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exFamily.org > chatboards > genX > archives > post #5636

Re: Jules post

Posted by goth88 on November 23, 2002 at 13:20:13

In Reply to: Re: 2nd part of psychologist's email as posted by Goth posted by Jules on November 23, 2002 at 11:46:46:

I never intended to invalidate your position or to say there were not differences. In fact in one of my most recent posts, and in reference to the first part of a personal e-mail to me, it does address that at some point the individual needs to look at behaviours or things they did and see what they were responsible for. My whole point of posting what I do on a board which is for exers, not specific to SGs or SGAs like Moving On is, is to deal with things that are fall out from the Family for me. Yes there are differences between being born into the family and joining the family. First of all, us FGAs had mostly peers our own age, young adults to relate to and most children that were around were babies and not very many. So the abuses changed with time, and for people born into the family, well that is what you grew up with. One thing about adolescence is that it is an age to question to rebel and to separate from the adults in your life. For SGAs, I would imagine, as you described that gave way to more of an ability to rebel. FGAs were rebelling against the "system" in the sense of the war in VietNam and the generation gap. Berg used this gap and laid a trap of attraction with his words and teachings and the sense of being part of something that was supposed to be the last generation and the best possible cause. SGAs it seems rebelled against the system of Victor Camps, etc. with horrific fallout. We FGAs were hearing things similar to what SGAs heard about the endtime. We were supposed to be the last generation. Jesus was supposed to come back in about '93, which would have meant the last 7 yrs should have started in 86. Getting out was a progression, too.
I once posted why didn't someone run away? The question was not to accuse, but to try and understand each other. We didn't leave for many reasons. It wasn't because we loved what it became. I wouldn't expect a 14 yr old to run away. Many FGAs did not leave because of multiple factors, especially for women with children. Beneath all that was a sense of doing wrong and being bad to think about it even.
I also got dealt with as a young adult and was given childcare duties and punishments galore, some very horrific ones. I did not grow up in the household of June and Ward Cleaver, and I am certain that the vast majority of people that were attracted to cults did not. My parents had respectable jobs in good law enforcement related areas. For some reason I was the "scapegoat" in the family as I got the worst of the crap. Lots of serious abuse. I left on my 18th birthday. Why not sooner? Because my father threatened to have me locked up until I was 21 if I left prior to legal age. He was terminally ill with Cancer and sewed back up after hrs of surgery when I was 17. My parents were already 40 (my mother) and 36 (my father) when I was born. I felt nothing when I heard he was terminal, except maybe some relief and also some guilt for not feeling sorry. I remember his funeral, I was escorted to it by a family(cult) member who thought money might be garnished from a will. I was severely abused by every member of my family, and then out on the streets of New Orleans and L.A. for about a month and a half before meeting the family. I had many near death experiences during that interim as well. So, I do NOT diminish the anger you have or explain it away, and I DO believe the ball is in the victims court when it comes to perpetrators to do whatever they choose to. At the same time, I don't like the generalized guilt that many FGAs cow-tow to in feeling penitent towards SGAs in general. I think there is much pain in all of our lives as exers. So while I feel supportive of SGAs doing what they choose to with their specific perpetrators, I hate the generalized division and wish there was more dialogue between generations as far as exers go. I was out of the f. for a long time before I came to these boards. So, the dynamics that continued, many were unrealized by me as far as generalizations go.
The written word just does not always translate purpose (for saying something for example) or can be interpreted in many ways. Dialogue and questioning is a good way to work that out, I think. For any that want to.
I just won't take a subservient seat in the process. I won't enter the conversation as a part of the pervert set or whatever because I had enough damage done to me, as have many, to react towards SGAs as if I have personally been a perpetrator. And sex and physical violence and aggression were not the only tactics the family used. For healing, for my healing, I need to look at all the areas.
So I will say here, again, that I am glad you have your protected space to talk, and I think this is good. I think it would be nice, somewhere, to have some dialogue between generations too.