To Sam

Sam,

Why are you taking this all so personally? I still don’t understand where your hostility is coming from. You are accusing former members of covering for the Family, and from your “attitude” towards me, I can only assume you are referring to me as one of these people. While it’s no secret that I don’t agree with you on many things, I don’t recall ever stating this publicly before. If you have something that you want to discuss I would be happy to talk it over, but would rather do it publicly since you do not believe in confidentiality of private correspondence anyway. Free speech means that we have the right to think critically about not just the Family but everything else as well. People often disagree with me on different issues, and you certainly have the right to do so as well. However, since you refuse to respond to my questions, I’m just going to write what I think.

If you are going to take it upon yourself to expose the Family, go after people who are members of the Family and speak on behalf of former members then I think you need to be held accountable for your actions and answer questions from the people that you claim to represent. You sound like Barney in your refusal to clarify your position, and that smacks of either not knowing where you stand yourself, believing that you are a law unto yourself and therefore not responsible to anyone, or having something to hide.

I am tired of seeing SG youth exploited for a cause. Anovagrrl said: “The victim has to have control over his or her definition and appraisal of what happened.” This is something I believe is absolutely necessary. What happened to the young people who testified about abuse in the Family in the court cases, most of whom had just left the Family? Were they treated with dignity and respect and given support or were they pushed into talking about their trauma in a way that revictimized them? How did they hold up following these events?

My brothers and sisters were not sexually abused by adults and were severely traumatised by raids in Leon, France that from what I understand were in part incited by you. They have all told me the same thing, which is that if an investigation had been handled correctly, there was much that was wrong in their home that would have been discovered. The police were given false and exaggerated information, and stormed in full combat gear expecting to find a child brothel. My mother became a poster child for the Family when her baby was ripped from her arms. I was a “leadership” home in Family at the time and the Family leaders, honestly, could not have been happier with the raid. We were specifically told that it would completely work to the Family’s advantage, since the focus would be on the manner of the raid and due to this, no one would really investigate too much. The reason the case in the UK actually brought about legitimate change was because it was handled correctly. People’s rights were not violated and as a result the judge took the time to sort out the facts from the hysteria.

Repeating rumours, “heard of’s” and third hand accounts has about as much credibility as a tabloid. It discredits all exmembers speaking out when things that are not verified and not first hand are repeated, and gives people currently in the Family an excuse to dismiss all criticisms as “our enemy’s lies”.

One of the rights that children have is to live free of discrimination. Lurid and sensationalized media coverage only further stigmatizes and isolates young people who have suffered enough already, through NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN. We don’t need to be shamed for what we have been through, and our lives are not lurid entertainment, which is what tabloid and talk show coverage reduces them to. I did participate in a talk show with you, before I realised what this was doing to public perception of people like me, and as I result I will not participate in that sort of thing again.

And back to us owning our own stories, no one has the right to tell us how to react to our own experiences. We do not owe anyone but ourselves anything at all. Some people heal by speaking out, others by seeking justice on the perpetrators, some want to provide support for others, and for some the best revenge is living well. The choice must be up to us. While personally I support whatever my peers hurt by the Family wish to do to heal, we are not obligated to do anything at all, and the responsibility for criminal acts falls on the criminal, not the victim. Your demand that we take action is as inappropriate in my opinion, as the Family’s demand that we forgive.

Finally, I strongly object to the notion of fighting individuals, an organization or anything else based on their religious beliefs. That is religious persecution. No ethical government or authoritative body would or should investigate a group because they have eccentric beliefs. It makes it harder for those people seeking justice for actual CRIMES that were committed when religious bias is thrown into the mix and as we know, unethical groups have successfully used this smokescreen to avoid accountability for their actions.

Sam, though you might be offended by my comments, you have used some pretty strong language in stating your criticisms of other former members yourself. I welcome your criticisms of my opinions, and if any of my assumptions are inaccurate, please feel free to clarify.