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In Reply to: Re: A horrific Bible story! Where is our sense of outrage? posted by One of the FAR too many on July 16, 2002 at 12:11:52:
As an FGA, I joined when I had barely turned 18. I came from a home where there was violence and abuse and I was molested as a child. When I met the family on the streets in L.A., it did not present as the cult that it was or later became. So I can honestly say that I did not choose to join a group that would become what it did. I already wrote about why it is so hard to get out when someone is in. I left in beginning of 83 shortly after the letter came out on Marry Time, and about the schools. Everything fell in place for me to leave. Certainly there were many things that keep a person in, similar to battered-wife syndrome. So from an FGA perspective, I believe the hurt suffered by many was very tragic that were FGA. As far as SG's go. I was there when sex was beginning to filter down to including kids in on the scene. Because of having been sexually abused as a child, I was being dealt with for resistance. When a Come-Union was held in Switzerland one night, leadership had gotten together (the shepherds were two women and they were horrific) and I and my children and another girl (German- with one child) were the only ones that did not know what was going to happen. When the leaders came out of the bathroom and began to strip, and all the members followed suit and began to have sex, I went to the bedroom with my 3 boys. The German girl went back to a nearby apt. where she was staying. I am grateful that my kids fell asleep quickly. I pretended to be and had naked guys coming in trying to get me to "get the victory". I didn't. That was when I started having major full-blown panic attacks. The next day, for the "Devotions" "The Girl Who Wouldn't" was read to me. Everyone in the home knew about it but me. It was directed to me. People prayed in tongues and prophecied. There was a prophecy that connected my refusal of brethern as offending the sheep, and deserving a millstone be hung around my neck until drowned in the bottom of the sea, or whatever the hell that verse is. I was a foreigner, in a foreign land with no money in my pockets, no connections with the country I had originally come from which was far away. Where could I go? Then there were the fear messages about what would happen if you left the family. Generally involving tragic death of some kind. When things came together, and I had to have funds to go to India in my name, I took the kids and ran, on impulse. I felt like I would go insane. I had seen some things happen before the auntie stuff, and I would get angry in my immediate mobile family and yell and stop it. I was dealt with for that. I had panic attacks daily and was ditched with 3 kids and a German guy I travelled with. I had panic attacks real bad all throughout the day. I even would do things to try to overcome them like count, write down numbers or letters of the alphabet backwards and forwards to try and neutralize my mind. I could go on and on. This is by no means to discount your story!! Or that of any other SG's. I guess I can imagine some of the horror, having grown up as I did. What the f. did and is doing, is a story that needs to be told and needs to be exposed. I would like to see the family tree fall! Critical thinking was something we did not have. It was not allowed. As teens and preteens, kids in the family, as in any place begin to look at things from an independent perspective. In the family attempts were made to annihilate that. I am glad that you are out, I did not experience being an SG, but I do VERY MUCH HATE what little I know about what happened to you, and any other SG's. It is huge injustice and abuses galore. And that, of the very worst kind. I hope that you are finding some healing, including whatever you need to do to let the anger out towards the Family.
