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In Reply to: Re: Does anyone know this guy - urgent posted by Jesse H on December 18, 2003 at 14:03:03:
I remember seeing, on two different occasions and about 1971, where two different women had been beaten by their husbands. It was something everyone knew better than to talk about. I am glad you are talking about this Jesse H. And I hope you talk about more. Someone posted recently that usually before heavier abuse or abusive doctrines are introduced, usually tons of other smaller abuses are experienced. That is the only way that it makes sense to me that we did not leave sooner. Everybody has a measure of what they can take before experiencing a break down. I had heard of a number of people that did within the family, and I saw a few who did. I think what helped me to get out was to a large degree, circumstance. My kids, funds, and a less controlled environment all came into play at the same time. And I jumped out by impulse. I even told myself that I would return after I "got away for awhile". Unlike you, I felt I was wrong and experienced a strong bout of the family's magical thinking. For instance, within months of my leaving, a major hurricane hit. I was sure God was going to kill us all and it would be because I left the family. I felt guilty for a f'ing hurricane! On another occasion, someone i stayed with briefly had a minor car wreck at the time. I was not even with her when it occurred but I felt responsible for that.
I think it is a good topic of discussion: Why didn't we say something and just leave on innumerable occasions which were unpleasant at best?
Some things I have identified for myself:
I felt wrong. I believed I was weak for thinking like that.
I felt God would throw me away or hurt me or ones I loved as punishment for questioning or leaving.
On one occasion, after resisting something I despised doing, I asked for it. This provided some relief because the pressure around the resistance caused so much major panic problems that doing something abhorrant that hurt myself seemed a relief by comparison.
The family approved of Alcohol, and alcohol deadens resistance. And I drank. Alot.
There may have been rules about alcohol limits, but in spite of that, I never met anyone that kept them! And never saw any punishment for anyone that drank more.
I knew I could lose my kids. What you described about being dealt with in a purging session with a "sentence" to follow was SO common place.
A good movie to watch about the tactics used is "Madame Butterfly". Berg did like the teachings of Mao. And for that matter, any person with absolute control.
