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I am the Insatiable One, and I Suck

Posted by Mosquito Queen on August 02, 2005 at 16:10:06

In Reply to: All Hail to the Queen! on her birthday posted by Grandpa's Ghost on August 02, 2005 at 15:17:00:

Grandpa, are you being a naughty spirit spankums again? Does yo' Mama need to take her royal fly-swatter to your wrinkled old ass? I'm finally hearing from Keysus all by myself, thank you very much. Who else but our Sexy Step-n-Fetchit Savior could write prose this bad?

(Keysus, the Hack Romance Writer, speaking:)

73.You then reached over and picked a red rose from a bush directly behind you and said, "My dearest Lover, I will do as You bid because my love for You is as strong as the deep red of this rose. I know that I am nothing and am not worthy of what You are asking of me, just like the white rose has not a drop of red in its petals. Yet I will say yes, because I know that Your love is strong enough to pass through the realm of time and space. I know that we will be one, even though we will be apart." You then gently placed the rose in My hand.

74.My lovely Maria, I still have that rose till this day, and it's still just as perfect as the day that you picked it and placed it in the palm of My hand. I also still have the white rose; that's a little piece of you, and it's still just as pure and radiant as on that unforgettable day. When you return to My arms, I'll present these roses to you and all those memories will come back. Everything will come back to you--all of our love, all the fun times we spent together. All of the love we shared will come flooding in upon you and fill you with happiness to overflowing. These are our roses of promise, our roses of love.

75.We walked and talked many times, My love, for I knew that My time with you was short. We took off on a trip. In My favorite yacht we sailed and spent our time as honeymooners, loving both day and night. I shared with you some secrets of your life on Earth, and showed you how you were so vital to My plan. My heart was aching during these last days with you by My side, for it was hard to let you go.

76.I made you promise that you would always strive to be as close to Me as possible and that you would never give up seeking Me. I made you promise that you would keep wanting Me, keep wanting to know all about Me, keep wanting to know more about the spirit world, keep getting to know Me better, and then pass this on to others. I then said that I would give you the gift of being inquisitive so that you would always want to know more about Me and draw closer to Me. I would give you the gift of being insatiable, so that you would never have enough of Me and would always want and desire more.

(Editor's note: This schlock from "Heavenly Birthdays" is hilarious. It's also very sad what passes for the Word of God these days in TFI.)