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JEWELS ON DAD'S HOMEGOING!--No.2!       Comp.11/94
--By Maria       Maria #254 DO 2971

       All Heaven Rejoicing!
       1. ALL HEAVEN REJOICES when they see one soul saved (Luke 15:7,10), so imagine how they must have rejoiced to receive Dad, the one who is responsible for so many souls being saved!

       Dad's Little Patio Room!
       2. Whenever I get into thinking how I miss Dad, the thing that pulls me out of it the quickest is to realize how terrifically happy he is. I get happy real quick thinking how marvelous it is that he is no longer here in comparison to all he is experiencing there.
       3. I was thinking about the little cement and plastic hut that Dad had built outside behind our house, putting corrugated plastic on the roof and netting over the front; and how practically every day for the last month of his life he had gone to sit out in that little area at a little table where he would talk with the members of our staff or read the newspaper. Dad had gotten so much enjoyment just going outside in the fresh air, in spite of the fact that there was hardly any greenery around, just cement and house walls.
       4. Periodically I would get up from my work and call to him out the window, and we would carry on a little conversation about what we each were doing. I had been praying for something nicer for Dad, a place with a pretty view and a beautiful garden, but nothing had turned up.
       5. I often thought how Dad always made the best of whatever situation he was in, and always saw the possibilities and the beauty of it no matter how unbeautiful it might be. We always marveled that he was able to enjoy the simplest things in life and get so much pleasure out of them. He was the most wonderful sample of living the verse, "Be content with such things as ye have" (Heb.13:5), and wholeheartedly believing that "Little is much if God is in it." He knew how to abound or be abased, how to suffer want or enjoy plenty (Phil.4:12), and he took each in their stride, with no complaints.
       6. However, knowing how much he loved looking at God's creation, at the beautiful grass and trees and flowers, we wanted so much for him to be able to enjoy these things.--And now we know why we couldn't find them! The Lord knew Dad wasn't going to need them, and that he was going to go to a view and a creation that was much greater than he had ever even imagined!--And as you know, he had imagined a lot! The Lord had been putting him through one final test to see if he would continue to praise Him and glorify Him in the most humble of surroundings, and he passed the test superbly.
       7. After he would finish his time outdoors in his little patio room, he would come to our bedroom (also with no view), and happily discuss things with me or read some of his reports, or work on some Letters.
       8. In that last month it was as though he had nowhere else to go. I asked him one day, "Sweetheart, don't you want to go out for a walk or for a drive?" And he said, "No, there are no more worlds to conquer." He said it very matter-of-factly, like he had done all the exploring he could think of for the time being, and said that he was enjoying just sitting in his patio room. But the Lord knew the desire of his heart for new, unexplored territory, fresh challenges and new horizons, and that it wouldn't be possible to have them here on this earth. So the Lord lovingly called him to a place where challenges never end and there are always new horizons, and boredom is a thing unknown.
       9. I was thinking about that crude little patio room that Dad enjoyed so much in his last days and this song came to me, one that Dad had sung many times:

              A tent or cottage, why should I care?
       They're building a palace for me over there!
       Though exiled from home, yet still I may sing:
       All glory to God, I'm the child of a King.

              My Father's Own Son, the Savior of Men,
       Once wandered on earth as the poorest of them.
       But now He is reigning forever on High
       And will give me a Home in Heaven by-and-by.

              10. Dad truly lost his life that he might save it, and he is now being repaid one hundredfold for those things he sacrificed for the sake of the Lord and His Family! Now any pain or suffering he felt is forgotten in the joys of being with his Heavenly Father and being able to realize all his dreams--and more!

       Earthly Words Fail to Describe the Glories of Heaven!
       11. I was thinking, "Lord, it's so hard to try to explain these things and talk about the glories of Heaven." Even if we had gone there and been able to see everything in close detail, how could we express it? Human words cannot even begin to portray Heaven's thrills and pleasures and mysteries!
       12. Even those who have come back from there and have attempted to write about it--like Rebecca Springer, the author of Within the Gates (Intra Muros), and Betty Eadie, author of Embraced by the Light*--have admitted that their descriptions fell so far short of what they had experienced, and that their word pictures were only a shadow or a token of the way things really were. (*Condensation of Embraced by the Light coming soon, God willing, along with a Mama Letter commenting on it.)
       13. Our words are so limited and so trite. But just think!--When we get to Heaven we are going to be able to express all those many shades of feelings!--And we are either going to be able to do it by feelings, or we are going to have a whole lot of new words--or both. But one way or another we are going to be able to say accurately what we feel and get it across in exactly the way we mean it; whereas now we are very limited by language and we can't translate our feelings into proper words. All we can say is "wonderful, marvelous, thrilling, exciting, super, exhilarating!"
       14. Anyway, the Lord knows our hearts and we don't have to get too worried about not being able to express ourselves. Well, I guess I do get a little worried, because I am expressing things for the entire Family and I have a real big problem with that sometimes. But at least, thank the Lord, I'm doing better than I used to, and He is helping me in spite of myself! Praise the Lord!

       Christian Grief Counseling!
       15. Someone wrote to me about "grief counseling" being quite a big deal in the System, and remarked about how well trained the Family is in such things. We certainly should be able to comfort others about the next life better than anyone else. We can turn people's hearts from this earth to the heavenlies with all the wonderful detailed information we have on Heaven!
       16. Part of the problem that people have with death is that they don't know where their loved one has gone or what they're doing. But when Heaven becomes so real and close through the Word, there is nothing to fear! You almost get to participate with that loved one. The more you know about what they are doing, the more it is like you are there too. And when you know you can actually communicate with them, that the link is still there, then the "finality" of it all is not so final and the change can even be looked upon positively.
       17. So, if in the System they sometimes have grief counseling and therapy for Christians who have lost loved ones, how much more should we be able to use the wonderful wealth of information and counsel we have, that is far greater than anything the System has to offer. Perhaps sometime we could put this material into a course for use with the GP. We've got such wonderful material but we lack a structure for it, a framework that will make it sound as valuable as it really is to the System. Unless you put it within that System framework that they can understand, it doesn't seem to them to have as much credibility or value.

       The Glories of Death!
       18. Maybe the reason the Lord let Dad be sick so often and so near death was so that he would give us all these beautiful, beautiful Letters on the glories of death. He had to suffer that we might be healed--through the Word.
       19. I know it is a concern that anything we write about the glories of death may be taken in the wrong way; in fact, it always has been! We can expect that it will continue to be distorted and misinterpreted by our enemies, who will be all too eager to jump on this to "prove" what they have been saying. But God damn them, let them go ahead and try!--We'll gain an even greater witness if we have to stand up and defend ourselves. Just like the Lord said in those prophecies about the Swiss tragedy, it can only help us! (See GN 607, page 17.)

       Dad's Choice to Go!
       20. I believe the Lord probably had a general plan and a general time picked out for Dad to go home to Heaven, but within that time there may have been some leeway. I don't think Dad necessarily had to go at this time, but that he made his own choice to go. He could have gone a couple of years ago when he almost did go, but at that time he chose to stay with us. So I think that he could have easily chosen to stay here this time too--and I think he had originally chosen to, but at the last minute he decided differently.
       21. So when the Lord said that He wouldn't allow Dad to be cut off before his time, I think that "time" meant the specific time that Dad chose within the broader time period that the Lord had planned. It just seems from the way things have transpired--and because we know that Dad had a hard time deciding, and first decided one thing and then changed his mind--that he really didn't have to go at this particular time. But whenever Dad chose was God's perfect time.

       Still Learning in Heaven!
       22. It was interesting that in the "Heavenly Welcome" prophecies there were two visions by two different people about some of the folks in Heaven needing to have an explanation about Dad and the Family. (See GN 609, "Dad's Heavenly Welcome," paragraphs 65 and 73.) Perhaps this is possible since people are still going to be learning and growing in Heaven and they are obviously not going to learn everything all at once. As I recall, Dad talked about church people in Heaven in some of his Letters, and how they won't quite understand us and maybe it will take them awhile. (See ML #1435.)
       23. A lot of us probably think about the verse, "we are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses" (Heb.12:1), but we can't assume--like we probably have assumed--that that "great cloud of witnesses" means everybody in Heaven! Apparently it's only some of the folks in Heaven, the ones who perhaps are more advanced and are rewarded or possibly commissioned with the ministry of taking care of what is going on here on earth.
       24. It didn't seem that the woman in {\ul \i Within the Gates} {\ul \i (Intra Muros)} knew what was happening on earth until her relative who had just died came to join her and filled her in on what was going on with her relatives below. It seemed that only certain folks in Heaven had special missions to earth, and that some were more "in the know" than others. So apparently not everybody knows everything immediately, but people are going to have to be taught there as well. Look at Abrahim and the things that he was still needing to learn, even though he had been in the spirit world for quite some time--at least the way we think of time--but in the Lord's eyes, it's been only a moment.
       25. Dad said he had a lot of questions to ask the Patriarchs, so they will obviously be teaching him. Just because he made it to the Heavenly City doesn't mean he automatically knows everything, but instead he is going to be asking and being taught. So maybe by the same token some of these church folks will need to be taught about the Family and about Dad. Even if they have been there awhile, there may still be quite a few things that they don't know.
       26. There wouldn't be much challenge in Heaven if everything there is to know was automatically learned at the beginning! The Lord is obviously going to have to spread it out quite a bit to make it last through all eternity. If we were just going to be zapped with all the knowledge there is and there wasn't anything left to learn, what would be the point? We would lose all sense of challenge and excitement and enthusiasm and looking forward to the next step.
       27. I know the Bible does say that "now we see through a glass, darkly, but then face to face: Now we know in part, but then shall we know even as also we are known" (1Cor. 13:12).--But that doesn't indicate that we are going to understand everything immediately.
       28. It's been very interesting and encouraging to read the list of all of the Family members who are already up there with Dad, and so thrilled to see him! Aren't they going to have fun showing Dad everything up there, and having him tell them what's going on down here? It doesn't seem as though they would all automatically know what's been happening down here, if that wasn't their ministry or mission. I'm sure they all still have lots to learn!

       Delivering Our Souls to Our Friends!
(While compiling the various announcements about Dad's homegoing, one WS staff member suggested that it might be best if the Family avoided a few of our more unconventional beliefs about Heaven and the spirit world when sharing the news of Dad's homegoing with friends and relatives. Following is Mama's reply:)
       29. Just because our friends don't believe in certain of our doctrines, does that mean we are going to be hypocritical and act like we don't believe them ourselves?--Or do we want to share them so they too can be blessed, and possibly change their own faulty ways of looking at things in favor of more godly ones! If the Family starts considering whether their various friends are going to agree with all the things in this GN (GN 609), they are probably going to have to admit that hardly any of them believe the same way we do in every respect, and some differ with us quite a bit. Therefore, if we tell the Family not to share any of our more unconventional beliefs, they probably will not share anything at all with them!
       30. I had to consider this question when sharing things with my parents in my Christmas letter to them, and I came to the conclusion that while they do not believe in a happy attitude toward death; while they do not believe at all in our ability to communicate with departed loved ones, nor do they think it is scriptural; while they do not believe in prophecy; and while they believe in hardly anything that I will tell them about this event, I am going to tell them anyway because they need to hear it! I am going to tell them whether they believe in it or not, and let them know that this is what makes us happy and this is what we believe is scriptural, and this is what bears good fruit in our lives. And if they don't like it, they don't have to accept it, but they can just "choose the good and eschew the evil."--Ha!
       31. If it causes us to be more on fire for Jesus than ever and to do better in our soul-winning for Him, then the fruit is good and they should be very thankful. So I don't know if we really want to caution the Family that some of this might be "strong meat" for their friends. It probably will be for most of them; nevertheless, they need to hear it, and if they can't take it, that's their problem!
       32. I think we should deliver our souls! I think that's one reason why the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Mormons have grown so rapidly, because they have given their doctrines--which many people, of course, did not agree with or understand--to virtually the general public. And they have found, as a result, many "sheep" amongst the public who were hungry and searching for something better and deeper. But often we get so scared about our doctrines and think that people aren't going to like them or accept them or that it is going to blow them away that we don't share them, and as a result we don't give them the food that they are hungering and searching for.
       33. I know there is a balance in all of this and we do have to use wisdom, but I tend to lean more to the side of sharing more.--Just like the Lord said about our teens when the question came up whether we should allow them access to all of our lit. He said we should "break the box and let the gold roll" and open it up to them so they could see the treasures therein, and not be so stingy and protective and afraid that it was going to hurt them, because it would help them much more than it would hurt them. (See "The PER," ML #2865:65, GN 553.)
       34. Someone was concerned that if our kids start telling our friends and visitors that they talked to Grandpa and blew him kisses, they might begin to wonder if we are even going to start praying to Dad! Frankly, I don't care what they think! And if they want to think that, great! Praying is just talking to the Lord, so if talking to Grandpa would be considered "praying" to him, well then, so be it! Of course, I certainly agree that it wouldn't be wise to say, "I can hardly wait to die so I can be with Grandpa," because that is a wrong attitude and we certainly don't want our people saying this, much less thinking it! It is our job to stay here and do our work for Jesus and for Grandpa as long as we can, no matter how difficult it is. There is a great work to do here and that's why God has us here, and we would not be pleasing Him if we were to want to get out of that job before the Lord's time.

       Communicating with Grandpa!
       35. With so many mentions of Dad communicating with not only me but all of us--whispering in our ears and being very close to us, and that we can hear him if we listen, etc.--to think that we couldn't answer back or talk with him doesn't seem logical! After all, Jesus talks with us and we in turn can talk with Him. Obviously it is perfectly good and right and wonderful that Grandpa can talk with us, so why can't we also talk to Grandpa?
       36. I know that we are getting ourselves into some pretty deep waters as far as the church system goes. Because they misinterpret the Scriptures, this is going to drive a wedge even further between us, but the Lord always has His ways to keep us pure. If people would look in the Letters, it is there in our teachings already--Dad communicating with Abrahim, talking with his mother, etc. So there really isn't anything different about it!

       Battle with Condemnation!--The Lord's and Dad's Forgiveness
       37. After having preached so much against condemning yourself, I'm still tempted to have battles with it every day. I'm thankful to be so busy, as that makes it easier for me to not allow myself to give place to those condemning thoughts. But the temptation sure is there, and almost every time I think of Dad and anything that he did or anything about him, I get hit with the thought that I failed him in some way. So I either give in to it--which I try not to do--or I just don't think about it and get busy with everything I have to be busy with.
       38. It's such a miracle, just an absolutely supernatural, miraculous thing that I don't miss Dad more! I know it's a real specific blessing that the Lord has given me and our staff here, due to Dad's request that the Lord help us not to miss him, and also due to the prayers of others.--And not only that, but through just believing the Word and knowing that we are still constantly in touch in the spirit.
       39. But my main battle is one of condemnation because I know--and it's not just imaginary--that there were many ways in which I failed Dad. I've never had this battle with condemnation before--condemnation that keeps knocking at my door. It's quite a fight knowing that you could have made it so much easier for someone and given them so much more love and care than you did. Of course, Dad isn't blaming me, and I'm sure he's forgotten it.--The same with the Lord. So why do I keep blaming myself? It's probably because I know that I didn't do all that I could, and I failed and I feel like I need to be punished. And since neither the Lord nor Dad nor anyone else will punish me, I feel I have to do it myself!
       40. I'm sure this idea of having to be punished for every sin or failing is the Devil's idea. It makes very good sense and it's very logical. After all, it's the law, it's justice. However, when Jesus died on the cross for us, He took not only our past sins, but our present sins and our future sins on Himself so we wouldn't have to be condemned by the Devil, neither would we have to condemn ourselves. It wasn't just our sins of not loving Jesus enough that He took upon Himself, but all our sins, all our failures, all our shortcomings.
       41. If we're sorry and we have repented and asked the Lord's forgiveness and the forgiveness of the person whom we've wronged, it's the Lord's will that we do not condemn ourselves. Neither does He condemn us. "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit" (Rom.8:1). And as Jesus said to the woman taken in adultery, "Neither do I condemn thee; go, and sin no more" (John 8:11).
       42. I was encouraged when I was listening to Dad's "Songs of Heaven" tape and heard him say, "Probably when I get there I'll feel really bad for the way in which I have yelled at you, and the times I've treated you harshly." It certainly isn't very nice of us to glory in another's discomfort, but I sure was glad Dad said that, and I was real happy to hear that maybe he was feeling a little condemned too!--Ha! How naughty of me! But I just thought, "Well, maybe he can understand better what I'm going through, because he's having the same kind of problems." I don't see how he could be feeling bad about his treatment of me, because he couldn't have had more love or been more tender or caring or concerned. But he might be a little remorseful that he got impatient sometimes with others and raised his voice, or jumped to conclusions too quickly.
       43. The vision someone sent us of Timothy Concerned being too ashamed to come before Dad because of the way he had failed also portrayed some condemnation even in Heaven. But now that Timothy has been able to ask Dad's forgiveness, what do you bet that that will be the end of it and that burden will be lifted? If he accepts the forgiveness, he won't have a problem with it any more--just like us.
       44. God's forgiveness and God's promises that "there is now no condemnation" apply equally to us on earth as they do to those in Heaven--"on earth as it is in Heaven"--and we can be "partakers of the divine nature" here the same as they are there (2Pet.1:4). If Dad has had any such condemnation, I'm sure it didn't last long and he was able to accept the Lord's forgiveness. And of course everyone here forgives him, although they probably wouldn't even think that it was something that they needed to forgive! I'm sure they feel that if Dad got upset with them, they most likely deserved it!
       45. The more I keep thinking about it, the more I realize that what Dad said about Heaven being so similar to things on earth was not just a speculation--it was the absolute truth!--In fact, a revelation that the Lord had given him!
       46. And if Dad has his way, what do you suppose he will assign Timothy to do? I have a feeling it will be like Edison with his apprentice who broke the light bulb, but he turned around and trusted him with the next one! (See "Good Thots" 2, page 1286, #287.) I got the distinct impression that now that Timothy has suffered and been forgiven for his failures, Dad would tell him, "Son, I want you to be the one that has the special job of tuning in to Techi and doing all you can to help her now!" Not that Grandpa won't be right there looking over his shoulder to make sure his precious Techi is okay, but it would be just like Dad, with his great love and forgiveness, to want to share this responsibility with Timothy.

       Mama's Prayer!
       47. Lord, I would very much like it if my eyes were better. But You know, if You gave me a choice right now between physical sight and spiritual sight, I'd have to choose the spiritual sight. If You gave me a choice right now between total healing, with my eyes being like new and young again with 20/20 vision, but not being able to depend on having a clear channel to You and being sure that what I was getting was from You--in other words, that I could see clearly with my natural sight but not so clearly with my spiritual eyes--I would have to turn down the physical healing with no hesitancy, no questions!
       48. When I speak as Your representative to the Family, I can't afford to be wrong. I've got to be right and I'm desperate to be right. I've got to have a clear channel to You. I don't know what the answers are, but I just have to have faith that as I desperately seek You and start to talk that You are going to show me what's right and what's true.--I have to trust that as I open my mouth, You will fill it.
       49. Lord, I don't know how You could have taken somebody like me who is such a nobody and knows nothing; I can't even remember anything! (A little while ago I couldn't even remember the word for the building in which Jesus was born, can you believe it? I tried and tried to think of the word "stable," but all I could think of was the word "barn," although I had heard the Christmas story hundreds of times during my life!--That's how bad it is!) So often I search and search for a word and I know there is a specific word that I am looking for, but I can't get it. But, Lord, that's just a minor part of the mess I am and how nothing I am.
       50. I never will be able to figure out why You chose me. It's really quite funny that You, the great God of the universe, would use me as Your mouthpiece and Your representative! I just wish I could do a better job for You, but I guess that's how You chose to do things, and I'm sure You have some good reasons for it. Well, I can think of a few, so if You want to do it this way, that's Your business, and who am I to complain?
       51. The funny thing is, if You told me I didn't have to be it any more and You would give the job to somebody else, I really wouldn't want that. So when it comes right down to it, I guess I do want the job, even if I feel that You've got the raw end of the deal. I guess that means I like the job, too, since I really do want to keep it.
       52. But all these great things You've promised about me and how You are going to use me, well, I don't see it, but I guess I don't have to. You are the One Who is going to have to take care of that! And if You are going to bring about any changes in me, You're going to have to do quite a miracle. But that's Your business too--miracles--and we should expect them! But You are going to have to do a pretty good job on me, as insensitive and dull in spirit as I am, and as hard to get through to.
       53. It was different with Dad. He was so sensitive to Your Spirit. He was just made that way. All his senses were so finely tuned--not only His spiritual senses, but his physical senses as well. Dad and I were miles apart in that respect. And while I saw him as a very sensitive electronic instrument, I see myself as a big cement block, and it's pretty hard for anything to get through it! But again, Lord, that is Your business and I don't doubt You knew what You were doing when You chose me. But I just wonder why You did it. And look at me, I'm doing the very thing You said not to do: "Nay, but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to Him that formed it, Why hast Thou made me thus? Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?" (Rom. 9:20-21).
       54. I'm sorry, Lord. I shouldn't even wonder about it. I guess it is really murmuring. I should read "Did God Make a Mistake" and look at all the other funny people You used, and all the little things and little nobodies You chose to do Your important business.
       55. I guess I'll just keep right on doing what I've been doing. I don't know what else to do. So if You want me to do something new and different, something with greater anointing, since Dad is gone, You'll have to somehow get through to me very loud and clear, because at this point I don't even have any idea of anything that I could do differently! I'm just me, and all I know to do is what I've been doing, and I guess I'll just keep doing that for now. So if You want any change, You are going to have to do it. I can't work it up. It will just have to be a miracle of Thy Spirit to make me into what You said You were going to.

       Mama's Daily Schedule!--Working Together as a Team!
       56. I just finished listening to the prayers, prophecies, verses and visions that you received for me at the Summit '95 meeting. I cried yesterday through the ones about Dad and got a little headache, which I got over just in time to cry through the ones about me! Praise the Lord! I can't say "Lord forgive me for crying," because there is nothing wrong with it and I'm sure it does me good--even though it's very hard on my eyes. It's a little difficult to analyze tears, isn't it? They weren't tears of sadness, and although I was happy, they weren't just tears of joy; I guess they were more tears of just being overwhelmed. For one, the faith of our precious folks just touches me so much!--The faith they have in the Lord, that He will do what He has said He would do, and the faith that they have in Dad's words.
       57. The Lord has been so good to us to give us such wonderfully precious people, outstanding for their faith, humility and yieldedness. Of course, it is not hard to see how the prophecies themselves would be overwhelming for me; especially coming from those of you who know me so well. I have to keep reminding the Lord that I am going to just keep doing what I've always done, and if He wants me to be any different, He is going to have to do some pretty big miracles to bring about the changes.
       58. Right now I am just going along making my little corrections on the pubs and dictating work notes, and that's about all I do day after day. I'm doing my little job just like everybody else does theirs.--And to me, my job doesn't seem any more important or glorious than anybody else's; in fact, not as much so. I'm mostly just a proofreader and an editor and a final checker for everybody else. Without my great big team of all of you, and all of our precious pubs folks, and all of our wonderful staff, I couldn't do anything!
       59. Dad used to pray for me almost every day when we would have our little cuddle time and prayer time in the morning. He'd say: "Lord bless her in the big job she has of ruling Thy Kingdom, Thy so great people, and give her strength and wisdom for her big job." And I would always think to myself--and sometimes I would even voice it to him--"Sweetheart, I'm not doing any more than anyone else. I just plug away at my little job of a whole lot of little details every day, and what I do wouldn't get anywhere if I didn't have wonderful people who get behind it with a big push and make it happen."
       60. It's funny how people think I do so much and such important work. Well, I guess that just proves that important things are built on a lot of very small details which have to be faithfully taken care of one by one. They don't seem so important in themselves, but together they are all vital parts of the larger entity. My days usually consist of listening to Family news from around the world; keeping up with the international secular world news; listening to pubs work--on one day maybe a Hope, on another day an FSM, sometimes a Prayer List or a Press Release or a FUN or a FAR or a "Victory in Babylon" or a Kidz Mag or any one of a number of other miscellaneous pubs that may come for approval, and giving my little comments and corrections on them.
       61. Then there are little questions from the staff on local matters and spending a few minutes talking to my sweet kids. Yesterday I worked on an article David is writing that he did so well on, and I only had to suggest a few changes. And then there are the Letters which I dictate directly to the Family, which I have to work on.--And this is real work! My secretary told me that I had 21 different sets of corrections on one Letter before it was finished. Oh my! Most of them were just little wording changes here and there, but I had to ask to hear it after each set of corrections to make sure she had gotten everything right, and in the process the Lord would check me about something else that needed to be changed. I guess this is one way the Lord has of not only keeping me humble, but making me go slow. At least it gives me lots of time to pray about the subject at hand. I also spend time in prayer for many of our people and situations.
       62. There are also some personal letters that I write to folks, and that is quite a job as well; although the Lord has been helping that to go more quickly and smoothly recently, for which I am very thankful. Then there are little odds and ends of things that I communicate back and forth about with the units, and of course all the matters that I discuss with Peter and others.
       63. I am just a little tiny cog in the machinery and what I do is not very important on its own--it has to be propped up and supported and amplified and put into practice by a lot of other people. I'm so glad I have such a good teamwork with our local folks here, and with my teamwork, and with our greater teamwork of WS units, and you, dear CROs, that help us all to accomplish great things for the Lord.
       64. Actually, I think you could put all of these prophecies for me in perspective if you would have such prayer for every one of our folks, and I think you would see that the Lord looks at not only me, but all of you as very great. You are wonderful and beautiful and all kings and queens in His Kingdom, with marvelous power and authority. I know He looks upon each one of you as jewels of great price!--Very precious and valuable, and beloved.
       65. It has to be the Lord Who takes care of all that greatness. We just have to keep on with our little jobs each day taking care of all the "jots and tittles," and if He can bring any greatness out of it all or thinks there is any greatness there, that's up to Him. Like you, I'm just part of a team and I hardly ever make any decisions on my own; I wouldn't feel capable. So I am wonderfully happy that we all can work together at getting our answers from the Lord, in the multitude of counselors.
       66. Sometimes I think the Lord has a tremendous sense of humor in viewing us with all our little day-to-day decisions and detail work and messages and conversations and all our daily duties, yet seeing us as great kings and queens, courtiers, knights and noblemen and women. The Lord certainly must love drama and pageantry! Nothing about us seems mundane, boring, uninteresting or unimportant to Him, as it is sometimes to us. It's amazing how differently He sees things than we do!
       67. Maybe we need to start trying to see things His way a bit more.--At least it helps to take us out of this sometimes wearisome world and transport us to the excitement and exhilaration of the way they see things in the heavenlies! Like I said in my "Homegoing Celebration" talk, when we get too down on others, it sure helps to see what the Lord has to say about them and changes our whole outlook on them--and even ourselves--in a very positive way. (See ML #2949:25-32, GN 613.)
       68. Anyway, thank you, dear folks, for your love and your faith in the Lord and in Dad, and therefore in me. I have faith in the Lord in you also, and together we are going to win this battle for His Kingdom!

       Talk Times with David and Techi!
       69. The Lord has done all things well, and all things are working together wonderfully for us! Praise the Lord! David is doing so well and has a wonderful attitude, after some pretty big rough spots. Techi is growing into a wonderful young lady. Both of them come see me in the evening before they go to bed, to talk to me--sometimes one earlier than the other, and sometimes together--and we have some wonderful chats and good lesson-learning times, etc. It's been my desire and was an actual prayer that I could spend a little more time with them. Before, even if I could have, it wouldn't have been so fruitful because David's attitude wasn't that receptive. Although he was always very sweet with me, there was just a blockage in the spirit. But now he has such a hungry, humble spirit and is much more enthusiastic about our little talk times together, and we have a real connection in the spirit. Thank You Jesus!

       Tears in Heaven?
       70. The Lord says He is going to wipe away our tears, so obviously there are some tears in Heaven (Rev.7:17, 21:4). In the vision someone got of Timothy Concerned, it was very clear that Timothy was crying when he met Dad. I don't think folks in Heaven will cry about what we on earth have done to them, but I think they might cry for what they have done to hurt us. They may feel condemnation over failures here on earth, just as we also feel condemnation for our failures, which neither they nor we have to suffer once we realize that we are truly forgiven. In Timothy's case, it looks like he didn't have his taken care of until Dad got there and he could ask Dad's personal forgiveness.
       71. The Bible says that God shall wipe away all tears--but we don't know if He wipes them away as soon as you get there, or if He wipes them away later, like it seems He has done with Timothy. We don't know what the situation is. One thing I am pretty sure of is that our departed loved ones are not going to be crying over the things that we did or did not do to them, but apparently they can cry over their own failures.

       Dad Can Be with Babies Now!
       72. I thought of another thing that Dad has in Heaven that he wasn't able to have here and that he really missed, and that is having babies around! He was a grandfather and his joy was to watch his grandchildren, and now he can have as many as he wishes, to his heart's content. Thank You Jesus!

       Mama's "Do It Now!" Victory!
       73. The Lord has been really helping me to be able to face my dictaphone and say something, and talk to somebody! In the past, my overwhelming tendency and my practice has been to write it down in my notebook when I need to answer somebody, and from my notebook it gets read to me and dictated on a little "list" tape, and the little tape gets put in a little box until I finally get around to being able to take the tape out of the box, stick it in the dictaphone, listen to it, and dictate point by point from that tape. The problem is, sometimes I don't get back to those tapes for quite awhile, and some of those points on those tapes I never do dictate, because I already have such a big list. So I just skip them, conveniently, if they don't really have to be taken care of.
       74. But the Lord has been making a real change in my life in helping me to face those fears. It is more than just procrastinating and not wanting to have the extra work right now. It's sort of a fear or phobia I have of being faced with having to write something. I feel like, "Oh, I can't say it," or "I can't say it well enough," or "I don't know what to say, so I'll just put it off till later." That's often our tendency when we have what we consider an unpleasant job, just to shove it aside and not deal with it. But the Lord is helping me to face those fears and phobias and just take my dictaphone and do it right away, do it right now!
       75. Whenever I'm listening to my messages and something comes along that is a question, or somebody writes me something that I need to answer, it's become much more the rule than the exception that I take my little dictaphone and I answer it right away. I pray, "Lord, I haven't had a chance to really think about this or pray a lot about it, but if You want to answer it, You're going to have to help me right now to answer it. Because You know if I stick it in my notebook, I might never get around to answering it. And it's so much better that they hear some answer from me than none at all."--And the Lord really has been helping me! It's a big victory for me!
       76. When Grandpa was here I had another excuse, because often I would work beside him listening to my tapes while he was doing his paperwork, and of course it wouldn't have been good to dictate while he was trying to work. So I would just jot down notes in my notebook as I was listening to my tapes, and later someone would have to dictate it on tape for me; and then eventually I would get around to dictating an answer. But now that Grandpa isn't here and I'm lying here by myself listening to my tapes, there's absolutely no excuse for not picking up my dictaphone and dictating the answer.
       77. So praise the Lord, I have been doing that a lot more, and I'm very happy about it. It's a real accomplishment that the Lord has done. I know it's the Lord and His mercy to help me to get more done and to learn to "do it now," which has always been Grandpa's motto.--Whereas my motto has usually been just the opposite, "Do it later." Really, we were that opposite! He always did it now, and most of the time I did it later. But now, thanks to the Lord--and I'm sure Grandpa is helping me too--I'm starting to face it and do it right now, instead of putting it off until later.
       78. Some things, of course, it is good to let sit a little while and think about and pray about, but so many things you could do right away and just pray as you go. We can't leave everything until later to pray about, because more things keep coming in all the time and it's a constant flow. So you just have to deal with things now or they're not going to get done!
       79. So that's my victory testimony! That's why I'm writing a lot more people personally, because when I hear their letters I just pray, "Okay, Lord, I don't know what to say, but You promised if I open my mouth You'll fill it." So I just open my mouth and something comes out, and I figure, "Well, Lord, even if I can't make it profound or eloquent or say what I really would like to say to these dear people, even if I can't express sufficiently how much I love them and how proud I am of them, at least it's something and it's going to be much in their eyes. It's going to be multiplied many times over and they're going to be very thankful for it."
       80. One thing that's always impressed me about Grandpa is how he never belittled the little things and they were always very important to him and valuable. He knew the value of that little "GBY! ILY!" that he'd write on the letters that people wrote him, which would get passed on to them, and how much that was going to mean to them. Grandpa's "GBY! ILY!" and the heart around their name meant as much to people as getting a big thank-you letter from me, because it's the thought that counts, and the personal care and attention. You don't have to write a big, long letter, but you can just show people that you are reading what they have to say, that they're important to you and that you love them. Grandpa could make lots more of those short little notations than he could have written long, personal letters to people, so it resulted in many more people being blessed and encouraged.
       81. Grandpa really understood the value of those little notes, and he used them. They meant a lot to the people who received them, because anything coming from Grandpa was precious to them! That little "GBY! ILY!" was just as precious as if they'd gotten a whole letter, because that was something personal to them from Grandpa.
       82. Well, I haven't really gotten to the point where I can just put a "GBY! ILY!" and I guess the Lord is leading me differently in this case to do these little letters. Giving more lengthy answers is in some ways teaching people lessons, because I can say certain things to them that I couldn't say in just a little notation.--And by publishing some of them, maybe it's helping the whole Family to see how to comfort people and how to write letters to them. So it's serving its purpose.
       83. My problem in writing people is that I often feel like, "How can I express adequately what I want to say to them, or what the Lord wants to say to them? How can I show enough love and appreciation in a few words for all they've gone through and all the trials that they've overcome and how they've stayed true to the Lord as such good soldiers in such difficult situations?" I'm sure the Lord wants to show them His love in a special way, but I feel so inadequate, like I can't express what I want to say or the wonderful love that the Lord has for them, and the compassion He has on them and how He is so proud of them. So I sort of get frustrated and I feel these few words are not enough to even begin to tell them what I should be telling them, if I could.
       84. But then that's where Dad's little notes are always an encouragement to me, because he just went ahead, and those little words meant so much to people. I think the Lord multiplies it and makes it mean much more than it actually says in words. He helps the recipients to feel that love behind the note or letter in a much greater way than just looking at the words themselves.
       85. So I have to have enough faith to believe that the Lord will help the Family to feel His Spirit behind those words and multiply the love that is so poorly expressed in the words alone, and that they will feel God's love in a very great way through just a few insufficient words.
       86. Look at the Bible writers! I'm sure John, in describing the Holy City, wished he'd had better words to use to describe it in the glorious, stupendous way that it actually is. He must have felt frustrated too! You feel frustrated that you can't sufficiently explain God's love or God's beauty. I always feel that way when I'm trying to write the Family a letter, or tell them something. I just don't have the right words for it. But I just have to do what I can do, and expect that the Lord will give it the spirit that will convey the message much better than just the cold, bare words can do.
       87. We have to do what we are able to do, even though we don't feel it's much. If God gives us a job to do, we've got to do it and realize that He will do the rest. It's our part just to do what we can do, and then He's got to make it multiply or flourish or blossom or grow in someone's heart.
       88. It's like when we witness to people: We feel so inadequate and sometimes we stumble through, but it's God Spirit that has to do the job. He uses us as a tool, but He'll use whatever He has, whatever we have to offer. He'll just use that and multiply it, and the Holy Spirit is the One Who convicts people's hearts.
       89. You could give one person the salvation message and they wouldn't be moved at all and it wouldn't even faze them. But you can give exactly the same message to another person and they'll start weeping and crying and saying, "Oh yes, I really want Jesus, I need Him so much!" Well, it wasn't you. Obviously you did what you could. You did the same thing in both cases, but one case turned out different than the other one. So what's the difference? It's the Holy Spirit that does it, you see? But the Lord has to use a human vehicle and He has to use our human words, because that's what He's bound Himself to do. So we have to say something, and what our poor, simple words can't do, the Lord can do, and will do, by His Spirit, if the Word falls on receptive ground.
       90. So that's what we have to be conscious of and aware of and realize, and not just give up and say, "Oh it doesn't sound good and I can't say it." The Lord will use anything we have or however we can say it, if we'll just be obedient. Then His Holy Spirit will put the "umph" behind it, or the bite behind it, or the Spirit behind it to give it the power or the momentum or the meaning or the emotion that it needs.

       Taking Action to Improve Things!
       91. I needed to make a dental appointment, and it was a miracle to get an appointment so soon. But lo and behold, the day before I had to go to the appointment I had a pretty big case of the sniffles. I was praying desperately that I would get over them, because even at my strongest I'm still pretty weak and susceptible to colds and different things, no matter what clime we are living in or what time of year it is. I thought it really wouldn't be the wisest to go to the dentist with a cold because you can pick up all kinds of germs there and you can get a lot worse. Also, you can spread your cold to others. It would have been difficult to get another appointment, so I was praying, "Lord, help me to get over these sniffles so I can go tomorrow."
       92. But I woke up the next day and I still had the sniffles. And besides that, it had been hard to get to sleep the night before and then I didn't sleep very long. I thought and prayed about it awhile, and I thought that instead of just yielding to this difficult, not-so-good, less-than-ideal situation and resigning myself to go anyway, why don't I see if I can do something about it? My big NWO is that I often slide along just accepting things the way they are, without trying to change them.
       93. See, I had two counts against me, both my sniffles and that I hadn't slept much. So I asked my secretary, Robin, if she thought they'd mind us canceling the appointment. We don't usually like to cancel on such short notice, but maybe they'd had someone else call in who needed an appointment. Or, I said, as an afterthought, "I wonder if anybody here would need to go," and I asked Robin if she needed to go. Robin replied that her tooth had been bothering her, but she had been putting off going to the dentist until later. I told her, "Well, then this is perfect! If your teeth are hurting you, you should take my appointment and not wait!"--And she readily agreed and didn't object too much, although she hadn't been looking forward to going to the dentist.
       94. Then I realized why the Lord had not healed my sniffles--because He wanted to provide that appointment for Robin. I thought it was sweet of the Lord to even let me still have the sniffles so she could go, since she was the one who really needed the appointment, and mine was just for cleaning. So the Lord has a purpose in everything He does, and He also is trying to show us that when there is a less-than-ideal situation, we should try to improve it! There is often something we can do about it.
       95. So Robin went, and because there had been something wrong with what the dentist had done before that was causing the problem, he fixed that and cleaned her teeth and gave her the whole appointment absolutely free!
       96. Grandpa had a wonderful trait of always doing it now, right now!--Like our song goes, "Do it Now!" And coupled with that, whenever he saw something that needed to be fixed or changed, he would try to change it! Not only would he try to change it, but he would try to change it right then. But I have a little bit of a problem with procrastination and just sort of sliding along and not getting too stirred up about some things. It takes a long time for the Lord to get through to me, "Well, do something about it! It can be changed!"
       97. A lot of times it's because you don't want to inconvenience people, you don't want to put them out, you don't want to go back on your promises to them, whatever, and you just sort of assume that, "The situation is too difficult, too sticky, and we just have to leave it." But often when you start thinking and praying about it, the Lord can give you wonderful solutions!
       98. So even if the situation looks very difficult sometimes, the Lord can work it out if we will just pray and concentrate on, "This isn't the right situation and we need to change it, Lord. So even if we don't know what to do about it and maybe can't do much, You can, so You do it for us!" We should do what we can, but if there is a situation where we think we can't do anything, then we need to ask the Lord, and He can often change circumstances and change things around to improve them.
       99. Robin didn't know enough to take care of herself, so the Lord had to step in and do it for her. I just wanted to tell you about this little miracle the Lord did, which was another nudge to me to not just accept things the way they are, but to improve them if they can be. Praise the Lord! Thank the Lord!

       Praying for Dad's Spirit and Strengths!
       100. I really prayed to have Dad's spirit and some of the strengths that he had that I am lacking in, and I can see that the Lord is answering! For example, I'm miraculously overcoming the "let it wait till later" attitude in favor of Dad's "do it now" policy--at least in my dictation and answers--and it's been a real breakthrough.
       101. I used to admire Dad so much for always taking care of things right away, no matter what it was. Well, sometimes it annoyed me, because it was a bit inconvenient to start a handyman project in our bedroom to fix something that wasn't exactly right at just the time we were ready to go to sleep--little things like that. But it was just because he was consistent in this policy and hardly ever wavered, and that's one reason why so much got done. I still can't claim that much success, because I figure that a lot of things concerning my personal surroundings can wait until tomorrow or the next day, but I'm progressing!
       102. The Lord is also helping me to be much more fluent and not so stumbling in my dictation, and this saves everyone, including me, a lot of time. So I'm really thanking the Lord for this gift!
       103. Also, the Lord--and Dad--are working on me to not just accept things the way they are, but if there's something that needs improvement, to work on it to change it. That was another of Dad's cardinal rules, that if there was something that needed to be changed, it must be changed, and it must be changed now!
       104. I told you about my proposed visit to the dentist and feeling that I shouldn't go, but not taking any action to figure out what to do about it and how to get out of it. It's such a tiny thing, but it illustrates my problem with not going on the attack and doing all I can to see if something can be done about the matter--instead of just going along with the situation as is, all the while being dissatisfied with it, and finally realizing that there was a solution. There's almost always a solution, if we will look for one.
       105. Also, I'm really praying that I'll have Dad's spirit of conviction and fight and courage to stick to the revolutionary standard, and that I'll be able to carry through with his vision and his principles and his determination not to give in to the System, nor to water down his convictions in any way for any reason.--Either for preventing persecution, or for gaining monetarily, or for looking better in the eyes of our friends, etc. God help me--and all of us--to stay on the track and not swerve from the path that Dad mapped out for us, as he followed the Lord. We must continue to follow him, as he followed Christ (1Cor.11:1).
       106. No matter how different my presentation may seem sometimes, because I'm a completely different personality, I hope that the principles will remain the same and come through loud and clear, and that through all the changes, the basics will remain stable, our foundation firm, and that we will not vary one iota from the truth of the Word.

Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family