In Reply to: Yes, the F. robbed us of meaningful relationships too posted by Single on February 26, 2003 at 16:48:13:
well, it looks like we could open our own thread as I have a LOT to say on this topic.
You are totally right about what you say...usually I feel more positive about the possibility of connecting. As difficult as it is, since intimacy seems to require disclosure (and your dilemma is right on, WHAT do we disclose?) I still have the hope, or you may call it faith to find some or a few special people who can somewhat tune in, and be able to get close to people like us. The task will never be easy. If to know and be known are integral parts of intimacy and connection, who can really KNOW us out there, when there is so much that defies explanation in our past?
The good news I have for you is that there are some people in some fields who have a better chance than others: social work, law, academia, even some people in the field of medicine...etc. Many others, well...I wouldn't even try.
How do I explain the sum total of who we are?
I don't think it can be explained. I think it can only be lived. That is why we need art in our life. Linear systems and rational explanations will never cut it...but many forms of artistic expressions will. Let me tell you, some of us are incredibly beautiful people. The extraordinary life we lived and the extensive amount of suffering put us through a few different paradigms and we have developed a lot of depth.
I don't know at what point in a R you disclose...I have tried various ways...still don't know what is best. Trust your gut feeling when you can, and remember, after all, if you are NOT comfortable, you don't have to disclose. It is your life.