missed a lot....

I really don't want to look up archives, because there is so much to deal with in the present, but I have only recently ( in the past few months)come to an understanding of the distinctions and definitions of SG's, SGA's and FGA's. My kids never had to go through the uncle and auntie thing, but I was around at the time when Visiting Servants were in control and modeling adult behavior for kids, in the form of treating them like little adults, and sexual exploration was encouraged between kids. There were also letters that had been out like the S.D. letters and book, and other things occurred that were abusive enough. I guess I am glad that I was never in a home where any adult molested my kids (perhaps in part because they were boys, and it was less common to find someone willing to be an S.D. without that type of leadership hovering over)but separations from them did take their toll. The outcome of going against the separation was losing them altogether. That's not a very good choice... I am glad that all things came together; finances, burn-out, and me and all 3 of my kids together in one place. Boy were we ever unprepared to come back to America without references, resume, support, relatives. It was very hard. I would never presume to take anyone's anger away, as I have enough of my own, but when I read about the line between SGs/SGA's and FGA's, I wonder what can repair that? It makes me very sad. I am glad that the SGs/SGAs are coming together to help themselves, but I wonder if there are some working with FGA's? Since this is an exFamily board, then it makes sense that FGA's would post here and need support to go through their anger and grief, too. And I also understand that SG's/SGA's have a board where they can post and FGA's don't. (if FGA's respect their space, which I do.) Is there a separation between the SG's and SGA's, too? Would you be an SGA if you joined the family when you were 16, as say, an alternative to abandonment or jail? I don't believe anyone joins a cult without some extensive background in pain. I also don't believe FGA's joined realizing what the outcome would be. It is the same principle as someone choosing to join a gang to feel a sense of belonging and power, except with the family it was supposed to be with the ultimate good cause. I think it is of merit to also look at what can be done positively? Taking responsibility for everything does no one any favors. It dilutes what one is actually responsible for, IMO. I felt so guilty for any negative consequence that my kids experienced after leaving the family that I sheltered them from any self-responsibility( and by this, I mean STRICTLY after leaving the family, not while in.)
So, honestly when someone on this board fumes about FGA's in general,as a whole, and says that we chose to join, that makes as much sense to me as saying why didn't you (as an SG/A) just run away, go to a police station or something. When you are locked up in a room or tied to a bed, of course you can't run, but NOBODY was bound 24 hrs 7 days a week or for the entire length of their childhood. So why didn't you just choose to make a break when you could? I think the answer to that is, I believe, that we were ALL bound with fear. And we all have varying degrees of harshness that we suffered under/from. And I believe we ALL deserve healing and love.