Thank you Jules for making the SG cosmos so clear. I’ve read many of your posts & posts by other SGs on MovingOn, I needed to because I have had so much to do to begin to rebuild communication with my children. One of them, my second daughter, someone I’m very proud of because she is soon going to go into graduate school, she posts on MovingOn. And, thanks to your site, my youngest son had a place to go to live and to work in the States last summer right when he needed it the most. (the “How Can We Help” articles in the Getting Out sector)
So I read, listen, and hear; because it helps me to accept responsibilty for any/all harm that I am responsible for due to my remaining a member of TF until I left, only 2 yrs ago. The instructive input on MovingOn has been a massive source of assistance in enabling me to make an honest & therapeutic inventory on where I went wrong and what that did to my children.
You said: “I think that people need to first and foremost take care of themselves.” For me one of the starting points in taking care of myself has been to accept my past, the major part of which was dysfunctional Family membership, and the suffering my children subsequently have been through and still go through. Next acceptance: what’s past cannot be changed. I forgive myself for it, but to really do that, I can’t start trying to excuse it. You're right... we spend too much time trying to explain it.