In Reply to: "we..." posted by ray on February 24, 2005 at 22:11:25:
I am surprized that as a person in touch with professionals that you see "we" blew it by "allowing" ourselves to "join" the family and get "screwed up".
Perhaps you feel more responsible having been for a time in Berg's inner circle? I don't know. But you generalization is not, imo, one size fits all to one degree or another. Not unless "we" realized when recruited that what we were getting involved in was something that would go so far off the wall. Also, "we" weren't all 'sex crazed hippies' strung out on drugs that "joined" a 'sex cult' having rebelled against parents that were pretty stable.
What I am saying with this is that I did not go to LA looking for a cult to join. The cult combed the sts. looking for recruits. Also combed campuses and events where youth hung out.
I don't know why that is so hard to comprehend.
I can look back and regret what I was involved in. I have already cleaned up my relationships, primarily to do with after having left the family since my kids got out young. But I can see how many FG's felt trapped. Especially women who were generally the ones either in an abusive relationship and/or expected to FF or fulfill the "needs" of the brethern.
I have in no way invalidated any SG's experience regarding their stories of abuse in combos, jumbos, camps etc. I have validated what I have seen. There was a period of time when with my children communication was hard, working through things. I had to get to a point where I had the ego strength to listen to them and acknowledge what their experience was without explaining anything away. Even when in some instances I was absolutely powerless over their experience.
Now there are some of the SG who have been hurt and they haven't gotten resolution with parents or perpetrators and in many cases some fire away at exer FGs that come to these boards, many of whom have been out for a long time.
I realize there is no set time limit for grieving and being angry, but it helps to focus the anger where it belongs. I think you made good points about why some FGs that have been active at times when the camps and sharing schedules, sexual abuse were widespread, may have a hard time coming forward if they feel they could be prosecuted by association or be televised or make their statement in a public way where it might further harm their children now that they are out of the Family.
Ultimately, it is up to the victims of abuse to seek out their perpetrators and file charges if they so choose. Meanwhile the people that keep the insanity in motion (Maria and Peter) keep on with their programming and weirdness to the detriment of those within.
I believe there are interests in different groups of exers to be addressed and ways we can help each other, but when something is presented in a shaming and blaming way to people that have suffered and struggled greatly that were FG and managed to eke out a living later in life, the verbal lashings after time get old. BTW, having been in Berg's house, did you ever engage in anything you need to publically confess?