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Eureka! Science & Religion Finally Come Together in a Unified Theory

Posted by Cargo Cult Scientist on August 24, 2005 at 19:24:59

In Reply to: Why are you laughing? posted by Clare Borowicked on August 24, 2005 at 17:26:47:

OMG! I didn't realize Clare had an opposable thumb. Why, that means she's probably a tool-using homo erectus! She does appear to walk upright in the television footage I've seen--but appearances can be deceiving with Mama's troup of trained monkeys--the special effects crew can do all sorts of amazing cinamatic tricks--even make monkeys fly.

(Did everyone got to see Clare in the Wizard of Oz? She was the third flying monkey from the right in the scene where Dorothy accidentally throws water on the Mama.)

So...I wonder what separates Clare from the rest of us (homo sapiens)? Hmmmm, could it have something to do with the evolution of a conscience??? Whereas WE (homo sapiens) "are as gods" because we "ate the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good & evil", CLARE does not seem to have the capacity to distinguish between good and evil...

Eureka! I've discovered new proof of a missing link in human evolution!!!! I'm naming this living fossil "Homo Borowicked Familite Stoogus." Great Ghost of Darwin, I've found a way to bring science and religion together! I can't wait to present my science paper on this fossil species for peer review at Baptist Theological Seminary.

Imagine what the theologians will say about a humanoid species that appears to have conscience--homo borowicked familite stoogus says the types of things homo sapiens are supposed to say about repentance and forgiveness, yet strangely, she feels no compunction over the rape and neglect of young girls under her care, no sense of shame for the aid she gave to kidnappers of a dying woman's children.

What a perfect case for the textbooks! Theologians who don't know jack about scientific method will eat this stuff up. I must send my findings off to Syracuse University Press immediately and start building up a reputation for mediocre scholarship.