I can hardly believe it--two days have passed since my birthday, and not a single one of you miserable reprobates, lying detractors, or selfish systemites deemed me worthy of a birthday mocking!
Because you had the unmitigated gall to ignore the cosmically central event of my 59th birthday, I'm putting a curse on you all!
Keysus! Oh, Heavenly Hen-peck'd Husband!!? Where are you, my Sexy Step-n-Fetchit God? I want you to make these reprobates, detractors & systemites at exfamily.org watch a wide-screen documentary of my life while they burn in hell.
(Selfish Systemite speaking): Oh, Noooo! Please, Madam Mosquito Queen! Not that! Aeiiiii! I can't take the unrelenting tedium and petty annoyance of having to watch your blood-sucking self-important existence unfold before my eyes. I'll rather go to hell for two eternities.
Ah, Selfish Systemite! I am a merciful queen. You are too ignorant of the truth revealed in me to be judged so harshly. Only lying detractors will have to watch the story of my life in an ampitheater in hell. You will do penance in purgatory by listening to Keysus' words play over and over and over at the Google-plex...
(Screaming banshee sound effects): Weeeee----eeeeee----ooooooo--!
(Keysus speaking): I first asked the Mosquito Queen to come to earth when we were walking through the palace gardens. I picked a white rose and I said, "My love, you are as a pure white fragrant rose, and I want to tell the whole world about you! I want all of My children on the Earth to be able to partake of your beauty, your purity, your strength, your fragrance, and your love! You are a delicate one, My love, but I want to send you as a magic rose that has power to touch and to heal and to bring life."
(Selfish Systemite speaking:) Hurrrrl! Arghhhh! Baaaahhhrrrrph! How much longer must I kneel at the porcelain throne of these offal words? Will someone just shoot me?