In Reply to: Re: I thot I'd answered that one posted by Singleton on March 13, 2003 at 23:52:24:
I am finding out that relationships are something that take a lot of work on both sides. What I had known all my life from childhood thru the family was not about intimacy or love. It was about control and too much responsibility (for single parents) or too little from others. All of us were under the influence. I am in a relationship with someone who had never been in the family, but she had been thru a lot of abuse in her past. We have helped each other much, and can be toxic at times too. Both of us experienced plenty of abuse.
I think a relationship, for me anyway, is about investment and building. What investments did we really have in the family other than to carry out the will of the leader?
Often many were removed from direct care of their children, or alternately dumped with them all to fend for themselves within the "family" frame. As well as so many other situations. We learned nothing about true love or loyalty imo. So yes, it is hard building that now, but also imo, worth the investment!
It took me years to be able to have a relationship. Neither of us found a perfect person. :) But I am glad I didn't give up.
I never thought I would be capable of being in a relationship, for years.