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The psychological abuse

Posted by MG on February 08, 2005 at 17:26:07

I posted this to my daughter on movingon, it's a follow up to the apology I posted there on Jan. 29th. (
"As I was saying to you the other day on the phone, I remember different times when we would talk about how you were hurt (and still do hurt) because of the lifestyle you were raised in and the experiences you were subjected to, through no choice of your own. At first those "talks" ended up in very stormy and acrimonious exchanges. Until I learned to listen and accept that like it or not I was responsible for being one of the major players in the abuse you and your peers suffered from.

My ďexplanationsĒ about brainwashing, how I was a vulnerable acid head hippy whose idealism got hijacked and manipulated by a charismatic false prophet, how I was subjected to Berg and Co.ís fear & control tactics, all that meant nothing at all to you in those discussions and only upset you further. I had to realize that taking responsibility means you donít explain it away. You helped me learn to stop trying to explain. Reading movingon also helped me learn that you canít explain it away. From time to time Jules posted on the board addressing the subject of FG responsibility, which helped me a lot too.I understand why it's insulting to many of you to hear an FG say, "We were victims too, we were brainwashed." Your generation already knows everything and more about the brainwashing angle.

Brainwashing, fear, manipulation: I didnít address this specifically in my article of apology, except in referring to my participation in the implementing of the Victor program directives. I was more specific in describing the physical bruising spankings and beatings I gave some of you. I didnít get specific detailing some of the mental and psychological abuse. You were subjected to this in a manner much worse than I ever was. I let myself get into it, I had a choice, but you didnít.

I remember spending hours day after day after day teaching the latest pubs, GNs, or FSMs like the Techi series, etc. to OC, Jett, or Teen groups. Reading, sermonizing, lecturing you in the latest Bergism. How many times did I say, "...if you donít wake up to what Iím reading to you now today, if you donít change and be what God wants you to be today, it will be too late. You wonít be ready. Youíll miss the boat and be stuck with the wolves in the AC system suffering the horrors of the Great Tribulation." Or to top it off, Iíd warn you, " out or youíll end up like Mene." How many times did I pow wow her traumatic testimony? Or Iíd spend hours taking personal time reading and lecturing some of you. Especially when you were put on restriction, I spend days re-reading the Techi series to you. I was as devoted as Pol Potís most fanatical Khmer rouge followers ever were. The forced indoctrination program I willingly and freely chose to take part in is one of the other things Iíll be ashamed of for the rest of my life. I am so sorry to all of you for that.

Regi, for me itís really great how we get along now. Iím grateful for the genuine communication we have together.