In Reply to: Re: a question and more posted by marina on June 18, 2002 at 20:33:01:
To answer your question, I was always a little afraid of my father. I hated being disciplined and figured out at an early age that the best way to avoid it (being disciplined) was to appease my dad and keep him as happy as possible or at least not angry, as he had a very short fuse. This obviously wasn't very healthy for my childhood development, as I didn't view him as someone I could run to when I was sad, afraid, or hurt. I didn't have a mother, so I just retreated inside my head....again not so good for my childhood developement. Many years later I did tell him what happened, but of course there was nothing he could do at that point. Currently, it's difficult for me to have a relationship with him, because although he has left the cult, the cult and the belief system have not really left him. So once again, he is not a source of comfort or someone I seek out to talk with about my past. I am however very honest with my fiance and a couple other friends I have. They know my past and I spare very little when talking about what happened to me. It's mostly narrative now-a-days and not too emotional, although I must admit that finding these ex-fam websites has caused me to have to deal with some burried hurt and anger. It's all good though.