NEW MEDS FOR WOMEN

NEW MEDS FOR WOMEN:

Damitol:
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell
for up to 8 hours.

St. Mom's Wort:
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six
hours.

Empty Nestrogen:
Highly effective suppository that eliminates
melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful
they were as teenagers, and how you couldn't
wait 'til they moved out.

Peptobimbo:
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast
size, decrease intelligences, and enhances
flirting skills.

Dumerol:
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause
dangerously low I.Q. and enjoyment of country
western music.

Flipitor:
Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off
other drivers.

Antiboyotics:
When administered to teenage girls, is highly
effective in improving grades, freeing up phone
lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin:
Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lines as, "You make me want
to be a better person...can we get naked now?"

Buyagra:
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending
spree.

Extra Strength Buy-One-all:
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an
indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the
victim may even come home with a Donny Osmond CD
or a book by Dr. Phil.

JackAsspirin:
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't
remember your name.