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In Reply to: Re: tough decisions/ what do u think SSam posted by Fred on May 13, 2004 at 05:53:34:
I am not sure i get what you are trying to say Fred. What I was trying to say is that there is still hope for FGAs to get out and get their lives together because others have after many more yrs in than I was in. And I wanted to hear moe from people that have exited more recently.
Also, I believe that many of the relatively few people that do go back into the family are triggered by things, like with SGs that went back after 911. I don't see them as bad or weak, I see them as reacting to triggers and I hope they will be back out before they are sucked in to a lengthy re exposure to that illness. For that to occur, it would be helpful for them or any family members to feel like they would not be shunned like the family does or did, or looked at as sort of "backsliders" like the family does or did. People go back to heroin after ODing and hitting the dirt, even after successful lives. Why? Something triggers them. Usually the trigger occurs quite sometime before the conscious act of returning to the addiction occurs.
Many people in AA today for example say their mind is their own worst enemy. But that is not what AA originally taught. That is why they have a saying: THINK THINK THINK. So when you very first start to notice subtle shifts in behavior or have a craving you ACT by USING your brain and your support system.
My experience in leaving was that I believed I was wrong for leaving and that God could kill me or my family or people that might help me. It took awhile to get out of that maze of what the family was really about.
Also, I left when my children were small, before victor camps and such. And there were many factors that prevented me from leaving at times when I badly wanted to prior to that, like being a single parent, wanting to get out with my kids and being separated from them, no funds, no place to go to, in foreign counties without visas. No way to get "there". Getting back to the USA was very traumatic for my whole family. And I did not "escape" the family. I LEFT as a burn-out, on impulse when the means were there and so was my family. I was incapable of thinking critically until I got out of the environment of the family. I leapt out. I am sure it was a subconscious survival move on my part. I understand why some do not have the "guts" to get out. I could ask you why you didn't have the "guts" to get out way before two years ago, especially with children. But I don't think "guts" has much to do with it. I think it is much more complex than that. But that is just my opinion.
