triggers and to Don

Ray wrote something below about 'triggers' and learning what they are and how not to use them.

For me being referred to as a child in any situation or context is a 'trigger' and really pisses me off. My husband did that to me awhile ago and he didn't hear the end of it.

Another 'trigger' is anything referred to as 'learn your lesson' 'show your love' 'trust in God' 'all things work together' 'have faith' and stuff like that, things that were commonly used on us in the cult to shut us up and put us under guilt.

Anyway, to Don, I think that you just have to realise when you've crossed a line, and apologise and retract it. I got pretty mad when I read your 'children' comment as well. I realise of course that I you didn't mean it literally, just figuratively, but still, the wording wasn't the best, it sets off a lot of bad feelings and emotions.

As for your recovery, it's commendable you have been able to come through it so quickly, esp. after so many many years in the cult. I spent 20 or so, most of them my youth, and still face recovery issues, though not as frequently as 3 years ago. What was your secret?

As for not witnessing or taking part in any abuse of minors, I can believe it may be true in the physical sense (you did NOT actually witness nor partake in it) but I cannot believe it is true in the 'spiritual' sense (in that you read the same literature I did, esp. if you were in the group since the 70s, and were exposed to the same training--do I need to list all the publications--and so you had a knowledge of the leader's philosphies).

One main difference between your generation and mine is that you had a life before the Family, you had outside experiences to draw upon and combine with your knowledge and education within the group. When you left the group, you had your past which reached even further than the Family to revert to.

For the most part my generation had none of this. All we had was the Family, all our experiences, education and knowledge to draw upon when we left was founded in the Family's doctrines and beliefs. For this reason most of us have decided to chuck it all out entirely, simply so we can discover who we truly are and what we truly believe, and redefine our life and our knowledge of life. Otherwise all we would have to continue on would be the Family and we would be bringing that lifestyle into our new lives--and this just doesn't work.

In some ways we are on the same level as your generation in that we were all taken advantage of. But as an adult in the group, you had the ability to at least protect yourself physically, as well as the capacity for deceit (pretending to be yielded when maybe you weren't...) which we didn't. All my generation had was the training to be yielded, to give in and obey our shepherds, leaders and adults in our lives.

Perhaps you should consider clearing away your personal opinions about the experiences of the SGA and rebuild it based on this debate with Jules, and what others have said here. You may form an entirely new opinion about the situation.