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In Reply to: Einstein an athiest posted by Porceleindoll on February 28, 2002 at 22:03:38:
When I left the F. I grappled for many years with the fear and punishment guilt trip. Everything that happened I judged as a punishment or "lesson" from God, that I was unspiritual, I was doing something wrong, God was trying to show me something. I spent half my time in tears over all my failures and God's unhappiness with me. Finally, I read "When Bad things Happen to Good People" by Harold Kushner. He's a rabbii and had to deal with tragedy not only in the lives of his flock, but his own personal life in that of his child. He says some pretty amazing things in there that just set me free from all that guilt. I really believe that in the F. and even in the Christian fundamentalist world, there is an underlying theme to keep people in church and in the F. case, in the COG and having God as this all-knowing, all-seeing patriarchal father spanking us when we're naughty is supposed to keep people following their shepherds. But that messed me up pretty bad. That's why I posted that thing about Andrea Yates (see other board), I think it messed her up too, except that she already had a severe mental illness (I did not). I no longer view God that way. I am like you, I believe that God wants us to do things simply because we want to, because it's right, because it's our duty and for all the reasons you mentioned. Not because we won't get a mansion in heaven, or what we want to get in heaven, or we'll get chastised here on earth, those are all the wrong reasons. Changing my view of God really liberated me from some major oppression left by the F. teachings.
