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Re: Hey Deb

Posted by Deb on May 13, 2006 at 18:59:58

In Reply to: Hey Deb posted by Dumbass Layperson on May 13, 2006 at 18:30:58:

I talk smack so I certainly expect it back. Very few people can "dish and dig tho, so I'm constantly offending. Cest la vie, no? I just don't appreciate when people hit below the belt or sling mud from way out in left field (i.e. condoning abuse, drug use, etc.)

My Dad and I are extremely close; however, I still think he sees me as "his little girl" and therefore will NOT tell me his secrets, per se. He lives in Korea and I live in the States. No one in my family is good at communicating so we tend to not talk much, ESPECIALLY about religion. You want to start a heated debate in my family, bring up religion and beliefs. I have told him many times on where I stand but it doesn't go anywhere. Unlike myself, my Dad keeps his cards very close to his chest.

My time in TF was actually very good. I know I'll probably get a TON of flack for that from people on this board but I can honestly say that I was never physically or sexually abused. I got my fair share of spankings, demerits, public humiliations, etc., but as I'm sure people who've been reading my posts can agree, since 9 times out of 10 I got it for mouthing off, I probably deserved it. My parents are extremely loving people. My Dad was a teacher and education (as such could be had) was paramount in my family. My siblings have done very well for themselves, in school and otherwise. I climbed the ladder of success as best as one can do in TF, working for the Video Ministry, then PACRO, then NACRO, and therefore was not forced to be on the streets as much as other people have said they've experienced. I think the most difficult thing for me being in TF was being betrayed, made fun of, put down and criticized--though most of this was done by my peers and not FGAs. I didn't really find my "voice" until I left and realized that what my parents had been telling me all along was true: that I was smart, pretty, not obese and could do whatever I wanted without fear of reprisal. I have A LOT of hangups from being raised in TF and it's a daily struggle to believe my husband when he says that he loves me for who I am and that I don't need to be a model to be loved, but otherwise, I'm pretty happy and successful, and my kids are as well.

Because of all this, it is very difficult for me to take sides with ex-COGers who are on the "abuse train". I would never presume to know what they are going through or to know how to help them, but if my friends are in trouble, they know I'm there. But I will say that I don't necessarily agree with each and every claim of abuse, but maybe that's just because I personally know that person. If someone cannot get on with their life because of something that they claim has happened to them in the past, then who am I to judge? I will be as supportive as I can but I am not the person leading the charge. Does that answer your question? Sorry, I realise that this was probably a long and winding reading road, and I apologize for any "deaths by boredom" I may have caused.