Forget trying to get all the kids stirred up and telling them to write to Rolling Stone! Of all the stupid idiotic hare-brained ideas! Maria has such dumb ideas sometimes!! Didn't I tell you as far back as "Shiners or Shamers" to just shut up and let ME preach!! Right? Why should that have changed? Huh? You tell me! Just shut up and let ME give the message!!
So here's the plan. Shut down the spin machine at once! Stop the letter-writing campaign yesterday! I want you to fly hundreds of our kids into New York City dressed in red sackcloth and ashes and carrying big placards and scrolls reading, "Rolling Stone Reporter is a Liar!" "Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss!" "Rolling Stone Stones the Prophets!"
I got the verse: "He that rolleth a Rolling Stone, it will be rolled upon him!" Ha!
If you're gonna write them anything, don't waste your time trying to convince them that you're a happy member and that all our backsliders are lying! The guy's mind is already made up. So just do like dear Tommy Cruise does! Grab them by the hand, look'm in the eye and say, "You know what? You're a jerk! You're a jerk!"
C'mon guys! What the hell's wrong with you? Can't you do that? Get one of our sweet pretty SG mothers down there, holding a baby, with a sign that says, "Rolling Stone hates babies!" Then grab'm by the hand and don't let'm go, and tell'm, "Dear dead Dad says you're a jerk!"
I want two hundred kids down there with rods and scrolls dressed in ashes pounding the pavement in front of the Rolling Stone offices! Now!