Home » Children of God Publications » The Dangers of Bitterness!

The Family / Children of God

Internal Publications and Secret Directives

DISCLAIMER: The sole purpose of this page is to document the existence of a publication produced by The Family International a.k.a. The Family, Family of Love, Children of God and various pseudonyms (hereon referred to as TFI). It is provided for the record, for educational and research purposes, with the principal aim of promoting accountability by the TFI for its teachings and statements, which have proven detrimental to the lives of many. By replicating this material, exFamily.org neither endorses the views expressed in this publication nor justifies the existence of this publication and its statements. Reader discretion is advised. The material on this page may be unsuitable for minors and may contain disturbing words of racism, hate mongering, directives to unhealthy lifestyles and/or criminal activity, and/or contain plagiarized works.
THIS PUBLICATION MAY HAVE BEEN "SANITIZED." This digital format of this publication was extracted from TFI's HomeARC 99, which was subjected to encryption and editing by TFI, who, in order to hide its controversial writings and thus escape moral and/or legal accountability for past/present core beliefs and directives, sanitized (edited) and purged (deleted, destroyed, burned) its texts—both printed and electronic. Where possible, exFamily.org has compared this digital material with the cult's original paper-printed versions to ensure that this publication accurately reflects the original, uncensored version. Locations where the text has obviously or potentially been sanitized is hilighted with bright-red [DELETED] or [EDITED] markers.

The Dangers of Bitterness!       Maria #420       CM/FM 3167       12/97
By Maria

       1. I love you, my dear friends and co-workers in the Lord. I pray that the Lord's words of comfort, encouragement and counsel that were included in "The Silver Lining" were a blessing and help to you in some way.
       2. As I said, I wish I could take each one of you who are going through trials as a result of your son or daughter leaving the Family into my arms and personally comfort you, cry with you, pray with you, hear from the Lord together for you, and reassure you of His love, care and plan. But I'm comforted by the fact that I know that as you take time with our precious Husband, He can hold you in His arms and give you the comfort and personal encouragement that you need. Please do spend time with Him so He can heal your wounds and pour His soothing balm of love on your heart.
       3. In the many promises the Lord gave in "The Silver Lining," He offers you His comfort and peace to wipe away the hurt and disappointment that you feel when the one you love is rejecting the Lord's will, and as a result, suffering spiritually or physically in some way. But there's one other important factor that I wanted to touch on. That is, in order to be able to receive the comfort and peace that He so much wants to give you, you first have to forsake any bitterness or resentment about the situation and the way things turned out.
       4. Any resentment or bitterness keeps the door of your heart closed and prevents you from flinging it open so that you can be washed and refreshed by His wonderful elixir. It's there at the door, waiting to come and fill every corner of your heart, but bitterness keeps you from letting it in.
       5. There are a number of reasons why you might be tempted to feel bitter. You might be somewhat angry at the young person who left for willfully disobeying and repeatedly making the wrong choices, even when you feel you bent over backwards to try to help him or her.
       6. Or perhaps you're resentful toward other Family members who you feel weren't the sample that they should have been, and whose unloving attitudes or lack of upholding the standard caused your child to stumble, and contributed to their decision to leave the Father's house and try out the world.
       7. Or maybe you're even angry at yourself for your own mistakes and failings, feeling that there was more you could have done, that you could have somehow salvaged the situation if you had only done such and such, or not done such and such.
       8. Or maybe you're bitter against the Family or the Letters for certain policies or conditions that you feel resulted in your child feeling that it was just too tough to keep serving the Lord in the Family, and that the standard was too high.
       9. Or perhaps you're even a bit bitter against God for allowing it to happen and for not giving your son or daughter the victories that he or she needed, or for not pulling him or her through the battles that he or she was going through, or for not delivering your child from his or her rebelliousness and independence.
       10. So there are a number of reasons why you might feel resentment or bitterness in your heart over what has happened. Maybe it's not a big grudge or bout of bitterness, but just a little bad feeling inside toward certain people or the situation in general. As you dwell on it, you open yourself up more to the Enemy's doubts and lies and exaggerations and condemnation. And he's very eager to water that little seed of bitterness and help it to grow into a great big weed that will begin to choke out your usefulness to the Lord.
       11. It's only human to want to place the blame on people for something happening, but the Lord doesn't work quite that way. As humans, we like everything to be very black and white, like, "So-and-so has 20% of the blame for my child leaving the Family because of what they did, and this other person has 10% of the blame because of what they did, and I have 40% of the blame because of what I did, and my kid has 30% of the blame because of what he did," or whatever. But the Lord works differently.
       12. He holds each one responsible for what they personally did, and rewards and punishes them accordingly. He doesn't say, "Okay, we figured out that you were 20% to blame for such and such happening, so you get 20% of the total punishment," or something like that. No, He says, "You did such and such, and as a result you'll get such and such a reward or punishment for that deed." Sometimes the punishment is in the form of withholding some of His blessings; sometimes it's in the form of spiritual or physical hardships; and sometimes it's in ways that we won't know about until we get to Heaven and see how we missed out on some of the rewards that we could otherwise have had.
       13. The Lord doesn't treat things in a black-and-white manner. He deals with each person as an individual, and each situation is different. That's why it's even difficult to talk about this subject, because people want to put it into a box and say, "This is the way it is for everyone who does this, and this is the way it is for everyone who does that." But you can't do that, because each individual situation is different; each person is different and they've had different experiences in their lives. So the Lord looks at their individual situation differently and handles them differently, with varying degrees of responsibility, reward or punishment.
       14. So, you wonder, how can you know exactly how to apply everything or what you should think and how you should judge each situation? The best way is just to trust the Lord and leave it in His hands to work out. If your child has left the Family and you don't understand why, or know exactly who is responsible for what, or who is to blame, or whatever, leave it in the Lord's hands, because He knows and He'll work everything out in the end. The Enemy tries to get you riled up and discontent and bitter because He knows that'll hinder you from trusting the Lord. But believe me, trusting the Lord and committing your life and your children's lives to Him is the best thing you can do.
       15. It's very important that you recognize and make a deliberate decision to stop blaming either yourself or others or the Letters or God, and to refuse to let bitterness take root in your life. Only then will you be able to receive the comfort and peace that the Lord is eager to fill your heart with. He longs to help and reassure you, but only you can open the door; He won't break it down or force His way through.
       16. Following are a couple of messages from Jesus and Dad on this subject, given for two mothers who were struggling with many battles as a result of their daughters having backslidden and adopted sad and dangerous lifestyles.

       17. {\b \i (Jesus speaking:) }I am able to kiss away all the hurt, all the pain. Fear not, for I am able to take all the broken pieces of your heart and put it back together again. Once you've learned to trust Me, as you get a little stronger, will you also trust Me with your heart? I know it's in a very delicate condition, but how I long to hold it, to nurture it, to caress it. I know your heart well. Oh, I know it so well!
       18. Won't you let Me care for you? How I've longed to care for you for such a long time, but My hands have been tied. Often I simply could not interfere in the choices that have been made--sometimes your own choices, sometimes the choices of your children, and sometimes the choices of others.
       19. My precious daughter, you must choose. You must choose to cast your care upon Me, to trust Me with all your heart. You must choose to shed the weights of bitterness and despair. You must choose to let your heartaches and pain make you better, and they will. If you choose to trust Me with your heart, I will make you better, not bitter.
       20. I know it's difficult. I know it seems hard. But if you will only make the choice that you want to be better, then I promise that My loving arms will uphold you and complete the process. I am able to turn things around and use all these experiences--no matter how dark they seem--to make you better and help others in the process.
       21. You are learning and growing, and the Family is learning and growing. Through mistakes and shortcomings everyone is learning and growing, and with the same comfort that I comfort you, you may comfort others. Your experiences don't have to be in vain, but they can be used to help others. Like the bird whose pinion was once broken, you will fly even higher than before!
       22. Please, won't you come? Please sign up for My healing program! Won't you sign up? Look not back in bitterness and despair, but look up! I know it's a big decision. I know it's a big step. I know and understand that your way has been dark and dank and dreary. I know that there are many hurts and many things you don't understand, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
       23. I can promise you, if you will take even the tiniest step, as you make the effort to turn toward My light, as you sign up at My healing spa, I won't fail you! As you reach out and simply begin to turn toward Me, toward My light, I'll be right there beside you. I'll take you, and hold your hand, and lead you along step by step. I'll clear your vision and help you to see. It's a process, but soon you'll be feeling much better and getting stronger by the day.
       24. I know there are many things you cannot see now, things you don't understand, but I will show you one step at a time. If you'll look to Me, out of what seems like ashes will spring beautiful white lilies again. I will heal you and your children.
       25. My precious one, look not at what others do or have done; for I have each one in My hand, and I deal with each one accordingly. There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed. Hold tight and keep your eyes on Me. Sign up today at My health spa, right now, and we can begin. (End of message from Jesus.)

       26. {\b \i (Dad speaking:)} Life sure has many twists and turns, and often we don't understand why things have to happen the way they do, or what their purpose is, or what good could come from it.
       27. But no matter what the suffering or what degree the pain, the Lord sees, He knows, and He cares. Just think, those sufferings are going to be rewarded, because you're suffering because you love Jesus and you gave your life to Him! Even though sometimes it seems long--months or years of enduring trials or ongoing battles--it's really not that long. It's just a fraction, a tiny little speck compared to your life in Heaven and in the Millennium, where you'll have eternal happiness and love and laughter forever after! And you will be united again with your precious daughter.
       28. Bitterness is a horrible thing. It's like a cancer that eats away slowly but surely. So please forsake that bitterness and forgive. Just forgive. Take it by faith that somehow it had a purpose.
       29. God has a greater plan than we can ever understand. Sometimes He shows us His purposes, sometimes He doesn't, and we have to take it by faith. But if you just give your all to Jesus, He'll right every wrong and bless you with love and happiness and joy. He'll also help your precious daughter.
       30. She too has her lessons to learn. Everyone has a choice. No matter how hard things get, we all still have a choice. We have the option of giving up or keeping on! So this is also a time of learning for her. But in time she will come forth as gold--tested and tried and purified gold--for she is still a child of God. God still has His hand on her life.
       31. So please be encouraged, because I love you and I want you to be happy. Rest assured that I will try everything within my power to see that your girl is rescued from her life of vice, and from her unhappy state. I love you, and I pray for you! It won't be long now! Once you get to see this side of things, you forget all your suffering and all your pain and all your tests and trials. It's even better than you imagined--in every way! (End of message from Dad.)

       32. I love each of you dearly. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
       Love, Mama

Copyright (c) 1998 by The Family