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In Reply to: not seeing abuse posted by porceleindoll on December 11, 2003 at 21:36:57:
PD, I remember you from Skillingsfors. You were just a young child, just starting to read. I even worked with you some, not that you would remember, but it was with sand-paper letters, etc. And Montessori equiptment, (all healthy stuff). I did not work with you much, but you impressed me as a bright child, and this was in a time prior to any child sexual stuff. What I find interesting is that you are questioning yourself as to why you didn't say or do something. Within that system, how could you have? Also I find that you are as bonafide an "SG" (in terms of what you grew up learning) as anyone who was born into the family, because much of the horror did not start until the first babies were children (not infants).
I would have to say for the majority of FGs, the "reason" they did not report something was that 'fear-based indoctrination'. Not to mention that there was so much 'outside' info from the perspective of Berg introduced. Like psychiatric personnel who were pedophiles and spoke, and continue to speak to try and "normalize" where the family was is, be it sexualization of children or the "bridal doctrine" (iow, the sick disgusting LJR). Also there are countries that have child brides, etc. All this was used to attempt to normalize what cannot be normalized except in a sick society or group. Like NAMBLA for instance..
Most FGs have stated that they felt spiritually weak to have doubts or to question abuses, even within themselves. FGs were taught to tell on themselves and to view their own exploitation and bad feelings they had about that as their own weakness or lack of love for God, etc. Also for FGs, this indoctrination was introduced slowly and methodically, though not recognized as such while in the family.
Coming to terms with the past does not make those once in the family monsters. Or those currently in who might consider getting out, monsters either.
Who could think rationally within an irrational system so controlled?
At the same time it is healthy for those getting out to say they regret, are sorry, and make any amends possible for behaviors that in hindsight they now know were wrong.
Someone in another post mentioned a "moral compass". I believe we (with a conscience= most family members while in and before out)had a conscience of our own that registered that deeds were wrong, but we were very well programmed to see our conscience as being the "devil" or the "enemy". When in a less controlled environment, these same FGs did not act upon the sex doctrines regarding children. Also some did not FF if there was an alternative source of income and no "shepherds" to put the screws on to enforce it. (Not all shepherds or leaders did this.)
I also believe that most who actually sexually abused children, especially as serial abusers even within the family context were likely pedophiles by nature and hope they are prosecuted. (Because pedophiles by nature do not feel guilty for what they have done and only regret when they get caught.)
Only after getting out and re-evaluating can people come to terms with the truth of the matter. And that was that severe abuses occurred in the family. And many FGs, some Gs have taken part. This "conscience" and what was learned in the family first have to be recognized for what and why it was. Then healing can take place, which would include for some, direct amends to any they hurt while in. And expression of regret from all who were in and realize now why they did not "speak up". I hope for the healing of all, and I do understand why some would want to prosecute, and that is certainly part of their healing.
For children who were older than other children that either saw or blocked out seeing a sibling who was abused when they were not, or who minimize their own abuse because it was not seen by themselves "as great" as that of others, there is "survivors guilt". This is a guilt a person feels (kinda like the "why did I just stand by in silence when something was happening?), except that especially with children this guilt is not realistic. I don't think you would expect a child in your position to recognize it as child abuse or have the strength to report it considering the indoctrination.
And I understand why FGs did not during the time they were in.
