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In Reply to: Re: Guilty & NOT Guilty posted by ?? on September 04, 2004 at 13:40:44:
I am saying that I was not right in my own head, that my judgement was impaired, through my surrendering and willingly allowing people to influence me bit by bit in the wrong direction. I am saying that my faculties for recognizing right from wrong were not working because of that, but that in the end they did come through.
I am not saying I was fine with what Berg did. I am saying that when my mind was under siege and constant incessant bombardment, it was over-whelmed, and it took a much longer time than it would normally have to, to realize that it wasn't fine. I am saying that I finally realized it was a bad thing. Can you understand?
TF created conditions where you had to compartmentalize to survive just daily life. It was a very effective way of mind-control. Whatever you couldn't deal with, you ignored. You must know how well they did that, don't you?
When you have invested spiritually and emotionally into something, a job, a relationship, a cult that makes you burn your bridges, and you finally find something that doesn't quote make sense, you give it more time than you should. You try to reconcile what you can't accept with all the stuff you still find yourself believing. It's a process that takes time.
When you're part of a big organization, and you personally did not do anything or see anything (Where I lived, the Dito book wasn't read daily, it was put away out of reach in a locked trunk for security, I knew it existed bu I never read it) you can only begin by taking responsibility for yourself. Later, as I began to see the bigger picture, then I did what I could to leave and expose TF, INCLUDING the child sexual practices. Does that make sense?
There are many things I cannot say on a public place like this, but you don't know me well enough to make a general lump statement that I was calloused or aloof as you accuse me of being. I DID do something, in fact a lot. But I had to take a pause from my activism in order to get my life in order, and feed my family. Can you relate to that?
I will highlight my post and the points you seem to have missed:
"I was GUILTY of being open to such [FF] doctrines without considering the full impact and consequences, and for supporting it by doing support roles."
"participated in what I NOW know was harsh punishment of young children"
"I REGRET that I didn't have my eyes open earlier."
"I am EXTREMELY SORRY for the harsh discipline on my own children"
"I was extremely upset over the fact that I couldn't take every [child] out with me when I left."
