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In Reply to: Re: LOL posted by goth on October 10, 2002 at 21:21:36:
I sure hope it's the right place. I don't know if I told you, but when I first dumped Berg and realized how much of everything I had believed in was a lie, I dumped it all, everything. I got rid anything that reminded me of the COG. I think that's normal procedure for a lot of exmembers. But after about 5 years of creating a new life and trying to make some sense of my past and what I had done, I realized I could not get over it that way, I had to deal with it. I was in an awful lot of confusion, pain and depression. Some therapist on Ophra Winfry was talking to a group of women who had experienced some trauma in their lives. She made a statement that stuck with me - "If you don't deal with your pain, it will meet you." So I guess that's what happened to me, it met me and I was overwhelmed all over again. Holocaust survivors did the same thing, but it took them about 20 years. I did have some initial contact with No Longer Children which was great until they disappeared and I was saddened by that just as you were.
Anyway, since I was nowhere near exmembers (sometimes that's a good thing), I decided to go on line and find some people I could talk to. I started by going to CAN and then FOCUS and found a section on the COG at those places. One place had a story being written by an exmember with new installments being written a little at a time. With every chapter I was enthralled, then she quit all of a sudden. Boo-hoo. It was about then I found Miriam's board - now I can't even remember what it was called. It was great, there were people there like me I could talk to. The bad thing was there were supposed F. members also who tried to come in and do damage control, that was awful. I didn't like that part. It made me very angry and it showed. Then of course, there were the usual BB junkies that really have no life and just wanted to play with people's minds. They should have been banned. So, although it was a great release for me and great therapy, there were drawbacks from being in cyber space where the rules were new and undefined.
Nevertheless, I think I've come a long way and have benefitted immensely from this on-line community. I have much better focus and a lot more confidence. That ugly extra baggage still crops up of course and I've come to realize some things will be permanent scars, but I can deal with them now. Anyway, I worked on this place because I wanted to return the favor of what was done for me. So, I hope it is true, there will be healing and restoration found here.
