my decision!
       I have had the privilege of living and working closely with Dad, Mama and Peter for many years. I know that Queen Maria and King Peter are right, and I declare that by the grace of God I will follow closely, ever more closely with each passing day. I know that from the hands of Queen Maria and King Peter come the Waters of Life. I know that they speak the Truth, and I know that what motivates them is love—love for the Lord, love for Dad, love for the Family, and love for the lost. I have seen this day after day, year after year, and I can say with complete confidence that Mama and Peter are true shepherds of love. They are the true shepherds of the End who will lead us all through the dark days that are to come, if we will just follow!
       Long live the queen and the king! Long live the “Loving Jesus” revelation! Long live the radical spirit of David! Long live the freedom of the Spirit of Love!
       I love you! God bless you!
Love, Gary
* * *

{\b I’m in Love with Jesus!}
{\b —From a Female Member of WS}
       (This person is a{\ul \i  second-generation adult}{\i , meaning she’s not a YA any more since she’s now over 21, but she was raised in the Family.)}

Dear Mama,
       God bless you! I love you! When I read the “Loving Jesus” GNs, the prophecies were so beautiful and so touching to me personally. I cried through the whole series. I think having just gone through forsaking someone I loved very much (he moved on to a “bigger job”), and still missing him and being lonely sometimes, helped me understand what the Lord was saying. It all made so much sense. I felt like I really understood what He meant when He talked about needing us and wanting us and wanting us to love Him and say words of love to Him and so on. It just broke my heart, really convicting me that here I am feeling this way about the person I love so much, but the Lord feels the same way about me.
       I feel shy and embarrassed about saying words of love and all to the Lord, and I haven’t really tried it yet. I’ve done the easy stuff like telling the Lord that I want and need Him, but I haven’t tried the other, sexy parts. I want to, I just haven’t gotten the courage up yet, and I want to try it for the first time some time when I don’t feel rushed.
       I remember how hard it was when I was about 12 or 13 to start speaking in tongues and raising my hands to praise the Lord, and for the longest time it was a real trial and battle to do it. But the more I did it, the easier it got. I feel this is similar, and I know that as I step out by faith and do it, the Lord will bless me and help me and make it easier. Plus I know that it is just my pride that is keeping me from doing it.
       When I read about how the Lord wants us to be close to Him, it makes me want to do it. I know that I really do want to love the Lord and be close to Him, and I don’t usually feel like I have a very good connection with Him. I kind of crowd Him out. I’ve looked at my shepherds and other people that seem so close to the Lord, and I’ve always kind of envied them, and it was always a mystery to me how in practical terms we were supposed to get this desired closeness to the Lord.
       So now with things spelled out so clearly and simply, even though they seem very new and different and are going to be a bit hard to step out and do, I really want to do them. I desire to be close to the Lord, and I really need Him right now with so many major things happening in my life (and even the things that aren’t so major). I feel like, “I’m desperate! I’ll do anything. I’ll try anything to achieve the end goal of that greater closeness and love for the Lord.” I want that depth of love where you love the Lord so much that the things of Earth and cares of this life and the changes and the happenings don’t bother you because you love Him so much, and you have that perfect peace and trust that comes from totally trusting Him.
       I don’t mind saying the love words to Him. He knows everything anyway. He knows all the good, all the bad, every thought I’ve ever thought, everything I’ve ever done, every sexual fantasy I’ve ever had, etc. So aside from getting over my pride, I think I can say these love words to the Lord. I’m not sure about masturbating, but it’s worth a try.
       I pray that the Lord will help me with all of this, and any other New Wine that comes out, to be able to receive it and stay yielded and willing and be a new bottle that can receive the New Wine. God bless you, and thank you for having the faith to publish whatever the Lord says. I love you and keep you in my prayers always.

{\b Spiritual Sex with Jesus!—Terrific!}
       (Written two weeks later:) I had a really wonderful experience Loving Jesus and I wanted to write you about it. I’m super excited!
       I’ve been thinking a lot about the “Loving Jesus” revelation, and I was reminded of an interesting story I heard Peter A. tell someone once. A man Peter was witnessing to asked him how he came to believe that Dad was a prophet and that he spoke the truth. Peter went on to say that when he was new in the Family he was reading the letter “Faith,” and afterwards he decided to try what Dad said about hearing from the Lord—to get quiet, create a vacuum, give the first thing that comes, etc. Peter told this man something like, “I knew Dad was telling the truth and that he was a prophet because I did what he said and it worked!—I heard from the Lord.”
       So I was reflecting on that and thought, “Well, I really shouldn’t come to any conclusions or go on and on analyzing this ‘Loving Jesus’ revelation before I try it. Why am I so worried about it and how hard it’s going to be when I haven’t even tried it?” Plus I felt convicted that I wasn’t really doing anything about it; I was just reading the Letters and thinking about them, but not putting anything into practice.
       It was nap time and I was really tired, but I thought I’d try praying and at least telling the Lord the words of love that He wanted to hear. I got out the GN again and found those parts and reread them quickly, so I would remember the suggested things you can say to the Lord. I started praying and telling the Lord the love words. To come out and say, “Come, fuck me, Jesus,” was very difficult. But once I said it and the whole world didn’t fall in on me, I realized that it wasn’t so bad, ha! It was actually pretty neat, and a whole new experience. So since it was going well, and the only thing that was dying was my pride, I thought I might as well go the distance and try to masturbate. I was so tired I was almost falling asleep, so I was part praying, part masturbating and part falling asleep. I felt like I was kind of in a dream world. But it worked and it was so neat!
       I pretty much always have to fantasize when I masturbate because it takes me a long time to climax, and I usually have to think about something really sexy. Before this experience I was pretty sure that thinking about making love with Jesus was not going to be a turn-on for me. I thought it would probably be so distracting that I wouldn’t even be able to go. But I did. It was thrilling!
       Even though the orgasm didn’t feel any different than any other, the whole experience was so neat and so spiritual, it just really flipped me out! Afterwards I was lying there crying and laughing and praying, and I felt very different somehow. I felt a little embarrassed on one hand, but a nice kind of embarrassed, like when you have done something really honest and you showed somebody a part of yourself that you don’t usually show. It’s kind of scary and embarrassing but a nice feeling too. I felt like I was floating on clouds.

I Wanted to Believe!
       I think it’s interesting that the Lord had me have a great big “feeling” experience. I usually have to take things by faith and I don’t usually have a lot of feelings about things or get a lot of signs or prophecies or whatever, and I know that not everybody will experience a lot of feelings along with this, but it sure changed my life. I don’t know how to explain all this, I don’t know what happened exactly or how to describe it other than I feel like I’m in love with the Lord.
       And the funniest thing is, I went into this thinking that it would never work for me—not really in a doubting way, but more in a challenging way. That sounds bad and it amazes me to see the Lord’s Love in letting me experience this. I was kind of thinking, “I want to see if this works. I want to see if this is true. Show it to me, Lord.” I almost feel like He shouldn’t have let me see or feel anything, since I didn’t really have a lot of faith about it, but was more challenging Him—challenging Him in a good way, I hope, as I was really hoping and wanting it.
       I’m so surprised that it was such an overwhelming experience for me. But thinking about it afterwards, I got the verse, “Prove Me now herewith, saith the Lord, if I will not open the windows of Heaven and pour out such a blessing that there shall not be room enough to receive it” (Mal.3:10). Also, I got the quote, “If you ask the Lord and you want to hear or see, you won’t be disappointed. And that thing you hear or see is of the Lord and it will be such a comfort to you. Expect God to answer” (ML #1957:14, DB 8). So I did, and the Lord answered.

Changes in My Life!
       It’s funny, but the way I think of the Lord now is so much different than it was before. I used to think of the Lord more as the Good Shepherd or my Big Brother, like Someone to take your trials to and Someone Who will help you when you’re down and see you through your battles, Someone Who is there when you need help, and when everything goes wrong, you can go to Him. Even when people talked about Him being a very best Friend, I couldn’t relate to that so much. I knew that I needed a closer relationship with Jesus, and I’d often read Letters like “Lovemaking with Jesus” and “God’s Bride,” and I’d want very much to have that kind of a relationship, but I didn’t know how to go about it in a practical way.
       I always wondered exactly what you were supposed to do, how you actually put it into practice. It all seemed so nebulous or spiritual. And since I don’t feel very spiritual most of the time, it all seemed way beyond me. Then I would get discouraged because I knew that I didn’t have a very good relationship with the Lord, but I didn’t know how to get that desired closeness, which seemed so far away and so hard to grasp.
       What’s amazing to me is that so many things have taken on a new meaning for me. I really look forward to praise and prayer times and Word time much more. I now do it so much more out of love, than out of duty. It’s so nice because I always wanted to feel this way, but I never did. It used to be a big trial for me that having Word time was hard for me. It was so much work, and I just did it because I knew I needed to, and not because I really desired it. Or I prayed because that was what I was supposed to do and I knew the Lord answered prayer, but it was more like a “what-can-God-do-for-me” kind of thing.
       I don’t know if this has ever happened to you, or if it’s just me that does this, but have you ever had a date in which you started out wondering if it was going to go well, and you were nervous or worried, but then it turns out just terrific?! Or maybe you have a date with somebody that you’d wanted to have a date with for a long time, and afterwards, you just feel like you are floating on a cloud, and you replay everything in your mind and think back on it and you can’t wait till you have another one. Well, that’s kind of how I feel after this experience with Jesus.
       It’s such a neat thing. I am so excited about it and it’s just wonderful. And it’s very sweet of the Lord to let me see it like that. It’s just totally changed my life.

A Peaceful, Happy, Tranquil Feeling!
       (Written some weeks later:) I want to update you on how the “Loving Jesus” series has continued to affect me. Since I wrote you last time, I’ve been trying to continue to apply the different things to my life and I’ve been so amazed at the results. I was thinking the other day about the changes that I feel, and how things are different since I started loving Jesus this new way.
       I think the main thing that I notice is peace—just a peaceful, tranquil, happy feeling. The trials that I was having that were so big—missing my loved one and worrying about different things—have melted away. I’m just not worried about it, it’s not a big trial for me anymore. I really don’t know how to explain it; I simply feel so happy and refreshed and loved and safe in the Lord’s arms. It’s such a wonderful thing!
       It’s really hard to put into words the ways that I feel different since this series came out, but I’m just thrilled with it. God bless you for your faith to give the Words of the Lord, even though it probably was hard. The whole thing has shown me how true the quote is, “Faith and obedience come first, then God answers prayer” (ML #1957:43, DB 8).
       When you step out by faith, God meets you there, and He rewards that little step so greatly and in such a tangible way. It’s so exciting!
       I really love you! Thank you so much for giving out the Lord’s Words.
* * *

Discovering an Easier Way to Love Jesus!
{\b —From a Male CRO}
       Reading Parts 1 and 2 of the “Loving Jesus” series some time back brought me into a deeper relationship with Jesus, but as thrilling as these times of loving Jesus were, I was held back a little by bumping up against the male-with-male idea. So then, when reading “Loving Jesus!—Part 3,” while there was an initial period of having to overcome looking at it carnally, as I put it into practice while reading the Letter, it became a beautiful and liberating loving Jesus time; and I immediately experienced it being easier to love the Lord by becoming His Bride, rather than trying to love Him as a man. I know what turns me on (as a man) for a woman to say to me while making love, and so in playing the role of a woman in the spirit, I could anticipate what the Lord would want to hear, and those words came easily.
       So, for me personally, I am convinced that it does and will bear good fruit in our lives, drawing us much closer to the Lord. I have that witness of the Spirit and conviction that it is good and of the Lord, and it’s a positive experience for me. It’s refreshing, new, bottle-breaking, revolutionary New Wine that is very exciting to be a part of. It really sends my heart spinning! I love it! Praise the Lord!
       As far as difficulties in receiving it, I’ve noticed that when I struggle with any of this New Wine, I can almost immediately trace it back to the wrong foundation. For example, I’ll catch myself thinking, “What are the academics going to think of this, or our friends, or our persecutors?” But that’s obviously just looking to the thoughts and opinions of man, and if we’re going to start resting our doctrines and beliefs on that, we’ll immediately relinquish the truly special place and anointing that we have as His Endtime children that “follow the Lamb withersoever He goeth.”
       When praying about it, I received two interesting confirmatory Scriptures. One is Jesus’ declaration that He still had many things to say to His disciples, but they could not bear them yet. That encouraged me that He is honoring us with some of those further truths, a sign of His trust and faith in us.
       The other Scripture was about David dancing before the Ark of the Lord, which broke the “Old Church” Michal’s bottle, made her despise David, and for which reason she never bore any children. David said, “I will be yet more vile and base in my own sight!” It seems we may be the fulfillment of David’s threat as we appear yet more vile in the eyes of the world and the Old Church, and more base in our own sight as we dance wildly before the Ark! (2Sam.6:22).
       I’m very thankful for this revelation and share your certainty that the fruit in our lives will be beautiful. The Family is already so very strong, thanks to the training and Word that we’ve gotten and the yielding and giving of our lives and hearts that we’ve already given, but we’ll surely need more in the days to come.
       I know these truths and this deeper relationship with the Lord is just what we need to have His strength for the days to come. I love you very much and appreciate your love and faith in passing on to us these beautiful treasures of the Spirit!
* * *

{\b It’s a Whole New Ball Game, But I Want to Go for It!}
{\b —From a Female CRO}
       I just finished reading the “Loving Jesus” GNs and I am flipped! They are beautiful and so needed! It is easy for me to receive things by faith. I have accepted and received each revolution as it came along and the Lord just seems to give me the faith to do so. I know it is truly a gift from Him and I am very thankful for it. I guess I have other battles that He uses to try and test me.
       This “Loving Jesus” revelation came at a time when I needed it most. In some ways I believe the Lord has been slowly leading up to it through the beautiful Words He has been pouring out since Dad’s Homegoing. Just these last weeks I have been feeling the need to love Jesus more, as I knew the weight of my responsibilities was too much for me to bear on my own. I knew from the Word that the answer was a closer link with Him and bringing the burdens to Him in prayer. I started taking more time in prayer and praise, and even though my to-do list kept getting longer, I’d go to bed with a real peace, knowing that I had done my best for Him.
       Seeing the victories the Word brought forth in my life encouraged my faith in the Word, and then this new series came on the heels of this, so I was totally open to it. I knew that taking that time with Jesus solves so many of the problems and cares we face, and this series helped me to see how to do this in the way most pleasing to Him.
       The basic content of the “Loving Jesus” GNs wasn’t a problem for me, as I saw that it was just expanding on what Dad has said before. I always appreciated the fact that the Lord likened our relationship to Him as a man and woman in love, as this is something I could relate to. I knew from experience that whenever you are in love with someone you will do anything (work like mad or adjust your schedule, etc.) in order to make that extra time to be with them. But I always felt a little different in my love relationship with the Lord, as my work seemed to take such a priority and it took some effort to pull away from it in order to spend time with Him.
       These last weeks impressed on me the need for this time with Jesus, but I really didn’t know how to deepen my relationship with Him. My relationship seemed a little different from what you were describing in the Letters but I didn’t know how to change it. These “Loving Jesus” Letters were the key I needed.
       Saying words of love to Jesus does help make my relationship with Him more intimate, and I don’t have a problem with that in private, but I do have to admit I am not so used to saying sexy words while making love, so this part will be a little more humbling for me and something I will have to get used to. I was thankful that the Lord indicated that we just need to step out with even just baby steps (little by little) and that He would reward us accordingly. I am excited about putting it into practice, but it will be a little out of character for me and rather humbling, although I know from His Word this is the thing we need to do and the thing the Lord blesses! This is a whole new ball game for me and it is humbling, but I want to go for it!
       The part about masturbating with Jesus didn’t bother me, as I have done this in the past, but I always wondered what the Lord thought about it. I had a hard time thinking of others when masturbating, as I would tend to miss them and feel lonely, so I would sometimes think of Jesus as I thought this would be better.
       So much talk about sex does tend to make me horny. Sometimes while reading this series I would stop and masturbate, thinking of Jesus, and it sure was a wonderful experience! Of course, I am a woman, so this is easier for me to do. I can imagine that some of our men and our young people will have trials regarding all of this, but I am praying that they will be able to take hold of the Word and receive it by faith.
       The part about including Jesus in love-up with others, as I mentioned above, will probably be the most difficult for me—the verbalizing of the words of love to Jesus in front of another. The concept of loving Jesus when loving another will deepen the love you give when spending time with someone, a concept we need in order to truly fulfill the Law of Love. When you think in terms of being Jesus’ Love for someone else, it makes you want to give your all in order for the person to feel that special love He has for them. I know I fall short in this, as I haven’t been giving enough in the past. Lord help me! I know I need to change and I don’t want to be left behind.
       I am excited about it all and am looking forward to some sweet love-up time with Jesus.
* * *

I Want the New Life and Love that Await Me!
{\b —From a Female Teamworker at One of the LIMs}
       As usual, the Feast pubs never leave me the same as before I read them. My life changes, and in this case, my relationship with the Lord and with others will radically change. This is pretty heavy meat, as you said, Mama, if you think about it in relation to the way the System thinks and even for some of us in the Family, as was the FFing vision. I am excited to try it and am looking forward to it.—Just imagining making love to Jesus is a pretty awesome concept for me, and now it will become a part of my life.
       I feel like a bride about to venture out into her wedding night, having had a relationship and engagement period, and now actually going all the way with the One she loves and has loved for a long time, but at more of a distance. I feel like a virgin, not really knowing how to do it or what to do, how to react, to get so totally naked in bed with Him, as He will see me exactly the way I am, with all my uncomely parts, sins and shortcomings. It’s also hard to believe that He needs me, and wants me to love Him, because I am just me and not very much or very important or beautiful or sexy, but I do believe it, by faith, and I am very thankful that I do!
       I know He loves me and knows all about me already, but now I have to get out of myself and give Him what He needs from me. Wow! I am looking forward to it and especially to getting closer to others through it. I am a single mommy now of four kids ranging in age from YA to OC. I have been separated from my husband for a few years. He is getting re-mated now to a very sweet national sister, so this has been a big year for me already. Recently I began to feel a little lonely. Well, actually, I was tired of the way I had been living, as I had been cutting myself off from others so as to not get into anything too deep or personal. I especially was not getting involved in the way of sharing sexually with others. Not that sharing wasn’t available, I just didn’t have the faith to ask anyone, thinking how old and out of shape I am and wondering who would want to be with me anyway.
       But finally, a few weeks ago, I really got fed up with it and decided to ask one of the dear single brothers in the Home to have a date. It took me a few days to get the courage to ask him, ha! But we ended up having a really nice time and it was quite special. Now I’m in love all over again, not just with him, but with everyone—with all the single brothers and with the Lord for giving that sweet time to me. I also felt that this brother needed it too, as he also in a way cuts himself off from others and any real family-type life, by working quite hard and living a bachelor’s life. So I think it helped him too, as it did me, to relate to others better and have more of a natural love for others.
       I am really thankful that I finally took the step of faith to do it. I’m sharing all of this because I can see that it was the Lord preparing me for these GNs, so I could relate to all the illustrations about lovemaking, and to enhance my love for Him and for others with a beautiful way of making love to Jesus together.
       As it was hard for me to humble myself and my huge pride to ask that dear brother for a date, I feel it’s also hard for me to humble myself now, before entering into my first real “date” with Jesus! Wow! But once the clothes are off and you get into loving each other, and it feels so good, and you just go for it, then you aren’t so proud anymore and you don’t feel so awkward being naked together. Then you start telling each other things that you normally wouldn’t say to each other on a day-to-day basis. As you said, Mama, it will get easier as we learn how to do it step by step.
       I think this is a wonderful series and will help keep us radical and separated from the world with our sexy doctrines! Praise the Lord! I also feel that it will draw some lines in the Family and sift us, too, to make us more of a Gideon’s band for the Endtime events that are coming.
       God bless you, Mama and Peter, for having the faith to give the Words He gives, no matter how crazy they may seem, or how radical, or how against man’s natural expectations. I am very thankful for this gift of faith to believe, and can only pray that I will continue to believe and go by faith, step by step into this new realm of love and the life that awaits me.
       Much love and thanks to you, dear Mama and Peter! I love you more than these little words can express! I owe you my everything and my all!

(Update written three weeks later:)
       Over the past few weeks I have felt burdened to write to you, as I thought you might be interested in hearing what the Lord has done since I wrote my first reaction to the “Loving Jesus” series. That was the first time I had ever written you, Mama, and it ended up being quite personal and from my heart, which makes me feel closer to you.
       I wanted to let you know that after my initial date with this sweet brother, P., we’ve had a few more dates. The Lord made our times together quite special, and it seems that we have fallen in love! Neither of us were expecting it, nor really praying for it, nor looking for it. We have been working in the same Home for about eight months now, during which time we had no dates together, or even a hint of one or a desire to have one together. We were kind of in our own little worlds of work and happy service to the Lord. Anyway, seeing as how the Lord is blessing me so much lately, I started wondering if you had prayed for me after you read my first reaction!
       Every day there is something new in P.’s and my relationship that helps me to relate to Jesus and how He loves us and wants us throughout the day. It helps me see more clearly how He wants to be close to us—to hold us, to make love with us, to just be together. It’s so sweet of the Lord to do this right now, so I can better understand what He is talking about in the “Loving Jesus” Letters, and relate to it better, and especially so I can love Him more! I just wanted to let you know this happy ending, or happy beginning, as we’ll see how the Lord leads.
       One thing I want very much to share is a plea for other singles to let go and love one another and really make an effort to supply each other’s needs and not be afraid to love each other. Fear of failure is why I didn’t want to get involved with anyone or get close to anyone, and even now, it’s still a bit hard for me to let go. But the Lord wants us to be happy and to enjoy life! And I must admit that I hadn’t been doing that for a long time, of my own choice.
       P. told me that you may remember him. He told me that in one Home where he lived in the past, none of the girls wanted to share with him or take care of him, and he was going through some battles. His shepherdess reported this to you and you wrote back to P. saying that if no one there wanted him, that you did! So sweet! That comment from you really encouraged him!—And still does!
       You are so sweet and loving and caring for each one of us, even to “the least of these my brethren.” You’re a wonderful sample to me. Thank you for saying yes to Jesus, and for sharing your joy and happiness with us about your new life with King Peter. It really is a revolution and I am so happy and thankful to be a part of it. I love you, and will be forever thankful for all you have given me!
* * *

More Thoughts on Not Analyzing!
{\b —From a Male Translator at One of the LIMs}
       I can start by saying I don’t really know what to say!—Ha! One thing that spoke to me in the Letters was that in a sense God is lowering the doorknob for us to be able to understand some of His spiritual truths more clearly; that is, if we are open and willing to take the step of faith and trust Him.
       As far as the revelation, I can say that at first it was a little shocking for me, especially the part about being a woman in the Spirit, as I just couldn’t picture myself as that. I think this shock came when I tried to analyze the whole thing in the flesh, but, as it says, we cannot analyze this gift of God.
       The night after we had read Part 3, I went to sleep thinking about how I shouldn’t analyze this. I woke up in the middle of the night, just to turn over, and I—half asleep—said, “I want You, Jesus, to make love to me.” The next morning I remembered what I had said during the night, and I think the Lord brought this little thing to my mind very clearly so that I could see that it isn’t so difficult after all. Thank the Lord!
       After I prayed about it a little more, I was trying to get to the root of what caused me to be so shocked when reading these Letters. Pride, of course is the main cause, but also I felt that the whole thing is just like the battle of good versus evil. It’s the same old thing of “the Devil hates sex.” Of course I wouldn’t say this is the only source of battle, but in a sense it comes down to that. If we think sex is good and clean and pure and Godly, as Dad taught and set us free to believe, then it won’t be any problem praising Jesus like this. It’s like praising Him while eating, drinking or doing any other thing. The only shock comes if we think that sex is evil and dirty, like the world does.
       Thank you so much for taking your time to lead and guide us, Mama, and for letting us read these pubs in advance.
* * *

Victory over Loneliness Through Loving Jesus Intimately!
{\b —From a Female in WS Who Recently Joined Mama’s Home}
       I am very excited about this new series on “Loving Jesus!” What an answer to prayer! This captures my very heart’s desire this past year, and it is just thrilling to have Him answer now through these priceless Words, vivid illustrations, and His tender, sweet, wild, ravishing love! Thank the Lord!
       Mama, as I was reading over Part 2 of the “Loving Jesus” series, a question came to mind, something I wanted to ask you. But then while reading Part 4, lo and behold, before I called, He answered! I am so very encouraged by this and wanted to share something with you. And guess what it’s about? It’s about having masturbation love-ups with Jesus! When I read the part that says, “If you want a special time with Me, and if you want to feel My loving, you can touch yourself and you can make yourself go, and it will be Me loving you,” I practically jumped up and down for joy, as I started having this experience quite some time ago.
       Maybe I should explain what led up to this. It is not that I feel I had some super strong direct hot-line to Jesus, but rather, at a time when I felt so low, so lonely, so very very alone, and was totally desperate and crying so hard on Jesus’ shoulder, somehow the Lord in His loving mercy saw fit to reach down and touch me. It was all His grace and unfailing Love, and I still don’t understand it all, except that it just shows His mercy, because I certainly am undeserving.
       I was never much on masturbation, as there wasn’t much need for me to do so, as I had previously been with my mate, with whom I had a very cozy relationship. It wasn’t until I was no longer with my mate and I unexpectedly moved to an area where dates for singles were few and far between that I found myself feeling very lonely. At that time, not only did I go through extreme loneliness battles, but also some times of real trial and testing, which drove me to a point of really crying out to the Lord; it was then that I had my first experience in making love to Jesus while masturbating.
       I can’t remember exactly when I did this the first time, but it was about a year and a half ago. At that time the whole idea of masturbating seemed a bit awkward to me. As I said, I wasn’t used to masturbating because I hadn’t had much need to before that time. Also, since it was a time of extreme trial for me, I didn’t feel capable of even getting any pleasure out of masturbating, nor did I have much motivation for it, as I was in such depths of heartache and I felt that masturbating “all alone” would make me lonelier still!
       Anyhow, going through such extreme loneliness trials caused me to cry out to Jesus, so I finally just decided, why not at least try masturbating and ask Him to fill those empty places up and make me go. The first time I did it, it was beyond my wildest dreams, and I nearly went through the ceiling! I realize that other folks might react differently, and perhaps not experience such a “high,” but for me it was wonderful to have this not only thrilling spiritual experience, but actual physical experience as well.—I was elated! So of course, I kept on doing it!—Ha!
       After the first time I tried this, different things started popping out at me when reading the Word along the lines of Jesus being our Lover. So it all made perfect sense to me, and I never really stopped to think if it was right or not; it just seemed the natural thing to do. When Dad went Home I remember running across a quote about “Spirit goosing,” and I almost fell off my chair! It was Dad talking about how he would still be close to you and even still able to love you up from the spirit world! This really encouraged me about my “dates” with Jesus, and it was an indication that maybe I wasn’t too off beam.
       I never really thought much about whether I was out of it for this or not, as it just seemed so natural and so personal and so intimate and so special; and I always looked at it as a special compensation from the Lord. Then when I would come across quotes in the Letters here and there on spiritual sex, it just seemed all right there in the Word. In fact, there is a Letter called “Spiritual Sex” (ML #1009), and if you go to the older Letters they are just full of the message of us being Jesus’ Bride. Do you remember that Dad talks about Abrahim possessing his hand while Dad would goose you, and that is when you really went? (See ML #1303:45.) So why can’t the Lord possess our own hands and make us go during our special love-ups with Him? Praise the Lord!
       I am encouraged to have this confirmation! I know it has only been the grace of God and an extra special token of His Love, but I can certainly testify that loving the Lord in this way has been what has kept me going. I wouldn’t have been able to make it through some of my testing times without this. It also has enhanced my private prayer life much more, and I find it so much easier to talk to the Lord intimately.
       I am thrilled to read this! I’m already sold! This intimate love relationship with Jesus helped me to hang on to Romans 8:28 in my life, and I can honestly say that I wouldn’t trade closeness to Jesus for anything, although I sure have a long ways to go in loving Him. One thing I have experienced in having love-up with Jesus is that the more you have, the more you want! Praise the Lord!

Wild, Erotic Love-ups, and Quiet, Cozy Love-ups!
       (Written one month later:) Lately I have had some real sweet lovemaking with the Lord. One thing I have been experiencing, though, is the need for and importance of times to just lie back in His arms and fully rest there. As I shared already, I have had the experience of making love to Jesus while masturbating, and those times have been real sweet and even wild, passionate and ravishing at times. Praise the Lord!
       I have sometimes felt a little bad, though, when I was a little tired or I couldn’t quite “get into it” like I thought I should. Recently I had a few times where I felt tired and had some cramps or some other physical affliction, and my tendency was to just forget about having any love-up with Him. Well, one day I was getting very convicted about this, as I was feeling a little “blah,” yet I wanted to love Jesus, I felt like I should and that He needed and wanted the attention. On one hand, I felt I needed to have time with the Lord and I was feeling it should be an intimate time, not just a quick word in passing. On the other hand, I just didn’t feel up to masturbating.
       Finally I just stopped everything and lay on my bed and asked the Lord to just hold me in His arms—much like when you feel you want to hug someone.—You don’t necessarily feel like any “big deal,” you just need a hug! This led to a real sweet time with the Lord, including heartfelt prayer and a precious love-up time. I didn’t masturbate; it wasn’t erotic and passionate, but it was a real close loving time with Him. In fact, it was as though I could literally feel His arms around me in the physical too!—Such warm, tender hugs! I was so thankful and happy, as I needed that comfort so much! I think the act of just stopping and calling out to Him and saying words of love to Him and telling Him that I wanted His arms around me pleased Him, so He blessed me with really feeling it. As I was lying there snuggled in His arms, I felt Him so close, as not only could I feel His hugs, but He spoke words of comfort to my heart, such quiet assurance of His Love!
       After this experience, it came to me that the Lord must really appreciate these times too. When you really love somebody and are in a deep close relationship, you go through everything with them, and your times of loving are not necessarily always wild, exotic sex! The wildly passionate times of lovemaking are great, but I see that just as with someone you love very deeply and with whom you have a mature and lasting love relationship, the Lord wants and appreciates these sweet, more subdued times too, which are so warm and comforting, just lying in His arms. He wants and needs that attention, and just because I don’t feel I can work up to a “wild time,” I shouldn’t let the Enemy trick me into having no time with the Lord.
       I am learning He wants us all the time. He wants these times to just share your heart and talk, or times to just lie there appreciating each other and not even saying much. This was an important lesson for me to just keep on loving Him the best I can and not get stuck in a rut, also not to worry if I don’t feel up to a wild lovemaking session, because the Lord appreciates all types of loving.
       The thought came to me that this might not be any big revelation, because what is the big deal—we have advocated quiet time with the Lord for many years now. That is true, I suppose, but it just seems different now, thinking in terms of quiet love-up with the Lord. Perhaps I can explain it like this: You can get quiet sitting with your lover on a couch and that is nice and sweet. But you can also get quiet all warm and cozy and snuggled in bed, and that just seems to leave you with more strength and greater vitality, as it’s so much more personal.
       I don’t know if others might get caught up in thinking they can only love the Lord a certain way, but the more I love Jesus, I am seeing that we can try out all sorts of ways to do it. Just like you change “positions” in lovemaking with a lover—change positions with Jesus! Ha! I find He likes it any way you will give it to Him—fast or slow, long or a quickie, wild and ravishing, or mellow and deep! Praise the Lord!

So Much Good Fruit!
       (Written six months later:) After loving Jesus in this new and intimate way for several months now, I can say that every day gets better! I think it has brought forth fruit in my life in every way! It’s just so wonderful! Thinking in terms of loving Jesus as a lover, and practicing it, has opened up so many avenues that I can hardly imagine how I survived without it all these years.
       It has brought more closeness to the Lord, therefore greater love, faith, trusting assurance and peace in my life all around, not to mention the Word has been so alive. Like never before, Letters I have read many times are like brand new. It’s been an all-around renewal and revitalization, just as He promised.
       I feel like I have really “fallen in love” with Jesus. Of course I loved Him before, but moving from a formal relationship to an intimate one has been such a liberation. I find that I think about the Lord so much more—like when you are very deeply or madly in love with someone you usually think about them all the time. In fact, when you are in the white hot heat of a wild love affair, it is quite difficult not to think about the one you love all the time. So as I’ve allowed Jesus to become my wild and passionate Lover, I find I think about Him so much more all throughout the day.
       I tend to be a real “thinker”—not necessarily a negative thinker, but I do have an active mind. One of my regular prayer requests has been to keep my mind stayed on Him and my thoughts under subjection, so this is an answer to a long-standing prayer! Getting closer to the Lord in this more intimate way has really helped me to turn every thought into a prayer so much more. The verse, “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee” (Isa.26:3), has become more alive. I feel like I am finally living it now much more. And as a result, it has given me much more peace and faith and general well-being all around.
       I also have a sense of fulfillment, knowing that as I pray more, because prayer is so powerful, I am accomplishing a lot throughout the day through my prayers! So this enhancement in my prayer life has been a very special strength, as I talk to the Lord so much more openly and naturally now throughout the day.
       Besides all the above-mentioned blessings, naturally as I have learned to become more prayerful it is a big help in my work as well. It has been very much like the domino effect—one thing leads to another. I find I can tune in better to His still small voice and thus get my directions from Him.
       This intimate relationship has helped me go from a formal, rather stiff, prim and proper relationship to a warm, cozy and vibrant one. Just like with a lover, you grow close to that person, and become very dependent on them—so what better Person could you become one with and grow dependent on than the Lord?
       When I first started out loving Jesus in a more intimate way, as I shared with you earlier, I was elated and thrilled with it—masturbating and all. Nevertheless, it still was a bit awkward at times and something that I have had to grow into—especially actually saying loving words out loud to the Lord. I have found, though, as I have gotten into it more and more, that the act of saying the loving words does help. It helps me to outwardly declare my love for Him. There seems to be power in saying those words.—I have even found that the sexier or more erotic, the better it gets! It seems to help break down any walls and barriers between me and the Lord.
       Another personal blessing is that loving Jesus has been a wonderful solution and relief from loneliness. I was mated for many years but now live as a single. I must admit that reading about all this “sexiness” with Jesus, I thought maybe it was going to bring on loneliness trials even more. I have found, though, that it really has been quite the opposite of what I anticipated. When I do get tempted with feeling lonely, He is always right there, so close and so faithful, just waiting with open arms. It has brought sweet relief from loneliness!

Keep Fighting for That Intimate Relationship!
       Since entering into this new relationship, I have found that just like any love relationship, as things progress you usually have to fight for it in many ways. It is a commitment and something you have to work on—to give of yourself. I have seen the Enemy fight it, like he does anything that brings us into a closer walk with Jesus. So I’ve felt tested at times, like I was going through a little dry spell, especially during the beginning stages. I had to realize that during those times I needed to keep pouring into my relationship with Jesus and keep plugging away, and just be honest with the Lord and tell Him how I feel. Because I feel so much closer to Him in an intimate way, I feel much more at liberty to do this—it’s just wonderful!
       Having an intimate love relationship with Jesus and looking at Him in this way has been the greatest thing that has ever happened to me! Unlike earthly relationships, Jesus is the perfect Mate, and each time I have taken even the tiniest step in the right direction He has always been right there to meet me.
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A Sweet, Gentle, Loving Answer to Prayer!
{\b —From a Female Translator in One of the LIMs}
       It was very inspiring for me to see how the Lord is still in the business of keeping us separate from the System and the Church System. With all the new changes in the Family and us getting more tolerant of some things, I was kind of getting a little concerned that we would get too close to the world. But thank the Lord, you, Mama and Peter, are new bottles that keep us alive and separate from the world with the New Wine.
       It also made me really proud of you for sharing your private and more intimate moments with us for our sakes. It is such a good sample to me of just forgetting about yourself for the sake of others and being faithful to the Lord’s Message.
       The most outstanding thing these Letters did for me personally was that they made Jesus much more real and tangible. It finally “clicked” all the times He has told me personally in prophecy that He is my Husband and wants to be loved and put first. I believe for the first time I could finally grasp what He meant and how exactly I could do that.
       After reading Parts 4 and 5 of the “Loving Jesus” series, I saw the verse that says that He is a jealous God in a new light (Exo.20:5). I can see Him now more like a person who is really in love with me, and although He is marvelously sharing and giving, and so loving that He is happy with whatever He gets from me, I understood that He also likes and desires my reassurance that the first place belongs to Him.
       It put things in terms that I can relate to better, and now I’m more conscious of even my thoughts, that they are first for Him. And if I share my heart with Him, telling Him of my need for companionship and love from others, I try to make sure that I don’t make my Husband jealous by forgetting to tell Him also how much I need Him most of all, and by thanking Him for all He has already given me.
       It’s really neat, as my prayer for the new year was to get closer to Jesus in a more intimate relationship than ever before, but it was kind of hard for me to commit myself to this prayer, like with the “Prayer for Magdalene” (ML #1798) that some of us almost fear to pray. I was kind of expecting heavy battles, loneliness, difficulties and trials to get me to this closer walk with Him. I almost didn’t want to pay the price, since these last two years haven’t been so easy for me and I was kind of praying for a “rest.” But the Lord was so sweet to, just a couple of days later, come with these GNs and the answer to my prayer in a very loving and unexpected way!
       Thank You Jesus! And I thank the Lord for you too, Mama, and for His wonderful Words that give all the answers, love and strength we need. I pray that the Lord helps me to be a faithful translator of these Words and in this way do my part to help my brothers and sisters to find the same joy I find in them, in Jesus’ Name! I love you!
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Life Will Be Beautiful!
{\b —From a Female Translator at One of Our LIMs}
       This series on “Loving Jesus” came as an answer to a question I’ve had for a while. This last year the Letters and prophecies have focused a lot on our relationship with the Lord, and many of those prophecies sounded so sexy and called it a “relationship” and sounded so “down to earth” that I wondered how I could have that relationship with the Lord without sex. I couldn’t imagine how to have that closeness and intimacy with Him without actual physical “human” sex, especially when “Loving Jesus!—Part 1” came out. I thought, “Lord, how do You expect me to put this into practice in just a spiritual way when it sounds like You want all of me?” So when we read the rest of the series it was the answer to my questions.
       I also appreciated very much the specific counsel to couples on how to rekindle their love and strengthen their relationships. I want to do all I can for this to happen. I want to learn to appreciate my husband the way the Lord appreciates him, and love him the way the Lord wants to love him. This new year I prayed that the Lord would manifest His Love for my husband in a special way, and now I see that maybe the Lord wants to use me to bring this to pass.
       I think these GNs have so many answers to so many problems, that if we’re willing to put them into practice, life will be beautiful, and the Family will be so strong that nothing will be able to stop us. Now I see how we need this to make us ready for the days ahead.
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{\b Advice from One Who Struggled with the “Loving Jesus”} {\b Revelation: Relax! Take Your Time! Don’t Get Hot and Bothered!}
{\b —From a Male Member of WS}
Dearest Mama,
       God bless you! I love you and need you, and appreciate your faith and love and devotion to the Lord.
       I’ve wanted to write and tell you how happy I’ve been with rereading the “Loving Jesus” series. This time around it has been so very inspiring and I am so encouraged that my past battles with it are now gone, hopefully never to be a bother again. ({\ul \i Note}{\i : This person read the “Loving Jesus” series six months earlier, and at that time, had battles with it.)} I guess when reading it before I was very much like Doubting Thomas, looking at the New Wine with my analytical mind, measuring what was coming out with all I’d known before, and thus limiting the Lord by my carnal reasoning, not allowing Him the liberty to “make all things new.” Lord forgive me.
       It’s quite ironic that I would have even had battles about this, as I like sex and to be sexy. I also liked the idea of getting closer to the Lord and sort of wooing Him in the Spirit, but when I tried to be sexy with Him, I guess my old man and old thought patterns inhibited me from relating to the Lord in spiritual sex. But now, after I’ve had a chance to let this revelation settle for a while, gradually I’ve come to really enjoy my love-up time with the Lord, and what had seemed difficult before is now much easier. I guess it just took Him time to show me how to love Him in this new way, and I’m learning lots about it as time goes on.
       I also really need the Lord’s Love more at this time, because I’m away from my sharing partner whom I love very dearly. I realize I could be battling with loneliness a lot, and I have at times in the past when we were away from one another, but this time the Lord is filling the emptiness much more. I know the Lord didn’t necessarily create this situation just to teach me how to deal with loneliness, but He is using it to show me how He can be a Lover to me, as well as a dear Friend, to Whom I can run when I feel lonely. I’ve been able to share my battles with Him, just as if He were physically in the room with me. And this time, I just haven’t felt as lonely as I did when the person I’m close to and I were apart before. I’m sure He is using this time to draw us both much closer to Him, taking advantage of this temporary separation for the work’s sake. It makes me so happy to see that He can help me, love me, comfort me, and even make me feel better when I just take quiet time with Him.
       Another aspect of “Loving Jesus” which has begun to come alive in my life has been that of having love-up with Jesus during lovemaking. In discussing this with my sharing partner, whom I’ll call my soul mate, as we are very good friends and lovers, too, we were at first a bit reluctant to try this, thinking, “But we have such good sex and love times together, which are a highlight in our week, so we don’t want to do anything that would complicate things.” However, the Lord was patient, and as we read the Word together, we began to feel more convicted to try it, and in discussing it, we agreed that we should at least try it a little and see how it would go.
       For a time we just mainly prayed together before making love, which we usually did anyway, but we began to specifically ask Jesus to love the other through us. We wanted to include the Lord more in our relationship and our sex, and we both felt the Lord not only helping us to love the other, but we felt the Lord’s Love loving us through the other. This worked well, and although we hadn’t yet begun to verbalize love words to the Lord so much during lovemaking, we began to feel His presence more.
       Then, little by little we began to direct things to Him when speaking words of love during lovemaking. The more we did this, the more the Lord seemed to enhance our loving. We both began to feel that a new ingredient had been added, which made loving one another even more special, and more exciting, too. Jesus was indeed becoming our first love. This is not to say that we now talk a lot to the Lord during lovemaking, but we’ve felt that the Lord doesn’t require a quantity of words from us, He just wants to be included in our loving, so we love Him along with loving one another. That has been very special and very simple, quite unlike what I had originally imagined it would be. Thank the Lord. His Love is not complicated, but loving and sweet and simple.
       Before we discovered this, we almost always would praise and thank the Lord after lovemaking for such wonderful love and fulfilling sex, and those little times of prayer and praise were often very special. But now we feel even more fulfilled by taking time to invite the Lord into our most intimate loving together, and He has surely made it even better than before. It’s not that things have changed so greatly on the whole, but just being aware that the Lord cares about and is involved more intimately in our love and our relationship is very fulfilling.
       Before we began to try this, we were a bit timid to try such a venture of verbalizing our love for Him during lovemaking. But He was so patient, never making us feel guilty for not doing it. I guess He knew that such an idea needed time to sink in, and then we were ready to try it a little at a time. There are times when we focus more on loving Jesus, and other times more on loving each other. Sometimes we say things out loud, other times we each love the Lord quietly to ourselves during lovemaking, which also makes us feel close to the Lord.
       I suppose I’m sort of an extremist, so when first reading the new “Loving Jesus” Letters I felt it had to be “all or nothing at all.” And looking back on my initial reactions, I seemed so worried about it that I was trying to do it in my own strength, and in my own way, leaning to my own understanding. But it’s encouraging to realize that He’s not in a big hurry. He just wants us to grow into this new phase of loving Him, and He’s wanting this to be from the heart, very personal and not from feeling pressured in any way. He’s leading the way to more Heavenly Love, but it takes time, and now that I have relaxed with this and am not in such a hurry to suddenly have it be so completely sublime and fantastic, it is steadily growing into a closer relationship, for which I’m truly grateful. Lord forgive me for thinking earlier that I had to see immediate results or else something was wrong. I guess, like with many other things, each of us has to grow and progress at our own speed and capacity.
       I remember my reaction when first reading about the idea of masturbation. Whew! That was news! I thought, “Well, I’m not sure about this, but at least I’ll try it.” So I did, and the first time was not bad, it seemed to work. I was able to do so and it seemed that I was loving the Lord, too. But the following times I tried it, I felt like in order to masturbate, I was leaving Jesus to one side and then, only when I was finished, I could think about Him again. This made me feel bad and somewhat frustrated, like I was succeeding in masturbating, but not in getting closer to the Lord, and I began to think, “Never the twain shall meet!”
       At that time I really had battles thinking this was not for me, and wondering how such things could be. So I just had to lay it to rest for a time. But now, after having discontinued that for a time, I’ve tried it again, and it is much different. It seems that the notion of loving Jesus, of saying words of love to Him and getting stimulated at the same time has begun to click. I have found it pleasurable and have been able to feel the Lord’s Love, that He is even interested in satisfying me sexually, even physically, so that I can relax and have a good sleep or whatever I need. It’s been really sweet. Praise the Lord! That doesn’t mean I’ve been doing it so often, but there’ve been special times when I have and it has been sweet and again simple. And then there have been times when I’ve been loving the Lord intimately but I just haven’t thought about masturbating, but at no time have I felt that that was not pleasing to the Lord, because I am assured that He is happy with my loving Him, and praising Him, whether I choose to masturbate or not.
       Now I’m beginning to realize that Jesus understands even my sexual needs, and at the same time, I can begin to understand that He likes to be included even in this way. “In all my ways acknowledging Him.” I’ve finally realized that it doesn’t have to be such a big deal. I guess by relaxing more and not being so intense about all of this, it has become easier. And as a result, I’ve come to look forward to loving the Lord, rather than feeling apprehension about it and worrying about whether I’d “do it right” or whatever. Now I feel more of the Lord’s tender Love and understanding, that He loves me as I am, with all my selfish, carnal imperfections, and He is just wanting to fill me with His Love and inspiration, which helps me be more Heavenly minded.
       I suppose the whole idea of being intimate with the Lord has been a gradual thing. Like the story of the old spinster who quit struggling.—When I finally relaxed and started to love the Lord intimately, it seems He was able to help me much more, just as a close friend would. Then I could just enjoy my time with Him, rather than working at it so hard. The Lord actually relates to me according to my personality, likes and dislikes, and He loves me intimately, seeking to draw me closer to Him in prayer, in praise and in love.
       I can’t say that I’ve arrived or anything, as each day is a new experience, but I have experienced a feeling of acceptance from the Lord which I don’t know if I ever felt as strongly as I do now. It seems that I have more faith that the Lord really does love me as I am. Often I battle with feelings of inferiority, I feel that even in my work I just don’t have so much to offer. I don’t feel very talented compared to the many talented, diligent and faithful people I see around me. I know I shouldn’t minimize what I do, but often I feel others could do a much better job at what I do, if they had time to do it. But I’ve felt lately that the Lord knows me intimately and still loves me and wants me, and He’s not putting the cookies on such a high shelf.
       It seems that I’m getting to know Him a little better now. I realize that He has always known me intimately, but it is I who am getting to know Him better and getting to open my heart to Him, seeing that He understands my feelings much better than I’d imagined. That sounds sort of silly to me even as I write this, as I know the Lord knows everything about us that is to be known, and yet through loving Him and praising Him and spending more time alone with Him sharing my heart with Him, it seems that it is not Jesus Who’s changed, but it is my awareness of Him that is changing. Sometimes I just lie on my bed and talk to Him, just as if I were talking to my lover or my best friend, pouring out my heart to Him, sometimes even out loud. I seem to sense His presence, as well as even Dad’s presence and the Heavenly helpers around me.
       I’m so happy that the Lord has delivered me from my past battles with doubts about this new way of loving the Lord, which I brought on through my analytical thinking. It took a bit of a shake-up for me to get the victory. The Lord spoke in prophecy for me a few months back, showing me that I’d been so bound and locked into my rationale that I’d reasoned away His being able to do such things. I’d been way too analytical, which simply boils down to being carnal-minded. And because I know the Word pretty well, I felt I was pretty knowledgeable and I had sort of concocted my own “scriptural logic.” But this resistance and lack of receptivity held me back from being able to receive the Word in new applications and to love the Lord freely. But now I can! I just let it all go and asked for prayer against my carnal reasoning, which surprisingly enough, can seem to be spiritual reasoning, when it very well may not be.
       All I can say is that it helped me greatly to have prayer and to just relax and not get so hot and bothered about trying to make things happen all at once. And, like the old maid who suddenly became happier when she quit struggling, the Lord and I now have a much easier time together. I looked just now at the Letter “Be a Eunuch” (ML #1923), where Dad told the story of the old maid. He said, “I think because of the emphasis we’ve put on how wonderful sex is and how it’s not natural to not be sexy, [EDITED: "some folks"] feel condemned because they’re not sexy and then they try too hard, and because they fear they can’t, they really {\ul can’t}!”
       Well, for me that seemed to apply. I read all the promises in the new Word about how the Lord was going to bless us for loving Him more intimately, and when it all didn’t just fall in my lap immediately, I became disillusioned. Also I’d been skeptical about it, Lord forgive me. But when I just realized that the only one who was in a hurry was me, then I began to slow down and not take this all so intensely. Then I went back to serving the Lord, praying, praising, not trying to focus on making love with Jesus as the one and only thing of importance in my life, and slowly, gradually the idea became easier to deal with.
       Now to say to the Lord that I want to make love with Him and to be open to Him and for Him to hold me and love me, seems very natural and appealing. I want that closeness, and especially now, while the one I’m in love with is not around, I’ve needed His Love and closeness more than ever. And it makes me so thankful that others, who may be fighting such battles against loneliness, can experience this same solution, which can enrich their lives and meet their needs. This is not to say that we don’t need human love and affection, but in those times when you’re alone in the night, having a love affair with the Lord can be a very satisfying thing, which can be an immediate balm for the pain of loneliness.
       I was so stuck in the mud a while back that it seemed I’d never get out of the bog, but my Lover and Friend, Jesus, has pulled me out of the pit I had dug for myself. I’m very thankful for Jesus’ Love, which I’ve come to know in a very real and very tangible way.

Copyright 1996 The Family