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In Reply to: hello there re: my farewell letter posted by Acheick (post restored) on November 18, 2004 at 13:58:15:
Acheick: Hi everyone. Thanks so much to you who so kindly responded to my farewell letter with so many thoughtful and kind words of wisdom and good will. It was very refreshing. For those of you who do not have the letter and would like it, you can email me and if you don't have my email address you can email me at
Firstly, I read some of the responses here. One person explained my departure as a disagreement about politics and whatnot between Carol and me. For starters, that is not even it in a nutshell, that is watering the issue down so much that there is no context left. Apparently, some people have not really paid attention or just flat out don't care. It is so much more than that. And of course, most people are going to know something was up when two boards were abruptly shut down without much of an explanation.
WC: Both boards were new boards run on a trial basis.
Soapbox was a temporary experiment - we stated so clearly from the beginning, with an announcement on the top of the page, advising that we would shut down at any time, if we felt participants were polarized and embattled, and if the content and usage detracted from the mandate of our site. That point had already been reached several weeks before closing.
The priority of the staff is producing useful information about TF cult. Every board we open has a heavy administrative cost, and we opened Soapbox with the idea there would be minimal moderation. However, minimal moderation was also an opportunity for misuse - we found ourselves monitoring a fast moving board, interspersed throughout with content that was personal in nature, pushing at the envelope, and going against our guidelines. We had to take immediate action to put a stop to that.
Kathy's Corner was abruptly shut down by Kathy herself, and she resigned with no explanation; just as discussions were being initiated to find solutions to problems about the way our boards were being used. Earlier comments were made which suggested that her reasons could have been political and/or religious in nature, and/or that she had an inability or disinterest in working with or tolerating staff who were deemed not in her same political-religious corner - i.e. not Christian enough and "not uplifting" and having done nothing good for the site whatsoever, and trying to influence the site in the wrong (read "ungodly") direction. To date she has not written me.
Acheick: What it really came down to is that I felt I no longer had a voice in the day to day operations on the staff and that what I had envisiioned for this site had been hijacked and become something else entirely.
My intention here is not to start up another war (as some people love to fondly refer to any difference of opinion) or cause any more headaches for the coordinators, however, I would like to clarify my feelings without having some annonymous poster whittle it down to one sentence. That trivilatizes my feelings and only adds to the insult and hurt.
Most of the posters here know that I have relations in TF. This weighs quite heavily on my heart. I now have 5 grandchildren growing up in this environment and my husband has one with no doubt many more to follow. This is no light matter to me.
I worked quite hard on helping get this site going and it had been a vision for me for several years before. I even started something with MikeW before WC came along and offered his help. It is very devastating to me to see things move in a different direction than what I worked so long and hard for and for other elements to put pressure on swaying it as they wish and not what is best, IMO.
WC: As far as I know we are headed the same direction we started off going, and day to day operations were in line with the site development framework we strained so much to outline together in such precise detail. I don't see anything as having been "hijacked" (a very loaded term). Perhaps we have been misunderstanding each other for years.
To me the site and the project is bigger than you or me, and it should not be an extension of our egos. That is why we worked so hard together on the wording of the site's opening statement (home page), and in specifying the site's mission, and our responsibilities and policies.
Whatever your vision for a site was before, when I came along, it was evident that most of the volunteers including you, were not aware of 10% of the possibilities of what could be achieved through professional web development. In contrast, I had years of professional experience in IT management and programming, and pioneered the translation of human/social needs/activities into interactive computer functions. I wanted to bring things to a much higher level than what was available at the time, technically and content-wise, so I looked for volunteers such as you, to help me create a professional website with a clear ex-member perspective. I formed a development team to delegate areas of responsibility and integrate separate features into a single concept. Acting as project manager I outlined the elaborate technical architecture in accordance with HCI and Usability sciences. Together, we worked hard on everything from legal research, to catering to the needs of this community, to finding resources and support, to publishing useful articles, to moderating the boards.
With 100's of 1000's of man-hours in active, in-depth site development discussions with the staff, if the site turned out to be something other than what you envisioned, it ought to be attributed to lack of communication skills (but hey we're all learning in that area!). It could also be due to incompatibility with the team, or lack of ability to put forward ideas and work within a team, etc.
Perhaps we have been misunderstanding each other for years.
On the other hand, while the above is your perspective, it is also the opinion of the other staff that it was you who changed - while on a journey to (re)discovering and developing your current political and religious identity; and that somewhere along that journey you found it increasingly difficult to work with people you weren't able to identify with. You also had a history of showing your temper very often.
Acheick: Of course, others may not see it this way and in their opinion, everything is fine. However, I can't contribute to something that I am so passionate about when my every move is questioned or scrutinized and used to further their own agenda in a deceptive manner.
WC: Exaggeration? I did not see your every move being questioned or scrutinized - I have no idea what you mean. And if you were questioned or scrutinized at all, that's what professional project teams do - discuss each other's ideas and put forward convincing arguments as to why something should or shouldn't be done. Mostly basic and healthy discussions like that were the only kinds I have seen taking place on our forum.
We created a workspace where volunteers were free to take initiative. We even made sure that we wouldn't get paralysed with endless discussions. I don't know about anyone furthering agendas in a deceptive manner. I do know about disagreements between staff. I do know about one coordinator explicitly saying it is OK to have agendas, as long as I choose to keep coordinators whose agendas are compatible with what I want. That came as a surprise - I'll repeat what I said above:
To me the site and the project is bigger than you or me, and it should not be an extension of our egos (or personal agendas). While it's true we can't help but give a piece of ourselves when working on the site, I've never seen anything too excessive for the most part.
Certain coordinators were prolific posters and (too?) heavily invested in what they wrote. They expressed themselves on the boards freely while being coordinators. (We are looking into making new rules about that). If people were openly disagreeing on the boards while being coordinators, it still does not constitute forwarding an agenda. It means that what happened on the boards spilled over into the staff area, which should have been a professional work space.
Acheick: Unfortunately, I had to quit before any of this was delt with. That showed me that for whatever reasons, my ideology was no longer compatible with the coordinators of this site.
WC: If you are saying you quit because you realized your political ideology was incompatible with other coordinators, that was exactly the point I've been trying to make.
Acheick: I hope and pray that things will work out better here. I wish no ill will, I only wish that what is best for recovering cult surivors will take place. I still am happy that this site has so many references and resources listed and is highly profiled so that exmembers can easily access it. I only pray that those exmembers will find comfort in their continuing faith and not be rebuffed as that is what I feel the boards are moving towards and I do hope and pray that I am wrong. However, unfortunately, I do see this as a trend and not just on this site. What I mean is, in our world as well.
WC: That's what we created Kathy's Corner for!
Acheick: We are still in a battle, but the battle is between right and wrong, good and evil, God and anti-God. I may have been mad at God when I first left the F. and it took me many years to overcome that. However, I never lost my faith in God and I think many of you know that from our conversations in the past. I have worked hard on reestablishing some kind of relatinship with God as that is what hurt most in my heart, losing that connection. At the same time, I always tried to accomodate everyone, including those who had lost their faith and no longer believed in God or Christianity or were on shaky ground or were delving into other areas. I only asked the same respect in return.
The message was sent clear to me in the message from WC when he shut down Kathy's board. He included Kathy and my ideology as right-wing and unbending. That was very much a slap in the face to both of us and of one that will be a long time to overcome. To this date I have not heard from WC except for one email where he thought he might call me and asked for my ph number which I gave him. Instead of calling, he shut down the boards. And what kind of message does that send me?
WC: About shutting down the boards, I replied to that above.
About me getting in touch, when I mentioned that, your response was why should I even bother, and suggested I ignore you. I never took that seriously - I did want to call, but I've been overworked and sick with pneumonia lately. You know how busy I get. Lately I don't even answer 95% of my emails.
It is my opinion that at exFamily.org a few coordinators were unable to work within the framework of the site, because they have each said they would/could not accept another party (or even any of the other staff) because of fundamental differences in politico-religious ideology.
exFamily.org is not a Christian site, nor is it a non-Christian site, nor is it aligned in any way politically... yet we had coordinators trying to remake the site to align more with their own political/religious ideology.
Acheick: For someone who doesn't want to face confrontation, but then shuts down boards as the solution and ignore the real issues, I worry about the overall handling of things here.
WC: Again, about shutting the boards, I wrote about that above.
Acheick: However, it is no longer my concern and for that I am happy. But I am not happy for all the wonderful people I have met and for all those I communicate with who are eager to move on with their lives but cannot find a cyber venue that will help facilitate that. Maybe in the future I can find some fortitude to start up another site, but I am not sure I have that at this point. There is much going on in my life and I have to decide where I want to put my energies into.
WC: We hope too that ex-members will find a cyber venue that is suited to them, even if it is not exFamily.org. We tried to create an exclusive space for Christians, one where they could feel free to share with and encourage each other in their faith, and were sad that the coordinator asked for it to be shut down. We are also open to discussing ways to better cater to the needs of this community.
Acheick: Until then, I hope to continue to communicate through private emails and I will also try and venture to these boards from time to time if I feel that I have the stamina for it at any particular moment in my life. I will try and contribute something that I feel as valuable and helpful, if I can.
So, do write me if you want to discuss this further or have any other questions. All the best to everyone. Friend and foe alike.
WC: Acheick, you spoke frankly, and I (and behalf of the other coordinators) have done the same, albeit very reluctantly on these public boards. This was already far more than we should have disclosed on a public board regarding issues we signed and agreed to reserve for the coordinators' forum, and still it does not even begin to detail much of the dynamics of what happened behind the scenes. Regardless, I (and the other coordinators) bear you no ill will. Thank you for all your contributions.
