In Reply to: Re: questions for male ex members posted by tazy on November 09, 2005 at 08:59:27:
I can't recall even one situation of any woman I shared with, where I could now look back & consider it rape. But that's just me. I was never a high-testosterone dude who could force myself on someone. An example: I once asked a woman for a date and she replied, “It’s a little late, isn’t it?” By her expression and tone I could see she wasn’t thrilled about the idea, and I could never get the courage up to ask her again.
That's why I disagree with you when you say, I now recognise that that 'sharing' was a form of rape. It certainly had the potential to be, but it wasn't intrinsicaly so. For e.g. I used to share with a married woman who was tired of her husband. I happened to meet her & her husband after leaving & apologized to both of them for past sharing, & they acknowledged my apology with a nod & an 'OK' but little more than that. Neither of them considered it rape.I think you'd have to go situation by situation, case by case.
I agree that it was morally repugnant, as you stated. But some took 'sharing' as liberty willingly, & others felt coerced, & Goth88 in particular has shared some pretty grim stories of forced sex. I know other women must have similar stories.
Excog asked, ‘Where are the enthusiastic predators I used to meet? Is it possible they are never around on boards?' I imagine they’re still out there as enthusiastic predators, looking for flesh, & not much interested in discussions. I knew a ‘brother’ like that once. He couldn’t take no for an answer & was totally insensitive to what the women wanted or did not want.
In another case, I passed by and heard a woman crying after a date so I assume it wasn't a date she wanted but which she couldn't quite say no to, seeing how it had been the Home Shepherd who’d dropped by to ‘share.’