In Reply to: May I Interject? posted by Acheick (reposted) on March 04, 2003 at 08:11:06:
While I agree with what you are wrote in general terms and understand that you spoke clearly from your own perspective, I also wanted to interject, and add some things that should have been said a long time ago. There are some things you stated that are somewhat too sweeping and I don't feel comfortable not speaking up, as a former husband of an FFer, father, and childcare worker. I wish not to fight but only to set the record straight and state it wasn't quite the way you put it. My experience is different from yours, and I believe I could help shed some light on the what it was like to be a male victim of the group. I have always been reluctant to speak about any of this, because it is such a big and painful subject, and I've always wondered why no other males have even touched on some of these subject, for all the years I've been reading these boards. It can't possible be that they don't see what I see can it, that we were victimized to and not just enjoying the benefits of a closed patriarchal society, can it? Are they not hurting from having been a husband whose wife went out giving strangers blow jobs????? Maybe I'm one of the few sensitive males, I don't know. Maybe this is a male thing not to speak up about feelings, but in that case I'm going to break rank.
Well, I don't think I am organized enough in my thoughts to write about everything all in one gigantic post, but if this discussion continues, I'd be happy for you to draw me out and speak more about my male perspective, a bit at a time.
For now just a quick gist:
Not being able to use birth control affected us males very badly too. Some males take on a lot of responsibilities and take the idea of caring for their offspring very seriously. I was a single father of very young children, 1 still in diapers, for years while my ex dumped the kids on me.
I don't buy this stuff about the Family being a patriarchal society to the point where males were not victims whatsoever or the consequences for males were minimal. I'm paying for the few ácts of free sex I committed more than 2 decades ago, and the results follow me around to this day.
FFing came as a surprise for me. I was ready to leave the group when my wife started it and got carried away. I didn't want to leave without her.
FFing victimized us males very badly. The consequences you mentioned depend on the type of male. I was hurt and brutalized by my wife being out there sucking off total strangers.
I did not enjoy sharing my wife. The few times I tried to "share" with someone else's I learned how bad it was for them and never did it again.
I tried hard to bring in funds through litnessing so my wife wouldn't need to go ESing.
When I got brainwashed enough to give in to her FFing and FFing in general, I willingly did what I could to care for the children and do the housework. I saw many examples of "Mr. Mom" males like myself, who were hard working and did house work and took care of children.
Men want to loved and respected too. No self-respecting male would prostitute his wife. When we got brainwashed into FFing, men lost their self worth too.
Many men care where they ejaculate, and think of romance and love and a life partner. They care about being one with one special person. They fall in love. I'm one of them. I fell in love in the Family but was separated.
We do see examples of male prostitutes. I was one for a short while (for women only) and you'd be surprised what women with money will demand from a man.
I care about sexual encounters being meaningful.
Males in the Family were taught to be subservient too. Men may talk about it less, but the cultic experience is very damaging to a male's self worth, trust me!