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Emergency Advisory to all Family members!!!

Posted by Grandpa's Ghost on April 15, 2005 at 19:07:08

What the hell? Does Maria have to hold a seance & raise my spirit from its well-deserved rest to tell you stupid kids what a serious situation the worldwide Family is in now? Some of you just don't get that this FBI investigation is simply not going to go away!

I was looking over Maria's shoulder as she was reading reports this morning & I was astonished at how lax some of you are getting!--How you're forgetting basic Family rules at a time like this! It's unbelievable! Can't you remember the simplest instructions? I'm declaring a Worldwide emergency on reporting procedures. Since I have to spell it out for you stupid kids, let me do so & I don't want to repeat myself!! Do I make myself clear!?

Listen up! When you write your reports, ALWAYS capitalize the entire first lead-in sentence! ALWAYS underline the entire first lead-in sentence!! Haven't you been reading my Letters?! Don't you know how I've done it for years & years? Remember, IMPORTANT words must be triple-underlined for emphasis!! Also, follow all sentences with exclamation points! Ordinary people use periods, but world-changers use exclamation points!! I know we're on the run right now & fleeing California & Amerika but that is NO EXCUSE for failure to use at least one exclamation point after every sentence you write!!

Also, save paper!! Some of you are getting wasteful! In the last report from England, I see someone used an "and" (completely spelled out) instead of an "&". What the hell were you thinking of? Do I have to excommunicate the entire Family in England? Don't you remember how I save money? I even re-wash plastic bags! I'm so mad right now that if I wasn't dead, I'd use some people like a mop to clean the floor! (Dad curses in violent, bombastic gypsy tongues.)

From now on, do as I do!! Consider everyone in the Family--& this includes your shepherds & Reporting Offices---so clueless & dumb that you must repeat all main points over & over again, underline every second word, abbreviate whenever possible, & follow every sentence by an exclamation point. If you don't do it, THEY WON'T GET THE POINT!! If they don't get your point you might as well not write your report! How much clearer must I make myself? God will JUDGE you & DAMN you for your inattention to these details. Ignore rules & God may KILL you!--& then you'll be in the Spirit World when I can get my hands on you!!

Sad, mad & dead! -- Dad!!